blue

Psst, EleCivil knows the novel, Ender's Game. -- I'd forgotten that's what Asa Butterfield is next in. I hope the movie does a good job of covering the book. Hugo is due tomorrow. Hoping it gets here. Still waiting for my favorite author's new book. Looks like it'll be here well after both my birthday and the official release date, but it's on pre-order.

Oh, and yes, I turned off auto-correct on my iPhone and iPad soon after I first got either one. I don't let it auto-correct when in my word processor either. It gets confused enough with English, let alone if I use other languages, or write in dialect or make up a science fiction / fantasy word. Auto-correct? Bah, humbug.

Auto-correct can do some very unexpected things, whatever OS or program, browser or device it is on. I am very thankful I didn't send one email too quickly, even though it was a friend/relative. The auto-correct on my iPhone turned it into something...spectacularly not like me and equally spectacularly off-color. (It was long enough ago, I wish I could remember exactly what it was. Funny and inappropriately dirty at the same time. Once in a while, I have to watch to make sure I don't mistype "public." Typing "pulbic" isn't so bad, but if you forget the L in a hurry.... On the larger issue -- Clamping down on innocent citizens only works up to a certain point. That point is generally when some idiot gets too excited and says or does something, and suddenly a staring contest turns into gunfire or riots or some other violence. Note it can be some idiot in the crowd or in the guards or any other of many sides. It only takes a sudden noise or the wrong words or the sun in someone's eyes, or an itchy trigger finger or fatigue, and suddently there is something no one wanted. Then it's anybody's guess whether the authorities or the crowd or bystanders make it worse or regain their senses and back down from making things worse on a larger scale. I was a kid or not even born when the Kent State incident happened. But of course, I've heard "Ohio" and seen the videos in history class and later. We are not to the point where things are that desperately out of control and scary. But we are way too near it for my liking, and more so than I've seen it. Some of the rhetoric getting thrown around by current or recent political candidates, making people irate? Some of the current events, actions by big businesses or various authorities? Some actions by individual nutjobs? The bad economy, still bad and very shaky, despite a few positive signs? The very divisive, "us versus them, no compromise, no middle ground, the other guy's all wrong, and maybe even evil" rhetoric all too common lately? -- All these are not conducive to peace, to trust and personal or group freedom. It's too close to the brink. The best sign I see? Probably that people are all talking about things. They want things to get better. They don't like what's going on in their lives. They don't want to see things get worse or get out of control and reason. That people are concerned and want better solutions than what's there, I think are good signs. -- If people didn't care, if they'd given up, or if they were so mad all they wanted to do was fight, that would be bad. I hope things will make real improvements instead of slipping further down that slippery slope of brinkmanship and increasingly tight and paranoid or ridiculous controls by various groups (businesses, authorities, whoever and whatever).

There's a news claim he was bullied. But shooting people does not improve your life long-term. I signed the petition and have posted about The Bully Project and the petition at other forums where I'm a member.

I had seen several extremely positive reviews of Hugo from movie and scifi fans, a few weeks ago, and I pre-ordered the movie. It's supposed to arrive soon, in time for my birthday, along with a new book by C.J. Cherryh soon after. Hearing other very positive reviews is good news! -- Yes, everyone's said the movie wasn't marketed to the right audience, and it's far more than any one thing; hard to pigeonhole and hard, perhaps, for some people (including advertising and PR types, apparently) to get a handle on just what it is or how to say, "Go see it!" (See, "Go see it!" isn't hard, is it?) ...So I'll "Go see it" on my couch or bed, with felines in the audience too.

