Tragic Rabbit
-
Posts
918 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Blogs
Posts posted by Tragic Rabbit
-
-
Male Restroom Etiquette...
and its importance.
-
Buy Strunk and White's Elements of Style, it's a basic for any writer or student.
TR
-
I am a little fish
swimming in a salt sea
warm water, soft light
quiet shushing sounds
rock me sweet to sleep
they said that I must leave
sometime, some way, somehow
I?ve given it thought
but you know something?
I don?t want to wake
I am a little fish
deep in an ocean dream
warm water, pure light
music from heaven
rock me soft to sleep
*
-
It made me cry, too. I've passed it on to friends here...
TR
-
as you once were
I dreamt of you
as you once were,
so handsome
smooth chin firm
gaze snapping,
a jealous god
and still my eye
drawn to those lips,
that dimple
yes, we were young
so long ago
when we loved
yet yours is still
the only face
that stops my heart
*
-
*
dig me up and brush me clean,
then wake me with a kiss;
I do not know where I have gone
can?t speak what I have seen
see this stone beneath my head
and earth below my feet,
they call me to my dreamless rest
to slumber?s coldest bed
hush, don?t cry, please make no sound
this silence is my home;
tired years have left me grateful for
this placid peace I?ve found
so kiss me all your sweet good byes
and lay me down to sleep;
close me in and cover me deep
with death as my disguise
*
-
Reminds me of the old saying:
"The sword is mightier than the pen is."
Which reminds me of what Pompeius Magnus (106-48 BC) once said: 'Stop quoting laws, we carry swords.'
TR
-
http://www2.oprah.com/index.jhtml
TUESDAY'S SHOW: Former Governor Jim McGreevey, His Gay Sex Scandal
An exclusive...for the first time, former governor Jim McGreevey talks about his gay affair. And, the blackmail threat he says exposed it all. The first look at his explosive new book.
Find out more about this show and what's coming up!
-
September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day
for more info: http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
-
Cute, but what makes you think it isn't another LonelyGirl15?
TR
-
Any emu's are not goony birds .
They're goony-looking and they're birds, lol.
I still like this poem, maybe I just like good wordplay.
Kisses...
TR
-
I like it very much, but think the first two stanzas are best and might make a better poem alone. I didn't feel the need for a moral at the ending, necessarily, but found the cutting imagery to be very, very vivid. And no, I've never 'cut'...but I find other ways to self-destruct.
Great job, Camy.
I also love the goony bird icon thingie. Friend of yours?
Kisses...
TR
PS. I had to look up 'meniscus'.
-
As I told you in IM, I think this might be the best prose you've ever written. I insist that you finish it.
Right now.
Love,
TR
-
i mean strips of fabric. like, from a flag. or strips of ribbon, something with bars of color. covering everything. or close to it; displayed prominantly?
That's 'striped', then, that you want, not 'stripped'. 'Stripped' means removed or disassembled, like stripped of one's clothing or a stripped-down rifle. Candycanes are striped, flags are striped, that is, they have stripes of color or fabric.
I like the ending.
Kisses...
TR
-
Your feedback on my use of the phrase "The Jewish Lobby" are well made. The consept surrounding this idea and it's introduction as it pertains to one of the stories sub-plots gets established in a chapter previous to this one. It's mention here is just to provide for a hook into the main plot and to introduce the sub-characters who will move this sub-plot forward and provide for establishing the plot conflict for these characters.Some of your comments on your feedback on the use of this idea (IE-"dangerous ground"/"highly charged and emotional phrase"/and"alienate a good part of your audience") do raise some interesting disscussions on just what sort of issues should or should not be used as "grist for the mill" in our writing. I chose this particular issue to move the conflict and sub-plot in my story because it is both relevant and contrivisial currently and I want my story to have real world connections even though it is intended to be fiction (do a google search on this phrase and you will find 663,957 entries...search on the phrase Vatican Connection and you will get 2,100,000 hits). Is it wrong to lend realism to our writing by using real world references without alienating our readers?
If the real world reference you want to make is to a world of racist anti-Semitism, you've done a good job. I think that's what WBMS was trying to say, albeit more politely. You really truly either need to lose that phrase or put it in a character's mouth. It's not an actual phrase that's okay to use in narration by anyone other than a Klansman. Seriously.
I'm wondering why this phrase 'Jewish Lobby' seems okay to you, and why it's part of your main storyline. I assume you are Gentile, and probably White? Again, 'Jewish Lobby' can be a phrase in the mouth of a character, but as narration, it's highly offensive even to non-Jews like myself. The idea of a secret Jewish cabal controlling a country or world finance is one with a long and unattractively racist history. You simply can't toss in phrases like that without painting your narrator (or you) as an offensive person. If that's your goal, fine, but it doesn't seem that way, you seem to think the phrase can be used factually.
