Tragic Rabbit
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I have no idea what aj just wrote?
Australian Translation (take it with a grain of salt
):This is an essay about someone who seemed incapable of growing up. They needed help to develop into an adult and it was denied to them. So they stayed a child in their mind.
aj -- how did I do?
Graeme
Perhaps growing up is overrated. Maybe its more important to be Real, like the Velveteen Rabbit. Real doesn't protect you from hurt, perhaps.
TR
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I just loved this story, it was so very sweet and so very beautiful. The highland scenes, the hot boys in kilts, the boy's school and rugby games...what's not to love? If nothing else, the setting would make the story worthwhile but there's a lot more that's worthwhile here. I love his true love for Tom (Tom packing his things for school is SO sweet!) but the friends at school are great, varied and interesting and all nicely done. The sex isn't bad either <eyelash flutter>.
I'm glad the Dude and others have read this, glad to have directed people to it. I think it was written a couple of years ago but really did think it was on the special side. He has other stories, too, but I've not read them all, just the Easter Ruggers one.
Welcome to AD, Joel, I'm fairly new myself ...to aD and to writing, which I began this last July.
Kisses...
TR
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Any new thoughts about Ryan after the shower scene with Mike? Or how I did that scene? I think that was my favorite scene in 17...
That was definitely my favorite scene in the chapter. I think it's been mentioned before, but I really like the depth that you're giving Ryan. The way you handled that whole scene...I liked it a lot.
Thanks. I still think I'm shortchanging Ryan on depth, I'm sometimes torn between my own life experiences and resentments and my wish to make characters, even those I hate, understandable. If nothing else, I'm learning by doing, I suppose. I enjoyed putting some words into his mouth that might help explain his attitude and actions and I thought Mike was most likely to understand him. In fact, Mike may understand Ryan better than Angel & Co would be comfy with, should they find out.
That's cool - I've been waiting to see Bobby again. His story was what really pulled me into DC in the first place.I've missed Bobby Boyd, too. I think some of my better writing, even as I learn, has been around his character or perhaps Gene's. I'm sure there's a reason for that but I'm no shrink. For some reason, they inspire a little better prose. I'm starting to free up my vocabulary, unchain my muse, as I become more sure of what is acceptable to readers in this venue. I remain convinced that I can do much, much better than I have so far and am reading and writing [DC and other things] to make sure that imagined potential materializes. I always hated when teachers said that I failed to live up to my potential...
Kisses...
TR
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I suspect that many readers will be put off by who they think the fable is about-which only makes me gladder that I wrote the thing. I wonder how many have considered the extent to which racism and homophobia contribute to that feeding frenzy.
Not that the hypothetic inspiration of TVB IS gay, just that any male seen as unmanly is automatically in that category of hate. How many kids are harassed at school for being effeminate boys or masculine girls without actually being homosexual? Quite a lot, as far as I can tell. These perceptions are part of the whole problem and only by seeing the larger picture can people of conscience change. Gender expectations are a straitjacket for more than just gays. Wasn't this supposed to be one of the better lessons from Feminism?
About Racism in America, where to begin? In my world, it pervades everything and nothing is valued as slightly as dark skin. It lowers your social value, your IQ, your earning potential, your sexual desirability (except as an exotic) and the extent to which you are considered worthy of courtesy. But hey, that's just my view. Some of those thoughts have come out in Drama Club, I suppose.
In any case, I'd be interested to know if anyone liked the story for itself and not what was read into it. Did it have interest as a fable, like the Rabbit story itself? Was the tone nice, did it evoke emotion? This was an experiment in third person narrative without dialogue, another in my series of experimental prose/poetry. Thanks for reading, as always.
Peace.
TR
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I found the story on Nifty and liked it, before realizing this was another of the new writers here on AD. I like the story a lot and disagree wholeheartedly with the comments regarding plot. The idea of plot as something exclusively external is, in my opinion, a simplisitc one although this store DOES have external events, it focuses on the internal.
Some of the best writers in the world (Saul Bellow, Anne Tyler, Ray Bradbury, Phil Dick, Faulkner) write that way and possibly more wide reading would make that clear to L&L detractors. In any case, I don't see the story as being strictly internal although, as I say, that would not be a criticism, merely and observation, if it were true. Conflict need not be external and I'm already regretting that I put so much external conflict into DC as its not my first instinct. Its all a learning experience, I just started writing on my birthday this year, late July. Reading, however, I'm a past master at since I've been doing it since I was three.
My favorite line is something like, 'the summer took off like a bottle rocket and before they knew it, it was the fourth of July.' I love the use of language in this story. the elegant riffs of words/sounds and the occasional note of humor. I think this is the most elegantly written thing on AD currently, but that's just my opinion. I also like the way the sex scene was written, is this your first story of this kind? I think I was unduly influenced for the longest time in what vocabulary and style were expected [in DC] by general Nifty stories. I think I'm finally coming up for air and hope that my overall writing improves because of it, though that's late for DC itself.
L&L is lovely, please finish it, so many stories are left undone for whatever reason. Don't rush, don't add externals, don't change anything that your instincts suggest to you, please. I would say, if anything, that chapter 5 was slightly less beautiful and wonder if that was because you were responding to badly aimed criticisms. Please listen to your internal voice, its exceptionally fine. Don't listen to anyone else. Including me, telling you not to listen to....
Kisses...
TR
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From DC17, quoted:
?Vai tomar no c?.?
Hmm. Portuguese. Vai has to be, you go; tomar, to take. But 'no' could be "in the," "our/us," or "no/not." In this case, I'm guessing it's "in the." And "c?" is...well, the English version would be "cu**" is my guess. -- At least, that's my guess. Marina is clearly telling Matty something like, "f--- me" or "go f--- yourself," if I'm guessing right.
?De veras? ?Tengo razo'n?
Yeah, telling him to go fuck himself in Portugese. A Brazilian DC reader helped me hatch Marina's character and provided a number of colorful expressions at my request. Matty is also a reader suggestion, just the physical description. I added the personality and, with the help of some Deaf friends, the Deaf background details that will come up (and hearing details). Debating will be tricky to say the least for him but Kuo's determined. Matty's also the first openly bisexual cast member.
-----Great to see a new chapter! And for Matty, "hardware-boy," well, bud, defrost, already. Is it really necessary to piss off all your potential friends? (Sorry, not yet all the way through the chapter, just to the start of the GSA mtg.) The piercing's aren't my thing, but :shrugs: to each his own. He sounds like he'd be nice minus the major 'tude and er, nicer looking without the body jewelry. Ah well. -- I think he'll grow on me. Something nice about him even so. -- From the text, and prev. refs., sounds like Matty has reasons to be kinda ticked at the world.