^ I agree. I got in fights at school more than once. I didn't get suspended. One bully did, the worst physical fight. This was in the 70's and 80's. It makes no sense to suspend a victim for defending him-/herself, for fighting back. It makes no sense to suspend a friend, relative, or bystander for stepping in to defend another kid and fight off or stop a fight with a bully. I know more than once, my parents had to deal with school administrators and teachers. Some were very helpful and eager to learn. Others were not. One or two were openly hostile and blocked what could help. There is one other thing that I don't think people mention, but it is a precursor to self-harm or suicide. -- If a kid (at school or in other situations) gets the lesson too often that what he or she does is not listened to, acted upon, or valued, when that kid is trying to cope and grow, then that kid will tend to believe he or she can't get help. (If help doesn't come, he or she is right, at least right then in that case.) The problem is, that kid may then give up and withdraw, stop trying, and may believe those around him or her will not help. The kid may blame him- or herself. ("I shouldn't be this way. I should never have been born. Maybe I'll just go....") -- Leaving the scene, withdrawing, is the least of the bad outcomes there. Far worse is if that kid carries that message on in further life without outgrowing it, somehow recovering and moving on. But even worse if that kid then takes it to self-harm or suicide. -- It can happen to even the strongest-willed, most optimistic, smartest, sweetest of kids. Just look at the headlines and see. Or ask the survivors. Bullying requires us to stand up and say, no more. It requires us to listen, to be a shoulder, to be an ally and friend, to love and hold on. It *is* possible to overcome the senseless and ignorant behavior out there. It *is* possible to stand up, speak out, survive, and become one who is not easily bully-able. -- And yes, even if we cannot stand or speak, we still can be an example and persuade others. Too many people are affected by bullying. It is not just the "different" kids. It isn't just kids. It is the people who care about them. It is a social and behavioral problem that leads to other, worse problems out there. We can do more than we realize, by what we say and do. We don't have to be some big, flashy hero and save the day. But we do need to do what we can, and even the most subtle things have an effect. All it takes is a ripple.

I "joined" and sent an email. One of their links comes up, "404 page not found." -- I really need to learn about WAI (website accessibility initiative) and alternatives to Flash. My email was also in favor of putting the documentary out there for the public to buy on disk or download (iTunes, Amazon, NetFlix, YouTube, etc.). (Why buy? It raises money for anti-bullying work.) Free would be good too. I gave a very short personal note too. I'd urge people to check the site.

I could easily say how many times when I'm out on weekly errands, I see clerks with one condition or another doing meaningful, paying work, who put up with all sorts of bull from customers who are unwilling to take five seconds longer or to be the slightest bit tolerant or understanding. (I am not exaggerating.) I could tell a few stories about how people in wheelchairs or with other physical mobility issues are often treated as invisible or downright mistreated or told, within theirs and their loved ones' hearing that that person doesn't belong out in public. This applies also to people on walkers and senior citizens. Or how a random person can comment, within a handicapped person's hearing, "I think that guy/girl is (blind, deaf, crippled, etc.) !" They say it in a stage whisper and move away or stare (or lean over!) as though it is horribly contagious or a sideshow. -- I sometimes ignore this. Other times, I turn around and declare, not too loudly, "Why yes, he/she is (or I am), thanks for noticing!" (Or something similar.) Yes, you really do still get people who act like that. I think they have never encountered a person who had any such condition, injury, or short- or long-term issue, no child or old person in their family or friends who needed help. Or they were among those too busy to be bothered to help. That's from the supposedly mature adults. Yes, I could tell a few stories from my own childhood and adolescence. Fights, bullying, gossip, "teasing," and so on, directed at me or at kids I knew who were also handicapped. Verbal abuse, physical taunting, the whole thing, all because the kid (their own age) is too different to suit them, a convenient target to call out and exclude. When you grow up with this on a near-daily basis, even a strong ego, friendly or forgiving nature, will not keep it from affecting how you view people (or yourself) from time to time. The trick is to let most of it slide off and be smart and friendly in how you deal with people anyway. Then if they're jerks, you do what's needed (and only that) to