I've Died and Gone to Oklahoma...

[FreeThinker]

... I mean, Hell. It was 109 this afternoon and as I sit here at 9pm, it's still 103! Dear God, what kind of hell is this? How did my grandparents survive the heat waves and Dust Bowl of the thirties in this Godforsaken place before the advent of air conditioning? What kind of masochist would be insane enough to build sod houses on the plains of western Oklahoma during the land runs and actually try to farm in this hellish environment? If Dante is correct and each circle of Hell is devoted to gluttony, lust, treachery, anger, etc,. then what's Oklahoma for?

Okay. I'm through with my rant.

No, I'm not. What was Richard Rogers drinking when he wrote "Oklahoma is OK?" and where can I get some? With the humidity here, the heat index today was 115!!! I think I'll move to Phoenix to COOL OFF!

Okay. NOW I'm through.

No, wait.... Oh dear. I feel dizzy. Water! I need water!!!.............

[Paul_and_Paco]

Awww! If you get tired of that dry heat and need some water, we have plenty of that... in the air! But you will still have to put up with the heat.

What the heck are you doing in Oklahoma?

[FreeThinker]

I ask that question a thousand times a day...

[Cole Parker]

I've invited him to move to California, God's country, many times. He's stubborn. Probably inherited from that grandfather who built a sod hut... but you've heard all about that.

C

[dude]

I've invited him to move to California, God's country, many times.

California, God's country? The only time I've heard God and California mentioned in the same sentence was when someone said "If God ever wanted to give the world an enema... it'd get it through Southern California!"

Mike

[FreeThinker]

I'm a freethinker. I get nervous when I hear anyplace described as "God's Country." However, California sounds inviting, as long as it's not Orange County. Politically, my hometown isn't much different!

And, my grandfather did not build a sod house. He was an oil man who helped rape the public and cheat Native Americans out of their oil royalties. Actually, my grandfather was from Santa Cruz before the allure of money brought him to the Saudi Arabia of the twenties. Now HIS grandfather was here in the 1880's as a "Sooner," one of those who cheated in the land run and entered the open territories the night before the land run was supposed to begin. Only in Oklahoma would cheaters be revered as heroes and have a football team named after them.

Actually I want to move to the UK before I die. Failing that, I want someone to mail my ashes there and have a friend of mine spread them on Tinturn Abbey (I love Wordsworth) or maybe on the playing field of Rugby School since I had so many fantasies as a boy in the seventies after watching Tom Brown's Schooldays in 1973 on Masterpiece Theatre. What a wonderful thought, all those firm, hard adolescent bodies struggling on top of me.... Oh, dear. I think we're off topic... Actually, now I don't even remember what the topic was...

[Cole Parker]

California, God's country? The only time I've heard God and California mentioned in the same sentence was when someone said "If God ever wanted to give the world an enema... it'd get it through Southern California!"

Mike

Hey, you're the one who decided to live in Palm Springs, where a cool day is only 110. Move closer to the ocean and you'll see why the movie stars all live here when they can afford to live anywhere.

Actually I want to move to the UK before I die. Failing that, I want someone to mail my ashes there and have a friend of mine spread them on Tinturn Abbey (I love Wordsworth) or maybe on the playing field of Rugby School since I had so many fantasies as a boy in the seventies after watching Tom Brown's Schooldays in 1973 on Masterpiece Theatre. What a wonderful thought, all those firm, hard adolescent bodies struggling on top of me.... Oh, dear. I think we're off topic... Actually, now I don't even remember what the topic was...

Only you can go from spreading you ashes to thoughts of firm, hard adolescent bodies thrashing around on top of you in a single paragraph. It takes genius to make that transition.

C

[Merkin]

We used to call it hauling your ashes. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=haul%20your%20ashes