blue

Edited: cut and paste added returns, that frelling text editor has a wonky setting somewhere. Grr. Oh man, I haven't gotten enough sleep the past few days. Lot on my mind. So I had to skim back over ch. 10 to refresh my memory. Not the fault of the writing, TragicRabbit, just that Blue's thinking a lot about the issues around coming out, and what a couple of other folks are going through. Ch. 10 comments: I agree with aj, you seem to be more comfortable with your dialogue and narration now. I feel like you've changed your scene changes from abrupt curtains to more flowing transitions. Hmm. Not sure which type of scene change fits better for the story. Both have their place. Wow, that sure tells us a heckuva lot about Camille and Doug. (BTW, I may be Blue, but I'm def. not pregnant!) Both Camille and Doug are directly against the expected stock chars.; good. They've surprised me and moved from background chars. to their own subplot, also good. This section's well written. I'll read on and wonder where they're going. No, I don't expect it to work out any particular way. Mustn't impose my opinion on the story. Gene and Friedman's scene: Helps explain how people can shut down their emotions to avoid hurt. This tells a lot about Gene's past and present. Friedman stays an enigma. You asked earlier about sympathetic or (dis-)likeable chars. You have me invested in Camille, Doug, and Gene, and puzzled by Friedman. How many chars. should be front and center with big roles? Depends on the story. Some have a single main character, others a few, still others are an ensemble where nearly everybody gets something. -- BTW, you keep getting me to draw prose/novel versus script/play analogies. Not sure where that's leading me, but it's sure making me think and really enjoyable. Thanks! Trey's workout bit, interesting insights and an important detail on Bobby nicely snuck in while nobody's looking. The section at the play and backstage, good stuff. We're getting more depth on Angel as his character continues the arc of change. :arrow: The after-play wrap party: I disagree with aj here (sorry, bud). I see Angel changing from a boy only interested in sex for fun's sake, a boy with a past history that's partly driven him to be adamant about his sexuality, to a boy or young man who's suddenly begun to realize he wants more than some fun sex, he might want a relationship, love. That gets reinforced as he interacts with Tony and then Michael. I don't see Angel as jaded or cold. Look back at what we know of his past with his father. Just IMHO, he's partly motivated by that past of hurt to make a point to show his sexuality and to be detached emotionally from sex and love. He sees it as just fun, unaware he might have other things going on inside from earlier, and he's not yet aware he wants love, just friendship or sex or both. Just IMHO, I could be wrong. (And specifically, this is about Angel and the story, not its author!) One other point, Angel is intelligent enough that he feels a little superior to his friends and classmates. We learn a lot about Angel and Michael from their argument and deflected makeout. Arrgh. I may be cautious and all, but if that was me, I'd be one frustrated closet-boy. Oh, and when Angel adjusts his makeup after the shower...I think TragicRabbit's havin' some fun tweaking my nose on that. I know Angel's just being himself. I took it for that as well as the purpose of poking at people's preconceptions just a little. If it helps, I'm a lot more comfortable with the idea than earlier. Still a bit uncertain, but Angel's character and TragicRabbit's replies have really made me think. I think I've had a hangup for no reason. Irritating, that. Meanwhile, the argument between Camille and Doug moves them forward. Very sad, poignant, and true to char. What will happen, I wonder? The char. of Joey, not sure if we've seen him before. Could that have been a cameo in a role unlike a certain wascally wabbit? Hmm. Now where are those carrots? The final scene of the chapter: Ouch. That is not going to make me stop reading. Actually, Bobby's and Ryan's dark chapter was harder to take for me. Still, the closing event is difficult. But I live in a large city, and things like Trey's scene can and do happen all too often. As I said earlier and elsewhere, it's how the story deals with it and a matter of degree. -- I haven't seen Q.A.F. at all, so I can't draw comparisons there. Overall, I found the chapter good but found the surprise suspense / cliffhanger at the end tough to take. I'm not going to say that it's too much, or that ch. 8 was too much. I really don't know what to say about that. I think it's a judgment call and partly determined by how the rest of the story (before and after) deals with it. To be fair, there are two other stories on the site that come as close or closer to the line, just IMHO. Blue is sticking with it. I'd complain more loudly or say if something was too much for me, after getting this involved and commenting so much, so don't worry that I'd not give feedback suddenly, either. I think I have some general idea where things might be going on the story, although I probably have some of it guessed wrong. So I'm still gonna keep reading. ---------- Wow, why do I go for such long-winded replies? I don't always do this on other boards I visit. Huh. But my posts do ramble at times elsewhere on topics I like.