Matty's had a number of problems that are part of why he's at Northside without his parents. Piercings are a personal choice thing and attractions vary-I find them sexy in many contexts. I'm planning to go by the piercing salon today for some research into more private piercings<G>.
Oh, and kudos to Angel for giving Ryan what-for earlier.Thanks. I'm not sure Mike came off nearly as well in his encounter, either physically or spiritually. Mike is not Angel's hero, he's his boyfriend. I didn't want some sort of Cinderella setup despite wanting them together. Any new thoughts about Ryan after the shower scene with Mike? Or how I did that scene? I think that was my favorite scene in 17...
:blinks: Blue slaps forehead, figuratively. Crud. Now I even remember reading the ref. in the prev. chapter...and when I began reading this chapter last night. Jeez, just 'cause it's been a while, and I forget the ref. that Matty's hearing impaired. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: Ooh, I could kick myself. -- Sorry, folks, you've just seen a guy with low-vision and with a couple of hearing-impaired friends and relatives...totally miss it. Duh. D'oh.I hadn't intended to overtly mention his hearing in previous chapters, are you sure I did? Some things I like to keep low on the radar but I thuoght I should mention the Deafness specifically otherwise readers might not get it...right, wrong? No idea. I prefer to be subtle but thought Angel would be a good person to have realize it in a nice way, a caring sort of way. Angel's kind of sweet for a smartass kind of guy, esp now that he's In Love. Cupid makes us a little softer inside, don't you find?
Any thoughts on Friedman, Trey or Jaye?
Chapter 18 will continue with the GSA meeting then go into the evening at various homes, including Bobby's. By next week sometime, I guess. I think it'll take longer between chapters for several reasons as I finish up Act I.
Kisses...
TR
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This was awesome. Your imagery was intense, your vocabulary was immense. I couldn't think of a thing you could possibly add. Thought, I can say this was an experience I wish I had. Too bad . . . I'm afraid of roller coasters. ;)
Rustic,
Well, I couldn't find anything to add either but I sure found twenty things to change. That's what I remember about writing poetry, the urge to pick at the scab until you've really made a mess. I'm stopping now, really I am.
Thanks for saying that about my something being immense. I liked using the roller coaster image for a love/sex/fear snapshot. That's what was in my head when the words tickled me awake before dawn. I'm surprised I really got up to write the thing. I've ignored, I guess, poetry tickles for so long that I guess I mistook them for the occasional rash. Since I started writing, creative type writing, I'm more inclined to actually put some of these thoughts down as they alight (like horseflies). Eventually, something might be decent but either way, I'm having fun.
Fear of roller coasters is probably as common as fear of love...but that never stops people from lining up for both. I didn't make up the connection, people always write about the roller coaster of love, of emotion, I just added some pictures, I guess. Glad you liked them.
Kisses...
TR
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I haven't written poetry in AGES but one tickled me awake this morning so I coughed up it. Here it is.
Hugs,
TR
****************************************
CONEY ISLAND BOYFRIEND
You buy me Cotton Candy, oh,
Twisting pink upon a stick, and you say,
Touch your lips against the sweetness
And my tongue darts out to lick.
You are lighter than the air, love,
As your pink sugar melts to cream,
And this lovely light confection
Is twice as tasty as my dreams.
You, my Coney Island Boyfriend,
Take us to the Roller Coaster Ticket Man;
You tear it twice, and then, oh softly,
You place the paper in my palm.
My Admission, yes, and yours, take us
To an open car (where you hold my trembling hand);
And we sink slowly down together, ah,
Into that Red and Raucous Ride.
Side by side and skin to skin, we
Ready for the Ride, oh yes,
Bright lights and great confusion that just
Bring me safe into your eyes.
Now locked together, you lean over and
Touch your lips to mine and whisper,
Lover, Don?t be Frightened, Oh no,
I am Right Here by your Side.
I smile and close my eyelids, Love,
And feel your heartbeat in your touch;
It takes me past colored lights and Crowd Noise
Into the Tunnel of Just Us.
As world around us dims, Love,
To you, yes, inside my Carnival;
I take a breath and, then relax, Love,
And we begin that long, long Climb.
Ascending up so slowly, you
Take me sweetly to that height;
Scary but I know (yes, know!) that
We two together will keep me safe.
Up, Up, the pressure builds, Love,
Until we are poised upon the peak,
So far above the others, Lover,
Heart by heart and on the brink.
You say, Oh, God, Yes, this is It now! and
Close your brooklyn eyes of brown;
Our car positioned, we nudge slow, Love,
Into the dip that draws us down.
I hold my breath and pray, yes, but
I never really fear; no, no shiver of a doubt,
Even I have learned to trust, oh,
Yes, even I have learned to Shout.
And Cry Out, oh, yes I do, Love,
As you take me down that slope;
Rushing wind and rainbowed crowds blur
And my Heart is beating in my throat.
We rip right through the atmosphere
Tearing right on past my terror ?til
I dare to open up my eyes, Love, to see us
Balanced light upon that ribboned rail.
Dear God, my Love, the lights flash!
And the solid earth is far below,
But you wipe away the tear and fear
And, yes Love, I really, truly Know.
I know that you will comfort me, as my
Cry escapes my throat, a sound,
As our twin hands and hearts grow tight
And we hurtle faster toward the ground.
I know the joy is in the danger, Love,
The thrill is in the feel, oh yes, and the
Friction of descent, but Lover,
Your love has let me open up my eyes.
So I ride your steely rails, my Love,
I let you drive me up and down;
Climbing high we pierce the sky,
Only to fly down fast and wild.
Love, the moments when we dive low
I am still safe because of you;
You are the one I gave my soul to,
You are the one I finally trust.
So take me on your Roller Coaster
With the wind singing in my ears;
I will hold you that much tighter, love,
For I have tossed away my Fears.
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Just a quick note to TR to let him know that i'm still reading and enjoying the tale. It seems to be coming along swimmingly.
I KNEW that Richard was a scumbag! lol
I'm still not sure where the camille and Doug storyline is headed...i like it, as it lends some nice verisimilitude...but not sure how it supports the main storyline.
Can't wait to see how Ryan will end up getting his comeuppance.
