blue

I'm mildly frustrated. I don't really have a solution, an answer, to the problem, so I'm venting here. Today, I went to see a friend I've known many years. It's a business relationship but a casual friendship too. I've known these friends since I was a junior in high school. Lately, they've gone grey and silver. They're about a generation older than I am. I'm not out to these friends. They are evangelicals. The guy listens to Limbaugh and has some strong opinions. One of those is that homosexuality is wrong, sinful. Now, I know this about this friend and I overlook it. They are decent people and I don't really want to get into an argument neither one of us will win or like having. I think I can overlook it. Why give up an otherwise good business relationship and casual friendship over the one issue? Is that too sensitive, too picky? But...dang it. That word came up today towards the tail end of our visit while the business side went on. I was polite and we kept right on talking. But...well, heck, I am gay. It is only part of who I am, but it is important in who I am. I wish my friends (and certain famly) could see this and understand it, but that is not likely to happen. We deal with other mild disagreements and sometimes major disagreements in life. If this were prejudice against handicapped people, I could see going somewhere else. If this were racial prejudice, I'd probably go elsewhere. Yet in this, I haven't stopped. i try to say it's a difference of opinion, of belief, and of faith. I wasn't very aggravated and I'm still not hugely put out. But when i got home and thought about it, I just wish people would get better about it.

Hey Beagle Boy, ;) you can get Open Office to "Save As" in "Microsoft 97/XP/2000/2003" format (.doc) and it will make document exchange with Mike and others easier.

Oh, OK, "penile plethysmography". Well, there could be a simpler word there. (Look it up and read the reference. It's odd but not queasy, IMHO.) Uh, my first question might be, if you put anything on/around a penis to try to measure changes (arousal) isn't it at least a little likely that the mere presence of that item on/around it will lead to a little reaction in itself? You'd need some time to "get used to it," I'd think, before commencing tests. For some, homophobia may be from bad prior experiences of some kind, or the threat/potential of bad experiences. For others, it may be that they believe they'll be somehow less masculine (manly!) if they like other guys. Or they may think it's sinful or unnatural. Or they may associate it with other (sexual) things it's not. If they could come to terms (grips?) with their fears and see they didn't have to fear attraction or affection (or sexual expression) with another guy, then they'd be better off and so would the people who have to put up with (or be around) their phobias. I wish I'd been more comfortable with, and more aware of and understanding of, my own feelings sooner in life. It sure would've saved a lot of confusion and angst as a pre-teen and teen. More to the point, I wish there'd been more guys around who might've been comfortable enough with themselves and with me to try things out more. That would've done a great deal towards my understanding and self-acceptance. Being any of shy, geeky, or handicapped, or a "good boy" or church-going type probably didn't help much in that regard. While it is useful to know that overt homophobia may indicate hidden homosexual feelings, the fear of expressing them, I think a different question is also needed. Our cultures socialize boys (and girls) *very* early on in what is proper "manly" behavior and what is "sissy" or even "homo" behavior, what is allowed and not allowed in emotions and displays of affection, friendship, love, anger, all sorts of things. So maybe the question is more about, how do we raise kids so they get the right messages about what it is to be a real man, what love and friendship and all those really are, and what's OK about your (and another person's) body, nudity, sexuality, expression of feelings, and so on.

Plethy... what? -- I have to look that one up. I suspect I know by context. Yikes. Um, and just saying: I like wieners. Viennese or otherwise.... In fact, I prefer 'em. Kidding aside, I have come round to the idea that people (all people) are probably born with the potential to love both sexes, bisexual, if we truly admitted it. As we get older, we may go more toward one sex or the other, or we might stay more middle of the road (both). The trouble arises (pun not quite intended) when someone (or someone else) gets anxious and embarrassed over the idea of liking (and physically responding and acting on that desire) for someone of the same sex. Everyone, straight or otherwise, likes to have time with "just the guys" or "just the girls." We all have good friends or best friends of the same sex. We have a degree of affection for them. We may not have sexual feelings for them, and in fact, some may feel "safe" in that friendship because there aren't sexual feelings there. There may be other friends for whom we do feel some degree of sexual feelings, or at least there's the potential there. That's one way, after all, of showing how much, how strongly or intensely, we like someone. Sexual expression doesn't always get in there and doesn't have to, but some potential to some degree, isn't necessarily impossible either. That does not have to be a bad or abnormal thing. No, I don't at all mean that everyone goes around feeling sexual attraction to every person, male or female, they meet. Not at all. Why would they? Sexual feelings are more selective and special than that, after all. It is just as true that yes, we may have close friends of the opposite sex, without having any particularly sexual feelings for them. Again, they may be close friends because they and we are "safe" from that, meaning, those feelings are never going to apply, or not to a degree we'd act on them; at least, not unless it was wanted, asked for. I've had a few friends who seemed to be worried I'd "have feelings" for them or act on them. But the thing was, those friends, I did not have any sexual feelings for. They might as well have been brothers or sisters. It was never gonna happen. In one of those, I later wondered, after the friendship was over, if that person was somehow hoping for some sign of that, whether to act on it or to use it as a reason against the friendship. It's very strange. As a teen, I was at times very confused about what to make of my feelings (same-sex) and at times, I was pretty dang sure and just wished there was someone else around who felt the same and wanted to be with me. Add in an upbringing plus a society that all seemed to say you couldn't do that, along with rebuffs nearly any time I got brave enough to work around to the topic, and...well, it's no wonder I had a tough time with my sexuality as a teen. Besides which, I seemed to miss a lot of the cues and not know what to do about them, and that was just the girls. The guys? I mostly assumed every guy was straight. The few guys who "everyone knows he's gay"...either weren't or were in the same limbo land I was in, I suppose. Hah, it's probably a wonder I had any sexual experiences at all (er, with anyone else, that is, hahaha). Homophobia? All too familiar with seeing that throughout the culture, back then and still too often now. Internalized homophobia? Ouch, that one affects too many of us anyway. Uh...looking at that article and looking up the word. (Good grief, and if it means what I think it means...maaaaannn....)