from: any reader to: all writers / poets / artists Gabe covered a lot, and no, I don't think he meant them specifically for TragicRabbit. What will make me stop reading? * If I start to feel the story or author is...off, as in, I wouldn't want to meet that on a dark night, or maybe even in broad daylight. Every once in a while, that happens with a story. -- Maybe you think I'm prudish to say that? Or do you know what I mean? It's ashame that can happen, but it does. * If the subject matter and presentation becomes too violent or too kinky for me. (Yes, that's a personal choice and hard to define for others.) Please understand, if it is handled well in the story, if it serves the story, I am OK with that. It's related to my previous point. If it seems to be there for shock alone, and for sure if it's there for the wrong reasons, then nope, sorry, that would be too "squicky." (New word for me. Translation: icky, sick, etc.) I think I gave my opinion on presentation of tragedy and on whether a moral is needed in the Drama Club thread. :arrow: Several gay stories, including those here, deal with various negatives. That's just how it is because so many people don't understand. Often, we ourselves don't understand. How does the protagonist or even an antagonist change through the story? What does it tell us? -- It doesn't have to be all sugary but it doesn't have to be all rotten, either.

Hey, TragicRabbit. I haven't looked to see if 10 is posted yet; so I haven't read it yet. ( duh :) ) I was looking back through the thread and saw something that I should've replied to before: Try to write when you can, but if it isn't working, take a break for a while, do something else, and come back later. Then you can rewrite or start that little bit over. -- Don't throw something out too soon. Keep the previous draft around a while in case you want to use something that was good in it. Think of that as editing scenes or lines together. Stupid? Not the story and not you! Only you know what the story is with these characters and how to present it. Your obligation is to be true to them and their story. You don't have to superimpose some moral onto the story. Whatever you're trying to tell will come through on its own. Only you know what happens with Bobby or Angel. Does one win and the other lose? Do both lose? Do both win? Maybe they win a little and lose a little. Maybe they fight long and hard to get to whatever awaits when the curtain goes down. I don't know and don't want to influence you one way or another. A message, like about smoking or anything else? A massage (grin) in other words, entertainment? Personally, I like something to entertain me and something to think about along with that. But hey, I like just having fun too sometimes. If it's only about a message, I tend to get annoyed. Again, let the characters' story show what it shows. Do you have a responsibility to be positive, particularly to teens? Oh, that's hard! There's danger and there's beauty out there. Art's your chance to say what the blazes you want whether anybody else approves or not. Very practically, as a teen, I just wanted honest, complete answers to all the questions I had about sex and love, and there was damn little access and info out there for an unsure teen with strict parents. What would you say to a varied audience, including all kinds of adults and teens? One might be totally naive, while the next one has been through he**. And who knows what opinions they have about being gay? -- I guess I don't really know how else to answer this one. ~Blue, still tryin' to figure these things out. "I've seen sunshine, I've seen rain."

D'oh! Clearly I need to reread Tristan's Redemption. Good idea, in any case! Oh my, the boys visit a gay or nude beach. My brain must be doing curious things. ----- Ben Dover, be nice to our buddy Perry, or Jesse may have to pull out his "Kung Fu Fighting" CD. You know the song, don't play like you've never heard it! :o) -- Though I wonder if some of the younger guys have heard it. The girls with "Steely Dan." :snickers: Now that, I didn't expect.

Welcome, welcome, aj. I think TragicRabbit is just unsure how best to present such things. He understands diversity. I think his inclination is just to let it go unmentioned. The thing is, IMHO, that (a) people who aren't used to diversity need to see that it's there and other people are really not as different as they seem and (b) that people who are used to diversity want to see themselves and their loved ones presented honestly. TragicRabbit is learning fast as an author and he has the talent and the writing bug.

Thanks, Johnny. It's nice to have it figured out a little. Still nervous about taking those next steps, but it sure feels better than before.

