Advice for our troubled times

[Cole Parker]

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle.

[Richard Norway]

That's cool Cole. Now stand aside. The bartender is approaching.

[Lugnutz]

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Won't fly in Michigan, our empties are worth a dime each. But that balances out the extra dime we pay for each can/bottle.

[The Pecman]

And if you'd purchased $1000' worth of shares of Apple Computer a year ago, the same stocks would be worth only about $509 today. Not good.

Times are tough.

[Richard Norway]

Won't fly in Michigan, our empties are worth a dime each. But that balances out the extra dime we pay for each can/bottle.

The bartender is still approaching me. What do I do now, confused as hell, because I know what Luggie just told me? Do I order that expensive Michigan beer or do I play dumb and politiaclly correct or just abstain? God I want that beer! But the tax man is standing right behind the approaching bartender. Okay, I know it's truth time. I must do what I feel is the most resposible thing that I can do. I'm old enough to not be giving into childness. As a young male (given to the trappings of being in SE michigan, knowing that I must elevate myself beyond the deer antlers on the mantle), I do what is right.

I'll have a Bud light, I tell the bartender.