aj

I just read Rad Steven's Fixing a Broken Heart and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm really enjoying the fact that it's written about a filipino boy and his friends...I've worked with filipinos for years, and even had a couple of filipino boyfriends, and still don't know all the ins and outs of the culture. Nice work, Rad! cheers! aj

I'm with you, Pecman. It's not even a terribly unusual story...'death takes a holiday' is a pretty common theme. It's been done, and it's been done better. cheers! aj

I think what Neville was commenting on was how formulaic much of the writing on Nifty is...1 or 2 basic plots with some few variations. He's right, of course, but the truth is that there is really only 7 or 8 plots in all of literature, and it's the twists and details that keep them fresh in innovative writing. I'll go take a look at David and report back. cheers! aj

And another: Elocution vs Electrocution. Okay, I've never actually seen anyone switch them up, mostly because no one ever uses the word 'elocution' any more...but I could see it happening. Something along the lines of "Oh my! He has nearly perfect diction and electrocution." cheers! aj

Okay, so i read the first three chapters, and...it was okay. It's formulaic as hell, but some of the language is compelling, and i like that the characters are black. It's the sort of nonoffensive stuff that is the backbone of any story site...moderate, not terribly gripping, but satisfying to read. It's a glass of cold milk and a pb&j sandwhich: nice, but not something i'm going to remember a year from now. However, what we saw here is just the preamble, and the author himself says not to get too attached to this part, because much bigger things are looming on the horizon for this story. Hopefully, those larger developments will move this story from the class of mediocre to 'damn good.' We'll have to see where it goes from the point that we saw last. I have a feeling that the end of the third chapter was just the beginning of the real story. cheers! aj

Went there, did it, liked it. If we every wanted to do a web comic section on AD, I would seriously reccomend this one for it. cheers!

This strikes me more as a piece to go in a writing journal than an actual story. There's some good memories here, and some of it certainly could become source material for a story. cheers! aj

Interesting topic. I have also had a few experiences with Russian Baptists...I started my career at the health department up here, working in the TB clinic. We screened all the registered immigrants for TB as part of our work, and saw quite a bit of it from Russia. Once case was particularly severe, and one of the neighbor's infants had also been infected after contact with the primary case. The parents refused to allow the child to be treated or even monitored because "If God wanted the child to be healed, He would heal the child." Needless to say, this didn't go over well with the health department, but we worked out a compromise wherein the child was seen every week for monitoring but was not given the preventive meds that would ordinarily be prescribed. Since it was an inactive case of TB - the bacteria was present but not actively reproducing - we went with that. cheers!

I liked this little story. It was a perfect little snapshot of a specific place and time, but held resonance for much larger issues in that young man's life. Well done, Nick. *puts on his editor's visor - you know, the one that's bright red with yellow lettering, and says "Southshore Penguins" on it? yeah, that one - and points out that 'indelibly' does not mean the same as 'inevitably.' * cheers! aj

I'm inclined to agree with Pecman...both of these stories are rather ho-hum and failed to grab my interest through a random sampling of chapters in both stories. I think we should probably look elsewhere. cheers! aj

It is also interesting to note that the german word for death is, in fact...you guessed it, Tod. I believe that the new character's name comes from the phrase 'memento mori'... cheers! aj

I wanted to add my two coppers here: In my experience, there are two kinds of music (oversimplified? Oh yes...because I'm a simple kind of guy): That which is lyric driven, and that in which the lyrics are a medium for the human voice, and the content of the lyrics doesn't really matter. In this latter case, the vocalist is simply vocalizing, and his voice is another instrument in the mix of instruments that make up the total sound of what is being played. I confess that I often have to listen to Opera in this context...If I go into an opera performance expecting a story, I will quickly become bored and be ready to leave. If, however, I view the whole performance the same way I would if I were at a symphony performance, then I'm good to go and can listen to the whole performance, no problem. Because I'm into writing and words, lyrics are important to me in most pop songs. A song with terrible music values but which has great lyrics will win me over just as much - if not moreso - than a breathtaking piece of music with merely mediocre lyrics. And I am always delighted when I hear some lyrics that aren't about love...even if the topic is silly or not really applicable. cheers! aj

Oh, my Goodnes. After reading this new chapter, I believe I see what you're doing here. This is a very metaphysical chapter...very interesting. If no one else has applied for position of editor, I'd be interested. The other story I habitually work on is on semi-hiatus, and I have the time and the inclination to work on this one. Please see the 'editing demonstration' under "The editor's desk" for a sample of my editing style and see if it would work for you, and/or send me a sample chapter for something more immediately applicable. As for chapter ii, all I will say is that the last line is extremely telling, and that the new character's name is a very clever pun. Thanks for posting the chapter! cheers! aj PS - Trab, I am with you on the quality of Control and Kaos...it's always been one of my favorite Buffet stories.

Hmm...all the problems talked about definitely do exist in this piece. I found myself frequently getting frustrated with Greg, and I found the idea of the bet between the cousins annoying. It was an unfortunate choice for a central device in the plotting, I thought. And, as someone who does a bit of editing, I definitely noticed the grammar/syntax problems. I don't know that this is a good candidate for BoN. cheers! aj

Nice work, James! While I haven't been coming over to AD much (not nearly as much as I ought to be), I was certainly in for a pleasant surprise when I clicked on the link for this story. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this one! cheers! aj

It's 0527, and I just finished reading "The Luckiest Summer." I'm sad that I'm done reading it, actually...it's a fantastic little story. The characterization is amazing, and the tiny details that make the story are sure handed and eloquent: salted sunflower seeds, the details of the game in Houston, the heartbreak of his father's tiny belongings. Thank you, Pecman, for bringing this to my attention. cheers!

