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Cutting


Camy

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Cutting by Camy

I hold the blade and we look at each other

I know what I need, and it winks and agrees

But the coward within me is leaping and screaming

And my muscles refuse though my inner voice pleads

“The first time’s the worst” I mutter uncertain

The blade it just sits there glinting with glee

But I can’t - oh you will - no I won’t - you’re a fool

As I creep ever closer to cutting - to bleed

The blades razored edge begs my body’s meniscus

One small stroke and I’ll have what I want

But I’m screaming inside “this isn’t the way”

Though unloved and hurting; cutting’s not what I need

I need to be strong, I need to realise the truth

I need to be loved though it might take some time

I need more than anyone can possibly imagine

And back in its box the blade’s finally freed.

---

12th September 2006

I haven't and wouldn't. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about cutting. I'm a wuss, and I can think of much nicer ways to 'obliviate'. Besides which, and unfortunately, problems just don't go away. Sooner or later you have to deal ... and I'm still a wuss.

The first stanza leapt from me, the rest took a bit longer.

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I like it very much, but think the first two stanzas are best and might make a better poem alone. I didn't feel the need for a moral at the ending, necessarily, but found the cutting imagery to be very, very vivid. And no, I've never 'cut'...but I find other ways to self-destruct.

Great job, Camy. :icon13:

I also love the goony bird icon thingie. Friend of yours?

Kisses... :unsure:

TR

PS. I had to look up 'meniscus'.

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Hey Camy,

I'm not a person who usually writes negative things about other poets work. If i don't like a poem I just never read it again and move on. God knows I write some pretty aweful stuff. I'm not saying this poem is bad but something is lacking and I will try and explain what I mean.

I love when poets take chances with taboo subject matter. If done properly they can be very powerful and make bold statements. But as I read this over and over, I find something is lacking. Like the narrators voice is too childlike, I find it hard to believe he's actually thinking about cutting. His words and actions are someone playing at being depressed. Like maybe he's heard about cutting from TV and is trying to harden his image or hang with the cool kids. For example:

""" I hold the blade and we look at each other

I know what I need, and it winks and agrees"""

To me this sounds almost irreverent to a very real problem.

"""?The first time?s the worst? I mutter uncertain

The blade it just sits there glinting with glee"""

But I?m screaming inside ?this isn?t the way?

Though unloved and hurting; cutting?s not what I need"""""

I know a little about cutting and the depression that comsumes you until self abuse seems like a neccessity. I find this piece, though well written, to be somewhat contrived. Especially the moral ending. Unless the narrator has received therapy, those thoughts just do not enter the brain.

I have read the other poems you've written and have enjoyed your tongue-n-cheek humor and view of the world. So you are not a bad poet and I'm not saying this is a bad poem. But this one doesn't work for me. I feel like an ass writing this but I wanted to try and explain my thought process and give you some honest feedback.

Keep up the good work. I could be full of shit and usually I am. Cheers

Jason

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Jason,

Yes it is contrived. As I said: I haven't and I wouldn't because I am a coward - if you define cowardice as being frightened to cause yourself pain. I'm also frightened of needles, but ultimately I was suborned by a need/want greater than I could control and I vanished for several years. So I know what the steps from normality to abnormality are - I just took a different staircase.

Perhaps, because of the nature of the subject I should have left it alone. The first stanza 'arrived' because I was thinking about my blood brother and the night we 'became' - he cut and I ... pricked. :unsure: It is exactly right from my pov. The rest I added from imagination.

... and surely, if we only wrote about what we know or have experience of, the world would be a poorer place. I don't understand the mental state of people who cut - I can't say I do, but if I were to get to that point this is pretty much how I would see it happening - if that makes sense.

And never feel like an ass for writing an honest crit! As far as I'm concerned it's much needed, and always appreciated.

Camy

I like it very much, but think the first two stanzas are best and might make a better poem alone. I didn't feel the need for a moral at the ending, necessarily, but found the cutting imagery to be very, very vivid. And no, I've never 'cut'...but I find other ways to self-destruct.

Great job, Camy. :icon13:

I also love the goony bird icon thingie. Friend of yours?

Kisses... :wink:

TR

PS. I had to look up 'meniscus'.

Thanks TR!

The Goony bird is an Emu. I'll send him your regards.

Thanks for the kisses too. :stare:

Meniscus is a wonderful word ... almost onomatopoeic in a sibilant slithering snake like fashion.

Camy

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I thought that avatar was an emu, but I wasn't sure. It's a great photo! :icon13:

Any emu's are not goony birds -- weird looking and a bit scary at times, but otherwise they are quite interesting. Our nextdoor neighbour had one that kept breaking into our place when we first moved in. We had a BBQ at our place and everyone loved the emu wandering around... until some kids teased it too much and it decided to defend itself. No one was hurt, but some kids got a fright.

It eventually escaped and was never seen again.

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