In case I'm not being clear enough, I don't mean that you should find another phrase to mean 'Jewish Lobby', I mean that you should question why you think there's actually such a thing as a Jewish Lobby.
I agree with sticking to past tense, but either way you have to stick to one single tense. That's not really an option. I also agree about the first chapter being all description. You might want to cut it up and intersperse it with subsequent chapters, introducing the characters as the action unfolds.
I'm also of the opinion that overthinking this early in might kill off a story. Since you've only really introduced the characters, and may want to break that up and use the text section by section, that your time is better spent actually writing out the story than posting long posts about your intentions. That's just my personal feeling and something I've learned is true for me, from experience. Asking something specific seems okay to me but don't tell me what you're going to write, write it and then we'll talk. What seems true to me is that more talk equals less writing.
Best of luck with your story. Do you have any finished work, short story or longer, that you'd like to send me at Story-Editor@awesomedude.com? Feel free...
Kisses...
TR
> What I want to hear is not the issue here, it's what I want to do..write novels, not short stories. If I have learned anything so far in my novice attempts to write, it is that a good novielist is good at writing what I shall refer to as "stand alone" chapters to their novels, that have a "right unto themselves" as being complete and entertaining good reads (IE-mini-short-stories, if you will). PaulI think Camy's suggestion is an excellent one, try short story writing to hone your ability with plot and dialogue. Short stories can always be turned into novels, but novels are a lot harder to finish. Ahem.
TR
-
'Life choice', 'lifestyle'....I guess you could say accepting it was a choice, after all, we could date girls, right? Though we can't help who we're attracted to or fall in love with. Yeah, I resent that, too, Trab, and don't like to use buzz-words because they're usually loaded with the wrong ammo.
I guess my 'lifestyle' is pretty gay, in that I live among, talk to and hang out with as high a percentage of queers as possible. That was a choice, on my part, as is dating men. It was also a choice to let my family know, in my teens, that I wasn't straight, and they've really loved me for it. Not.
For a conservative, right-wing type guy to publically say he's gay takes guts, he's very likely to lose his office. Which is another reason I just can't fathom Log Cabin Republicans (politically active gay Republicans). Why be part of a party (whether we need any or only two political parties in the US is another topic) that would like to eradicate you from the landscape? In Real Life, I know (biblically and otherwise) Log Cabin Republicans, they seem otherwise to be sensible people.
I just noticed that this article originates in Brainerd, Minnesota, location of the fantastic film Fargo, starring William H. Macy, the fantastic actor.
Kisses...
TR
-
Openly gay state senator tests Minnesota GOP
BRAINERD, Minnesota (AP) -- State Sen. Paul Koering once fit neatly into the profile of socially conservative central Minnesota: abortion opponent, supporter of gun and property rights, outspoken supporter of veterans.
But last year, Koering was the only Republican in the Senate to join Democrats in opposing an effort to force a floor vote on a constitutional gay marriage ban.
That stirred up long-standing rumors at the Capitol about Koering's own sexuality, and within a few days he revealed that he was gay -- a move the area's GOP chairman called "political suicide."
In Tuesday's primary, he will find out if that is true.
"There's going to be a lot of people watching to see if the voters can look at my record and say, 'He's doing a good job,"' said the 41-year-old Koering. "Or, will they look at my personal life and say, 'I can't support him because of that.' If that's how they're going to vote, I may be out of a job."
Kevin Goedker, a city councilman who's challenging Koering in Tuesday's GOP primary, says it isn't because his opponent is gay. But he's making an explicit appeal to voters whose values guide them in the voting booth.
"People of high moral values and integrity must rally and support candidates who will work to bring ethics, morals and family values back into government," Goedker's father, Gene, his campaign treasurer, wrote in a fundraising letter.
Patrick Sammon, executive vice president of the Log Cabin Republicans, a gay GOP group, said it's important to the future of the Republican Party that politicians like Koering can find support.
"If the Republicans want to be a lasting majority party in America, they can't just shut out gays and lesbians," Sammon said.
The Victory Fund, which raises campaign funds for gay candidates, said there are currently 325 openly gay elected officials in the country, out of about 511,000 elected offices. The group doesn't break that figure down by party, but "the vast majority of them are Democrats," spokesman Denis Dison said.
"We are seeing more instances of openly gay Republicans, but there are still going to be significant parts of the country where that's going to be difficult to pull off," Dison said.
Like Koering, most prominent gay Republicans came out only after they were in office, including U.S. Rep. Jim Kolbe of Arizona and former U.S. Rep. Steve Gunderson of Wisconsin.
