Another one. This has to stop...

[Gee Whillickers]

I followed this a few days ago when it happened, then read his blog (still online) and became depressed. I wasn't going to post this here, there's been too many of them. But this article really got to me. Read it.

http://www.thestar.com/news/article/1072227

[colinian]

This is a very well written article, one of the best I've read. The writer of the article tells us what he really thinks about this teen suicide and about other suicides that have happened and will happen. IMO it's very important that it be read.

Colin

[blue]

I have three reaction.

One, I know very well what it felt like to be treated like that, and to be the one feeling alone and friendless, and in my case, afraid to talk to my parents. I remember sitting at home, wishing friends would call. I remember struggling with the feelings from that. I remember speaking up, publicly and privately, for friends, but not being able to for me. I remember struggling because my feelings (and even dreams) were increasingly for other boys.

Two, if you had a dollar for every boy and girl who died like that in the past year, how big a fund would you have to help out? If you had a dollar for every teen and tween who ran away or was kicked out for being gay, or for seeming gay? How about for every kid who touched it out but thought about running away or hurting himself or herself? How much would it be? More importantly, how could you help? What would actually do some good?

Three, I wish that for every boy who says to himself, "I want to die, this is killing me, Nobody understands, nobody cares," that there could be someone who could be there and say, "I don't want you to die. I don't want to lose you. I need someone too. And I love you."

Maybe you've heard of that old thing about the blue dot, where there's some miracle where everyone who is gay wakes up one morning with a big blue dot on their forehead, for the whole day, an indelible mark everyone can see that proves they are gay.

So what? It doesn't go far enough. It only gets part of the point. Oh yeah, it says that all those people with blue dots could stand up at work, school, church, etc., and say, "Here we are, we're the same people you've always known, and yes, we are gay."

But that's only part of it. How about a big shocking hot pink dot for all those who actively hate and hurt others? Yeah, big deal, we can pretty much figure out who they are without the dot. What's sad, though, is some would have both dots.

So. let's have a nice sunny yellow dot, or a cheerful citrus green dot for all those people who are friendly, who like and love, or at least don't mind, if their friend or loved one or a goal stranger is gay. See, I'd like to know for sure. I would really have wanted to know that as a questioning, lonely, discouraged tween and teen. Heck, even as an adult; and not just before I came out.

I really would have loved to find another boy with a big old blue dot back then. Heck, a few big old yellow dots would have been great.

And that's the thing. Suppose everybody woke up one day with those dots. What would it be like to eat breakfast and see those dots? You go to school or work and see those dots. Church or synagogue or mosque or temple, more dots. Go to a game or hang out that evening, dots. Look in the mirror before bed. At least one dot.

Now while you think that one over, just imagine you're a depressed schoolboy, getting bullied every day, maybe not sure if he's accepted at home. You aren't sure yet at home what those dots mean. But then you get to school and start figuring it out. Never mind all the tiny-brained knuckle-draggers with the bright pink dots. You already knew about them. Look over there. All those kids have yellow dots, like sunshine or a big banana. They will like you. They can be there for you. They are fine with your blue dot, and there are more of them than you ever would have thought. But what's going on? All those kids over there are whispering or giggling. Chris has a blue dot? But he's the biggest, most macho guy in school, and he's the quarterback. But it isn't just him. Jimmy. Aaron. Sean. Steve. Yung-Hsing. Bobby. Mike. The other Mike. Brad. Kenny. Joel. Tom. Juan. Ben. They're...gay too. Hey, but who's he? That boy over there? You've never seen him before. Gosh, what class is he in? And he looks sort of unsure about it all. He's kind of...he looks nice. Go on, go say hello. He needs a friend with a blue dot. And look, friends are coming around him with those bright yellow dots. Protecting him. Loving him. He needs it. He has been thinking all week how depressed he is. You don't know that. You don't need to. You like him, and you haven't even met yet.

What are you waiting for? Go say hi. Make his toes curl. Oh relax, you guys can try that one in private.

But first, he needs to know you like him. You're still shy? Nobody knew until this morning? Go say hi and give him a chance. You need a friend. And he needs the chance to be a friend.

