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Cole Parker

I find this annoying

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Er, no, I found it not only funny, but instructive, and dare I say revealing of the differences in the use of English which annoy me daily.

Here are some gems I have noted from the stories and articles:

since instead of sense

consarned instead of concerned

quite, quiet -often confused

he's instead of his

devulge instead of divulge

excepting instead of accepting

'was sat' instead of was sitting.

she'd instead of shed

of instead of, have

are instead of our

witch instead of which

do process instead of due process, or perhaps if it is cold they meant dew process

are used instead of our

Q. Why does it have a shipping address? I live inland and no ships can get here.

A. The shipping address means the way we are going to ship or send the package to you. We need to know the full address please include all street numbers (your house number) and the correct postcode. If this is not completed it will result in delays to your order.

condom instead of condone.

Many of these are a result of badly spoken English.

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Very annoying. In fact, I would have hit 'stop' if it hadn't been recommended by one of our savants. I'm distressed to see, at the end of it, that there are more, all featuring the same smug know-it-all guy.

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Some of them bother me when I hear them, like "could care less" "acrosst" "tooken" and "supposebly", but a lot I don't even notice. English is a weird language sometimes and it seems to change every generation. The thing that pisses me off though is when ghetto speak gets treated like real English. My doomsday scenario is within 100 years things like "nyah mean" "where you at" and "you be like" are gonna be accepted on English essays.

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<p>No, Lug. Word should be Weird.</p><br>

<p>Actually, I rather enjoyed his video. But one of the videos in the Windows 8 Metro* Interface-like screen at the end is this one. It's worth listening to:</p><br>

<p> </p><p>Colin :icon_geek: </p><br>

<p>* Microsoft renamed the "Windows 8 Metro" interface to the "Windows 8 Modern" interface. I will stick with Metro because IMO it sounds cute. Modern sounds ridiculous.</p>

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I find this annoying. I guess it's supposed to be funny.

<p> </p>

<p>I find that this is funny. Of course, almost everything that George Carlin did was funny.</p>

<p> </p>

<p>The English Plural According to George Carlin (1937-2008)</p>

<p> </p>

<p>We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,<br />

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.<br />

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,<br />

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.<br />

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,<br />

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

<p> </p>

<p>If the plural of man is always called men,<br />

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?<br />

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,<br />

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?<br />

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,<br />

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Then one may be that, and three would be those,<br />

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,<br />

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose</p>

<p> </p>

<p>We speak of a brother and also of brethren,<br />

But though we say mother, we never say methren.<br />

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,<br />

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Let's face it - English is a crazy language. <br />

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; <br />

Neither apple nor pine in pineapple <br />

English muffins weren't invented in England.</p>

<p> </p>

<p>We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,<br />

We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, <br />

And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.<br />

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't finge, <br />

Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?<br />

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,<br />

What do you call it?</p>

<p> </p>

<p>If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? <br />

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English<br />

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.<br />

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?</p>

<p> </p>

<p>We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...<br />

We have noses that run and feet that smell.<br />

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.<br />

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,<br />

While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?</p>

<p> </p>

<p>You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language<br />

In which your house can burn up as it burns down,<br />

In which you fill in a form by filling it out,<br />

And in which an alarm goes off by going on.</p>

<p> </p>

<p>And in closing...    </p>

<p>If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop? </p>

<p> </p>

<p>Let me add a narrator's comment:</p>

<p>If Mother is Mom, how come Father's not Pom?</p>

<p>And a Happy Father's Day to all the Poms out there!</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Colin :icon_geek:</p>

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