It doesn't help that a significant portion of the Republican base is dead-set against legal recognition of gay relationships, the leading front in recent years in the battle for gay rights. More than any other issues, those opposed to Koering's re-election cite his decision to break from the party line on gay marriage.
Indeed, since that 2005 vote, he has changed course, siding with fellow Senate Republicans in more recent efforts to get a statewide vote on the definition of marriage. Koering said it's what the majority of his constituents want, though he won't say how he'd cast his own ballot if it ever comes to a statewide vote.
Koering is not without his supporters among local Republicans, and in April he won the party's endorsement after seven rounds of balloting. Goedker decided to run in the primary anyway.
The winner will face Democrat Terry Sluss, a county commissioner, in the November election.
Goedker said he wouldn't vote for Koering in the general election.
"In my opinion I think it'd be tough to be gay and to be somebody I'd vote for based on some of the life choices they make," Goedker said. "To me it's a more liberal point of view."
Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.
Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/09/11/gay...e.ap/index.html
-
Beautiful, delicate, sad, lovely.
I love it.
Kisses...
TR
-
Hey TR,
I have been trying to write an epic poem for years. I can never wrap my mind around a single idea and they always come off as contrived. Right now I'm fucking jealous.
Not only did you weave this enormous story quite beautifully, the voice you channeled damn near broke my heart. The imagery and emotion gently sucked you in and the loss of love pushed you over the edge into the realm of beautiful diaster.
Wow, thanks, Jason!
I like trying new things and I'd tried the lyric story before, with The Midnight Chime, and liked the results. I like this better, though.
How to write a lyric story:
I think one thing is that you should approach it like any story, then tell it in rhyme, though a more old-fashioned style would probably be appropriate. Some of my regular prose is like that (eg. Some Enchanted Evening, and other tales) so I didn't find that a particular stretch. You just take a normal story idea, preferably something in the past or otherwise appropriate to an old-fashioned style, then set it to rhyme. I could have written this in regular prose, like Some Enchanted Evening, and still told the same story...that's just not what I wanted to do with it.
Rhyme takes a lot more concentration and is a bit like solving a puzzle, you tell your story but within very, very specific parameters, constrained by rhyme and line. You also probably need a pretty big vocabulary, to be able to easily pull out words that fit these constraints. If not, use a thesaurus. Eighteen pages of rhyming does mean dredging up some obscure synonyms and descriptors.
However, I don't think this is an 'epic' poem because it's not about legendary heroes or anything. Despite the tail on the mermaid, I think these are just two guys who couldn't make it work because they couldn't communicate well and were riddled with fear. They were different from one another, and their 'lifestyle' was unusual, and it worked, but it wasn't enough for the shipwrecked boy/man. He wanted a more 'normal' life...
So, to write a lyric story, you'd first need a storyline. I'd be happy to help you if you have one but I can't give you a storyline. The Dude has suggested we all write something for Halloween, so there's an option. My other lyric poem was also for Halloween: The Midnight Chime is a romantic/erotic horror tale. I might write another for this year's Halloween. I also need to finish up Drama Club.
Let me know if you want help writing in this form and I'll do what I can. Mainly, I'd say don't think of it as so very different, just tell a story in a different way.
Kisses...
TR
-
One question. Did you script this before you started writing?
What do you mean by 'script', Camy? I don't write anything out, though with some stories I make notes and do research. For this one, I did a little research on mermaids but found only one thing that stuck in my mind, to use without mentioning: that some Japanese believe that mermaids used to live off the coast of Japan but now are extinct, though their 'mermaids' are not the ones of legend (normal human upper bodies, human-sized and with porpoise-style tails) but small, fish-y, vicious creatures. There are some bodies on exhibit in Japan, preserved many hundreds of years ago when mermaids were, supposedly, common off the coast.
I knew who the two characters were, I told the Dude about a week or ten days ago that I was going to write a love story about a lonely mermaid and a shipwrecked orphan. I knew they'd be lovers but not be able to live together happily ever after. I toyed with a somewhat different ending but found this one to be more believable to me, more like relationships I've known and observed where differences, miscommunication and fear led to love lost.
I also knew I wanted to tell it from the mermaid's perspective because he's the one who is willing to accept all his lover's differences, it's the human boy/man who finally chooses community and children over Love. He's right by his own lights but wrong by the mermaid's, and likely the reader's, too. Still, I think we do that all the time, make choices out of fear and fail to communicate enough to salvage 'true' love. I know I have.
I knew I wanted to tell it in rhyme (short couplets & had the desired rhythm in my head), have it set in an unspecified past (eg. ocean-going ships had sails), and make it somewhat lyric and fantastical, though keep the relationship rooted in what I saw as 'real' issues between lovers, esp male lovers.
