Seven Ex-boyfriends that you Do Not Want

[JamesSavik]

The Drunk

Fun and charming, the drunk loses some of his appeal when you sober up. After he's drank all your booze and pissed on your bed, the puke in your closet is the last straw.

The problem with drunks is that they forget that you threw them out. You have to break up with them dozens of times for it to take. Even then, they show up drunk and horny at 2am or make those wonderful calls in the middle of the night.

The only sure way to get rid of them: tell them about how well you are doing in AA.

The Meth head

Beavis here has been tweaking for the last six-weeks. His penis is tiny and limp. He steals everything and cops are constantly after him.

What were you thinking? Well- we know that love is blind and he wasn't Beavis the meth-head his whole life. It took a while for him to get that way and you had to see the signs.

The only sure way to get rid of them: move away with no forwarding address.

The Dumb Ass

He was good for a few laughs but... JESUS!? Just look at him. What happened?

So you met him on grinder. You didn't have to keep him. Dumbasses are like stray cats: feed them once and they'll never go away.

The only sure way to get rid of them: fake your death.

The Man-Whore

He seduced you in seconds. You should have known that he seduces everyone in seconds. Men, women, boy and girls: this man-whore spreads his genetic material around like an water-sprinkler.

What were you thinking? Yeah sure: he's cool with classic good looks but as soon as he's out of your sight, he's f**king someone else.

The only sure way to get rid of them: buy a ring, talk about a committed relationship.

[JamesSavik]

The Dork

Dorks are a subset of nerds known specifically for their complete and total lack of social skills. They always say and do not just the wrong thing but the worst thing possible. The dork, while otherwise intelligent, is born without that little piece of their brain that regulates when to STFU.

While dorks can be OK in small doses, no relationship has ever lasted more than six weeks with a true dork.

The only sure way to get rid of them: leave a trail of memory chips out into traffic.

The Religious Nut

Religious Nuts can be OK until they sober up and rationalize that you have lead them into sin. Worse than that even, you make them want to sin over and over again.

You must get rid of the religious nut before he adds you to his collection of dissected prostitutes.

The only sure way to get rid of them: talk to him about your deep abiding faith in witchcraft.

The Compulsive Liar

Most everyone hates to be lied to. What happens when you meet a guy that doesn't even know he's lying or lies for no apparent reason? Chaos.

The compulsive liar will drive you absolutely insane. Most people lie because they are concealing something that they are ashamed of. The compulsive liar lies when he orders breakfast.

The only sure way to get rid of them: set him on fire.

[JamesSavik]

[DesDownunder]

The one sure way to get rid of all of them is to get as old as me.

[Cole Parker]

The one sure way to get rid of all of them is to get as old as me.

Awwwww! I still find you cuddly and lovable, Des!

C

[DesDownunder]

I don't know whether to run into your arms or away from them. Will you promise to be gentle? I'm new at this sort of thing.

[Tanuki Racoon]

I am the Dork.

(But sadly, I look like Ned.)

[The Pecman]

Hmmm, I've seen Ned Flanders naked in the shower, and he's not bad at all.

[Only copy I could find on the web at the moment.]

[Rad]

Hmmm, I've seen Ned Flanders naked in the shower, and he's not bad at all.

OMG!!

This is SOOOOO BAD!! lol!

But yeah, there is NO way I'd date a religious nut.

BTW when I was growing up, I think Kirk Cameron (Growing Pains) was hot :)

Too bad he went to the dark side and became stupid (anti-evolution? come on!) :

[The Pecman]

Hey, that's an actual shot from The Simpsons! It's not my fault that they showed Flanders nude in the shower.

That's one of the long-running gags: Flanders is a hyper-religious nut, but he's got the body of a totally-ripped gymnast and is hung like a mule. (What a waste...)

[Meowsan]

phew... luckily i'm just a lazy-arse geek! hehehe

funny article! love it!