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Cole Parker

Rules for Writers

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I was sent this list and will pass it on in the hopes it will be helpful to neophyte writers.

I of course don't need it as I'd never do any of these things.

Ha!

Anyways, it's meant to be humorous, obviously, so enjoy it.

Rules for Writers:

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, absolutely and always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should never generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

19. The passive voice is to be ignored.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:

Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

29. Who needs rhetorical questions?

30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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I was sent this list and will pass it on in the hopes it will be helpful to neophyte writers.

Thank you so mouch for that Cole. i'm that neyofite riter, and I now that I really needs all help that I get. This is Godsent to moi (notice the French...I'm also intelekual). I really need rules, you know, to keep me from doing wrong. I need discilpine! (jst no whips, okay?) Okay, I have story ideas, but I needs to get them to adher to these rules. I mean, how else will I be famouse and sell a million books? Its importnt to me that I follow the rules to form me riting into what the ignrant (sp, hehe) pupulation wants, right?

And Bruin...you cant brake these rules. theyre importnt. it's what we rite 4, right? I mean to rite rite, rite?

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