vwl

I'll add my two thoughts worth, based on the works that I've written and am writing. The first is a "what if" course. What if I had stayed? What if I had not gone? etc. Themes that represent a different major decision in the author's life can be spun into a tale. In my Jake's Hand, for example, part of the opening scene happened to me, though in a different place and a slightly different time. The incident with the hand happened, but I never saw "Jake" again after that summer, and I always wondered what would have happened had I responded differenty--until I decided to use my musings as the basis for a novel. [A wonderful example of the what-if theme is the movie Sliding Doors, with Gwyneth Paltrow.] The source for the inspiration of my current novel, Palouse, came from a newspaper feature story. The original story is detailed over at GA in Rec's Forum--my pen name's forum. In short, it was a series of articles about a mixed-race, child-prodigy cellist adopted into an Eastern Oregon farm family. He had everything going for him--working with Yo Yo Ma, playing at Isaac Stern's (the great violinist's) birthday party, being invited to perform with Bill Cosby, being invited to solo with the Oregon Symphony--until he broke down, became angry at the world and abandoned a stellar career potential--at least, to date. There were lots of potential themes in this true story. In my fictionalized version, I've changed the place, the musical instrument, and the racial origin. More importantly, I'm introducing a gay theme that was never even hinted at in the newspaper story. Besides the "what if" and newspaper/magazine sources, an author can use a classic work like Romeo and Juliet, as Mark Roader has done in his first novel, and change its underlying theme. Or, you can take a character out of a play, book or movie and build a story around him or her (or him and him or her and her). [John Updike did a wonderful such job with the novel Gertrude and Claudius, two characters in Hamlet.] vwl, aka rec

And death shall have no dominion. Dead men naked they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon; When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone, They shall have stars at elbow and foot; Though they go mad they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion. And death shall have no dominion. Under the windings of the sea They lying long shall not die windily; Twisting on racks when sinews give way, Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break; Faith in their hands shall snap in two, And the unicorn evils run them through; Split all ends up they shan't crack; And death shall have no dominion. And death shall have no dominion. No more may gulls cry at their ears Or waves break loud on the seashores; Where blew a flower may a flower no more Lift its head to the blows of the rain; Though they be mad and dead as nails, Heads of the characters hammer through daisies; Break in the sun till the sun breaks down, And death shall have no dominion. From Dylan Thomas: The Poems, published by J.M. Dent & Sons Ltd., London, 1971 Copyright ? 1937, 1945, 1955, 1956, 1962, 1965, 1966, 1967, 1971, 1977 The Trustees for the Copyrights of Dylan Thomas.

I don't charge for my editing, mainly because it is a hobby, not a source of income. I like it that way; I can pick and choose my authors, and my greatest satisfaction would come with helping a young author to become as good as Domluka or better. I've edited several published (or soon to be published) novels--as the closer, so to speak. It takes me from 6 to 15 minutes a page to do the editing, based on edits of two novels from the same author--the second one after another editor had worked on it. I think that's a reasonable range of time. So, doing this roughly 400-page novel, for me, would take anywhere from 40 to 100 hours--and that is for solid manuscripts that are in their fifth or sixth drafts. At $65 an hour, the charge would be daunting for a new author. It just takes time to check quotations and references, to check on consistency of punctuation, to correct punctuation, and finally to make comments on the story itself. Don't underestimate what the editing job may entail. I don't know the quality of the manuscript here--maybe it is cleaner than what I've seen by the authors I work with--but a thorough job may take as many as 6 minutes a page. This may help you figure how much time you need to devote to this manuscript. [Microsoft Word calculates the amount of time one spends editing a manuscript, by the way.] vwl

Voil?! http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/b...alone-together/ I'll have to send you Chapters 46 through 48 if you don't get them from the author. vwl

Alone/Together is a difficult story to categorize. 1. Chapters 1 through 13 constitute a complete story that could have stood alone. 2. Not all the chapters are on Nifty, but the story is complete. Chapter 46, in particular, could not be displayed on Nifty in the format desired by the author, so he put a note saying to notify him if the reader wanted a copy. 3. The last two chapters, though written, have not been posted on Nifty, but they are circulating. In my mind, as czar of the BoN site, the story is complete, and it is so fine a story that the minor omissions are excusable. So sue me. vwl