stick up for yourself. Parents and siblings, by the way, often have to educate the system and fight for the rights of their child or sibling. Most educators, even those with some training, have had very little training or exposure, and aren't familiar with what's there or how to help. Many sincerely do want to help, they just don't know how. Then there are a few jackasses; those are (thankfully) rare. -- A couple of teacher friends have told me how little in their coursework was given to teaching and dealing with special needs of students. One was actually a special needs teacher. (The title was misleading. At-risk ghetto kids, kids with emotional problems, and handicapped kids were all "special needs" at her school. What "Becky" describes? Hitting, fights, verbal abuse, other junk? Yes. Most handicapped students (and the adults they grow up to be) have some story like that. It happens a lot, unfortunately. -- There *are* kids who are friendly and understanding and help or stick up for them, and the kids themselves do a lot more for themselves than people think. On that -- It doesn't bug me for someone to be curious and ask questions because they don't know and they want to find out. That's good, it means they want to know. It's often the first or only chance they may have to meet someone with that particular condition, or any condition. I answer that when I can. It's helpful. It rarely bothers me. As a kid growing up, at the start of every year and every class, I'd have to explain to the teacher that I was vision-impaired (legally blind) and show off my vision aid and discuss this, briefly, and then possibly discuss further after class. Many kids might know me from other classes or the previous year, but many didn't know, so the teacher and the students often had a few questions. That worked out fine in all but one case. (There's also a funny story of one teacher who was trying so hard, and kept getting in my "personal space." She was sweet and meant well. I caught on and managed to keep from laughing, during that.) The boy in the documentary could have one of several conditions, and I think it's mild in his case. He doesn't seem to have the other motor issues with CP (cerebral palsy). But I wouldn't hazard a guess without knowing for sure which it is. Yes, I've had friends like him. I can easily guess what he goes through. I think I'm giving the idea, "oh, poor kid, poor adult, waah, waah, victim." Well, that misses how capably kids and adults deal with their conditions and how they deal with problem people, situations, and mobility / accessibility barriers. There is a lot of fighting tiger and stubborn determination, and a lot of fun humor and friendliness in most folks with some condition. "Don't dis the ability." I have run into a few folks who are really phenomenal. I have run into a couple of folks who were jerks, and one with such deep issues from it that he bailed. Folks with whatever condition are just like average people, only with a condition they manage. It is something that doesn't go away, it's always there, but it is normal to that person. There's one mobility / accessibility thing that bugs the living daylights out of me lately. My vision's always been "legally blind." In 2004, it went down some. The credit/debit card readers you see at any checkout were always hard to read. The text was usually big enough, but the grey and black and lighting was usually hard to read. After my vision changed, it is now nearly impossible for me to read those, even if I get close to them. (I mean really close.) The only ones I've seen that now work for me without asking the checker for help are the ones at my local pharmacy. Those use a bright LCD or backlit screen like a smartphone or tablet. Those ,I can read. Oh, and for anyone interested, there's a documentary called, "The Eyes of Me" that follows a few vision-impaired / legally blind or fully blind teenagers, either in regular classes (like I was) or special ed or separate schools. What you see there is the real deal. There's one point in the docu where two teens are on a date. They go into a fast food place. One turns to the other and says they like eating there, but they get frustrated because they can't read the menus (on the wall, both near and far). I laughed a lot at that; I have the same problem. I can't read the nametags on sales clerks, even if the letters are 36 point or so (half an inch) without leaning over too far for non-intimate interaction. ;) Um, and yes, there is also bullying about being gay or *seeming* to be gay. ("Ooh, everybody knows/says Johnny is gay....") (Or gossip about what supposedly Johnny does, which likely he never has.) (Or various words. "Queer-baited?") Meh. Stuff happens. Editor's Note: The word is "bait, baiting, baited." It's not spelled "bate, bating, bated." Why? Because it comes from baiting a hunted animal or baiting a hook or trap to catch an animal. It doesn't come from shortening the M word for solo gratification. ;) ...This editor notices the spelling occasionally.