One of the problems of bullying and of suicide is that that a kid may carry these feelings around inside, a big ugly blob of despair, and one time they may be OK, another time, they are not OK and need help, and another time, they may be on the edge of the abyss and ready to give up, and then they may (or may not) be...passably OK...another time. When all that is rolling around inside, it's hard even for the kid to know how he himself feels. For anyone else to guess how to handle it is really hard. That is especially true if, as is often the case, the kid tries hard to be OK, act like everything's fine, when it may or may not be fine at all. When and how to help, when to apply pressure and when to ease off, are difficult to know, even for those closest to the kid in question. I'm not trying to make excuses for people, be an apologist. I'm just saying it's not easy to judge. Another one of the hard things is, the kid may not know how to reach for that help or who to trust, to open up and talk to. Besides that, friends and family may have some idea something's up, but they may have little idea how to really reach in and help in a lasting way. It is usually an ongoing thing, a problem that's been around a long time. Even so -- It's really important not only to say you are there and will love someone no matter what it is, but to actually mean that and to be there to listen unconditionally and not judgmentally. In my case, I grew up hearing that my parents loved me no matter what and I could talk to them about anything, but the message I got was, "anything but *that*" (about being gay, liking other boys, or a very few other topics) whether that was them or me interpreting those signals. In their defense, my parents were otherwise mostly good parents who did love me like they said, and I was a very sensitive kid and teen. Time, though, hasn't changed my opinion about how they would've handled it. That is a real issue kids have to deal with: Who to trust, who will listen, who can they open up to without it getting worse than it is? And yet, they absolutely need someone they can let go and open up to. That said, I think it's important for any friend or family member (all of us) to be approachable, to be the kind who will listen without judging, when someone needs it. It could save a life. It could at least make a life better. That affects more than that one life; it affects everyone around that one life.

I just checked, after another email about the Bully Project. I'm in one of the major US cities. The Bully Project is showing at two, count 'em, two theaters for my city. Ouch. But it's showing and it's PG-13. Now I just have to figure where the dang theater is and schedule with my cabbie so I can go see it. I get the feeling it is one of the huge theater complexes I've only been to maybe once or twice. It's not local, exactly. The other theater is in an outlying town. It won't help me to go that far to see it. I'm also waiting for it to come out on DVD/Blu-Ray. Gaaah...low vision and seeing a movie in an unfamiliar theater. Hope I don't trip like last time. Frickin' embarrassing.