Any case, i'm delighted with the story, and panting for the next chapter.
cheers!
aj
Hi, AJ
Glad you're still reading and still like DC. Not so many posts anymore...
Camille/Doug/pregnancy was meant as counterpoint to the gay romances in general and to Barbara Kuo's teenage pregnancy (with Gene) in particular. Nothing fancy, just wanted it in there, is it too much or something? I also wanted to show a sympathetic straight boy character, Doug, and to have a strong (atypical?) female character, Camille herself.
Ryan's hard to write. When I do scenes, esp from the POV of someone, I'm in their head very much and Ryan's head is seriously icky. That's one reason I did Richard with Bobby from a memory perspective, it was slightly easier for me that way. One thing that worries me about Ryan is that I've made him so thoroughly bad that I'm wondering if that makes him a lousy character. I'm trying to decide if there is some way I could make him more believable or something, or if it matters.
Richard is maybe a cliche but I really did want to trash Exodus and if that's shallow, oh well. I think their idea, and that of Focus on Family and other groups who claim to 'cure' gays, is repulsive. The idea of actual gay people doing that upsets me. I do understand that they're working from self loathing and all that but the programs they offer make claims that are taken more seriously in some quarters precisely because these people are, or were, or whatever, gay themselves. I guess I could have made them or Richard more sympathetic but I just didn't wanna. I don't think their portrayal of the 'gay lifestyle' is fair, either. AND, I don't have a 'lifestyle', I have a LIFE.
So much for Ex-Gays....grrr
Hugs
TR
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Perhaps he doesn't need a flashlight when he gets up at night to go? :grin: Might be an "enlightening" experience if it glows in the dark.... :: ~Blue ducks the tomatoes ::
Don't stress, Rabbit. It might take 'em a couple of weeks to get to your story. Then you've gotta allow 'em some time to quit laughing at the spoofs. You have a talent for zaniness and some sharp satire between the jokes.
...And I hadn't thought of the abbreviation, "TWOT." Oh my.
Okay, consider that idea stolen, I'm adding a guy who lights up parts of his body when he blushes or something, I'll give it some thought. Flash can't do that, though, he produces flames but isn't lit from within, that couldn't be the same thing. They only have one 'power' each and they aren't really powers, they're practically useless or, at best, useful for party tricks or small helps and more often get in the way of their lives and, of course, out them to queerphobes.
A talent for zaniness? I like that, some of my favorite authors outside gay fiction are on the wacky side: Vonnegut, Robert Sheckley, Lewis Carroll, AAMilne, Douglas Adams, St Augustine...
TWOT is an acronym, not an abbreviation. The abbrevition would be 'Worst', which might fit anything I've done...
A few peopel said that I wasn't nearly as tough on TLOT as I was on DC in spoofing, that I was too mean to myself as an author in The Farewell Tour...but it does represent what I often think of my writing, remember, I just started...and hope I'll get over my insecurity. My sometime view is summed up in the DC spoof title subheading, under ''The Farewell Tour", it says, 'Yeah, you WISH...'.
Do other writers love what they write before anyone tells them its good? Is this normal or a product of my own personality? Or just a phase? I never did outgrow liking boys and some said that was a phase...
Kisses...
TR
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Just wanted to say, I got a big kick out of "The Worst of These." Alternate universe, alright!
Queer City has potential. I've seen some discussions that point out parallels or allegory between the X-Men movies and comics and how the majority culture often views or treats people who are GLBT, often without realizing it. So that fuels my viewpoint on Queer City. (I started to say, "informs my opinion on Queer City," but that sounded too stuffy and textbook-y and made me remember one prof who went over a single short paragraph for one entire 1 1/2 hour lecture. Also, I'm not sure I'm "informed" on much of anything, lately. Eh, c'est la vie.)
Thanks regarding TWOT! I've gotten a few comments to the effect that its funny but none were as great as those from Josh, I was kidding about him blocking my emails<g>. I love to hear that I'm a funny fellow...overall, I don't get much comment from anyone on anything other than DC. I love DC and appreciate the support but would like to write some other stuff, too, in my life.
I may do a few more chapters of Queer City to see if any interest materializes. Right now, you could count the supportive emails on the fingers of one hand.So..we'll see. Might stick it up on Nifty and see if anyone over there likes it but I'd have to add a hot (with Flash!) sex scene to chapter one...
BTW, I don't know WHERE people get the idea that Queer City is an alternate universe or sci-fi or made-up...
....but I'm not telling you what MY secret power is....
TR
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:? Well, just so no one gets the wrong idea, I don't repost stories without permission, just the Nifty links (and if I happen to know it, any other website where they are featured). I'd never just grab someone's work and post it without permission.
Oh and TR - thanks for the plug for Boyfriend, but you're doing quite well all on your own, and God knows at a quicker pace than I've ever turned it out. Keep up the good work. 8)
OMG! It's Keith!
I think I just almost nearly got spanked in public...wonder what I'd have to do to GET spanked in public by Keith? (Somehow I just have it in my head that he's David Sciuoto...be still my heart...) Maybe if I spoofed HIS stuff? Josh seems not to hate me, I mean, those 56 bounced emails, they don't MEAN anything, right?
And, no, I wasn't complaining or suggesting Keith had been naughty, I just thought it was interesting and when I saw the site, I was kinda flattered because all my favorite stories are there and it looked liked a great 'Best' listing. I wondered what else I don't know; that huge, drafty category of my ignorance.
I don't really like the Nifty archives as much for DC, we're having some arguements on whether he has the ethical right to disallow me to submit corrected copies of chapters, for one thing, so that's the worst copy out there of Drama Club. I'm keeping a mastercopy where I make the majority of the corrections and need to break it up and submit it around so that DC won't look such a mess--if anyone has advice in this area, I'd be glad to have it.
Thanks, Keith, for saying I'm doing quite well on my own but I'd rather do better with some help, if I get choices. As to the pace, I'm not sure why that is. I love writing and the more I write, the more I write...and the more I love it. I'm off right now to stock up on Dr. Pepper Fusion and Marlboro 27s so I can write some more this weekend. My friends are forgetting what I look like, I guess, since when I get that urge to harf up a story hairball, I go right on and disappear to do it. A few of them demanded to know what, exactly, I thought I was up to so, rather than have them think I was forging money for the mob, I gave them links.