Wow! That was amazing! Great visual and motion sense, great film and audio sense. Very smart. My mom was a professional artist. She would've loved this. She probably would've cheered. Subscribed, favorited, liked, and recommended to friends. Talent is always worth noticing. Talent with a nice person to go with it is even better.

You'll now find my stories and poems at: http://www.shinyfiction.com/ Dude has updated my author link on the AwesomeDude home page. Here's the link there to Computer Drive: Computer Drive While I've moved my writing from Codey's World for now, I think we can expect a good outcome for the site. Things will get settled there. No trouble, just some management changes going on. Tim or Dude will have some comment when appropriate. Please direct any questions about CW to them, as I don't speak for Codey's World at present. Please also hold off on any questions about the move of my writing. This thread is for the story, not side issues. I simply want my writing to remain available during the transition. I still support CW and AD as always.

I hope this gets past the ratings nonsense. Language? Haven't the ratings people been to a school campus (under 18) or a community / junior college? (usually 18 - 21, occasionally younger or older) Haven't they ever been to a mall, park, or school ballgame? Come on, get real. Kids cuss. A lot. Adults cuss a lot. I had to learn to let loose, except in private, and I still don't cuss as much as most people. Uh, but yes, I can tell you the word-history behind many of those words. Almost none of what I saw in that short clip shocks me. At least two of the subject kids in the clip looked and sounded like average, ordinary kids. Nice kids. Like relatives, friends, or people I know, and certainly like classmates I knew. Or maybe like me too. One of the boys has unusual features, much like a friend or two from school or later on in life. He doesn't look "average," but he does look like those friends. No one tried to strangle or sit on me, except during one fight in school, but that happened. That's likely one of the reasons it doesn't shock me. It isn't always about whether you're gay or not. It can be because you're handicapped. Or from another country (accent, looks, manners, anything). Or any other little difference that someone can latch onto and make fun of someone else because they are different like that. I'm not surprised that it happens. I'm not too surprised by what goes on, or how the bullied kids feel. But people need to know what it's like to be in those kids' shoes, to feel like an outsider and have to deal with that on a daily basis, so that peple can wake up and act differently, to counter it and stop it, and to be a friend and a listener, a shoulder, a champion, when that's needed. As one person says in the clip, it is amazing what one person can do, to be a friend, an ally, a person in common with another person who needs that. When it seems like nearly everyone thinks you are too weird / different, it can be really special when even one or two people see a friend there, someone they like, who isn't so "different" or "weird" to them, someone who either doesn't care about the weirdness or who likes it. Growing up, I got way more flak from being handicapped than about assumptions that I was gay. I discounted the gay slurs, because I thought (usually rightly) that they were just another way of making fun of being different, saying someone was too different to tolerate. It wasn't until I was older and my feelings began to surface that I began wondering why I was getting those gay slurs too. One thing about growing up with that much bullying or teasing: You get both a thick skin and a hot button about it. The other thing is you likely have to fight off internalizing it, wishing you were not so different, yet you may or may not grow out of what makes you seem different to others. I think the third thing is, you become strong enough to counter it when you still run into it, directed at yourself, or especially directed toward others. It can lead to being very outspoken about it. Yes, I'm about as well adjusted about it as you can be. Honest questions and curiosity don't bother me. Having some nut lean over to their spouse / friend and say, loud enough for you to hear, that they think you are handicapped(!) as though it is some contagious and scandalous thing, is not the way to be my favorite person. The last time that happened, I was not outspoken enough right then to counter it. But that was then, and it was about me, not someone else. I've been known to speak out at times. I try to be friendly when I see someone else who's being ignored or mistreated. It maybe helps a little. I know it can sure surprises someone that I didn't join in on thinking they were too strange. I have also been surprised when someone knows what's up with me and is unobtrusively nice or helpful. I tend to think they've been around someone else who was too. One of the kids I went to school with didn't make it to his senior year. He got in trouble over something (sexual) and committed suicide. It was not something he had to die over. The world won't get to know the kind of man he would've been, in only a couple of years and after. The loss was senseless and needless. Other friends transferred schools due to bullying; the threats were all too credible. The guys andgirls were only different, not the average, or handicapped, or rumored to be gay, and not bad in any way. Bit becaise they were different, they got bullied for no reason. It might be anything. The point is that bullying is out of control, it's hurting good people, and it needs to stop. There must be ways to stop the worst of the bullying, at least. There must be ways to give coping skills to at risk folks. There has to be support from leaders at school or work or elsewhere in the community. It can't be an "oh, it's someone else's problem, we won't help," sort of thing. Or the bad guys win. One cousin's child is just now finally getting past some of the acute shyness from elementary and middle school, merely for having a little hearing trouble and being a little overweight as a kid. It was serious enough that he was too quiet and shy, yet clearly a good, smart kid. If so many nice kids like that are so reluctant, it is going to be tougher later in life to get past those early experiences. ...But you have to be around, still living, to get past that crap. I wish people would quit denying what is right there in plain daylight. I wish kids at risk would get the support, the friends, the resources, so they don't feel so bad so often, and so that so many don't wind up a statistic, hurt or killed or a survivor of this or that. Whether they are the smart, smiling, photogenic kids, or the ordinary kids, or the not so ordinary, they deserve a decent life and good friends. But there is one other thing about it: What goes around comes around. One day, they'll be in charge. Let's hope they learn the best ways of doing that too. So often, they are not seeing a good example from people who should know better and should be doing more to support all the kids. I'd like to see this documentary. Crying? Maybe. More likely, some cheering for the kids. Yeah, sadness for what they go through, and for those who don't make it. That too. -- Keep at it. They can't give you crud 24/7, and there are always also people who are decent and a few kindred souls. One bit of advice from another documentary: "The bullies won't be powerful forever. Right now, in school, is when they are at the peak of their power." The quote goes on to say something like, When they get older, they are just mean little bullies. Most are that. A few become bigger bullies because they clutch at some position that gives them an illusion of power. But they don't last either. It's only an illusion. -- So find the ways around it all and outwit and outlast and out-humor the bad guys. They usually have no idea how to cope with that. Smile. It'll confuse 'em and make 'em wonder what you're up to. I'd like to see the documentary on this.