Well, you don't have to go away. :) And heck, it's always nice to hear someone likes me and that we're alike. It's tons easier for me to express myself in writing than in person. Thanks again, WBMS. Other ppl's input on this whole thing, muchly appreciated.

Welcome back, Hoodster! Josh's editor said nice things about you, btw, and Ryan of Kayden and One Life said he's really wrapped up in uni. and his writing, so he's behind in reading P&J. :) You should check out the new writers' stories, quite good. I hope the folks here enjoy the mini-story. Greywolf would have an interesting take on things. Too bad he hasn't been on the lj much lately. -- Liked his input. Newbie and non-SoCal guy that I am, what's Fashion Island at Newport Beach? A gay or nude beach? That could be nice. :: Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply comes to mind. :: Since Perry and Tristan are so different, that might make an interesting chapter. How would they meet and react to each other and what would happen? There are all sorts of possible answers. That's a pretty good example of what I'm thinking of. Not only is this a chance for everyone (writers and readers) to have some fun and loosen up a bit, but it could be a good writing exercise. There's the chance for send-ups as well as for seriousness. This reminds me a lot of the theatre analogies I've used with TragicRabbit. In a creative writing assignment or a theatre exercise, each person might get a different scenario and characters or everyone might be asked to answer the same problem. My answer to a meeting between Perry and Tristan would be very different from Hoodster's or Nick's, just because we all view the scene differently. Specifically, about serious issues that might come up, that's how each author might stage the story. I know that stories here have often made me stop and think about how I feel about the issues. Maybe that clarifies things. What do others think?

I'm listening to the soundtrack for Angels In the Universe, an Icelandic film which includes music by Sigur R?s and Hilmar ?rn Hilmarsson. I haven't seen the film. It's on the strength of my liking for Sigur R?s that I got the soundtrack. Wow again. Evocative, atmospheric, a mix of classical and rock styles. (I'm not familiar with how this kind of rock is, er, pigeonholed. Trance, techno, post-modern, new wave, what?) It's good and I'd like to find more music from artists similar to Sigur R?s. Any suggestions?

Past Blue Visits P&J A micro-chapter by ~Blue Based on Perry & Jesse Created by Underthehoodster It's lunch time on my first day here. Jeez, this school is so small! Hey, those guys were pretty cool earlier. Maybe I can sit with them. They ask good questions about my reading glasses and monocular, which is like a small telescope. Wow, they like science fiction. Morgan is kind of a jock, but he seems cool about it. Gene sort of reminds me of my dad, but he's easier to talk to. Tom. Tom sees my drawing pad and pens, and he shows me his. I mean, his notebook. Why did I just think that? He seems sort of, sort of...gay. I've never known anyone like that before. Well, I don't care, I like him anyway. It's probably just me. Maybe he could help me practice Spanish. Haha, is he gonna be surprised when he hears my good accent come from this WASP kid! Jesse is kind of hard to talk to. I keep getting nervous. He likes writing and karate. Maybe he could teach me some. It would sure help against the bullies. He looks so good. I bet the girls are all after him. God, I almost got hard. If he knew, he'd probably beat the crap out of me. I'd like to be his friend. I sure hope he's not a bully. Perry is really nice. God, he reminds me of one of my best friends. We finish lunch and the guys ask me if I want to play basketball. I say maybe next time. I want to think some. I've just met these new friends, and my feelings are so mixed up. I can't be gay. Never mind about that friend in 5th grade. In fact, forget about that entirely. I shouldn't have sat out. This kid walks up to me. Derek. He says his friend Tom draws. Tom runs up and Derek asks him to show me his drawing. Tom doesn't want to. I say it's OK. But they are already running and chasing each other. It's so funny and comfortable, I have to laugh. I put up my stuff. I just relax and watch the guys playing ball. Tom and Derek are at a table by themselves talking. Just before the bell, I'm still absorbed just thinking and watching the game. Suddenly, someone behind me says something. I jump. Jesse laughs and says I should chill, it's OK. He walks off ahead. It isn't until I walk in that I realize what he said. "Watching the guys play with their balls, huh?" I'm sure that's what he said. I'm just not sure how he meant it. While I'm trying to figure it out, I see Jesse lean up to Perry's ear and say something. Perry looks surprised, grins, and playfully shoves Jesse. Perry glances back at me, pensively, but I can't tell what he's thinking as they walk to class. I think I'm going to like it here, but I'm gonna have to be careful.