They'd probably have preferred mob involvement but I did find out that at least one of them also writes...including one who writes stuff like this. I might be bringing him around to meet Dude if I can get his stuff scanned. Some kind of sci-fi style gay something or other, I'm not sure yet since I've yet to see it. The Dude's been great. I don't know what's more fun, all the airplay I get on AD or all the late night sexchat I get from Seoul. Naturally, the two are unrelated. *wink*
I'm still gaga that Keith posted to me. I'll never wash my modem again.
Kisses...
TR
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Ditto, that Blue.
It seems like we were just buying Joey's training wheels a few weeks ago... how he is cruising around on a Harley Hog!
I am seriously considering revoking his New Writers status!
Now, now, that would be mean, I'm only heading into my eighth week of fiction writing and need some support and guidance (anytime, guys!)
My new spoof, of Josh's The Least of These, is on the front page of the site now, Josh loved it which tickled me purple...
I'd write chapter 15 of DC tonight but I'm out of ciggies and without ciggies and DP, yep, I just can't do it! Angel will have to wait for, ah, whatever happens next.
Someone IMed me the other day about Keith's Best of Nifty site having Drama Club on it, is it anywhere else that I don't know of? I thought that was pretty cool though as my other favorite story, the one that decided me on writing on my own, was Keith's The Boyfriend. So the litter of little rabbits around here is all Keith's fault, actually...
Kisses...
TR
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Rabby, baby!
Nobody can say YOU take yourself too seriously!
You go, girl !!!
As always,
Ben Dover
Adverbs are NOT your friends! - Stephen King
Honey, are you just saying that because I quoted from your new volume of poetry at the end?
And, yeah, I'm probably my own worst critic but at least I'm trying to get better. Mainly by writing more and more. Now, if I can just get Gene to forgive me for what I wrote in The Farewell Tour, I can get P. 13 up and running this weekend. He's a little miffed for some reason so I'm laying low for awhile until his mood improves. Good thing the next chapter is more Michael and Jaye or I'd be in real trouble.
On humor, I guess Something About Tom was self-mocking, too, is this a trend? It had a romantic element, though, so maybe it was more fun to read, I don't know. I might want my next serialized thing to have more humor in it, I know that one of my favorite online stories has some pretty funny dialogue and that's what made it work for me despite other problems. I'm really glad to know that I did and can make people laugh, its fun to do and, remember, I'm really really new at fiction!
How much of the self-mocking stuff in DC2:TFT worked and how much didn't? Was I too subtle for my own good or did most of it come off as funny? I liked having fun with the idea of Nifty style sex in that story, too, having them have really bad sex and grousing about it! Not that I don't have stories on Nifty, and elsewhere, that I love, it was just fun to poke a little fun.
Kisses...
Tragical Rabbit
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Oh my dear god, THAT is some seriously funny shit!
Thanks! A couple of readers wanted to know if I wrote that while I had writer's block, now how could I write a (faux) chapter when I had a block, I ask you? I just felt a little silly and wanted to vent some of my feelings about taking Drama Club (and my own newbie writing skills) too seriously into a story. I also like making people laugh. Some readers seemed to find some of P.12 funny, the parts where Gene and Angel and Jaye talk about Exodus while waiting in the Refuge lobby, but that was a little too serious a subject to count as real humor. I hope I haven't alienated any readers with The Farewell Tour, I love the story and characters, too, or I wouldn't write so much about them! I asked the Dude if he wanted me to spoof any other stories on his site but I wonder if the Witness Protection Program would be enough protection for me, from disgrunted readers AND writers! I'd only want to if I loved the story, though, where's the fun poking fun without love? You can see why I'm single, I guess...<g>
Kisses...
Tragedy Rabbit
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Hey TR--
You been busy! Always nice to see new stuff.
"Something about Tom" is a fun little piece. I so identified with things the drama teacher was experiencing, all the self-putdowns and awkwardness. A nice read. And a nice approach, using all the old conventions and making them fresh. I can tell someone has been reading the comments about what not to include in a story and taken them as a challenge.
What, running into your True Love, the new 'kid', in the high school hallways? Over and over and over again? Does no one so courted ever think to sue? What if they slipped? Broke a nail?
I had fun writing this and am glad some people liked it. I'm working on another story right now, very different and also unrelated, with a completely different feel. If I can get it done, I'll put it up, too. I'm sort of trying different things, different styles to see what works or fits. 'Tom' had no dialogue and the action was all in the head of the nameless narrator. This other one has dialogue but I'm trying to use a little bit more formal style to see if it works, it might make it dead or boring, I guess you'll all tell me if it does. When I finish. And, thanks!
Chapter 12 of DC:There's a line in this chapter that hit me hard, from the internal dialogue of Bobby: "It's nice to be talked to, like a person." This little line, given its context, is devastating. For me, it summed up his whole experience at exodus. I appreciated the understated handling of Bobby's experience, and the casual way that you mentioned that he'd been put in a straightjacket--so much more appalling than some overblown description. I'd like to talk to the nurse at the facility alone in the "Quiet Room" for about five minutes--I'd take his/her head off. Such a perversion of what we are about as a profession.
Thanks! This is really nice, Bobby and I thank you. No, he doesn't like Exodus or shrinks/nurses and he doesn't like himself. Its so odd how I set up scenes and these guys just talk, I don't know where most of it comes from. A few things are specifically, exactly things I've experienced but most is conjecture. Or imagination, I guess. Mother always said I had too much of that.
The dialogue between Angel and Gene in the car is very honest, and felt very true to life. It certainly made Angel a more likable character for me...and his reaction to the flowers was very telling as well.You aren't the first person to suggest that Angel isn't likable or your favorite character. I guess I'd be happier if everyone loved him but I can understand. People don't always like him in his world either.
In one of the comments you made on the forum, you said that this piece was going to go on about another hundred pages before winding up. That seems to me like a pretty conservative estimate...You've got a lot of things going on in here, and i think that the things you're going to have to go into in order to maintain the pacing and graceful style this has developed may require a good bit more than 100 pages to finish without dropping anything. Perhaps the sequel you're thinking about may not end up being so much a sequel as a "Book II" kind of thing (the difference is subtle, but real).Yeah, I know, I was thinking maybe more but wanted to be conservative. Maybe 150? I told Dude at the beginning that it would be 20 chapters and maybe that's about right. BUT I don't intend to tie up all loose ends in this storyline. If that makes what follows a BookII and not a sequel, okay, I guess I don't know the difference. I want to tie up the Bobby/Ryan/GSA/tolerance/Trey thing in THIS storyline while also resolving the Michael/Angel situation to some extent. And that's it for this storyline, to my way of thinking. Sure, that leaves tons of stuff: Camille's pregnancy, Gene's debate career and love life, Bobby's continued sanity/etc, Michael and Angel followup, more on Jaye, more on Trey, more with Matty(a Deaf character that joins the cast in Part 13 or 14 in the debate room), Friedman and probably more stuff that I'm forgetting just now without my notes. Wow, that's a lot! And, yes! I have notes! Just no plotgraphs or outlines except one chapter ahead.