Despite any rumors, there are indeed gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and a whole bunch of other people in Texas. Some of 'em are judges. Some are mayors. My city's mayor is openly lesbian and has a partner and has been for several years. But no, they cannot legally marry, partner, or civil union. They can be privately recognized by their friends, and by some accepting religious groups. At least the friends and the accepting religious groups are good about it. And no, like my city's mayor and that judge, if I do find the guy of my dreams (or if he finds me) I can't get legally hitched -- not yet, anyway. Things change at some point, however. OK, yeah, and you do have to have a sweetie before you can get hitched to one. There's that too.

Well of course he was grief-stricken. And of course the problem he was fighting is very large. Sometimes, things seem insurmountable. Or non-go-around-able. I'm not trying to be cutesy there. I'm saying over, around, or through, the problem of homophobia is a giant it is hard to tackle and budge even a millimeter. Some days, when things in life are bad, I get very down too. I try to remind myself to keep going. I have had a lot of practice telling myself that, and a lot of practice picking myself back up, dusting off, and continuing on. yes, some days, I don't make much progress. Heck, some days I fall backward. But I still have to keep going. I'm stubborn. I don't really know any better way than how I manage, and it works, sometimes. I'm also dreamer enough to insist that damn it, things must somehow get better. There must somehow be other people who see it and want positive change, and not just about homophobia, but about so many things in life that just are not how they could be in a better world. There are friends who are no longer in this world whom I love, and I won't get to see them until I'm gone too. -- But that does not mean I should be eager to hurry it up and join them any sooner than when it's my time. We may not be perfect every minute of every day. We screw up. We stall out. We pick back up and go on. Sometimes, we don't see the way, and we wonder what to do next. That is how it is in life. But we do find ways to do more, to make things work and go a little better, and we go on. We can find ways to make this world a little better and get people to hear us and see us. The ones who are willing to hear and see will. Perhaps that isn't instant or huge, but perhaps too, it's more permanent, more long-term. Yes, it's true, some days, you may have to remind me of all that, because some days, I'm not so optimistic. But I am convinced there must be something better than how things are right now, and I want to see that happen. I'd like to say too, that I don't fault those who die or who attempt it. I understand that too well from being near it too often. We who are here can do something about it all as long as we are alive. If we can't talk, we can write. If we can't stand, we can sit. If we can't hear or can't see, we can still listen and look with our mind's eyes and ears. If we can't move, we can still be moved and move others. It is not hopeless. We can do something about the way the world is, just by our insistence, just by not shutting up about it and being involved and involving, motivating, those around us (or us too). There are times when I get tired of being sad, for myself and for the people I love and miss. I tend to respond to posts like this with some mix of sadness, but also with a fighting spirit, and I am not by nature really a fighter, more of a dreamer. There must be more to it all than to lose so many for no good reason but that some people hate and have too little acceptance and compassion and love. "We've just got to find a better way." -- Song lyric, I can't recall the song or band right now, sorry.

You guys are slightly askew, you know that, don't you? But it's in a good way. :: laughs at all the kidding :: I think I've seen Vegemite twice in recent years. I might get very brave and buy a jar if I can find it again. Does it lead to atomic transistors...to brew beer...?

Either answer is fine. I think his answer shows inclusive and forward thinking. I'd agree, his personal life is really his and not other people's business.

I actually got an email on this story. :O I'm glad it was appreciated. I reached into my dusty old email box and discovered a couple of neglected responses. Actual email from readers. Wow! (Can you tell I rarely get email?) Thanks, everyone. At the time I wrote Part 1, Colin challenged me to write a Part 2, and I had some ideas, but set the story aside. We'll see what happens next....

When I hear about super-small computing and storage, my first thought is, what happens if a molecule / atom / electron shifts out of place when it's not supposed to. My second thought is, it's all OK until you drop it or it gets dunked in liquid. My third thought is somewhere along the lines of, if it's that small, what's to keep it from being commandeered by something living, whether it's a big multicellular bug or a microscopic single-celled lifeform or a virus. And then there's the Borg. Yeah, I really sound dismal, right? But it's not that gloomy, really! The current scale of that handy little USB flash drive or that big external portable hard drive is huge compared to the molecular carbon tube molecular level gadgets they've talked about, and stupendously gigantic compared to the atomic level. I want to be able to carry around and backup all my "stuff," including all my ebooks and audio-video, on something conveniently small, with another for temporary daily storage. OK, now that I've geeked out on that, where could I get ahold of one of those nice Aussie dudes? Maybe I should try Vegemite. Maybe....