When Underthehoodster went on vacation, I joked: Well, that got a laugh from a person or two, who suggested it would be fun to see what different authors here would do if they had P&J in their hands, so to speak, for a chapter or two. For that matter, it might be fun to see what other authors would do with each others' stories. What I'm thinking is that someone might do a tangent or parallel story, using things from another author's story, so as not to interfere with anything in the real story. Or a crossover, where the writer's own characters and the other writer's characters meet in either place. Or...well, or something. Now, before you protest, I'm not suggesting that we start anything that might hurt another author's feelings. Some authors may not want their stories and characters to be borrowed. I think we can all understand that we want to respect each other's stories. But a little fun or farce or parody might be OK. What do you all think of the idea? Would this work some way? Are there other ways it might work better? Personally, I'd say we could be pretty open with this. I'd suspect most of the authors here appreciate most of the other authors' stories, and would want to respect the worlds they have created like they'd want respect for their own. To give you an idea of how this might work, my next post will give a little bit that I wrote when someone mentioned what it would have been like if they had been in school with P&J. The following has one slight change to correct something that was funnily unclear in what I posted then. It is fairly close to how I might have been back in the 8th grade (that is, at about 14) if somehow I'd wound up transferred to St. Boniface where P&J attend. (Oh, and Hoodster, let us know if this is OK with you. Since the mini-story got a nice reaction earlier, I figured it would be alright here. No offense meant.) Other authors, what do you think of the idea of having a little fun with each others' stories as a writing exercise? How should we do this, if we do?

I thought I'd ask a question or two. I'd like some advice. Just now, I wrote a couple of things in Limerick Lane, just havin' fun. One post is teasing Nick. But then I realized, what if that had been in person somewhere? Blue has not been to a gay club or bar yet, nor PFLAG or other support groups. Gotta work up the courage, in part to tell my regular cabbie. He's OK with such things, but I think he's decided I'm straight. (Argh.) I think he's smart enough to figure me out, though. I dunno. -- Sorry, I got sidetracked. At some point, I'll have to just say it. { Blue spends quite a while writing what amounts to another autobiography. Why do I keep doing that? You guys don't need to know every gay thing in my life history. Jeez! Besides, there'd be a lot of blank space and the words, "Blue stayed in the closet. Time passes." } OK. Maybe I need to borrow Linus' security blanket. Lil dude has serious separation and oral issues. :p OK, back on-topic. Questions: I'm in my late 30's. I'm not sure I would or could, but what if I had said that (my latest two posts in Limerick Lane) in person to Nick or Ryan or someone their age or (yikes) younger? Would that be just a joke, flirting? Do you have any idea how weird it feels for me to think of me flirting with a guy? I can think of it as just joking around, b.s.'ing each other, but that post was flirting and clear. I'm probably over-thinking this. (If you notice a certain similarity to Perry or Jesse, it's part of why I read and edit P&J, I can identify.) OK, so if it was Nick or Ryan -- Oh, sorry, I can ask you guys yourselves. Nick and Ryan, other young guys, what would you think? Is that just joking and flirting? Would it weird you out? It might weird me out now. (Can ya tell?) I think it would've weirded me out at your age, for a guy my age to do that, even if he's just kidding. -- I was just kidding. It was only after thinking awhile that it made me wonder. Would you just ignore it and laugh? Would you get the heck away from there fast, or tell me I was out of line? Um, please understand, I can even say here that one of the sackers at the grocery store is cute, and he's high school age. BUT I would not think of even asking him or anyone college-age if they were interested, let alone trying anything. If someone in that/your age range approached me and asked me, I have no idea what I'd do (other than getting a shocked look and probably spewing my drink). Um, honestly, I'd be conflicted. Am I nuts? I'd probably shrug off flirting, and not even occur to me if a younger guy was, ah, interested. Did I mention I'm a total newbie? What would I (or should I) do if someone that (or your) age flirted or made a definite pass? I'm over-thinking all this, aren't I? I would be looking for friendship first, in my own age range, before even considering anything physical. I tell myself. But I have been out of circulation and I know I'm human and male and I could get carried away with myself. I think I'm smart enough not to. This led to another thought. Um, I've only once or twice as an adult, thought that anyone might be checking me out. Kinda liked it, but it made me feel weird. Nothing wrong with the guys looking, it was my own insecurities. But if I go to a club, someone is going to get a lot more friendly than that. I'd probably jump out of my skin if someone groped me. -- I suppose the basic advice is, go with someone and be firm. Look, if/when I look for companionship, it would be in my age range. It would be for friendship first and anything else if that developed. But I suppose it's obvious that I'm a total newbie at this. (Blue sees a rubber chicken thrown across the room.) A while back, I posted and joked that it wasn't quite the same as what (sort of) worked as a kid or young teen. Then I asked, "or does it?" I didn't really expect a reply, it was a joke. -- But now, well, I'm wondering about this whole thing. And blast, all I know are you guys online and about three lesbians in "real life" and one or two guys who might be gay, maybe, and I don't know them well. They're not co-workers. Blue stands up on a virtual table and goes, "ARRGH!" -- OK, I feel better now. Maybe. OK, no doubt I've thoroughly weirded everyone out, and Nick and Ryan have gotten tasers and katas and things like that. -- My sincere apologies. This is all new to me and I need advice. By now, it should be obvious to a pet rock that I'm a newbie and feel sort of like a basket case about it. -- Please be nice to the confused Blue Closet-Boy newbie over at the corner table, right by the closet.