On names versus he/she: The purpose there is to be clear who is speaking. As long as the reader can follow this comfortably without getting too confused, you're fine. Every so often, add a speaker's name or some cue that identifies him or her. Beyond that, you can even omit he/she cues and just use the dialogue. Yes, the dialogue needs to sound natural and it needs to move the story forward. Sometimes, that's as simple as establishing the relationship and emotions going on. Other times, the dialogue and the cues around it should give the reader an idea of what is going on, where they are (the scene and setting), and so on. There isn't a particularly hard and fast rule on this. My best advice, though, is to read authors/books you have liked and see what the writer did and how and why. See how they did the dialogue cues, for instance. Uh, but Ernest Hemingway is not the best example to follow. The man wrote good stories, but his style was...well, I remember in high school wanting to edit the book because of all the run-ons and "ands". On paragraphing and spacing: Yes, each speaker change requires a new paragraph, even in very short bursts. This is for clarity, to help the reader follow who's speaking. I come from a print background. In print, in novels and newspapers both, you have first line indents on paragraphs but no blank space between paragraphs, unless there is a major shift in scene or time. In the latter case, there is generally also a visual marker, either blank space or three stars or a line or some other cue. On the web, people are used to the block paragraph style with blank lines between. Because lines of text on screen can be longer than they should, that blank space helps, sometimes, so the reader can stay on the right line. However, when marking up web pages, that blank space should be controlled by "margin" and "text-indent". It will soon be easier to do columns on web pages, which will help a lot with readable, sane line length. -- If you've tried to read on a new widescreen monitor, you know how vital that is too. On dialect: Dialect is like spice. A little goes a long way. You don't have to transcribe the sounds of a dialect with pinpoint accuracy to get the point across. That can be hard to read and annoy the reader. But there are times when writing in dialect, showing the sound of it, adds to the feel (the style) of the story. Tom and Huck or George and Lennie would seem strange in "standard" English. Besides, although I'd be right there with editors saying standard English is best practice, it's also necessary to give a feel for where and when and who is speaking. Australians are going to use Australian ways of speaking. Americans speak like Americans. English, Scots, Welsh, Irish, and so on speak like they do. Indians speak like Indians. And Peggy on that customer call line sounds like...Peggy...a very butch Siberian Peggy.... ;) Overall, develop a feel for writing. If it feels wrong, reads wrong, looks wrong, it probably is. Do, however, learn and use grammar and spelling and punctuation as the tools they are. Learn the rules (or guidelines) so you know when and how to bend or break the rules, because yes, there will be times when fiction or poetry need to break the rules of standard textbook English from class, in order to get your meaning and style across. That example with the names and dashes? That could be fine for showing a short, staccato, fast interview or interrogation, in that mystery or detective story. But not throughout the whole thing. If an author is going to do that, I'd almost recommend setting it as if it were a transcript or the script for a theater or video play, with speaker name, colon, and tabbed indents (columnar) to show that. But only in a brief scene, or you're going to tick off the reader, which is exactly what happened. Editing today has been compacted too much, time-wise, people-wise, and training-wise. (What training?) In school, if a student gets any training in editing at all, it tends to be the "textbook standard business English" style, or technical writing style. Both those are different from what's needed for news editing, which is something very different from fiction editing or poetry editing. I have seen things and heard from pro authors, where it's obvious the editor and copyeditor were not trained or were not taking the time needed, they were rushing through and relying too heavily on computer tools and on what they learned in English class, as opposed to journalism or editing or (fiction) writing class. Fiction editors, especially historical and speculative / scifi / fantasy editors, need a feel for the kind of writing they're editing, or it will come out...wacky. I've worked with Colin and Azyclar and some with Cole, and I know they're good editors. Aaron from the Mail Crew is also a good editor, if he's still lurking around. I'm a pretty good editor too ;) and I'm likely going to throw my editor's visor and cuffs (you know, those printer's sleeves) back into the ring again. Richard, my best advice, is go with your gut feel and trust your instincts. Develop that as you go. Do pay attention to good books/authors and see how they did their thing. Writing has more guidelines than hard and fast rules, and it's important to know when to bend or break the rules and when it's better to follow them. It's a craft, an art, and a go-by-feel sort of thing, because how we read and listen and watch is like that.

It is amazing what can happen if even one person cares about you, unconditionally, even if and when you screw up. It is also amazing what can happen when no one seems to care. It is vital, life-giving and life-changing, to have someone in your corner. It can be life-threatening or life-stifling not to have that. Every single one of us screws up. Even the best of us screw up something sooner or later. Sometimes major. Or sometimes, we're just accident-prone or not so great with people or things. It happens. We still have to get up and keep going. We may do everything we can, and yet we can't get everything right all the time. We'll miss something. Or we'll screw up. It does no good to beat yourself up about it. We may give our heart and soul to some project or some person, and that may still end badly. It doesn't mean it's our fault. It doesn't mean it's someone else's fault. It may just not be. -- It is very, very hard, when you wake up and realize that all that work you did, all that you cared about, a person or a group or a project, just...didn't turn out, or ended. (If someone you love dies, then what, for instance?) (If you give a major portion of yourself to a relationship, and that relationship ends, then what?) (If a job ends which you have loved, then what?) -- These are very real questions. They happen and they hurt. -- Well, that person who died couldn't live forever and neither can we. That relationship that ended was good while it lasted. There are other people out there to care about. That job? There are lots of jobs and lots of things that need doing and need caring about. Pick one. Pick several. Don't give up. Ir is also possible to do everything you know how to do right, and someone else may screw it up, or may not care that you did right. Well, if you did right, then you aren't the one with the problem. (Besides dealing with the crap the other person's trying to hand you.) You don't have to accept someone else's baloney. Do what's best anyway and don't put up with nonsense. If someone is actively trying to mess with your life, don't give them the chance to. Move on. There are better people out there. You are important too. Find those other people who do support you instead of tear you down. Find the people who are real friends. If you get the sense I'm trying to tell myself some of this...I am. Life has not been so great lately. I am trying to remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize, to keep on and to find what's ahead (and who's in that future). But it is not easy, lately. -- You notice, though, that I am still going. Slowly, some days, but I'm trying. What does that have to do with a foster kid who's been in and out so much that nothing seems dependable, not even himself, and who is not sure what is worth it or how to survive, or maybe if it's worth surviving? OK, it's likely he's in trouble for what he did. Well, OK, but he's 15. He can do things differently and make a better life for himself, especially with people who care who are there for him. Yes, he may have to work to dig out of that hole. But he won't be in that hole forever. Life can get better. Fine, but what if he messes up on something? He himself may do fine, and something else may come along that messes things up. It happens. We deal with it. We have to. OK, so if a guy screws up again, at least he is trying to change. That is what matters. I don't know how good my advice is these days. I look around sometimes and wonder how things got to this point and how I'm going to get to some better point, with people in my life I can depend on when it gets tough. Yes, there are times life sucks. But instead of giving up, it's important, urgent, to keep going, to find those people who care and are there for you, and to build on all that. When you screw up or when life, well, screws you over, to be blunt, it is important to remember that is temporary. Just one more person who cares, one more smile or hug, one more success at something that matters, can do a world of good. I guess that's the only real advice I know. Richard and Dave and family (yes, family) both foster kids -- I hope things keep improving for you guys. At 15, there is so much of life ahead, and there are at least three years to learn and change and start making a better life, including people who care, such as a potential brother and dads. I don't think you can give up on a young guy at 15, even for big screwups (juvenile hall type screwups). I'll go one better on that; no, two. I know one guy who was an "emancipated minor." His home life was so spectacularly bad that he was out on his own and got court emancipation to be treated as an independent person responsible for himself, while under 18. (As in, abusive father, other things going on.) He graduated high school, served some time in the military, and went on to various jobs. He now has a wife and adopted her child, and he's been married before that. He is a friend. Another friend is an ex-con. He did something really spectacularly not brilliant as a young guy, over 18, I think. He did time. Because of that prison record, not may people want to hire him. But he has had several decent jobs and a long marriage, and he is, bottom line, a decent guy, a better friend than some other people with spotless records. He gives a damn. What I'm saying is, both those guys did not have the greatest times as young guys, before or after 18. Yet I count them as truer friends than some others I've known far longer. (I owe one of them a call, too.) And...one other item. One of my classmates did something not so brilliant while still in high school. On campus, in fact. It was public and became more public. He committed suicide because of it. What he did, the particular actions, did not directly hurt anyone. It wasn't the right time and place. It was deeply personal. He killed himself out of shame or out of whatever people made of it. -- I said when I found out that what he'd done wasn't worth killing himself for. It may not have been the best choice in the world, right time or place, but suicide was not the answer for it. It was not that bad a thing, period. -- He was an ordinary guy. The world didn't get to know what Steve would've been like at 18 or at my age now. Screwing up, even one worthy of time in juvenile hall, or whatever it might be that a 15 year old screws up, is no reason not to be alive and get the chance to see what that 15 year old is like at 18 or at my age or older. I wish I'd known Steve better and had the chance to talk to him. But at 17, no one would ever get that chance in this life again, just because he did something wrong and then killed himself. -- Please note: I do not fault a person for attempting or committing suicide. The people that love that person may not know the risk is there. The person may believe there is no other option. (I have felt that way before, so I get it.) -- But I would rather that person is around to have friends and live life. Dying over it isn't the best choice. There are other, better choices. Sure, life isn't perfect. We aren't perfect. There are screwups, some of them are major. What is important isn't the screwups, so much as what we do with them. I'd much rather see a kid get a chance to get out of a cycle of bad crap happening in his life and into a better situation in life where he has people who care and will help out. I wish I had the right advice to give, but all I have is that wish for better for somebody. Yes, there really are people in this world who care and who aren't just saying they care. It takes some doing to find them, but they are there. Be one of those people. I feel inadequate to give any real advice. I just want it to get better. Sometimes, all we need is someone who gives a damn. Keep smiling.

