Tanuki Racoon

http://thenicole.info/wp-content/uploads/consequences.jpg <--- disgustingly funny but it might be in Pec's buffet line.....

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself. http://phd.pp.ru/Texts/fun/english-poem.txt (source) Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!! -- B. Shaw

Deep indeed.

I am not the same person as Luggie. Nobody would mistake us for the same person. But I am the same person as EleCivil and Camy. And maybe even Trab. And you're all just jealous because I got the thigh-sweats from seeing this guy.

Wow, Rick. What a brave post. First, you can count on my support -- whatever that moral effort may mean to you. Second, keep the faith. As you know, this isn't a death sentence anymore. We all want you to stick around for the long haul. The fact that you've had it on and off for such a long time and are still here kicking around (or being kicked around) is a testament to your strength.What an impressive dude you are. We love ya' baby.

My doctor doesn't allow cel phones or I probably would have.

Well hurry on about your business, then. He worked on my spine a bit. To say I am straightened out would be contrary to the facts. I am just as straight as I was when I went in :) You're right. Just forget about the kid that would cause any straight guy to jump to the other team. Move along. Nothing to look at here. ::pant, pant::

So, I went to the chiropractor today because I was hurting especially bad. I called him and said he could squeeze me in at 445. So I got there at 430. There was a kid there. Tall, dark hair, think, great smile. I overheard the doctor talking to him. Sixteen, a sophomore in high school. Just drop dead gorgeous kid. It's not like I'm going to do anything but a guy can dream. Then, oh lucky day, he had to go in for his pre-adjustment massage, and of course you have to take off your shirt. He didn't close the door. I'm sure I must have fainted because I don't remember anything else.

My IP shows up in various random states so I certainly don't care.

Wherever it says "Jim West" replace it with "Trab Bart" B.C. man comes out swinging in bear attack Warning: this story contains graphic details http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/...r.html?ref=rss# Jim West needed 60 stitches on his head and body to close wounds from the bear attack. (CBC) A Cariboo, B.C., man who was attacked by a bear says he used a stick to put up the fight of his life after he realized he was likely in a fight to the death. Jim West, 45, was out walking last Saturday morning with his two dogs near 70 Mile House, about halfway between Kamloops and Williams Lake, when he came face to face with an angry mother bear. "I turned [when] I heard a grunt. All I saw was eyes full of hatred ? I had no option ? So I stuck my foot up and tried to kick her in the face," he said. The bear then attacked him, knocking him to the ground, and West soon found himself on the losing side of an ill-matched fight. "I rolled onto my stomach and clasped my hands at the back of my neck. She tore into my skull at the back of my head, moved over and bit me on the left side of my body, on my ribs and left arm," said West. Knowing he would likely soon be dead unless he fought back, the injured West managed to get to his feet and picked up a stick about as thick as his arm. Bear's skull crushed "I said, in effect, bring it on sweetie. I took one step forward ? smash!" said West. Jim West demonstrates how he swung at the oncoming bear with a stick he grabbed off the ground. (CBC) "I swung the stick and broke it over her head. She kind of stood there and shook it off, like she was stunned," he said. "I realized if I didn't continue the attack she would knock me to the ground again and I would not get up. "I swung my piece of wood like a sledgehammer driving spikes and I kept swinging till she was lying flat on the ground and there was blood coming out of her nose," said West. The five-foot-nine man eventually crushed the bear's skull with the stick, killing it. West then walked a kilometre and a half to a local lodge, where he was transported to hospital. The gashes in his body took 60 stitches to sew up. The incident surprised even conservation officers, who say West is lucky to be alive. Unfortunately, two young bears had to be euthanized because they would not survive the winter without their mother, West said. And while he regrets the deaths of the three bears, he believes he did what he needed to do to survive.

I can assure you this is PAST TENSE.

: salute :

I had started Boris as a very short story to showcase a character, and I had offered it up to my readers as a teaser with the release of the final NEAWMS posting. When I went and finished it and sent it to my editor, he berated me because he thought it was way too short. Here is my author's commentary. THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD Anyway, there's my initial commentary.

I won't stop you from discussing his works however Driver has made it known that he prefers people do not discuss his works. Although you may not understand his reasons, it would be appreciated by him if you didn't discuss his works :)

You should hit up Luggie. He's a Mechanic. And he looks better than a few of the cars he works on....

iCandidate :)

Do you think Kieran is screwed up on his own or a product of his screwed up society? (There's an answer but before I say, what do you think.) I'm glad you liked the sniffing. I added that AFTER my editors did the story. I wanted it to be one last bit of true creepiness.

I like a story where someone plays with his organ. I loved this story. Loved it.

I'm going to partially disagree with Trab. Not about the "welcome" but about your story. I really like your writing style. It's not that there's too much description, it's that there's too much description without anything happening. You need some action in there amongst the descriptions. With nothing happening there's not enough to hold people there to read more. You have to get your hooks in the reader first. It reminds me of a very popular book that I abhor called "Little, Big" -- not enough happens among the description to hold any interest. Even when nothing is happening, things happen.

He's a thoughtless sot/prat.

No because you ruined the last pair. Your new name is now LOL-Luggiez

Thanks. I'm glad you weren't too creeped out by it. It's my first novella in which I decide to do something quite different. I'm waiting for someone to get the point. I've learned not to hold my breath because I am often too obtuse for my own good. I have commentary but because there are spoilers, I'll hold them for a week. Two posts. Two emails. That's FOUR fans. Damn.

The "raccoons? are definitely stealing your underpants I don?t know what you did to make them hate you so much but boy do they hate you and tonight an evil raccoon is coming to your house to eat your family. HAHAHA I fooled you again, boy! ...Go change your pants. You don?t have anything to worry about those nice "raccoons" aren?t stealing your underwear You have correctly answered 0 of 10 questions. Hmph.

Everyone post your portraits of the Sexy Raccoon ;)