...But, the trouble with that is that, "All the young ~girls~ love Alice." D'ya s'pose that's "The trouble with Alice?" Hmm. Riff on Alice. (Who's Riff, anyway? ;) ) Alice Cooper. (OK.) Alice In Chains. (EEK! Sorry, don't mind the leather, but the S&M ain't for me.) (Don't think I've ever listened to Alice In Chains.) Alice In Wonderland. ("What the dormouse said / Feed your head.") Debbie Does Alice? (Fine, but I'd much rather watch something else.) I suppose two or three lesbians I know might watch, though.... Heheheh.

Shameless tease! I'm glad you're around to lighten things up. ~Blue takes himself too seriously. Oh, but now I wonder how talented "Little Nick" is. Does it (no, make that he) does *he* * Sing and dance? * Lift weights? * Do gymnastics? * Swimming and sports? (Probably ball games, at least....) Knowing Nick a little, maybe Little Nick is more into yoga and meditation. And I suppose that is the only, ah, meat he likes. -- I'm just kiddin', Nick. I respect your beliefs. There's a lot to admire there. (Oops, pun.) Nope you had a good vacation, Nick. Welcome back. You're not vacant, now, are you? :D

@ Dude -- Feel free to move this thread if you feel it belongs in another category. I wasn't quite sure how best to categorize it. The Mail Crew at http://www.themailcrew.com/ are a great bunch of guys doing a very worthwhile project, helping GLBT youth like them have ways to keep in touch and providing resources for teens, parents, and anyone who wants to help or has questions. They also have stories. I've spoken with one or two of the guys, and their answer was pretty quick, concerned and caring, helpful, and positive. Aaron, Trey, and the rest of you guys, you really are amazing. What they are doing takes guts and commitment and a lot of time and effort. Not many people, teens or otherwise, get involved that way, to make a difference. I'd better stop before I get all mushy. Oh, what the heck, get mushy. -- Y'all deserve a big hug or a handshake or a pat on the back for being awesome.

I think we need to start a MailCrew thread in one of the forum sections. (Going to do that right now.) Great project, great guys. I talked with either Trey or Aaron, can't recall 'cause I goofed and didn't save it. -- But the response was quick and helpful. (General stuff, website, that kind of thing.)

Hi, TragicRabbit, Well, I've read 8 and 9: One heavy chapter and one to build some groundwork. Eight was difficult. From what I've read and from my own experience, Bobby's self-doubts aren't all that uncommon, although his are writ large upon the stage. But it seems there really are people like Bobby's parents out there, and people like Bobby. Ryan, now there's one spooky guy, he needs to quit listening to "love gun." (No, not our Canadian Ryan, he's almost scarily well adjusted and way too smart.) Nine seems to be building for the future. Mr. Friedman gets a carefully, enigmatically neutral intro, but he also seems to give his approval without saying so. We get a little background on Gene and Michael. Jaye does a slight course adjustment from his earlier response. Angel's internal monologue explains he was too angry to respond to Jeannie, Bobby's mother. Angel and Jaye have an unusual exchange; congrats on that, showing they have brains as well as hormones, and that sometimes the two (brains and hormones or two friends) don't agree. I wonder where all those queer Vulcans are? ... Probably chasing all those queer Wookiees with the economy-sized Nair.... ;o) Hey, Rabbit, I guess school has started up. I hope the students are off to a great start.