Not relevant to apything, but anything that *could* give a flying fuck is really...quite athletic, you know? It's strange. You'd think it would be an all or nothing thing. If there's one major cuss word, it's too much. But when it's an argument over a handful versus one more, then the argument has turned silly. I'm repeating myself. I'm just still amazed it's so ridiculous. My upbringing was strict, but it wasn't that nonsensical. I wouldn't have been forbidden to see the movie when I was in junior high or high school. Yet I have an aunt who's probably up in arms over it. (Even she might have better sense on this one. I'd ask, but I don't want to hear it. :) ) Bottom Line: There are kids out there getting beaten up and abused with ugly, hateful speech, so much so that some of those kids want to die or run away. We (all of us) need to do what we can to make them feel wanted, welcomed, needed, and...worthwhile human beings as good as anybody else around. One more f-bomb in a movie is not going to hurt when the goal is to make life better for kids who feel left out, unwanted, or without worth, or...less than human by how they are treated. If a few f-words make a difference to some people, then those people really need to reexamine their priorities. The kids matter. Life matters. In light of that kind of need, what's wrong with saying an extra fuck or two? -- An extra fuck or two? What's wrong with that anyway? You know, that should be a word that describes a wonderful expression of love between two people. Or at least a fun romp. That it is used as an insult at all is another case where our priorities are out of whack. Get over it, people. There are kids out there hurting. Trust me, those kids have heard the F word before. They aren't going to be shocked. Neither are nearly all the other kids in school. I wish it were not such a big deal for some people. If they could see what it feels like for a kid who's being bullied; if they could know the full truth of it that isn't being said, maybe they'd change their minds. Oh wait, that's why the film was made, wasn't it?! Ohhhhhh. Dang MPAA. Use your brains, people, not your rulers or your rulebooks. Where are George Burns and John Denver when we need them? ;)

I don't think he said it's stupendously awesome. But it's frikkin' awesome! I believe the words "nerdgasm" and "fangasm" apply here. (Don't blame me, I didn't invent the words.) Hmm, it may not do anything towards world problems, at least not directly, but it gives us the chance to see some things that are...frikkin' awesome!...and that might solve one or two other things indirectly. No, you cannot use it to look in your neighbor's window. If you want to do that, why not just ask the neighbor for a look? (Hey, he'll either smack you or say yes. Maybe.) (OK, try that at your own risk. I wasn't too serious.) Extra points for the hoodie, the shelves full to overflowing with books, and the unkempt hair. I sense a grad student. He also used the word suck several times, but in a negative way. Darn. OMG, it's frikkin' stupendously ginormously awesome, dude! Yeah, the service calls must be somethin' else. And you thought that last home repair bill was bad! But it's still awesome! Awesomer? Awesomest! Mega-Uber-Awesome, Dude. Excuse me. He was talking all geeky. I feel a little tingly....

