aj

I was thinking specifically of Drama Club when I wrote that comment...remembering the days when you were a brand new and very unsure writer (has it only been a little under a year? Amazing!). But the level of understanding of humanity that you show in this tale is amazing...and the fact that I felt it so strongly tells me that this is work on another level from DC. cheers (and kisses right back)! aj

"Oh TR, thou art sick..." with apologies to Billy Blake. :D cheers! aj

Ok, will do. As long as i get to point out the things i liked too. cheers! aj

but you aren't sure why. If you want to figure it out, you have to break his story down into its elements, and do an analysis of his style to decide what it was that you liked so much. Here's my quick and dirty analysis of the...well, not so much story as essay: 1.) This guy knows that when he's writing a short piece like this, he has to grab his audience and yank them in as fast as possible--no subtle waiting around and playing games, just a brutal grab and yank. And he does that, quite successfully...but how? First of all, he knows his audience: in this case, gay men who are interested in reading and literature. So he stacks this piece full of the themes that hit us all somewhere just about the belt line--'the estranged, marginalized teen'; 'being stuck in a stupid little town with no future, except appalling, degrading labor'; 'the struggle between the rich and the poor.' And finally, and most compellingly, the internal hatred and the demeaning tapes that we (most of us) play in our heads. 2.) He uses words that are heavy on action and immediacy, and he talks in specific details: not just "the gorgeous boarders" but their lean, muscled thighs and their graceful and powerful necks. Notice that he never mentions their packages, nor their asses. By staying away from these cliches, he conveys a sense of hero worship and hopeless adoration without ever having to say so. How many of us have felt that sense of hopeless longing that he evokes? I sure as hell know I have, so this resonates for me. 3.) His essay is about his relationship with his inner critic, and he does a great job of explicating just how that voice speaks to him: 'sharp-tongued abuser', 'bully', 'ambitious but cowardly'. I know that inner critic--he sounds a lot like mine...or at least the way mine used to sound before I told him to shut the hell up if he couldn't say anything useful. So, what i'm suggesting is that a very close and analytical reading of this guy's essay would be useful...look for the elements of his style, and then shamelessly steal what you like and leave the rest. cheers! aj

Nice work, TR--bordering on brilliant. It has me teary-eyed as I write this...It's a quantum leap from your earlier stuff, which was damn good to start with. It displays a depth of insight and emotion that is lovely to read and experience. Thanks for a fantastic read. cheers! aj

It's true--spelling and grammar checkers are pretty inadequate when they're faced with creative writing. I use them, but only to catch simple spelling errors that my eye may have missed. In defense of those who create such things, though: I recently had a conversation with a programmer who works on such things though, and he put it in perspective for me. Spelling to a great degree, but even more grammar, are incredibly complex. It isn't for lack of intelligent programmers that these programs are so faulty--it's the complexity and subtly of the language. Personally, I'm glad that the programs are so inadequate to the task--it's one of the few areas where the human brain is still the superior machine. Interestingly, if you look at language interpretation, you can see that computers, unaided by the human mind, do a thoroughly wretched job. Computer interpretations of almost any foreign language into english read like haiku written by idiots. anyway...my two cents worth. cheers! aj

Absolutely. i find that the best partnerships between authors and editors happen when both put aside their egos and focus on reaching the maximum potential of the story. cheers! aj