@ movieguy -- Thank you, I appreciate that. Your online "accent" is nice too. :) @ Pecman -- I don't *think* that's an issue with me, but I've been a little surprised at a realization or two I've had recently. I'm making some progress, at least inside myself. These may seem obvious, but here goes, personal realizations: 1. gpaulbishop's post made me face a really tough one: How do I reconcile my feelings and personal beliefs with my religious beliefs? And related, what if family or friends reject me? Well, I'm pretty sure God knows the truth about me better than I do. I've had problems, but I keep making it somehow and things seem to get better eventually. And faced with seeing one of my worst fears happen in someone else's life, I find that I cannot believe that God would condemn someone for being gay. So I disagree with Leviticus and with Paul's words in Romans. (I don't know how other faiths view homosexuality, and I don't mean to start a religious discussion, because I've seen how those can turn into arguments and "flame-wars" in forums.) 2. Somehow, I was mostly OK with others being gay, although it might make me uncomfortable. I was less OK with the idea of *me* being gay. This is despite that I've spoken up for friends and for the idea since (at least) high school. I hope I've learned to get past that little bit of egocentricity. I've also realized I needed to unbend a little about the whole issue, and let it be OK for me to relax about some of the different things out there. And just when the heck did I get more uptight about some things than I was in high school or college? It's silly. -- By the way, several story authors have helped with that, due to what they've written. I'd list names, but I'm sure I'd leave out someone important. Anyway, that's what I've got for now.

It must be difficult, no question, based on teens and teachers and parents I know. There seems to be a little more tolerance, along with the mild to extreme phobes. Go anywhere, not just a school, and you'll see both prejudice and tolerance. It's difficult to tell, most of the time, if there's much tolerance. But there are groups and policies now that didn't exist when I went to high school and college. There's the web and various media that weren't there. Advice college-wise: Seek out the Gay Straight Alliance or Gay Student Association or whatever they call it on-campus at college (university). College students are ~slightly~ more tolerant, but not much. I've seen that first hand. So network with friendly people. Same thing for out in the "real world" and work. -- Just the way it is, I doubt I'm saying anything you don't know. My own experience and what I've seen with friends, then and now, is that there are friendly people who stick up for GLBT or supposedly GLBT folks, as well as people who will say or do little disapproving things or big ugly things. -- Everything from the middle school bully who runs by, says, "faggot!" and slams a kid's face against a locker before anyone can react, to the cashier at the grocery store who looks daggers at the customer for no earthly reason. But there's also the friend who stands up to a bully and the friend who says it's OK whether you're gay or not.

I e-mailed Paul last night, to offer help. I also chatted with a reader of Perry and Jesse who is blind and gay and out. He's involved with a couple of Australian organizations for blind and blind and gay youth and adults.

Congratulations, senior! Well, you are in for one great ride. If you have college ahead of you, next year or later sometime, that is going to be an even greater ride. If you're out, you've already accomplished something. If not, well, you'll get there. I'd recommend sooner than later, but that's just me. I just peeked out. That felt good. I hope you have a fantastic year. Study hard. Yeah, I know, it's distracting to study when you're hard. :) Take care of it in a study break, that oughtta relax ya. Then study plenty. Do well, be good to yourself and others, and be yourself.

Paul, Damn. I am so sorry. I know Mitch must be taking this hard. In another thread, you'll see that just this past week, I peeked out of the closet. I will e-mail you, Paul. If it would help, I'd e-mail or write Mitch and his family. I did not have someone like Mitch, growing up. It would've been an enormous comfort to me if I had. I am sure that Marc loved every moment of what they had, even when things weren't perfect. Mitch should never doubt himself for loving Marc. Mitch should also never blame himself for times that didn't go so well. Oh, how I wish I could explain to Marc's parents just exactly what it feels like to be handicapped and ~not~ feel safe to tell your parents, even if they love you and say "you can tell us anything," for fear that they'd do exactly what Marc's parents did. I think my parents would've been more understanding, but I'll never know for certain in my lifetime. I hope you'll continue with plans for the website when you can. I'd like to contribute. A few weeks ago, I read Just Hit Send - The High School Years. I've recently begun reading The Least of These. I can tell you that what those stories say about being handicapped or handicapped and gay is true. My eyes don't work as well as some people's but the rest of me works just fine.