Hang on, looking to see if I can get it to accept multiple choices, or failing that, multiple votes. It's been too long since I last did a poll with IPB. OK, you can now choose more than one, and you should be able to delete your vote and re-vote. BW 2012-04-07 11:37am CST (GMT -6)

Which Office suite do you use? If it is not listed, please vote Other and list it in the reply. The poll will remain active for 30 days.

I really want to see the movie. I also want to get it on disc or download (paid, legit!). But the discussion on the F-word has me thinking of writing a very snarky piece using the F-word in a few ways, simply because of the absurdity of decisions like these. Keep in mind, I'm one of these, "rarely cusses in public or in print" sort of guys. It isn't that I don't cuss in private or think it. It's just that I was raised that I'm not supposed to do that in public, it's not nice, and that has fu--, I mean, stuck with me. If I do write something, expect it to be George Carlin-esque. Or something in that neighborhood. Maybe. I don't get it. I really, really don't. I'm all for polite, civilized behavior, some standards, but...come on, this is the real world. Any twelve year old has heard that word and all the others, especially if he has been in a locker room or bathroom or the school playing field. Or if he's watched TV or gone to a movie. What I really don't get, though, is -- How is it OK to show massive violence, large-scale and small-scale, yet anything involving affection or lovemaking or nudity is somehow not OK, and cussing, cursing, "coarse language" is not OK either? We live in the real world. It's messy out there. It can get ugly, violent, passionate (in the sense of strong feelings of any kind), and yes, passionate in love, or lacking in some or all clothing. This happens among human beings, no matter how devout or strict. Now, I am not likely to be hugely comfortable with some things in a mixed audience, but...then again, as I said, this is real life. Just because I don't live a certain way or get uncomfortable, does not mean that other people haven't lived that way (comfortably or not) for thousands of years. Why is it that the word, "fuck" is so bad? Yes, I was raised that that's a very bad word. You don't say that in mixed company, polite conversation, etc. Yet the history of the word is, it was at one time a perfectly normal and proper way to say...what it still says. The folk etymology you'll sometimes see as "official," that it was somehow an acronym for some medieval proclamation's prohibition (regarding various acts including f***ing) is probably just a story, considering other Germanic languages have a word similar to Old English "fyccian," which is just what you think it is. Yes, they did that back then. How DID you think you got here? People still do it. They still use it as the highest expression of love and one of the lowest insults. That is the nature of the human being, contradictory. Yes, middle school and high school kids DO know that word and all the other four letter words. Why it isn't acceptable, or why showing a kid being insulted and beaten, in order to get across the point that insulting and beating a kid is a BAD thing, is somehow worthy of a rating preventing that from being shown, which might actually HELP kids or others...I do not understand people sometimes. I certainly do not understand committees and organized groups sometimes. To be concise: Why is it that some people get their priorities so screwed up that they would prevent people from seeing something that might actually help people, just because some people get upset that there is violence, rude language, and sexually-charged words? Being so afraid of it that you refuse to acknowledge it and show and deal with it is only contributing to the problem. Refusing to help is no better than being a bully yourself.

I bought fortune cookies a while ago. Sometimes, they are funny; sometimes, old sayings; and sometimes, these are off the wall. But the one tonight was...well, if it's true, it's probably going to surprise whoever it is as much as it did me. See for yourself! Huh? Really? This is news to me! My social life is less than zero. If there IS anybody out there who likes me, as in likes-likes, as in, well, pretty much as in anything whatsoever involving quiet romantic moments or loud wall-shaking lust, well...it would be news to me. As far as I know, it would be news to anybody else. In order for there to be a secret romance, there has to be somebody thinkin' of you. Ordinarily, this would require them knowing you. Or else it's a really nice generalized fantasy, y'know? Yeah, did I mention, no social life lately, and not for a long time? The thing is, although I was brought up not to believe in luck and superstition, well...my mom and dad always told the story of how they went out for Chinese food on their first date, talked a lot, and their fortune cookies both said they'd met the one they'd marry. :D So, y'know, I sort of have to consider there might be something to this fortune cookie thing. Yeah, yeah, the guy or girl writing the fortune cookie sayings that day was probably just lonely (and horny) and is probably ancient. It's heck when your fortune cookie is a tease! Hmm...maybe he's cute...younger?...at least not too ancient? Now that dang fortune cookie has me wondering. But yeah, I got nothin', here. If I've got a secret admirer, he'd better get busy, I'm not gettin' any younger, here! At least the fortune cookie wasn't stale.... Please Note: No, this does not give permission for any creepy-nutjob types to propose, well, whatever. Besides, anybody who seriously thinks they want me would have to handle my brand of crazy. Just saying.