Question from the peanut gallery: But, but, crystals grow over (through) time anyway. How is this different, other than a possible repeating pattern? Wait, growth crescent, decay descent, crystals can vibrate to send useful waves starting with a nice sine/cosine wave pattern.... Hmmm.... OK, interesting, but I'm not sure I understand yet. (Haven't read the article yet, either.) I have this strange vision of sea monkeys now.... Tholians, anyone? Or do you like Hortas better? (Not throwing peanuts and popcorn at you, though. I *like* science.)

I'm late. That was great, Gee, thanks.

Someone suggested a flashfic challenge, all dialogue, no narrative description. That's almost a theater script or radio drama. Cool. Well, a few years back now, I wrote a story, all in dialogue, that's a little too long for flashfic and a little too short to be a short story. Then of course, Colin suggested I should do another installment. I had an idea then, but it just sat. So in answer to the challenge and in a blatant bid for attention, not only to my writing but to Codey's World, ;) , here is the link to the posted story. It's available at my own site and at Codey's World. http://www.codeysworld.com/blue/shorts/computer-drive/computer-drive-part1.html Computer Drive ~ Part 1 I have another which may or may not be all dialogue, without quote marks. I'll post the link later after I've read it.

I'm a dreamer and a Romantic from way back. I occasionally have bouts of Twain-like misanthropy and cynicism. Uh, and more than one person has noted I tend to tilt at windmills, even though I'll admit I've only read the first couple hundred pages of Don Quixote, something which I should remedy. I suppose really the problem in all of that "should be" is that each person and each group have different ideas on what "should be." There is the "should be" in the imperative, "ought to be" sense. There is the "should be" in the coulda-woulda-shoulda questioning or conditional sense. But each person or group has a different idea on what those ideals ought to be. Unfortunaely, some think being gay/bi is wrong, as if it were a choice instead of a built-in drive. Others accept being gay as normal and natural. Still others have some other pet peeves, and of course nearly everyone wants some ideal of what they think things ought to be like. Teh trouble is, nearly everyone has it wrong there. Not only are a lot of those things not readily attainable, but some are mutually exclusive, even within the same scheme or paradigm. Humanity is a lot more varied and complicated than that. While usually that's a good thing, it often seems like it ought to be simpler, more reglarized. It should be the way I want it, shouldn't it? ;) But suppose my world-view ignores something or gets something wrong. Hey, it could happen. Most of my professional and personal life has been about favoring art and literature. It's what happens when two readers, an artist and an engineer, have a dreamer who reads a lot, I guess. Stories, poems, art to make things a little more enjoyable and spark a thought or two are part of why I ever volunteered here and at Codey's World and elsewhere. -- So I'm all for writing and other art that brings a little joy and rest to the chaos of real life as it really is. That question of why would there be gay people, when at first glance it seems like not a survival or reproductive trait turns out to have a few surprising possible answers, which I suppose really belong in their own thread. But the gist of that is, just because it isn't immediately obvious why being gay might fit into a scientific or a religious point of view, doesn't mean that there aren't good reasons that it stayed in the population (evolving or created) and the possibility that if it is in there to begin with, then just maybe God might have had a purpose for that, instead of the man-made interpretation using some very harsh buzzwords. All of which...is probably a bit academic to a teen who's feeling left out and out of options. But maybe what we write, opinions or stories or poems, can give a better clue for people who need help.

Great story. I'd like to read more of 'em, and will read whatever else is there. Not too surprised; Merkin's a good writer. Good poet too.

The sad truth is that with so many, they are fighting against inner, personal demons, and they feel they can't cope, so they take something to try to make it go away. Taking something won't make it go away, it only makes it that much harder to function. Yes, they can refuse to listen to friends and loved ones who do care. Or they may not have anyone around who cares enough to do what needs to be done to help. Or it may be that everything a friend tries, or indeed that the person him-/herself tries just doesn't seem to do any good long enough. I'm lucky I've never liked smoking, drugs, or alcohol. I don't like the taste or the lack of control and feeling so out of it or helpless, even with very little experience drinking any. I say that I'm lucky, because I'm enough of a mess sober. I'd hate to see how big a mess I'd be if I were on any substance. It would not be pretty, that's for sure. Some days, I do well. Other days, not. (And I don't take meds for depression, for which, I'm thankful, usually. Usually.) Those personal demons can be subtle and seductive, or they can hit you over the head with a two by four. Creative people have a need for their art to be taken well, to be understood and appreciated. Creative people are often self-critical and in need of people who love and understand them. (And most people, by the way, are "creative people" in some way.) So there's that. Add in an abusive relationship and a need for love, and then add addictive substance abuse, and oh yeah, heap on a ton of expectations from the public and the critics and the media, and whew, you have a bad mix there. There's one other thing -- Whitney Houston was 48. I'll be 46 in less than a month. I remember first hearing her when she became popular back in the 80's. It hits home, when someone you've practically grown up seeing and hearing, and who is right at your age, suddenly dies. She'd been having problems for years, but I'd thought things were getting better for her. How sad that we won't get to hear and see what else she might've done. She had talent. Her talent was eclipsed by drugs and an abusive boyfriend/husband/ex and by whatever inner troubles she had. It's a shame, a loss. I do have sympathy. It is also a wakeup call to say we can do better, that there is good in life, even though some days, it's hard to find. It's worth fighting for. It's worth it to create. Rest in peace. We'll miss you.