Finally, I'm going to ask, not as a criticism but out of curiosity, who is your main character? Were you intending when you started this to have 2? because right now, you do. Gene has pushed into the forefront to the point where he's become not just a major character, but co-protagonist with Angel. To support this, the scene with Angel in the car outside exodus is telling. This is an interaction between the protagonist (angel) and a supporting character (Gene) and it's told from Gene's point of view. That's unusual, and it adds stature to gene's character. And he's gotten a LOT of airtime. You know how i feel about Gene, so i have NO objection to this change of direction, but from the point of view of storytelling, it's something to be aware of--unless, of course, that was the intention all along, in which case it's been subtly and nicely done.Okay, where's the rulebook? Do I have to have a single protagonist and, if yes, why? I'm listening and this is my first attempt at this stuff. I'm thinking, though, why only one? And why only one viewpoint? And why, for instance, isn't Bobby up for the protagonist thing--he's had a ton of screentime, too, right? I think of Angel as central for only one reason, well, okay, two, the main one being that the other people and events hinge on him, he's the axis on which a lot of it all turns. Yes? No? That's just my thought. For instance, yes, Gene helps out and that pre-Exodus scene is from his perspective but Angel made him part of that action, Angel ties all the people and feelings together, yes? no? Inside Exodus, its Bobby's perspective OF Gene, not the other way around. Maybe Bobby is Angel's opposite in some ways: opposite extremes of self acceptance, happiness, self less acts, degree of anger, whatever. He's the dark to Angel's light. He's the sad and self-hating side of being a gay teen despite being a handsome sexy guy and Angel, a little skinny Puerto Rican kid with too much glam makeup, is the joyful, hopeful and strong side of gay teendom. Or something.
That said, yes! I did mean Gene to be central when I introduced him, his exact role metamorphosed as I went but the idea of a cool, logical debator as a foil to theatrical, emotional Angel was always there. I can't claim all the credit you're offering, I don't know that I'm that subtle. Maybe my hindbrain is...if so, I guess I like it.
I'm waiting with bated breath for chapter 13.cheers!
aj
Please un-bate, I'm writing State of Grace (about a teacher! aha! and a boy named Fancy--it has no humor and no romance, maybe no one will like it! its an experiment!) right now so Angel&Co will have to wait a day or so. I still love them, of course.
Thanks for all the great and helpful commentary now and previously, AJ. I love Gene, too, you know. He even lives with me, but he's much tidier than I am.
Kisses...
TR
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Hey TR--
just finished reading chapter 11, and i've decided i'm in love with Gene. This chapter is so gentle and quiet and peaceful...yummy.
I like that. I like Gene, too, a lot. I'm sort of toying with the idea of moving the focus over to him with a sequel...thoughts on that? or the whole sequel idea?
Yanno, its past cool to be able to engage people's emotions with just typing stuff. Love, anger, fear, sorrow...its just amazing as hell. I love it! I wanna be a writer when I grow up!
Tragic Rabbit
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Part 11, ~Blue comments:
The tunes and quotes are great.
Thanks, I never know if they are or not, I intersperse lyrics between lines of poetry and plays, too. Would more plays work or not? I've started keeping the quotes shorter too, is that good?
I kept expecting Gene would discover Trey when he picked up Michael, or there'd be a call or IM about it. I wonder when and how we'll find out about Trey.I was trying to show that Michael left quite a bit before either Trey went to his car or Mary arrived home at three. I guess I didn't and no, they don't know because its Trey. He's not social, like Angel, so no one has called his house yet. He's a very private person and the run of the play is over, of course. They will find out, though, and its all connected, well, most of it. I think. Grrr...keeping the whole plot in my head at once hurts.
TR develops the GSA line a little. Gene and Michael are together, which makes its own comment on their relationship, and gets us in Gene's head the whole time. Poor Gene doesn't realize yet that detached bit doesn't work, long-term or short-term. Working 24/7 doesn't either. Hopefully, he'll figure that out, he's a bright guy.I've been where Gene is right now and, yeah, he's bright but he's also hurting without really wanting to admit it. The desire to curl up and protect your soft underbelly is a fierce one. In chapter 12, now online, a new element comes into play that may allow Gene an option on reclaiming his emotions in a way that helps others, well, maybe two options if you include the GSA itself.
People have asked if Michael doesn't feel bad about sleeping with Gene while pursuing Angel. Does this make him less attractive as a 'hero' type? Is he even a hero type? Does it matter if he is or isn't a hero type? I don't want him to be a bad guy, just a real guy that sometimes does things that are questionable. One thing for sure about my intentions (those things that pave the road to Hell) is that I wanted, when I started Drama Club, to show people who had flaws doing things that weren't always admirable who yet STILL managed to capture the interest or attachment of readers. I still can't tell if I've come anywhere near that, and if so, with how many people? I like that on Myr's site they have a tally of how many people read the stories, I wish Nifty did that....I just really want to know how many people read beyond those that actually write me. What percentage actually email us, does anyone have a theory?
Funny, Spock's cool Vulcan logic outsider self helped me get through most of junior high, except I didn't try to be Spock. (Raises eyebrow and does salute with either hand.) "Any Trek but ENT."Okay, the Spock stuff in Drama Club. I also used Spock to help me through teen years. How he helped, though, was not at school but at home where Mother ruled. Taking on a Vulcan persona helped me distance myself from that and maintain a minimum of control to preserve what dignity I could. That's the stuff of teen years that I remember least fondly, in fact, and I am forever grateful to Leonard Nimoy's character as an invaluable tool. I did NOT attempt suicide in high school and I think Spock, and my friends (like the Beatles, I got by witha little help from my friends), were the determining factor there. It was damn close. God, this is getting maudlin or depressing or something, sorry!
I get the feeling TR has gotten things set up so everyone will be affected by whatever's happened to Trey. Tony and Jaye are going to have a rough time with this.Yes, that event will connect to many of the characters despite Trey's seeming emotional distance from the others. If I do it right, that is.