Long ago, I posted a note talking about a particular form of poetry, detailed the way it should go and then challenged the rhymeslingers here to try their hand at it. I was operating from memory at the time--an iffy proposition for me at the best of times--and got a lot of the details wrong. Last night, as i was half asleep and loitering in front of the computer, the name of the form came to me--i'd been trying to remember it since I posted that note on here. Once I remembered the name, I googled it and re-aquainted myself with the particulars of the form. At the time of my earlier post, Gabe challenged me to write one and post it, and appropriately so, and i can finally respond to his challenge with an example of the form: the trick is in the endwords in each line, and how they are arranged in each stanza. Without further ado, my example of a sestina: In My Garden--a sestina This storm, that arrived like grief-- and raged all day with the persistence of love-- finally subsided, breaking up at the close of the day. It left the garden smelling of water, and wet; only where the lachrymose rain did not fall is the soil dry: as bones, or a heart's great loss. It is this dryness, I think, this loss that stunts the roses, like excessive grief. Insults of this sort cause leaves to fall and the smaller twigs to wither, like neglected love. Perhaps, overhung by the eaves, they need to be wet by deliberate effort, if not by the weather, as on this day. I went out, at end of day, to tally the storm damage and calculate the loss. The Delphiniums lay tangled, broken and wet, The deep blue of their flowers, eloquent as grief Against the deep red of sturdy dahlia love. I cut them back, staked up those left, lest they should fall. The air, damp and heavy, felt not like Summer but Fall. A ragged stitching of crows, another day, the promise that is no promise, like love. Larkspur to replace the delphinium--a loss, But they'll return, as do we all, despite coming to grief. I will miss their blue, so brilliant and wet. I sat on the bench we found that once, ignored the wet, felt it strike through my jeans, shivered in the chill, like Fall... Thought of what you said, how I had no cause for grief, How you would return, the time's passage like a single day, How the joy would remunerate us every loss; Like spring, you said, is the return of love. Like delphiniums before the wind, I am broken by love: dessicated and stunted, I long for you--life-sustaining, wet. Who will be there to tally the damage, calculate the loss, Walk through my garden after the storm, before nightfall, See the crows stitch the sky at the close of the day? How shall I remain dahlia-sturdy before this storm of grief? Suspended on the arc between love and grief, cold, wet, and thinking dark thoughts of Fall, I set aside the loss and watch the twilight, the end of Day. --AJS, 06/05

Isn't that talonrider just the sweetest thing? someday, somone will say that to me.... cheers! aj

what would make a gay guy buying gay literature worthy of discussion? sounds like a pretty mundane event to me. Besides, who cares what the clerk at the bookstore thinks? cheers! aj

If you give a guy leverage, is it reasonable to assume that he won't make use of it? I TOLD you not to give me those pics...and the video...and Michael's shorts...and the xerox of Arnold's butt... cheers! aj

It IS nice to get a little appreciation, isn't it? It's one of the reasons I feel so smug (and damned lucky) to work with Jamie. :D aj

I don't think it would be practical to post ALL of the process involved...unless we wanted to post video clips of aaron mumbling, or me sweating and smoking like a chimney as I try to figure out the best way to handle a particular sentence/paragraph, etc. I think what we'll do is what has been suggested: send out the story to everybody with a one-week time limit on it. Have them work it over, and send the resulting draft to me. When I have 'em all, I'll post the original draft, and the resulting drafts WITH editing notes, and then talk about second drafts at that point. Does this meet with approval? So far I have Aaron, WBMS, Talonrider and myself. Anybody else want to take a whack at it? Let me know. Since I want Aaron to participate, I'll set the deadline for returning the short story edited draft to me for a week after he's back from vacay, and Graeme can send out the story anytime he wants prior to that. Yes, that means most of us will have more time with the tale than Aaron will, but life is intrinsically unfair. Aaron, if you need more time wi' it, let me know and we'll fix it. cheers! aj

I'm in the same boat...when i write, I do my own editing, mostly as I go but with some post-first draft revision. In some ways I like it, because there's no one guessing what i mean (except the readers--lol) and I can do the corrections the way I want to have them done. On the other hand, little errors creep in when it's all just me looking at the text, and sometimes I wish i had another set of eyes checking for stuff. cheers, aj

Wow, thanks Aussie! that would do just fine. Let me talk to Dude about space requirements and where he wants to post the whole thing, and I'll get back to you on how we'd like to do it. Of course, I'd need to get some editors interested in doing this with me, so....anybody interested? If you'd like to receive a copy of the short story from the incredibly brave Aussie and have a chance to tear it down and rebuild it , just let me know either here or in PM. cheers! aj