OMG, I'm an 8 year old. With advanced language skills and a loner, but that sounds very much like me.... :: falls over laughing :: -- But I thought I was mentally somewhere closer to college age. Huh. Oh well. At least my 8 year old self was sorta cute, in a dorky, geeky sort of way. (Probably the only second grader who'd *choose* to go to school in a suit. Should've been a clue, maybe....) Strange, it sounds like a lot of adults, come to think of it. Hmm, but that last bit, though: Right, we couldn't dare have Johnny play with Mary OR with Jimmy, 'cause they might like it and figure out what those are for. -- How else are kids going to learn about each other than by looking, at least? It doesn't mean I'm advocating any free for all wackiness, but well, kids are likely to look and play doctor some. It's how they learn. (Maybe I'm just bummed because I didn't get to do that much.) Notice in that also there's the assumption that the boys are getting interested in the girls and the girls are getting interested in the boys, despite all those "cooties" and how "yucky" the opposite sex is for little kids. But notice the assumption is it's the opposite sex, and never any interest in their own sex, either for casual affection and curious exploration, or for a deeper and more serious range of feelings. My earliest *conscious* interest in other boys was probably around 11, but I was kind of slow on the uptake in that department. -- Definitely other kids had noticed I was "different," but I thought it was just because of the handicapped thing (eyesight). Turns out, they were likely noticing that other difference too, which I didn't yet quite understand, but which was there. My comment about adults acting like oversized kids? If anything, I'd say it's the rare adult OR kid who acts like an adult. Sometimes, we need to be child-like. Other times, we need to be mature. The trick is to know what's important and not be an idiot running around treating people like a jerk. Now, that one isn't either a "kid" or an "adult" thing, but it's rare when someone treats people well. OK, so I'm a jaded, world-weary 8 year old who's seen too much. LOL, no, I wouldn't want to be 8 again. Being 8 meant a lot of teasing in school. Though some was good-natured and I didn't quite get that. :shrugs: Still, any do-overs I'd want to... do over ...are mostly later on in life. Maybe if the world were filled with more of the enthusiasm and adventuresome spirit of 8 year olds, we'd be a little better off. Too many adults either never grew up right or have forgotten how to be kids or to be nice either. :: grumble, grumble :: Sounds like I need to take my own advice. Be nice, inner 8 year old.

Thanks to Trab for a concise letter speaking the truth. If only my own country and my home state would listen, and several people I know, including some relatives. Some people's writing should be seen and heard more than it is, and Bart's one of those. Whether fiction or non-fiction, poetry or prose, some people's words are needed, or we miss part of the puzzle of life, to find out what the picture is..

It takes real courage to tell the truth when it is wildly unpopular or downright unhealthy to tell the truth. It takes real courage to change, really change, when confronted with the truth, to open your heart and mind, to love and accept instead of hate and exclude. For that son and that mom, I'm very grateful. I wish with all my heart that so many people could open their hearts and minds and understand the truth, the message of that article. I have seen people who love and care and accept. I have seen people who refuse to do so. I really wish the folks who refuse to understand would have their hearts opened. Thanks so much for the article, and many thanks to the son and his mom for changing, for making a difference. Thanks also to Josh Aterovis and to the writer of the blog. Thanks also to Dabeagle. Dawg, you da man. Man, you da dawg. Uh...that's confusing. But I like beagles. (I like my cats too. I don't think they actually know if they like beagles or not, but they might if they tried. There's probably something wise in that somewhere. Maybe. Or at least a lot of fur and kibble....)

Congratulations to Dude and to the AwesomeDude site. I'm very thankful a place like this exists. The Dude saw me post about (gasp) a gay story. It was the first time I'd ever posted to admit publicly I'd actually read a gay story. I commented on the story. I was foolhardy enough to offer to edit it. Dude I guess liked my comments and said he intended to start a site, and would I join? I said yes. -- I was not out at the time. It took a lot to post that first time and say I'd read (and liked) gay fiction. Well, I volunteered on the new AwesomeDude forums, did some editing, some techie stuff, and...I grew a lot. That is thanks to the people here at AwesomeDude and other friendly folks. In August of 2004, I came out to someone in person for the first time. Wonder of wonders, I was not rejected by that friend, and I began to discover well, many people already had some idea and to them, it wasn't such a big deal. To some others, it was a big deal, though. In late 2004 and early 2005, Codey joined and after some time, I began editing for him and took over prepping web pages for him at Dude's and Codey's request. I then helped Codey start Codey's World and was active volunteering there for several years, and here at AwesomeDude as needed. During that time, I came out to friends online, so that now, anywhere I post, yes, I'm openly gay. -- Some friends and family in person, I haven't told, either because I haven't seen them face to face with time to speak privately -- or because I know they won't accept it, me being gay. At this point, if they don't know, why? Have they not been paying attention? Do they not want to know or guess that Ben is gay. (And yes, I heard that "Ben Gay" joke growing up...a lot.) Why say all this about me? Because I was reluctant to admit I was gay, I like guys. (What made the biggest difference initially was reading stories where I could see, not gay sex, but gay people who wanted the same things I did, a regular life, friends and family and work, and love, very ordinary love, just with...another guy, or girl, as the case may be.) I grew a lot, first to say, yes, I do like guys like that, and then, to become involved, active, vocal in support of people and stories, things that matter. There are a great many people out there who go through life unsure if they can be themselves, or in some cases, sure they cannot be, because of what they experience. Many aren't sure if they can join in and say, yes, they like reading gay fiction and poems, or they are gay, or that just maybe they'd try writing too. I think it's vital to have places like AwesomeDude, Codey's World, and many others, to give people the chance to see they too can be themselves, and that there are other people out there who will like and love them, gay or bi or straight or whatever. There are also many people out there who are happy and well adjusted living as openly gay, bi, lesbian, or transgender people. Their examples, as people and in the ideals they live by, are vital. So much of the world doesn't understand what being gay really means. If they understood, perhaps they wouldn't be so prejudiced and fearful, and just perhaps, the world might be a little brighter and more inclusive for everyone. Yes, it's been noted I'm a dreamer (and write long posts). Heheh. Congratulations again to AwesomeDude. I'm really thankful for the people and stories here, and I hope my contributions have helped brighten someone's day a little from time to time. There are lots of people who'd like the stories here. Read on!

