Camy

Irwin's Memorial http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/5362266.stm

... just what was happening to me in the back room??? yours truly Concerned.

Jason, I think I like it, though the way you've written the lines seems to me wrong. What I mean is that when I read it aloud (it's the way I read poetry) the way I read it is different to the way it's presented... if that makes sense. I'm still thinking about: clarity is a concept I have never found so I grip to my fear like a fuck without a noun --- Good website! Fresh stories to read. Yay! I hate geocities. Damn intrusive adverts down the right hand side. Bah. Camy

ooooh, though it's dangerous to mess with a Wascawy Wacoon I have to disagree. This conversation happened often. "Mr. Buzzard, you're my friend. We can’--" "Don't be prudent." The old man’s voice struck through me. "You've done it for me before." "I'm not going to do it again; and I don't care how much you offer me." He's had sex with him before, and this time has decided not to. So surely that is being prudent? It sounds like 'sound judgement' to me. Anyway, impudent in my book is interchangeable with cheeky, and he's definitely not trying to cheek him... Probably wrong, but another point of view ... so Gabe, who's right? a Wascawy Wacoon or the cutest Emu you'll ever see? And when's it gonna be finished?

If... by Camy If a single word I say makes sense The word is love If a single thought I have rings true That thought is you Then I am better off for it And the fact is – I love you *** 14th September 2006 Blimey, I spent more time thinking about the title than I did the poem. And yes, the glib retort is 'and it looks like it', but hey, I got there first. 'If' by Rudyard Kipling is one of my all time favourite poems. If you haven't read it please do. http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm For those of you who don't know Kipling he also wrote 'The Jungle Book'

Yep!

I'm on the fence here. On the one hand the Bullpen rules say that 'Any threads without activity will be removed after a period of time (currently 14 days)', and I honestly can't see this one running and running. One the other hand it would have been nice to keep it, and when Paul submitted the re-write we'd have been able to see the differences... Umm yeah ... that's my ha'p'orth Camy

Jason, Yes it is contrived. As I said: I haven't and I wouldn't because I am a coward - if you define cowardice as being frightened to cause yourself pain. I'm also frightened of needles, but ultimately I was suborned by a need/want greater than I could control and I vanished for several years. So I know what the steps from normality to abnormality are - I just took a different staircase. Perhaps, because of the nature of the subject I should have left it alone. The first stanza 'arrived' because I was thinking about my blood brother and the night we 'became' - he cut and I ... pricked. It is exactly right from my pov. The rest I added from imagination. ... and surely, if we only wrote about what we know or have experience of, the world would be a poorer place. I don't understand the mental state of people who cut - I can't say I do, but if I were to get to that point this is pretty much how I would see it happening - if that makes sense. And never feel like an ass for writing an honest crit! As far as I'm concerned it's much needed, and always appreciated. Camy Thanks TR! The Goony bird is an Emu. I'll send him your regards. Thanks for the kisses too. Meniscus is a wonderful word ... almost onomatopoeic in a sibilant slithering snake like fashion. Camy

Sorry! I forgot to say I really like the piece, and would love to hear you read it... That's a hint btw. Camy

When I'm writing I always read my 'poetry' aloud. I'm not very good at puctuation (I have an editor for stories), but with poetry I know how I want it to sound, and puntuate accordingly. Surely the same must be true for you, and If you add puctuation to help you read aloud, shouldn't it be an intrinsic part of the published poem anyway?

Cutting by Camy I hold the blade and we look at each other I know what I need, and it winks and agrees But the coward within me is leaping and screaming And my muscles refuse though my inner voice pleads “The first time’s the worst” I mutter uncertain The blade it just sits there glinting with glee But I can’t - oh you will - no I won’t - you’re a fool As I creep ever closer to cutting - to bleed The blades razored edge begs my body’s meniscus One small stroke and I’ll have what I want But I’m screaming inside “this isn’t the way” Though unloved and hurting; cutting’s not what I need I need to be strong, I need to realise the truth I need to be loved though it might take some time I need more than anyone can possibly imagine And back in its box the blade’s finally freed. --- 12th September 2006 I haven't and wouldn't. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about cutting. I'm a wuss, and I can think of much nicer ways to 'obliviate'. Besides which, and unfortunately, problems just don't go away. Sooner or later you have to deal ... and I'm still a wuss. The first stanza leapt from me, the rest took a bit longer.