Kisses....
TragicRabbit
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I can see your points (both of you) about Angel, and they make some sense. I guess i'm coming at this from my own past, hauling all my baggage along (several dozen LARGE samsonite pieces, thank you very much). Here's my thinking: as a teen, if someone like Michael had come up to me and told me he loved me, and wanted to be my boyfriend, i'd have pissed my pants (that would have been very attractive, don't you think?) in my hurry to say yes, particularly if i thought he was as attractive as Angel thinks Michael is. But, i also have to say that i went to a very small high school, and the lines between the different social groups were very hazy and unclear, because there were so few of us--the jocks were also the brains, were also the computer nerds, were also the choir geeks, etc. So i couldn't afford to be disaffected by labels the same way these kids are. I had known all my classmates since kindergarten, so i didn't view them the same way. So my experience was very different from that of Angel, and that colors my view.
Okay, since Blue has inaugurated This Is Your Gay Life in this Forum, I'm going to add a few things that are my OWN baggage while I write and read. A lot of what Michael does to win over Gene and Angel are things my own high school boyfriend, poor fellow, did to get me to go out with him. He was a Hippie and I was Performing Arts but that wasn't the whole reason I didn't want to date him, I didn't want ANY boyfriend or girlfriend that was serious, it just wasn't my thing, then. In fact, it may be because of that Hippie cutie that I did learn to like Love, who knows? While I'm unpacking bags, Bobby's Mother is my own mum, 'The Dragon', and she sent me somewhere, too, just not the Exodus as it didn't exist. I've also learned that thing Friedman told Gene to do, to distance oneself from the Object of one's Affection. I think that's enough unpacking for right now. It surprises me how much of me comes out in these characters, it was never, never my intention to tell my own stories at all when I began Drama Club. No way.
I think to say that Angel has just been having sex for fun all this time is, at least to some degree, inaccurate. He's already aware of some changes in the way he views that activity from his experience with Jaye, who he's starting to view as more than just a friend with benefits, and maybe it was this preparation that allows him to react to MIchael at all. Lots to think about, in any case.I like this and its useful for me. I think you're right that Jaye, while not Angel's romantic lover, has perhaps made Michael possible for Angel, which is interesting. I'll have to think about that and work through it. The next chapter will have a lot of internal stuff with Michael so this may show up there in some way. Or not. <s>
Thanks to all of you for reading and commenting. I've been offline a week and just starting to get caught up so bear with me. I'd really like to know what you think of the new chapter and the other short story. I have the whole Drama Club on a single file with some preliminary edits if anyone is interested in or able to help me in further edits. I'm thinking this will be another hundred pages or so to finish this particular storyline but I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue writing about Angel and his friends after that. But I 'm going to do other things, too, and am trying to learn. This forum is helping me a lot as are my contacts with some of you, most especially the Dude himself, who rocks.
Kisses...
TR
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Edited: cut and paste added returns, that frelling text editor has a wonky setting somewhere. Grr.
Ch. 10 comments:
I agree with aj, you seem to be more comfortable with your dialogue and narration now. I feel like you've changed your scene changes from abrupt curtains to more flowing transitions. Hmm. Not sure which type of scene change fits better for the story. Both have their place.
I'm interested in hearing more about the scene changes because I'd considered redoing the earlier, more abrupt, ones in a rewrite. Does it hold up as is or should one or the other style be maintained throughout?
Wow, that sure tells us a heckuva lot about Camille and Doug. (BTW, I may be Blue, but I'm def. not pregnant!) Both Camille and Doug are directly against the expected stock chars.; good. They've surprised me and moved from background chars. to their own subplot, also good. This section's well written. I'll read on and wonder where they're going. No, I don't expect it to work out any particular way. Mustn't impose my opinion on the story.I didn't intentionally make Camille and Doug against hetero couple stereotypes, but maybe unconsciously it was my intention. Maybe the same thing for Angel wearing, and touching up, his makeup. Or Gene being gay or Michael playing football. I know I'm accused of enjoying poking at stereotypes in Real Life, maybe that's fallen over into the writing even when I'm not consciously thinking, 'Hey, let's tweak stereotypes'. Which is yet another reason that its so great to read comments from others, esp other writers.
You asked earlier about sympathetic or (dis-)likeable chars. You have me invested in Camille, Doug, and Gene, and puzzled by Friedman.More so than Angel himself?
The section at the play and backstage, good stuff. We're getting more depth on Angel as his character continues the arc of change.I really do want Angel to be on that arc, he's supposed to be seen as changing through this story, his views and need of Love, his willingness to help others (GSA, Bobby) and his ability to sympathize with others. Mostly the first two, I guess. Its hard to tell how it comes off and what he seems like after each chapter.
:arrow: The after-play wrap party: I disagree with aj here (sorry, bud). I see Angel changing from a boy only interested in sex for fun's sake, a boy with a past history that's partly driven him to be adamant about his sexuality, to a boy or young man who's suddenly begun to realize he wants more than some fun sex, he might want a relationship, love. That gets reinforced as he interacts with Tony and then Michael. I don't see Angel as jaded or cold. Look back at what we know of his past with his father.The references back to Angel's father strike me as interesting. I hadn't had them openly in mind but, yeah, they're important. Maybe to all of us.
Just IMHO, he's partly motivated by that past of hurt to make a point to show his sexuality and to be detached emotionally from sex and love. He sees it as just fun, unaware he might have other things going on inside from earlier, and he's not yet aware he wants love, just friendship or sex or both. Just IMHO, I could be wrong. ..Angel and Michael from their argument and deflected makeout. Arrgh. I may be cautious and all, but if that was me, I'd be one frustrated closet-boy. Oh, and when Angel adjusts his makeup after the shower...I think TragicRabbit's havin' some fun tweaking my nose on that. I know Angel's just being himself. I took it for that as well as the purpose of poking at people's preconceptions just a little. If it helps, I'm a lot more comfortable with the idea than earlier. Still a bit uncertain, but Angel's character and TragicRabbit's replies have really made me think. I think I've had a hangup for no reason. Irritating, that.I wasn't intentionally tweaking anyone's nose, I just...well, you do have to fix your face after a shower and, yeah, I guess I know what a guy doing that in a mirror looks like to most people. Still, I like Angel and I like how he presents himself. I like that he doesn't care what people think. I think I personally used to be braver, I must have forgotten how but Angel is reminding me. Its really cool that he's also reminding you, Blue, and possibly other readers that its okay to be yourself, no matter what. Michael has a similiar journey coming up with showing affection for Angel openly at school. Bobby has a lot of internalized homophobia, maybe his journey and Gene's, all of which are different routes to self acceptance, can help someone understand their own. Including me. I just write the stuff, I don't claim to understand it or know what's there before the words hit the page. Not entirely, anyway.