Well heck, neither link works, so I'm giving a link to the thread and post/reply where the photo appears. We all have sons with hoodies -- photo and thread. (Yes, I'm Ben W., BlueCatShip.)

Thanks, Mountain Dude. Trab, I'm not sure what was going on with that post, but please continue posting. You've been missed. As Colin suggested, next time it happens, please email Mike. I have a feeling it's something in how the forum translates and stores things across platforms. I think I can find a link to the photo I was talking about, to post it. I personally think gun control is not the issue. The issue is twofold: Prejudice primarily, and the kind of society and social pressures that allow / put up with or encourage the behavior of the man who shot a black teenager. Or the kind that put and keep someone like that into a position where he can act out. To be fair, though, I'm not sure if Zimmerman was "officially" a neighborhood watch person, or if he was simply acting because, well, because he wanted to act out. Eek, ugh. My position on gun control? Keep in mind the reasons that the right to bear arms was important to the colonists, the times and level of technology they lived with, and their expectations. I don't have a problem with someone owning a gun or rifle to hunt food or to defend themselves and the people around them. But my expectation is that there are rules of when (and when not) it is acceptable to fire a gun (or rifle) at another person. I expect responsible behavior, if you're going to own and use a firearm. (Or, for that matter, a bow and arrow, a knife, a sword, or anything else.) I'm not some nut with a thing for weapons, either. I'm just a citizen who remembers the practical reasons why the colonists felt it was reasonable for a private citizen to own a firearm and be prepared to use it for hunting, self defense, or defense of his/her community against outside (or even local) threats. But real threats, not imagined or prejudicial ones. That expectation was a democratic ideal: That the common citizen was in some way the embodiment of the country and its best line of defense, and that an ordinary citizen could be level-headed enough to be responsible and not rash or hateful towards the people around him or her, the neighbors. But to me, that's not the real question raised by Trayvon Martin's and Zimmerman's case. To me, it's about prejudices and lack of restraint of someone with a demonstrated pattern towards escalating suspicions and violence against people nearby. Even if there are sometimes teens or adults loitering or in public mischief, you don't engage in more mischief or vigilante justice to make it right. You work *with* your community and neighbors, not *against* them. You use the law the way it's meant to be used, not take the law into your own hands to go off and play gun-toting hero. Just...very bad.

I'm hoping to see Bully soon, when it comes to my city. Gee, that's probably the first time I've ever wanted to see a Bully. I posted my thoughts earlier in the thread in the News and Views section. This is a film I think everyone needs to see. Nothing in the trailer clip was shocking to me. I can vouch for much of it happening back when I was in school. Plenty of people, if they're honest with themselves, could say the same. Why the MPAA felt they had to treat the movie rating as they did...is, in my opinion, as bad as saying they'll ignore the problem and maybe it will go away. The Hunger Games, according to people who've read the books, are a criticism of violence and media portrayals of violence and of oppressive governments allowing violence as a way to control people. So I wouldn't downplay that film's importance. However, giving it a PG-13 while giving Bully an R rating, and thereby denying the chance that most who should see Bully likely won't get to see it, is not a good decision. I'm with you on that, Chris. Your point's well worth making.

