Angel by Gabriel Duncan

[EleCivil]

Oh man, part nine was great. I kept going back and reading the end again, thinking "Wait, did what I think just happen...just happen?" Very intense.

[Rigel]

Gabe,

I was thinking today about your statement " I just feel slighted by all of these marathon writers and their large . . . stories." My mind went to remembering some of the best stories I've ever read, where condensation down to the fewest possible words meant everything, and brought about an intensity in the writing. I'm thinking now of Tilllie Olsen's "Tell Me a Riddle"--something like a novel condensed into a short story. Her writing style is incredibly polished and intense; she was NOT a prolific author. Two aged characters are having an argument about continuing to live a dependent/independent lifestyle:

-----

"What do we need all this for?" he would ask loudly, for her hearing aid was turned down and the vacuum was shrilling. "Five rooms" (pushing the sofa so she could get into the corner) "furniture" (smoothing down the rug) "floors and surfaces to make work. Tell me, why do we need it?" And he was glad he could ask in a scream.

"Because I'm use't."

"Because your use't. This is a reason, Mrs. Word Miser? Used to can get unused!"

-----

At this point, you realize that the author of the story is truly a Word Miser herself, using as few words as possible to create a vivid scene of vacuuming that tells you volumes about the two people arguing. (Read the whole story if you haven't--it's a great read, though of course a completely different genre from what you'll find at AwesomeDude.)

Our comments a few weeks ago where everyone admired EleCivil's story where Andrew says "I'm a moron," is an appreciation of that same sort of condensation, which builds intensity.

It's not how many words you use. It's what you do with them.

--Rigel

[Guest rusticmonk86]

A sneak peek of eleven. It's different. You'll find out how in the excerpt.

-- Begin Excerpt --

I said, ?Macy told me about you and your ex.?

?I know,? He said, ?Jason leaving me was something I would have never suspected.?

?I know what you mean. When I was on the go, I had to cut mine clean.?

?Oh, you have a boyfriend, too??

?No,? I tried to save face. His question seemed to touch deep inside; the shadow in the dark, still trying to hide.

?Used to,? I told him, ?We broke up before I left.?

?Oh no. Why? Were you two upset??

He died, I thought. So we didn?t have a choice. But yes, of course, was the answer that I voiced. Denying the truth has its advantages. Sam was caught up in the hopeless romanticism of being gone with the wind and being endlessly abandoned. The ?here?s looking at you kid? of my train ride to Penn. State. But the merit of the term ?romantic? was one I wanted to debate. But the contents of his backpack were not going to wait.

-- End Excerpt --

Gabe

[Codey]

:clap: :clap: :smt023 :smt023

See...told ya you could do it. Turned out great!!!

:D :D

Codey

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Thanks, Codey :)

[JamesSavik]

This was a difficult read- not at all like the typical, happy go lucky romps that you find in most gay fiction.

Difficult on several levels. Difficult as it demands the readers undivided attention and only rewards him in porportion with the energy that he has invested. Difficult as the emotions that it invokes are disturbing and raw. Difficult because most people are used to having their art and literature delivered comfortably and gently. Angel is an abrupt and brutal SLAP in the face.

The shifts in POV in the story are unusual. Sometimes gentle and sometimes jolting, these changes of perspective broadens and adds to the experience. As an author, I find myself looking at this literary device and thinking: don't try this at home kids, this guy is a professional.

Just as it is easy to get to know and like the characters, it is just as hard to confront the reality of protagonists situation. His innocence stands in stark contrast to the horror. You want to turn away yet, you find yourself transfixed like an observer to some disaster unfolding before your eyes.

Angel forces the reader into an uncomfortable place. To some it will be just a dark story. To others, it is an acknowlegement of the darkness of our existance and experience. Angel does not lay out a nice, linear story. It is disturbing and jolting with jagged edges and dangerous contrasts that can easily draw blood.

This is not a story to be read on a lark. Pack your lunch. Wear comfortable shoes. You'll need it. It is a rough ride through a dark and dangerous landscape.