Joey has been in Drama Club from the beginning, he plays Bottom in MSND and yes, he is a self-deprecating self portrait. I like to think there is a lot more of me in Angel or Gene, though.The char. of Joey, not sure if we've seen him before. Could that have been a cameo in a role unlike a certain wascally wabbit? Hmm. Now where are those carrots?Overall, I found the chapter good but found the surprise suspense / cliffhanger at the end tough to take. I'm not going to say that it's too much, or that ch. 8 was too much. I really don't know what to say about that. I think it's a judgment call and partly determined by how the rest of the story (before and after) deals with it.I've posted Chapter 12 (and an unrelated short story called Something About Tom that I hope gets its own thread, too!) so let me know. 13 should be done later this week.
I think I have some general idea where things might be going on the story, although I probably have some of it guessed wrong. So I'm still gonna keep reading.Read Chapter 12 and let me know if there were any surprises there...
Kisses....
Tragic Rabbit
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so i read chapter 10, and it was hard for me. let me talk about the things that were going right, first.
Overall, the pacing was a lot better and thoughts flowed more fluently. There was an ease of language that i really liked. This was most evident in the 'gene' section, i think. It pulled me in enough that i was feeling real sorrow, watching this guy withdraw more and hardening his heart. Hard to read, but lovely writing.
The description of the play is very nice, almost lyrical. I know, I know, it was a transitional section, just a vehicle for moving on to the party where the real action is, but it was still a very yummy piece of writing, and clearly where your passion for theater comes through. Angel is more clearly realized in this section than in what follows, i think... we get to see what's really driving him.
I liked that the sex in this chapter was handled a lot more discreetly too. It felt like it was advancing the plot, and not being allowed to overwhelm the plot.
I wrote a whole long thing about how i felt this weird dissonance in Angel's character at the party, but i wasn't saying it very well, so let me just say this: there's a coldness and jadedness to angel at the party that didn't match his age
and experience, imo. anybody else troubled by this? maybe i'm off...
cheers,
aj
Hmm. Well, the stuff about lyrical prose flowing fluently made me feel really good, thanks! I've gotten such a mixed reaction to Part 10 and that's surprised me. Gene's section had me sad, too, in fact, I had to take a day off finishing the chapter because I was feeling Gene's mood (there were actually two sections written from Gene's perspective) too much, I think. Really strange but I can't honestly say it was entirely unpleasant, just strange to be so caught up in the feelings of what I have to admit is an imaginary person. (Gene just poked me for saying that...j/k)
Funny you liked the 'discreet' sex, I've gotten some gentle complaints from dedicated readers that indicate they'd prefer a little less discretion, lol. I'm still trying to figure out how to please everyone, I guess, which isn't realisitic of me, I suppose. I'd also had the feeling the sex might be overwhelming the plot but I do like writing the sex scenes so what's the litmus test here, how can you know when its enough sex but not too much? or too much detail? I had just opened up the Word doc to add to the sex scenes in Part 10, in fact, as an experiment when I read this post! Now, I'm not sure what I want to do...
However, I was actually most strongly motivated to post in defense of Angel. The way I see it, he's never been in love, never even close, and his behavior is just consistent with that. If he's jaded, its only in regard to casual sex, not anything else, or shouldn't be anything else. Sex is sex and friends are friends, is all and love has yet to be a factor in his life. This may be changing but it hasn't changed yet...am I not expressing that at all in the story? This was almost the whole point of what Michael was doing by saying no to sex with Angel, he wants Angel to open up in a different way, to be with him in a different way to what he's used to.
I thought the coldness, if that's what it is, I wouldn't call it that myself, was exactly right for his age. Not speaking for anyone else here but at fifteen going on sixteen I was about as likely to fall in love as I was likely to end world hunger. Hell, I wouldn't have even said the word. Now, maybe I misunderstand what you meant and maybe I need to rewrite that scene because I do want Angel to be a sympathetic character, just a realistic one, if possible.
If Angel is coming off as unpleasant, then I'm not happy. I'm trying to show him struggling with something new, not just falling in love like falling off a truck but really fighting it and not understanding his feelings. This is my first real fiction, so maybe I'm missing the mark. I do, however, want to show Angel as human: he's a little vain at times, he's a lot selfish at times, he's not always thoughtful, he's not always good. I want him to be likable DESPITE that, to be someone that readers still want to see happy. How close to that am I coming with Drama Club?
Okay, since I'm not rewriting the sex scenes after all, at least not this minute, I'm going to go back and try to post replies to previous comments here...if the browswer doesn't dump me again.
Hugs,
Joey/Tragic Rabbit
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Aww, shucks, guys! *blushing*
I just finished Part 10, it ran a little longer than I meant it to...which seems to keep happening. Some of the characters can get pretty busy when they get screentime. I just love Gene and Angel! Well, really, I love them all...
Okay, time to sleep, I'm all writted out for now. Let me know what you think of Part 10 and please let me know if my prose is improving at all, or my storytelling ability. I'm nearly done with Stephen King's On Writing, its great, very inspiring. The new Elements of Style is too, of course.
Kisses...
Joey aka Tragic Rabbit :D
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Busy like a Rabbit, aren'tcha? Quiet transitional chapter, right up 'til we get the kicker at the end. Bwahahah! Yes, folks, Rabbit knows about cliffhangers, suspense, and misunderstandings as keys to dramatic conflict. Clever, devious Rabbit.
Did you know that in at least one fandom, there are "Fluffy Plot Bunnies" and "Shippy Plot Bunnies," but the ones to really watch out for are the "Evil Plot Bunnies?" (That group of plot bunnies wear leather jackets and like to give writers great ideas for unexpected plot twists and character arcs.) -- I never knew there was a Tragic Rabbit plot bunny doing his own writing, though. But the last few chapters have proven it. (BTW, that's Farscape fandom, my handle over there is similar. Heh, *surprise,* if anybody's a fan of the show.
Yeah, I went on a tangent.