Too many times lately, I've posted how dismayed I am at so many, many tragic losses of kids who should still be growing into the young men and women they could be. "Should be." As I skimmed the replies, that phrase jumped out at me, but out of context. Here's what I mean. "Should be." We are seeing too much of "should be." In an ideal world, parents "should be" responsible...and so should the kids (the friends, the bullies, the affected teens) and so should the teachers and admins. The kids "should be" able to cope better. The bullies "should be" more tolerant, humane, and civilized (and so much more). Yet when I grew up, there were other messages, and those messages are still out there, despite some of the more accepting messages we now see. Growing up, I got the message from all around, "You 'should be' straight plus less sensitive to all the bullying/teasing." I didn't understand my growing feelings for guys, other boys. "What? My body, my mind, my heart, they're all saying...I like guys...*that* way. ...But I'm not supposed to, am I? I 'should be' straight. But...I'm not sure I am." (There were times I was pretty sure I was gay, and that was tough, as much because I had no expectation of finding anyone else "like me" as because I'd absorbed that message of, "You 'should be' straight. Be it noted, that message was not usually directly spelled out, but it was evident. That message still is out there, folks, and it and messages about other things are still hurting young guys and girls so much that they see no option, and so they...die. And that is terrible. -- And at 19, I could've been one of those statistics, if I'd actually done what I thought of doing. -- Yet somehow, I don't quite know how, I didn't do it. I still deal with depression, but I deal with it, sometimes successfully, sometimes less so. But I'm well aware of how it feels. One of the recent videos from a survivor popped up again in my YouTube list, because of a response video. Why mention that? Because to me, that one video says loud and clear exactly how serious the problem is. Why would I go on at length about "should be"? Especially when the reply had nothing to do with how I'm responding? -- Because to me, one of the biggest problems is that our society has become caught up in "should be" instead of accepting things as they are. In a better world, kids would not be exposed to such terribly difficult things so early, yet they are, and I wish more parents would teach their kids how to cope successfully, instead of wrapping them up in cotton, like my parents too often did. -- Yet what happens when a teen isn't, and never will be, how society thinks that teen "should be"? Suppose that teen marches to the beat of some other drummer. It doesn't have to be about being gay. That teen really "should be" accepted as is, and not how society thinks he or she "should be." That includes when that teen is gay or lesbian or bi or transgender. (There really are too many buzzwords, I swear.) It doesn't help when so much of our culture says a boy "should be" "a man, macho," and all those other things, and a girl "should be" "a woman, girly, and they should both be so many things that maybe they are and maybe they are not quite all the time, or that maybe they never have much interest in being. I wish I knew the answer, the way to solve the problem, the rash of suicides and days, weeks, months, years filled with unhappiness at not feeling like you belong. -- I think the sad truth is probably that this is not new, it is just not as often reported or widely reported as it has been lately. Shed light on the problem, but also we must find answers. The social illness of bullying and excluding people who really have no reason to be excluded is nothing new. -- But I would argue it is not unique to adolescents. It certainly happens among school kids before adolescence. It certainly happens among the adults, and anyone claiming adults outgrow that is really, really fooling him-/herself. It simply masquerades as other things. Or it doesn't even bother with the mask. Yet it is still as dangerous, in any event. It seems to me one of the main problems is that our culture(s) must somehow learn to cope with the fact that some people are indeed gay and always will be, and those people are wired, body and mind and heart, to love another who is the same sex. Making fun of or bullying or outcasting someone who is, or who seems, or who "everybody says" is gay...might be gay...whatever...is a sure way to lose, too often, some portion of those people, including teens and pre-teens. It is also a way to radicalize some of them...like me. I got royally tired of it, the last time someone went off on me about gay people and a lot of other things. But that person finally ticked me off enough that I likely won't take that crap anymore. Also, the people I would've kept quiet for, out of respect because I was with them, are no longer in my life, for one reason or another. So now I am more likely to speak my mind without worrying who it might upset. I want a way for our culture to learn and accept that those folks who are gay really are just fine, that they are needed as much as any straight person, and that it is *not acceptable* to cause gay or might-be-gay or everybody-says-he's-gay teens to feel so bad that they give up and kill themselves, because they have lost all hope that anyone would understand or that they'd find someone to love who loves them back. (And that includes the love from family and friends, not only a boyfriend or girlfriend.) When you go to school every day and hear, every day, some taunt or get physically threatened, and when it feels like there's no one who will listen or understand or love you back, or help you fight back, then that is...terribly toxic. Yet I'm not the only one who went through things like that. Many other gay people do. Many other straight people do also. We must have some answers, some ways to fight off the problems and deal with the inner feelings that cause so many teens to feel so bad. There must be ways we can make it crystal clear that we care, we listen, we love, and we will help how we can. I would have given a lot for that, when I was in elementary, junior high, or high school, and even in college. I think it's downright criminally negligent what our society is doing that's causing so many bright, talented, nice, sweet, loving, caring kids to give up on life and choose to die instead, or to be pushed to it by others. There must be a better way. Not just "it gets better," but, how can we *make* it better? And if that's a "gay agenda," well damn it, so be it.