[Guest rusticmonk86]

. . . I'm honoured that you've said such kind words, jamessavik. Thank you.

[Codey]

This was the best chapter yet Gabe!!

Codey

[Codey]

Damn...getting to the nail biting nitty gritty!!! Getting better and better!!

[EleCivil]

Good stuff, once again. I love this story a little more with every chapter. With the way things are looking now, it'll probably end up as one of those rare stories that I want to turn back to the beginning and re-read as soon as I'm finished.

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Hey everyone,

I'm gonna take a little break from posting chapters of Angel. I kinda ran out of energy. Well, it's not just that. I am getting to the point that I need to further the plot. Well, force feed it.

It's easier for me to write through conflict. So, I guess I need to find another one. Or I need to find some questions to answer. I'm willing to take your suggestions or requests now. I'm willing to answer any questions you have.

I'm stuck. Help me out.

Thanks for all of your positive feedback,

Gabe

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Break is over. I've got 2 chapters on deck, and four more to go. Stay tuned.

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Untitled : Part Ninteen of Angel

Meet Sam takes Adam on a walk to air him out. This leaves us with a few pages to learn a bit more about what else a school teacher and a lawyer would have in common.

*The next three chapters (20-22) are part of the "Poison Hipped Angel" series.*

Minutiae: Part Twenty of Angel

Meet Cole's past and his relationship with Jason. (Remember Jason? Sam broke up with him in the events immediatley preceding "Sight: Part Ten")

Minute: Part Twenty-One of Angel

Sam visits the clinic.

Mote: Part Twenty-Two of Angel

A monologue, by any thespian's standards. Complete with stage direction. It is delivered by Cole. Cole bares himself to the audience. And his vivid imagery alludes to . . . . [i thought you might enjoy this one, TR.]

--Gabe

Over and Out

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Reaction? Praise? Criticism?

Next week brings the "Poison Hipped Angel" series.

[Codey]

I fell behind on my reading what with finals coming up and a few projects of my own I've been working on. I just read chapters 17/19 and they were great! They made me realize what I was missing by not staying caaught up on my reading.

Codey

[Guest rusticmonk86]

The next two chapters of Angel and the Poison Hipped Angel series will be coming out this weekend. Making up for my week break. :) Enjoy.

Minute: A visit to the clinic by Sam. The nature of the poison-hipped Angel poem unleashed. I can tell you this is a true story. Because it happened to me.

Mote: The culmination. The monologue. Stage direction, lights. From Cole's voice. There is foreshadowing for what happens next.

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Blue talked me into adding the scene seperators for Full Circle. That's the next chapter after Poison Hipped Angel.

Check it out.

Special thanks to Blue for editing. Movieguy and James Savik for raging like the undercover literary promoters that you are.

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Hope you all enjoy Full Circle.

"A" Bomb is up next.

Of note: The style. When I was writing this . . . well, it was really writing me. It's pretty much unchanged from the original. I just want to know if you can understand it.

Then: Crator (Day One)

Someone gets 5150'd. Thanks to AJ and Harold for letting me interview them.

[EleCivil]

I'm a bit late in saying so, but I thought "Mote" was awesome.

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Thanks. :)

[Guest rusticmonk86]

What'd you think of 26?

[Guest rusticmonk86]

I've just completed the last three chapters.

27: Catharsis

28 : And then it Hit me

29: The Cliff

And 30 : Angel, the poem.

[JamesSavik]

Standing Ovation!

Well Done Gabe.

[Guest rusticmonk86]

Alright folks. I switched the current Chapter 26 with 29.

go figure. it's the end now.

so there

[JamesSavik]

Special thanks ... Movieguy and James Savik for raging like the undercover literary promoters that you are.

My pleasure Gabe. This story is amazing, touching, challenging, emotional and a whole lot of other things that earn it a solid four stars rank in my eyes.

I've seen people asking what should I read this summer?

Angel would be a very good start.

Without too much tinkering, I think it would make an outstand movie.

Sign my DVD case?