Hi, Trent. Sea Change is somewhere in the high school section at Nifty. It might be in a previous year's index there. The story may be posted elsewhere too. I'm going to check it out. ----- I'm a few chapters further along in TLOT. All the little details that Josh gets so right make it special. They struggle with what's right and what to do, and sometimes they mess up. Even the minor characters get real depth and are true to type. Josh gets Grandpa, Brandon, and Hunter right. It's nice to see a kid shown as a regular kid, not some too-wise, too-dumb, or too-sexual non-kid. He's got some pretty good humor in there too. And, uh, not every character is somehow suddenly secretly gay. That's real too. Josh gets Davey exactly right. Davey's got more inside than he can express, and he knows it all too well. Oh, and Davey caught that baseball. Good job, Davey. Blue can't always do that. Basketballs, yes; baseballs, not always; smaller stuff, no. Just how it is.

I could've sworn I'd read more than Ch. 1 of The Least of These. Anyway, I've restarted reading and am in Ch. 4. Excellent, so far. Thanks, Josh, for a sensitive portrayal of someone like Davey. I get the feeling really understand someone like Davey. Also, you've done a good job showing how it feels to grow up trying to figure out those growing feelings that you prefer guys.

:arrow: How to show race / culture / language / religion -or- physical differences including handicaps? Don't try to minimize or accentuate those things. People do notice them. Don't get hung up on *any* positive or negative value placed on that. As the writer, you're both an objective journalist and a person with a viewpoint. Since this is writing, readers can't tell anything about your characters unless you write it. A reader builds his mental image of a character from that. The details show up the way they'd run through the narrator's mind in person, here and there. How and when would you notice things about someone in person? How would you describe someone or some scene? Chances are, you mention what's most noticeable first and other things later, as they come up. Is someone very unique or different in some way? Go ahead and mention it right away. The narrator or audience would notice. If it is less apparent, mention it at points when it comes up. If a reader is upset because you've described some feature, well, too bad. Chances are another reader is really thrilled you've just included a character like him or his best friend or his cousin, and you've proven by some detail that you actually know what that person is like. Whether that is being gay; or handicapped; or religious; or some odd trait...or anything, your readers should recognize cin?ma v?rit?. If it bothers them, they can !itch about it and you can know whether they're nutcases or not. Look at The Least of These or look at Sequoyah's stuff. They've dealt with the issues of race or handicaps. Don't overthink it. Write what comes naturally. ----- :arrow: Physical descriptions of the characters? Racial cues? Most people notice those quickly, within their group or outside of it. They give each other details like first or last names or country names or physical features. They are likely to omit the group if the person being described is in the same group, but if it's important to clarify or goes against the usual perception, they'll say it. But maybe something else is more unique, so that will get mentioned first. Fairly quickly, though, your reader or listener will either ask for fuller physical descriptions or will start assuming based on preconceptions. Your reader is coming into the story essentially clueless except for what you tell him. Or at least, he's like a new person just seeing it all for the first time. You, the author, are familiar with all the details, but your reader is just discovering them. What would you notice if you were new? Some readers, it will really mess with their heads if they have to adjust their mental image on even the tiniest detail of looks or personality. It doesn't have to be race. Suppose you go through over ten chapters and suddenly find out one of the main characters has really bright, strawberry blond hair in a short cut. Huh? The author didn't say that in pages and pages of other description. Oh well, he doesn't have that nice brown hair you thought he did. Or you suddenly discover a character is Australian instead of American, which means the accent you've been hearing in your head is all wrong, and why wasn't he using Aussie slang? Sometimes it can be a major detail that is overlooked, and it can ruin the conception for the reader. -- I'm not picking on you, those are all from published mainstream novels. It isn't a big deal if I as a reader find out quickly that I have to change my mental image. It gets to be a big deal if I as a reader have gotten really used to that mental image or really identify with it and find out, oops, no it wasn't that way at all. -- You haven't done that yet, ----- :arrow: Melodrama? No, IMHO, your stuff isn't melodramatic. I haven't noticed soap suds except in the shower and kitchen where