Yankee by The Zot

[Lugnutz]

Here is one you most likely read before but lost track of. I've read this several times over the years and I know you would like it. He was in the middle of doing a rewrite on this but never finished it. He has other stories out there, just need to find them.

http://www.nifty.org...hschool/yankee/

EDIT: Found his stash. http://www.gayauthors.org/thezot/index.html

[The Pecman]

I agree -- an excellent story in every way. Gets right into the action, no preamble, you immediately know what these characters are all about. Really good job.

I had corresponded with the author back in 2006 when the story first came out, and I thought the ending could use a little rewriting, mainly because (to me) it just kinda stops. The conflict between the lead and the antagonist was never really resolved; the latter just kind of disappears. To me, they needed a "Five Years Later" scene where they meet up and hash things out. But it just kind of hits a wall and stops, which disappointed me.

Nonetheless, the writing that's there is very good, and I think most of the characters are very well fleshed-out, plus the dialog is fairly good. You can argue that the lead character is a little too idealized -- good looking, plus a black belt in several martial arts, plus he can act -- but what the hell, I can go with it. Very entertaining story.

[Chris James]

Interesting story, a lot of chapters, going to take a while to read them all...but so far seems worth the effort.

[Merkin]

Be warned that the version of "Yankee" you will find over on GA only has 13 chapters, and lacks chapters 14, 15, and 16 that you can find on the Nifty link. It may seem unfinished, but it is even more unfinished if you read it on GA.

BTW, the Zot did promise a sequel but that was quite a while ago and I've stopped holding my breath. Great writing, though.

[Cole Parker]

I read that a long time ago. It seemed a bit herky-jerky to me, but I was entranced and read it all the way through. I think I agreed with Pec at the time: it seemed to stop rather suddenly, and perhaps incompletely. I don't remember where I read it.

C

[The Pecman]

I think the basic problem I have with the story is that the adversary/frenemy issue is never really resolved -- it's just kind of dropped when the character chooses to leave town. It kind of violates the "show, don't tell" rule: the last confrontation never happens. It goes out with a whimper and not a bang.

It's all the more puzzling because the story is very well-written and well-crafted up to this point, and I loved the incidental characters and the dialogue quite a bit. I agree that a sequel could ameliorate the problems, but I'd rather see another 1000 words added to the ending that just shows the lead and the antagonist having a final conversation that hashes out their problems and their differences. I'm not asking for a "happy ever after" ending -- in fact, I'm not sure that's even possible -- but at least resolving the issues would be better than leaving it all open-ended. That was my reason for voting for a "five years later" ending.

I concede it's the author's choice, and The Zot wrote the story he chose to tell. But loose ends in stories drive me nuts, as many of you know.

[Cole Parker]

As I said, I read this long ago, but liked it enough to be disappointed in the end. I sort of had the idea this either was the set-up for a sequel, or else the author simply lost interest in it, as so many web authors seem to do. Drives me crazy when that happens with a good story, but it happens a lot. Look at the one by Underthehoodster. I loved that story. But it simply died away. Pisses you off, is what it does.

C

[Merkin]

At the risk of fanning the flames of an old ongoing controversy, I'd say this story is a prime example of what may happen if you don't complete the writing of a finished story before posting it. Or at least having a solid outline of where you want to go with it.

[Cole Parker]

At the risk of fanning the flames of an old ongoing controversy, I'd say this story is a prime example of what may happen if you don't complete the writing of a finished story before posting it. Or at least having a solid outline of where you want to go with it.

Exactly!

C

[The Pecman]

Well, just in defense of the author (who is not here to defend himself), it may well be that he made the deliberate decision that the antagonist abruptly leave the story on purpose. Or maybe he hit a wall and couldn't figure out how to resolve it. Or maybe he actually liked the angst that not consummating the relationship created. Or maybe a sequel was planned and he never got around to it. In re-reading the story, it's clear to me that the lead character was not really interested in this guy, so this was an affair that was never going to happen -- doomed from the start.

I've seen this before in stories, where you go in and say, "wow, I wonder how they're gonna take care of this huge problem and resolve everything." And ultimately... they don't! I've seen recent films & TV shows that suffered from the same issue, so it's not confined just to amateur net fiction.

Nontheless, I think The Zot is a talented writer, well worth reading. And I think "Yankee" in particular was a good story, particularly the side touches of Japanese culture and language, and the flaws that made the lead character (in his own words) "socially awkward" but still intelligent, attractive, and brave in his own way.

[Cole Parker]

Yeah, there was a lot to recommend about the story.

I was merely agreeing with James' and your analysis.

C