Well, I guess this comes under the heading "When life gives you lemons." It beats freezedrying them and using them as doorstops, which was always my first impulse. I loved the mock-serious tone here, and how well it matches the use of elevated language and the formal form. Sort of an Addams Family fantasy...I hope it's a fantasy, anyway. cheers, aj

*glances around the currently empty room, except for one really big desk* I think once this place gets decorated, it would make a pretty good place for authors on the make to pick up editors, don't you? I'd like to invite any of the authors on the site to post a notice here when they're looking for an editor, a proofreader or beta reader(s). Likewise, if one of the editors on the site is feeling bored and underutilized (yeah, right!), a notice here might be a helpful step toward returning to the usual swamped state where most of us find ourselves. On a personal note, I'm really interested in seeing how different members of our cadre would handle the same piece of writing, as editors. I've never seen someone else's process...only finished products. So, if someone would like to suggest a way that we could do that here, I'd be delighted. I have a few ideas, but I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this. cheers! aj

I have to say, aaron, that I wouldn't be comfortable with the arrangement that you have with the one writer, where you receive a rough draft and send him back a finished product. From my personal point of view, what he's asking you to do exceeds the role of editor. I have one writer who only does one edit with me, in general, and then asks me to send him a clean copy with all my edits included...but he always reads the edited copy and makes comments. Obviously, you're cool with this process, so i'm not criticizing...just commenting on how I would feel about that kind of arrangement. It seems like a bit of a "cowbird" scenario. cheers! aj

I'd like to say something witty and clever at this juncture, but...nothing comes to mind. So, thanks for the offer of remunerations (American Express will do nicely, thank you) and the accolades...what is it i'm supposed to be doing here? :D Anyway, I look forward to some good conversation about editing. I'm certainly not the most senior editor on the board, and I'm hoping that those who have more experience will be willing to share the fruits of that experience with those of us who have less experience but no less passion for the work. cheers! aj

You can just cheat (as I do) and edit HTML files in 'Composer,' which is a webpage editing machine included when you get the netscape browser. It's under "windows" in the toolbar. Behaves just like word--more or less--and is very useful for those of us who wouldn't know an HTML code if it bit us. cheers! aj

I would say that it is a very fine idea to be aware of a wide range of symbols, however. How else will your mind wander among them in the creative process and pull them out when they're needed? cheers! aj

Yup, a wonderful concept. I've got one myself...and i've even been generous enough to include a very select few of my biologically related family members in it. *pats self on back* cheers! aj

LOL...far be it from me to engage in an indepth discussion of epistemology and metaphysics...the equivalent of an unarmed person taking on Arnie Schwartzeneger. I did a little reading about Cartesian reasoning after reading your note, and i wasn't convinced by his reasoning either. Perhaps the Zen Buddhists are right, and it's all illusion. I don't know. However, speaking within the bounds of 'commonly accepted inferential logic', circular logic is not true logic. cheers, another drone within the Matrix

Hey talonrider-- I'm using 5.1 for Mac...It's called "track changes" and it's under 'tools' on the toolbar. If you go under preferences, you can customize the way that it highlights both the new text and the old text, and when you turn it on, it will ask you whether you want the changes to show up onscreen only, or on the printed document as well. I hope this helps! cheers! aj

Your points are well made, despite having been made in response to something that probably didn't warrant them. And yes, I've always gotten a little thrill out of hitting the 'submit' button. About three years ago, the security people at the local Gay Pride festival wore tee-shirts that said, in big letters across the chest, "Obey Me!" which i rather liked. Always wanted to get one of those. the "de-coder ring" aspect of gay camp is indeed a hold over from the days when it was absolutely necessary to be covert. I like the example of asking someone "Are you a friend of Dorothy's?" if you wanted to know if that person was gay. Every persecuted subculture has examples of these kinds of phrases...the fact that these kinds of things are fading is indicative of the slow acceptance of gay culture into the mainstream. aj