they belong. The only organs being played with are, well, they don't have keys! Good thing, a chastity belt would be really annoying. Really, the dramatic tone has been fine throughout, not overwrought or underdone. ------ WHOA! CALM DOWN! Of course Bobby is depressed. Of course all his friends and family are up in the air. That would be tough on anybody. And many gay teens do go through depression and attempted suicide like that. I very nearly did. Years passed. I found fiction online after finding images. I even got brave enough to read non-fiction books specifically about being gay. What really struck me was that so much of it was just the way I had felt all those years, going back to my first true sexual feelings as a pre-teen. All the good and the bad, all of it. In non-fictional discussions and in fiction, what I had thought was just me, only me...was common. Some of the endings were disheartening. But some of them were more than I could hope for. SO if some teen or adult reads your story, maybe they can see how, written out, other people are affected, how other gays and their friends feel, how it's possible to go on and build a new life. Is Bobby's reaction believable? Is it believable for him to want to be "normal" or "healed?" Absolutely. My aunt would be helping his parents. ----- How much should you listen to what readers want? They are not writing it. Blue or WBMS are not writing it. You are. You're the playwright and the director and the sponsor for the story you're writing. The story is what you imagine it to be. -- Just because I make some comment doesn't mean I'm right, for heaven's sake. What the flip do I know? Is there something wrong in inventing imaginary characters and a story running around in your head? No. You seem to be in good company, anyway. I'd worry a lot more about the people who can't imagine or pretend than the ones who do. -- Example: Blue has notes and chapters running around on disc, on paper, or in his head for various mainstream stories. In college, Blue tore up two very short gay stories, in a fit of guilt, which was unfortunate, 'cause they were pretty good. But about a year ago, Blue wrote about four chapters of a story that took on a life of its own. The characters started insisting they say and do things. That was OK. What was worrisome was the mix of my personal life and my imagination and where I thought the story was going. I didn't want it to mix in details about myself; these were pretend characters, just a story. I didn't know what to make of where the story seemed to be headed. I chickened out. It's still sitting on disc, though. Without revealing details, I asked some creative friends what they thought. Was I nuts? Nope, they said. They thought maybe that meant I felt strongly about what I was writing and said that of course authors and artists include personal observations about oneself or others. They also said I could let the story take its course and see what happened or I could change its course if I wasn't happy with it. I still put it up for a while. I think I have an idea of what I want to do with it now. ----- Your other questions? Only you can really answer them. What's the limit? You know what your limit is and what you'd do if you read a book or saw a play or movie, or if your students were going to read or see it. (Hope that didn't give you cold chills. Some of your students might feel relieved.) If you're not happy with how the story's shaping up, you know it. If the characters seem to insist that something isn't turning out right, or if they clam up, or even if they run hog-wild, you know on some level what the story needs to get back on track. If you need time to figure out where it got off track and how to fix it, well, that makes sense. What, it's supposed to spring from your forehead onto the page fully formed, instantly? I don't think so! I do hope you figure out your answers quickly. I'd like to know what happens. You raise a lot of questions. I'd say the theatre analogy holds there too, mostly. Some people like the villains. Go figure. It can be fun to play the villain, for sure. The part's as important as you make it. "I'd rather have a walk-on part in the war, than a lead role in a cage," if you'll pardon a Pink Floyd quote. -- Just because some minor character has only one or two lines or just one scene, doesn't mean it's not important to the play. In The Empire Strikes Back Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) uses body language alone to show his frustration and sadness at being caged, and has an homage to Hamlet with C3PO's head as Yorick's skull. Yoda doesn't have a huge role either, but it's important. ----- If it helps, remember that closet-boy here is reading it and hasn't run screaming from the aisles yet. As a high school guy, I would've blushed like crazy and felt guilty...and kept reading. ("Oh, wow, I wish one of my friends, like maybe ____, would do that with me. I'd sure like to do it with him.") Well, presumably by now you've had that shower and slept some. Hope today looks better for ya. AGAIN, RELAX! You're doing fine. Really.