There are three chapters. vwl

Camy, I'll email you the remaining chapter. vwl

I had always thought it complete as well, but the end of the story indicates otherwise. I sent an email to jfinn asking if it was complete, but have gotten no reply. It my require an executive decision--by me--to declare it complete if she does not reply. vwl

Wibby, I agree on the need for weeding. We could make it a part of the review process for new stories. Suggestions for additions and removals are welcome. vwl

Some history, from various

In my note to him, I said that he may have trouble with his dialogue if the interactions became more complex. His reply, by the way, indicated he had 10 chapters outlined, so I hope a serious longer story is on the horizon.

Milos, if that's his pen name, breaks many of an editor's rules, but he pulls it off and has started a very fine story. The tone is reminiscent of Rock Lane Cooper. Finished with the same quality, it should be a Best of Nifty. http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/young-friends/lem/lem-1.html vwl

I agree. A very well-done story. vwl

For your information, Broadcom (and probably others) is developing a chipset that will allow playing both the new formats on the same DVD machine. The chipset from Broadcom is expected to be ready by midyear. If the player manufacturers are on board as well, we should see dual-capability machines in the next year or so. From what I can gather, a dual set of laser readers is required in addition to the chip. vwl

1. Maggie, along with Jack and Jose, _____is_____________(is, are) meeting Bob and Hilda at the restaurant. 2. Everyone _______knows_____(know, knows) the outcome of the vote. 3. That dog is ___yours_______(your?s, yours). 4. Either of the two choices _____is____(is, are) fine. 5. If I _____________were (although was is acceptable)____________ (was, were) to go, I would need to pack my laptop. [see McPeek and Wright, for example.] 6. Sara, as well as several other employees, _______is______________(is, are) familiar with the policy. 7. I _________shall (but will is used in common speech and is correct if the intent is to show determination)__________ (shall, will) call Mrs. King tomorrow. [see McPeek and Wright) 8. ___________It's__________ (Its, It?s) good vendor management to hold the supplier accountable. 9. The reasons for the problem _____________were_____________ (was, were) too numerous.

Rewrite these sentences that have faulty parallelism in a form that reflects consistent grammatical construction. Express parallel ideas in parallet form. 1. There is a market for stylish mobile communication among the French, the Italians, Spanish, and Portuguese. There is a market for stylish mobile communication among the French, Italians, Spanish and Portuguese. 2. It was both a long meeting and very productive. The meeting was both long and very productive. 3. Either you must file his request or act on it now. You must either file his request or act on it now. 4. The new accounts director has experience, dedication, and she has an extremely professional demeanor. The new accounts director has experience and dedication, and she has an extremely professional demeanor. [Or, break the sentence into two parts "...dedication; she also has ...."] 5. The national office rewarded Region Three for its high sales and going beyond the call of duty. The national office rewarded Region Three for producing high sales and going beyond the call of duty. [Assuming you want to stick with the cliche 'going beyond..] 6. Antonio?s motivation to succeed in this position seems to be greater than his predecessor. Antonio's motivation to succeed in his position seems to be greater than his predecessor's. 7. I have no doubt about your care and interest in the project. I have no doubt that you care about and have an interest in the project.

I look forward to reading the story. As moderator of the Best of Nifty site, I have to enforce the criterion that a story is not added until it's finished. There are too many stories at BoN that are never completed. However, I'll consider it on the nomination list and have it considered when done. vwl

Sounds thrilling. But valuable nonetheless.

If you do write your entire story before posting, which is my preference, there is no bar to posting it chapter by chapter--once weekly, twice weekly, etc. To some, that release tactic might be cruel, but it has t he advantage of publicity, with each chapter an announcement that there is something out there to read. I suspect you get more readers by an extended posting. Furthermore, you may get comments that cause you to change the latter chapters. Finally, of course, you can be finishing your subsequent novel as the postings are released on your first, so the reader may never know of any delay.