I had a hamster called Nibbles, which probably didn't help because I'm afraid I didn't finish it. Stylistically the tone turned me off. Instantly. It's stilted. This is probably not what you want to hear but try writing a short story rather than attempting a novel. That way you can get feedback on a finished piece, and you'll find your 'voice' which seems to be missing.

I didn't overtly cry but I teared up at the part the boy started to get older while the mermaid didn't, which started: The years went on forward And brought them delights: Days filled up with friendship That warmed them at night. then the turning point - As beach boy grew older While mermaid stayed young, In dreams he remembered And memories stung. These three stanzas are the most poignant though: He watched his one true love Sail into the sun, Watched while all happiness And love came undone. That sail in the sunset Disappearing slow, Shattered his sweet heart till He cried out, “Don’t go!” The ship did not hear him, It calmly sailed on; All night he lay staring, He watched until dawn. One question. Did you script this before you started writing? As to your questions. Them having no names didn't concern me. I'm glad the sex was absent, 'cause it means you'll have a better shot at getting it published. In a book. Remember them? The term Mermaid is fine, and I hadn't even questioned it until I read your post. Merman seems ... odd. It's wonderful and I'm off to read it again. Thanks PS The photograph, and the background colour of the page helped set the scene. Good call. I was there even before I started reading.

TR, If I had a hat I would doff it. 'On the Lonely Ocean' is fantastic! It has everything a great story should have, and in rhyme. How long did it take you to write? Camy

I'm wondering how important you all think getting married is. I agree that we (everyone on the planet) should have the right to be married, and we should fight for it. but nonetheless if this was a perfect world and you had the right, would you actually get married? The concept of having my love, my partnership blessed by a stranger seems weird. I don't have a faith per se. I was brought up C of E (Church of England) which is protestant ... whatever that means. Now, if anything, I'd consider myself a Buddhist. Surely marriage is just a bygone social convention? It's nice to have a day to celebrate. And it might be nice to cough up vast fortunes to have people you don't really know, and don't really want to know, fly in from all over and eat your food. If that's your thing fine. But it's not mine. What are your opinions? -- edited to correct bad English

I dunno, that smacks of spin to me. Very good spin mind you, but spin none the less.

Sweetness and light the forums are back! Most excellent Des!

He?s mine and I love him, and it?s none of your business If we hold hands or kiss why should you care Perhaps you?re afraid of your own darker feelings Yet you follow the pack, and you?re mean, and you stare You prod and you poke and you push and you laugh And you love to see blood and you barf after dark Yet you bleed deep within for all of your bluff You know the truth ? you want to suck cock So leap from the closet the way you run track Be truthful, be honest, it won?t hold you back If you think you?re alone, you?re not - can?t you see We?re all here to help, just be who you should be 5th September 2006

What I do with my cock is my business It?s consensual, it?s my choice, it?s my private affair You read your scripture; I don?t poke your eyes out Leave me alone - you don?t like me, think I care? The tenets you follow are the same for us all Be good to your neighbour, don?t covet or kill So get on with your life and leave me to mine We all have blood; to live with, not spill 5th September 2006

Blind red rage fills me this morning, I’m angry at pain, at anger itself Who has the right to tell me I’m wrong; For saying I love you, for loving you this way Black thoughts and blades tell me I’m falling Rivulets of blood don’t ease anymore Rip strips from heaven for its pious blind nature I’m human, I breathe, so what if I’m gay? 5th September 2006

Excel vs word. Hmm. I have a couple of word docs with the odd note or two, but I think it's a better idea to use a spreadsheet. Camy

Yep, I've been thinking about this all day, and I'm going to give it a go. As you say, it's much easier at the beginning. I've already had problems and I'm only at chapter 3. Thanks Camy

Thanks Pecman, It was just that I was panicking. I do that a lot. Suddenly wake up in the night and think "umm - does he have blonde hair?" I'd like to have an outline, I'd like to have a little card file with descriptions of all my characters, and the scenes all worked out, but I'm so disorganised it just never happens. It's almost as if my muse is giving me grief. Damn him. Camy PS I also worry about style. Short stories are ok, but I'm writing two chapter stories and I'm desperately trying to keep the style constant. It's hard.

I really, really like this TR Camy

This work really well as a lyric for a song. I found myself humming rather than reading. Good stuff! Camy