How many gay/bi men are married to women right now, for the reasons the shipwrecked boy/man gives, and who left former male lovers or potential loves in order to live that mainstream life, to have children? How many of us have been left by men who feared living a strange or isolated (gay) life 'in the sea foam'? Even the age difference, here a difference in ability to age, is one that can lead to misunderstanding and breakup.
Too many, I'm sure. It made me sad and I was hoping it would strike a chord with others, memories of love and love lost, of things that might have been, of our own private 'lonely ocean'.
Kisses...
TR
-
Umm . . . . Where is this poem?
Poem/Story is at http://www.awesomedude.com/tr/On_the_Lonely_Ocean.htm
Thanks for all the nice comments!
This thread began in the Poetry Forum, Gabe, but was moved to Readers' Rule, I assume because Dude lists my rhymed stories as stories, not poems. They are both. The other long, story-type poem I've done is The Midnight Chime , a tale of erotic horror.In answer to your question, Camy, it took about the same amount of time a much longer, unrhymed short story would take. OTLO is under 4000 words and took as long as a 15-20, 000 word unrhymed story. I'd guess that either takes me something like a total of 24-48 work hours? I'm not sure, especially when I take extended breaks. I think I once clocked myself at around 500-1000 usable words average, per day (or per writing session/spurt). Rhymed stories can be far shorter, I've noted, since you pack more punch into each word or line than regular prose.
OTLO probably took under 24 hours total work time, working in caffeinated, high-nicotine spurts of about six hours at a time. I don't know if that's average or short or a long period of time but it's VERY draining, I have to say. After this one, my head was full of words running around rhyming one another and I was exhausted for quite a while. It takes some time to reenergize after finishing any story or chapter, as well as to sort of clear my mental palette. Rhymes can be worse, in some ways, because they tend to ring around in your head much longer.
**SPOILERS**
I'm curious about which seemed the saddest parts of this story to readers. To me, the sadder parts were: **SPOILERS** when the mermaid found the boy, when the boy starting ignoring the mermaid and the mermaid tried to woo him with gifts and finally tried to help him 'escape', when the mermaid cried out "Don't go!' to the ship sailing off (saddest part, probably, to me), when they discussed their breakup years later, and when the mermaid realized he'd lost the boy long ago and swam off to live alone again.
**SPOILERS**
Which part or parts made you cry, if you did? Myself, though I'm the author, I do tear up a bit at the mermaid's 'Don't go!' as the ship sailed calmly on AND when the mermaid says, 'What care I for gray hair?' etc. I'm not sure what kind of judge I am of my own stories, though, so I'm asking what parts were saddest or, if different, what parts were best (or worst) in OTLO.
QUESTIONS: Did the fact that neither had names matter to anyone, or was it even noticed? Was the term 'mermaid' confusing when applied to a male of the species? Was the story believable? Entertaining? Sad? Romantic? Was the ending believable, did it proceed logically from the story? Was the rhyme a distraction or did it add to the mood and feel of the story? Would you have preferred more graphic sexual descriptions (I considered doing that, then finally decided not to this time--The Midnight Chime is a bit more graphic, as well as shorter)? Was the ending too abrupt, or the romantic 'happy' period too briefly described?
I'm no expert on rhymed stories, this is only my second unless you count a couple longer poems(eg. Ten Fun Things To Do Before You Die or Sunshine by Starlight ). Thanks for posting and reading, and thanks in advance for answering any of the above.
Love and Kisses...
TR
-
I dunno, that smacks of spin to me. Very good spin mind you, but spin none the less.
I don't think you mean 'spin', I think you mean Brad is lying.
I don't know whether he's lying or not, but I like the idea that he's thoughtful, as well as cute.
Kisses...
TR
In public relations, spin is a usually pejorative term signifying a heavily biased portrayal in one's own favor of an event or situation that is designed to bring about the most positive result possible. While traditional public relations relies more on creative presentation of the facts, "spin" often, though not always, implies disingenuous, deceptive and/or highly manipulative tactics to sway audiences away from widespread (and often commonsense) perceptions.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spin_(politics)
Maybe, but I agree with this attitude to parenting, though.Graeme, will you be my Daddy?
Kisses and hugs...
TR
-
What I do with my cock is my business
And, again, I like this line.
I enjoy fun poems and pithy, punchy lines.You know, you could connect these two Sept 5th poems, it seems to me. They have the same pattern and msg, right?
Kisses...
TR
-
You know the truth ? you want to suck cock
Well, I like this line.
And I like the first two lines almost as well.Cute, short, fun...nice.
Kisses...
TR
Scan to donate
video
in Laughs & Limericks
Posted
You'll prob like this bathroom video better, then.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxvE_iB96rw...ted&search=