But boy, will you be surprised when ten kids, some you've known forever, some you don't, all give you guys a hug.

At least, I wish it could be that way. It isn't cool coming to school or work and finding out a friend died. At least two of those names are no longer living. One died in high school at 17. The other didn't make it to 39. Another two had to change schools. I am not sure if two actually would have had blue dots, but possibly. A few are other names at random.

[Chris James]

I was disturbed by the various articles I have found on this subject. It seems that Jamie Hubley had been posting about his depression for months. The subject of ending it all had come up several times and yet...no one seems to have reported this to anyone in authority.

He speaks of having several close friends who must have known that his thoughts were close to the edge, why didn't they do anything? I think if someone I knew had said "I want to kill myself" I would take that at face value. Friends should have called his parents, a counselor at school, or at least 9-1-1. Better to do something proactive then nothing at all.

I would not care if he got mad, at least he would be alive to be angry. I am sad and more than a little angry every time I read one of these suicide stories. Yes, being an outcast in high school can be hell. But Canada seems to have a better response system for things like this then we do here in the U.S. Does this mean their system is broken too?

For too long we have allowed this issue of bullying to remain under wraps. Bullies need to be expelled or thrown in jail without exception. The disruption these episodes cause in the classroom is the worst crime. Bullying is a detriment to the educational goals of a school and there is no greater crime on campus. America is failing the best and brightest students, and many of them are quite often gay or lesbian.

[Camy]

RIP Jamie.

[Gee Whillickers]

There is some good news in all this. Another boy, also living in the Ottawa-Gatineau area, was posting very similar things over the past few weeks on his facebook page and on his blog. The boys didn't know each other and there isn't any reason to believe there was any relationship or correlation, however somebody reading about Jamie somehow came across it. This person apparently alerted the boy's school (wasn't hard to do, it was identified on his facebook) as well as local police. The school is resourcing appropriate counseling and the police are investigating this boys' bullies.

Unfortunately, it's not all positive. This boy wasn't out to his parents. Or to many other people in his life. I seriously doubt this is still the case after all this attention suddenly being foist upon him. I hope it goes well.

[blue]

Kids at risk, heck, adults at risk, often try their best to act like things are OK, while also sending signals that they are depressed, angry, scared, or they may shut down, pull into a shell, go silent. But there are generally telltale signs. Friends and relatives do need to pay attention, and act gently when possible and decisively when necessary.

Changes in moods, behavior swings, severe sleep habit changes, falling grades, avoiding people, even people the person considers special...are warning signs. Some will think they're "protecting" the people they love against what's bothering the at risk person (the self). Often, the depressed person feels like they can't talk to anyone, reveal their true feelings, or no one would understand, or never have any choices they feel they can take.

For the other boy, I hope there will be people around, parents included, who will love and accept him, gay and all.

[Chris James]

A further point, it seems I was wrong or did not find this information yesterday. Jamie was getting attention for his depression, it just wasn't enough:

http://brodylevesque.blogspot.com/2011/10/brodys-notes-conservative-members-of.html

[Chris James]

YES...this expresses my feelings, 300 is just too many...and I am sure many of you will agree:

[Gee Whillickers]

YES...this expresses my feelings, 300 is just too many...and I am sure many of you will agree:

Unfortunately, it's also more than a bit hypocritical. Rick Mercer is gay. Yet he doesn't every directly reveal that fact, either in this video or in any of his other work. He doesn't hide it either, it's common knowledge who his partner is, and his volunteer work with LGBT is well known, but still....

[Steven Adamson]

You sure he's talking about coming out when he says that gay adults in public life need to stand up? Could it just mean speaking up about the problem whether you reveal you're gay or not?

I remember the early X-men comics where Professor Xavier passed for regular human while speaking out against anti-mutant discrimination. Seems like he was doing something worthwhile.

I do similar stuff from time to time when I see a kid under my care be anti gay, I give a talk without pulling out the "I'm gay" card.

[Gee Whillickers]

Could be. Anyway, I have to semi-retract that statement. I did some reading and it turns out he did publicly come out as gay a few years ago, when doing an "it gets better" video. So I put my foot in my mouth there a bit.