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Hmm. My own continuity meter must be off a bit. I can't recall if Gene's last name (Kuo) or being Asian American was mentioned earlier. Oops, had to revise my mental image slightly. Wasn't a huge thing for me, just a detail I hadn't known. By the way, I like that Gene and Angel are probably from families who've likely been here for generations. Extra style points for subtlety.
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Danke, I hope that I am learning something about plot twists and such...I feel like I'm doing something right when readers email to yell about whatever, 'is bobby okay?', 'doesn't jaye know he loves angel?', "will gene tap angel?', 'will mike get angel to love him'...etc. Either I have their interest or they're bloody bored as fuck. I did feel that 7 was a quiet chapter until then, too, so...that's good. I think. I'm never sure if its getting boring but, on the other hand, I don't want melodrama. Is it melodrama?More on this concern below.
Never heard of Fluffy Bunnies other than Yours Truly. Interesting.
The last names Kuo and de la Torres (Gene and Angel) were in my notes from the start but I deliberately didn't use them for awhile. I didn't want to dwell on their 'ethnicity' but did want it there and wasn't sure how to do it other than to drop something along the way, but not at first. Their ethnic backgrounds don't mean anything to their friends so I didn't want them to mean anything to the readers. Is this okay? Is is sufficient? I'm not sure although the Dude said he liked it that way. I know that it would matter to some readers, in real life anyway, and wanted to give them a chance to feel like it didn't , didn't matter...is that preachy or just real?
Gene Kuo was always meant to be ethnic Chinese via Taiwan. Should I describe something about him that points this out physically? I mean, is it necessary? Does it seem as if I'm being lazy if I don't? I'd rather just have him BE but if you think it needs something more, I can do that. It definitely doesn't matter to his friends, that's the only thing I wanted to show, really, by waiting. Friedman (Gene's debate coach) is a Jew, when he appears, does this need to be stated? Does the name make that evident? likely? beneath radar? Friedman is also 'handicapped', is that something that needs to be part of exposition or can it just be an aside, like the rest?
Is it necessary to state in some way that Bobby, Jaye and Michael are White? Is it obvious? Known? Irrelevant?What ethnicity does Anthony seem to be?
So, just in general, is this way of handling physical/ethnic differences an okay one? Does it work? Is it pretentious? Preachy? Is there any sense of awkwardness or discontinuity? If its just that you say, while reading, 'aha, gene's not white, he's chinese' then, okay, that's how I'd like you to feel but if its distracting, that's bad. Angel should seem pretty queer by the end of chapter one but not particularly seem Latino...if that works, its what I meant. They're gay, or drama or whatever, but the other stuff is supposed to be secondary...in my head anyway.
PROBLEM: On the plot, is it MELODRAMATIC? this would be bad, imo. I have ideas for where this story is going but am now second guessing myself on whether its overblown and melodramatic. Thoughts? Bobby is very depressed and I'm about to chuck the ten pages I just did on p.8 to rewrite and rethink how I present it. Is his obsession with being 'normal' reasonable or overblown? Should I concentrate on depression rather than the desire to be normal? Is this a reasonable or healthy thing to present teens thinking about?
Some violence is coming up (no spoilers), how can this be handled without resort to melodrama? How much is too much?
Is it reasonable that the action is all within a few days? The whole story will be in a two week time frame, is that okay? Is it done in a realisitic way? Is it a bad idea overall? What about when Parts go backwards and relive time periods already covered in a Part from the perspective of another character(s)? Is that done well? okay? is it distracting and awkward? What could I do to make it better?
How much should I listen to what readers say they want to see?
How much internal monologue is too much? I'm writing a lot for P.8 and then overthinking it and not sure. Is my dialogue a better way to present things? Btw, how IS my dialogue? If there are good or bad scenes of dialogue, what are they?
How real are the characters? How many characters can I reasonably present as upfront, downstage center? Can I bring some of them forward for more coverage without losing coherence? Anthony, Doug, Camille, Trey, Friedman? Is the fact that readers LIKE a character proof I'm doing it right or just proof of something else? Shouldn't some characters be DISliked? Are these characters multidimensional, with good and bad qualtiites both? How could I do a better job of that?
Okay, off to work on P.8 some more after a cold shower.
If the words aren't leaping out, should I leave it and return later or force myself through? If they're leaping but look bad to me, is that a cue to stop or to just let things happen?
It's really cool to me how real these people seem to me--and I know I made them up. I really like some of them...is this sick, creating a stable of friends out of the air? Is it normal?
How stupid is this whole story, overall? I mean....I dunno.
Is it okay to make this a little heavier than some readers seem to want it? How light is too light? How heavy is too heavy? Do I have to have a moral at the end, figuratively speaking? What if Exodus wins with Bobby, what if Angel were to wash his face and butch up....what if...what obligation, if any, do I have to present things in a positive way for gay readers, esp teenage ones? I remember you guys saying I shouldn't have people SMOKING because it sent the wrong 'message'...is that reasonable? What if I prefer the massage to the message?
Random, yes, heartfelt, though.
Tragic Rabbit
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...Er, sorry, guys, I think I went off on a rant there for a second. Please bear with me. Tragic Rabbit may feel all new and vulnerable about his writing. I'm sitting in this figurative closet, trying to peek out. I told someone today and didn't get rejected. I was scared to death. I live in one of the biggest cities in my state, nation, this planet, with a well-known gay part of town, arts, alternative, the works. I've been there, but never to go to a gay bar or...anything. I have no idea who knows or suspects, except for probably a few former roommates or classmates. No one ever, ever was *impolite* or honest or ~whatever~ enough to seriously ask me, except in cases where I felt sure I was being baited in school. Damn it, this is not fun. -- I have lived with this for a long time, and I'm not going anywhere or doing anything stupid or unsafe.
Sorry to vent, folks. -- I'm really thankful the person I told didn't tell me to get lost (or worse).
A big thanks to everyone here, who's helped just by being here. -- Again, I'm here and not goin' anywhere. -- Thanks for listening to a guy in a "closet" have a semi-public meltdown. Needed to get it off my chest.
Tragic Rabbit, you rock, don't let anybody tell you different.
BIG HUGS, BLUE!
Angel says to tell you two things: First, that, yeah, it's really, really scarey to tell people that even though the worst thing you imagine almost never happens. And, secondly, that it gets easier each time you do it, promise. The payoff in relaxation is amazing.
Gene says: Like yourself, Blue! Guess what? You're a nice person! Tell, not tell, doesn't matter, just be sure to LIKE yourself.
Kisses...
Tragic Rabbit
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