I haven't been around much the last couple of weeks or so. I'm still trying to get my life back in order after my grandmother's passing, and...something's just gotta give once in a while. I have been avoiding the news in general, but I'd seen headlines about Trayvon Martin. Then, a friend's post at another forum got me to respond. She was angry, rightly so, about the Trayvon Martin case. But she had seen a photo that brightened her day a lot. It was a black and white photo of several boys, many sizes and ethnicities, all wearing hoodies, titled, "All our sons wear hoodies," with the obvious outrage of many mothers that a teenage boy, someone's son much like their son, could be killed on such a flimsy claim. Because it could have been their son. Most of us know that teenage boys often hang around, just spending time not doing much specific, and not particularly causing trouble, or not particularly not causing trouble either, but not meaning real harm, usually. This does not make them gangsta thugs or hoodlums. It makes them teenage boys. Kids may walk from the bus stop to their homes or friends' places. School kids in my area do this every school day, and I, not a parent, hope they make it safe to wherever they're going. At night, kids might also walk to a friend's or to the corner store or what have you. This is normal, ordinary, plain, and innocent. It is just fine to go grab a bag of Skittles and a bottle of iced tea (Snapple? Lipton's?) and call your girlfriend. Or perhaps your boyfriend, if you're so inclined. There is nothing in itself wrong with wearing a hoodie. I am not a teen. I'm a very pale white guy. My paleness is as much an accident of nature (helped by my work and off-work habits) as is the darkest tanned white person or darkest tanned black person. I happen to wear hoodies when it's cold or wet enough. They're comfortable and cheap. The past few months, I haven't been shaving too regularly, so sometimes I look scruffy. However, I do clean up well, and my default has always been close to the yuppie/preppie business casual computer geek look anyway. But yes, I sometimes wear a hoodie rather than another jacket. Right now, we've entered spring and summer weather, the hot and alternately dry and rainy season. I'm from Texas, and Florida's climate registers as normal for me. (I'm not in Florida.) You know what? I have no reason to believe Trayvon Martin was doing anything he shouldn't have been. (Don't know him or his family or friends.) From all descriptions, he was a decent young man with a bright future. But you know what else? I don't care if he wasn't the perfect model citizen teenager. So what if he was goofing around any or taking his time going from the store back home. So what if he was calling his girlfriend. So what if he wasn't perfect. I don't have any reason to believe he was doing one thing or another that any other teenage boy might do on the way back and forth from a trip to the store. So if he was walking and talking, or waiting a little while on the phone, so what? This is also normal, not just for adolescent young men, but for anybody. Trayvon does not have to be a model of perfection here. It was not necessary to kill him. If he wasn't threatening anyone, and seems to have been trying very much to avoid being a threat, then let him be...and be thankful he's living his life like the rest of us. Too bad the shooter didn't do that. This is my long way of saying, what happened to Trayvon Martin is intolerable, and we can't let that happen to other kids, regardless of the amount of tan of their skin, or lack of it, and regardless of how they are dressed. Zimmerman? His history indicates he was often actively looking for "suspicious persons" or "suspicious teens" or "suspicious black youths" to chase, a desire to make himself some sort of hero. He didn't get to be the hero when he did what he did, now did he? I don't buy Zimmerman's claims or claims against Trayvon Martin's character. I hope Zimmerman gets a real trial. I hope the police department there is investigated and has to own up to whatever shortcomings they may have, if they do have a history of letting some things slide on a selective basis. Many, many people are no longer so narrow-minded as Zimmerman appears to be. Many police officers and others in the legal system would not accept or excuse things for the good old boys, or for people like Zimmerman. Rabble-rousing, though, offering bounties for Zimmerman's death -- is no different in principle than Zimmerman's own lust for vigilante justice, to be the hero.

There's homophobia. There's also thieves and vandals who'll hit any place they can because...because they don't care who they hurt, they only want to do damage or make a quick buck off of stolen goods. I say that largely because several churches around here have been broken into and had things stolen over the years, despite security systems and reasonable precautions. (The thieves are neither reasonable nor sensible, and they'll go to some effort to steal.) (No, really, as in, more than one church around here has had entire AC/heating units or other large components stolen. That takes effort.) But yes, it's all too likely it was some homophobic person (or handful of people) who vandalized your local center. Yes, at least it didn't happen for two years. That's cause for some hope. It'd be nice if there wasn't a next time, or if the next time is longer than two years, at least. Yeah, dream on, Ben. Hmm...maybe your "gay agenda" involves going to the store for "Milk." ;D Sorry to hear the local center (and you) had so much trouble. Maybe an idea of how the center helps people would help publicize things. At least the naysayers would be perplexed and vexed. Best Wishes.

That does it, now I'll have to finish the book. In what I'd read, Ender is violent in response to a bully, but less violent and more thinking than those around him, a genius kid. Yes, there is nudity and occasional subtext, but porn? Not that I recall. The nudity and subtext are mild. Ender sees one boy's bits through the transparent screen of his computer, or sees other boys, they see him, and he notices one of the girls, but...that is different than sweaty, out of breath descriptions of sex acts. A few of the juvenile scifi books I read as a kid had things like that too. So what? In fact, more than one book on our reading lists did. By middles school, most young teens have some idea of all that. Honestly, don't parents remember how they and their friends talked and what they did at that age? Come on, I guarantee any boy who's spent five minutes in a boy's locker room or bathroom or on the field. At school has heard anything that was in the book. These days, probably more so, in personal experience and through TV and movies -- just the nightly news, for instance. Some examples of books from middle school and high school reading: A Separate Peace Lord of the Flies Romeo and Juliet West Side Story Canterbury Tales The Bible Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn Planet of the Apes (movie) Citizen of the Galaxy (and several others) -- Robert A. Heinlein Iron Cage (and several others) -- Andre Norton I Am a Barbarian -- Edgar Rice Burroughs Yep, there's nudity and sexual references and cussing and violence in each. Those are just from a moment's thought. I'm sure there are others. I know! Let's just make it easy and have the kids not read or watch or listen to media. Then the only things they'll learn about are right there in the neighborhood. With any luck, they'll never guess what their dangly bits are for. Yeah, sure.

I should've provided a translation, but I'll confess, I couldn't make out all the words. My French is now very rusty from lack of daily practice, and I lack the vocabulary I'd have if I'd been immersed in a French-speaking area. Both are great!