This is a fine candidate, and it's in the Nifty highschool section as Some-day-out-of-the-blue. vwl

When should I start submitting it for posting? I agree that there is nothing more frustrating than a good story with a long (or even permanent) hiatus. My advice is this: 1. If you write quickly and as a consequence can churn out chapters even if time is limited, go ahead and post serially. Michael Arram seems to be of this type; at least his stories at IOMFATS appear in rapid succession. 2. If you are willing to commit religiously to a schedule, then serializing the story is fine. Mickey S (of Second Wind and Coy Boy) is of this type. His chapters appear regularly on the same day of the week. I don't know if that is because he has written enough of a backlog to publish them that way or is dedicated to his stories enough to keep them moving. 3. Otherwise, and I think this is the advice for most writers, wait until the story has been entirely drafted and/or all the chapters are in the editor(s) hands. Then, the reader has a reasonable guarantee of completion. 4. Finally, and this is how I did my two stories, Jake's Hand and Jake's Side, have the story virtually finished and release chapters on a regular schedule. (I did it every two days, leaving time only for a final read-through.0 My advice is always worth what you pay for it. vwl

Des, The easiest way to get advice on word usage is just to google it. "Smell smelled smelt usage" got a list of references that discuss the usage. BTW, smelled is past tense in the United States and smelt is generally used in the UK. Lie, lay, lain, etc., is there as well and is a bit more complex because of the overlap between the transitive and intransitive forms. vwl

Jason, If you still need someone, I'd be happy to take a crack at it. I've edited for three authors (novels) now and have written my own--two parts: Jake's Hand and Jake's Side--at NIfty/Relationships. I sent you a PM earlier, so you have my email address there. vwl

Second Wind by Mickey S (beginnings) is the love story of Ben, an accountant who comes from an upper-income family, and Joey, one son in a large Italian family that owns and operates a nursery business. Joey married his high school sweetheart, had a son, then saw her die. His depression at her death is ended when he meets Ben; they fall in love and then the complications of family begin. The characters are highly believable and nicely differentiated one from another. The growth of Joey from his despair to his unexpected acceptance at being gay is smoothly done, as he traverses all the degrees of surprise, angst, acceptance, and embracing of his relationship. There are many minor characters that also are drawn well. The characters are also memorable enough that they did not get "lost" from week to week as the story was posted. [Mickey S is very good at maintaining a weekly posting schedule.] What is also nicely done in the plot is the large Italian family aspect--a family that comes from a stricter Catholic background that does not take well to homosexuality but a family that is close and generally takes care of its own, until Joey forces them to face a new level of reality. The love story is straightforward, but there are many twists in the plot that pique the interest. The writing is quite clean and workmanlike, relating the story in a straightforward manner. In general, the editing is good (which is outstanding for Nifty, of course) with minor miscues. In the list of nominated stories for September, I would put Second Wind second or third, behind Alone/Together and maybe behind Two Distinct Divisions, but I have a weakness for good mysteries.

Two Distinct Divisions by Horatio Nimier is a series of mystery stories about Mike, a lawyer, and Chris, a computer programmer, who meet in the first chapter, fall in love and solve a mystery. Each chapter is essentially a self-contained mystery involving the two of them that is resolved in that chapter. In this sense, the story is unlike the serial stories that normally populate Nifty. The characters are very much adults, and the story dwells more on the details of their respective professions, rather than on the direction of their love life. Chris and Mike are interesting people--as professionals and as lovers--but their personalities are not as well developed in these stories as in the other stories nominated here. In a sense, though, these two men are more realistic than many of the Best of Nifty main characters because of their real-life activities. Where Two Distinct Divisions shines is in the mystery plot lines (plural, because each chapter is stand-alone). Chris uses his computer skills to solve intricate, well-crafted conundrums, and the computer detection is first rate, based on my knowledge of computers. And Mike's lawyer skills are nicely used as well. To me, it is refreshing to have well-done stories (chapters here) in which the two main characters happen to be gay rather than having the gay theme central to the story. The story is more about two men--rather than two gay men--doing things no different from what other members of our society would do. The writing of the mystery events and circumstances is well done, though the first chapter has some belabored conversations before it improves--probably because of the greenness of the author. However, the subsequent stories show Nimier's improvement. Grammar and word usage is fine, but there are the usual punctuation lapses that seem to prevail in most of the Nifty stories. In short, the story deserves consideration because of the quality of the mysteries and the normality of the relationship between the two men.