Thanks, Camy. The first was excellent. Watching the second one now. One of the most basic problems, even for our technologically blessed and mostly not so poor, developed countries, is the simple problem of availability of computers and connectivity. It does no good for someone low income, whether child or teen or adult, to have an iPad or laptop or cell phone (etc.) if they cannot keep the battery charged, if they cannot get on the internet long enough without heavy cost and with high speed, or if they simply can't afford that pricey, shiny luxury gadget... that gadget that is as much a tool for knowledge, information, learning, informing, access to opportunities, as it is about the chance to gab to your friends and sweetie, or to play games and listen to music and watch videos and read books. (I am not knocking the entertainment. I believe that's necessary, in order to get some relief from the weary world and play and imagine new things.) (I was and still am mostly a liberal arts kind of guy. I think it's important.) What good is putting a computer in a classroom if Johnny and Janie (and kids with less English names) cannot use them at home? What good is it if their mom and dad (or whoever they live with) can't use one, because little things like food and shelter are more important? How much good is it, if utility and communications companies and hardware and software makers price their wares out of the reach of a large number of "working stiffs?" Those kids and those adults are not any more stupid or lazy than the wealthier folks. No, really, I mean that. I used to be upper middle class. Not any more! And I've gotten a better look at how the other half lives. Been there myself some. Not to mention, when Hurricane Ike went through, I found out first hand what it is like to live without *any* modern conveniences. For weeks...bordering on a month and a half or more. (Not to mention doing without internet access most of that time. No electricity, no batteries charged, no web. Luckily, once things began starting up, friends could charge cell phones and other items for each other at work or other emergency locations.) -- And by "no modern conveniences" I mean running, drinkable, clean water, refrigeration, gas and electricity, telephone and cell phones and internet, absolutely anything. Instant regression to pre-1900 living. It was challenging! But the lesson from that is how fragile it all is, and how urgent it is for everyone to get their fair share, their chance to get a piece of the pie. If Johnny and Janie and their families can't get access to the wonders of computers and the web, and if someone like me is starting to look at the budget and wonder how much longer I'll have before I go on public web access points, then we have a major societal problem to solve. It doesn't do much good for society if only the lucky rich folks can get access to be the technocrats. But that's only one small point from the first video. That video says so many great things about learning and teaching, about being excited about what there is out there. -- The language geek in me is very interested to find out just how likely it is for even a small number of kids to learn to read from those resources provided. My feeling is it needs a good guide who already knows how to read, to get them through it. But it is also quite possible a few kids will "get it" and they'll teach the others. The ones who are able to "get it" are really something. -- But then, there were people who invented writing and reading independently across the planet, including the famous example of Sequoyah, who did have some exposure to the idea that it could be done and a basic idea of how; he just invented the solution for his people on his own, a remarkable achievement. If a bright someone like him could do it, then there are other bright kids and adults out there who could figure it out, given the right self-teaching methods. There's alwo always the chance someoen would invent it again independently. All very interesting. -- Power consumption: My own fancy portable computing gadgets (cell phone, tablet, whatever) all have to get plugged in once every one to three days, or they complain they're about to pass out from low batteries.