And so we move on into the second section of volume 2, The Scrolls of Icaria. I think you'll find this section quite a departure from what has gone before...but equally compelling and interesting. No, I will not tell you what it's about...go read it yourself on Saturday! But I'll eat my hat if it doesn't grab you and hold you there until you're done reading! The level of my enjoyment of a story is marked by how much time I spend daydreaming and thinking about the characters in the story...and I have to say, I spend a lot time thinking about Jamie and the crew, wondering what will happen next. cheers! aj

Hey BW-- Wow! Such an improvement! I'm very impressed with the opening paragraphs...it's a lot more work than it looks like, isn't it? lol Keep working on the latter paragraphs, and they too shall be conquered in time. Looking forward to seeing further editions. cheers! aj

Or it could be a reference to a writing utensil that is used exclusively for exaggeration and propaganda... "I'm writing ad copy today...anybody know where I put my bullpen?" cheers! aj

I think the biggest problem I have with this sample is that it reads more like an abstract of a story, and less like the story itself. There's no sense of immediacey, or real life action. In a word, this tells but doesn't show. The characters you've introduced in this section are interesting, though frankly a little intimidating with all their qualifications: black belt in Taek Won Do, Yaqui sorceror, brilliant researcher, etc. I find, at least in my stories, that if the characters are overqualified, then I have a hard time making them very sympathetic for the readers...and one of the most interesting points of reading a good story is watching the characters deal with their flaws and overcome them. We need some points of commanality: is this guy a closet romance novel reader? Does he drink so much coffee that his lips buzz? Does he have a messy apartment? When you introduce the guy who funds the place, try having your main char. run into him in the hall or out in the parking garage, and engage in a little dialogue before you tell us his story...Maybe the MC drops his keys as he's locking his car door, bends down to pick 'em up and when he looks up, he's confronted by a pair of feet in front of a pair of wheels and another pair of feet behind those. He realizes who they belong to and starts chatting with them. Incidentally, you have a guy who's a vegetable looking on in wonder at a squirming rat that used to be paralyzed. Could be a continuity problem. How functional is this guy? So, bottom line: God is in the details. Think of yourself as a movie camera, recording pertinent scenes that tell the story that you want to tell, and use the details of what the characters do and say to capture the reader's interest. This is a strong effort, and a good beginning. I would probably use what you sent to us as a character sketch for all the various people you introduce, and then start writing the story again with dialogue and details included. As Graeme always says, all the opinions expressed here are my own, and none of them may be applicable. cheers! aj

As a way to ease the transition between the 'dialogue section' and the 'explication/narrative' section, you could frame the initial part of the explication as internal dialogue, i.e., 'What am I going to do about this guy? How did I ever end up in this situation?' His mind wandered back over the events of the last few months... (ok, that's really cheesy, but you get the idea). cheers! aj

Now that chapter 12 is up, you all get to meet one of my favorite characters in the story so far...Charlie. If you haven't read the chapter so far, never fear: no spoilers from me. But, I am sitting here wondering...Why haven't you read it yet? Get Busy! lol I'm currently working on Interludes 5, which I think you're all going to like very much. More from our favorite - and rather inept - spy, the coolest gladiator ever, the lowest snake to ever slither out from under a rock, and a blast from the past. Yup, yup...lots o' fun. cheers! aj

Yup, we do get to read the stories first...and that's not a small thing. More importantly, we get to take part in the creative process that makes the story, and that's an even bigger thing. Most importantly, we get to be involved in making a story without doing all that goldarn typing, and that's the best of all. cheers! aj

I think it needs to be pointed out here that when an author--no matter what his/her age--sends a story to an editor, it is for the purpose of soliciting the editor's opinion and reccomendations. This implies that the author recognizes that the editor's opinion may have some validity, as someone with a talent for grammar, punctuation, characterization, etc. So, when an editor tells you 'this particular section needs to be reworked,' it makes sense to pay attention to that opinion--after all, that's why you asked for help in the first place. Having said that, I will also point out that the author/editor relationship--just like any other kind of relationship--is based on mutual respect. Honest brutality is counterproductive for an editor, if the goal is to produce a better piece of writing. Brutal honesty is more acceptable, but it has its limits as well. It should come as no surprise that the best responses come from politely worded requests, in my experience. The synergy that comes when an author/editor team really meshes is a wonderful thing. I've been blessed to have two of those kinds of relationships with authors, and i thank the gods every time I open a new chapter from either of them that I have been so blessed. It hasn't always been so--I wasn't brutal enough for one guy, and another wouldn't stop sending me rewrites (after rewrite 15, I threw in the towel) and kept posting stuff before I could look at the "final copy"--which, by the way, is the only hard and fast rule that I insist on. As an editor, the last thing I want is to have my name attached to something that I didn't have an opportunity to check before it went to post. cheers! aj Hmm...looking back at this, I notice that it doesn't actually have a lot to do with the subject of the original post...so: Codey, here's my bottom line: The work is what's important. The best work is produced by mutually respectful relationships between the author and editor, because they last the longest and produce the most consistent product. Don't let the editor run roughshod over you, and don't view the editor as a punctuation/grammar 'bot. The point of having an editor is workshopping your work with someone who knows something about writing, so grab the opportunity when it presents itself. aj

Dio, from Gayauthors, recently sent me the first draft of the next chapter of Grey-Eyed Justice, and I'm currently working on it. While it may take a few weeks, this is a chapter you're going to want to check out. If you don't know the story, I gotta tell ya, it's a must-read. You can find Dio over on GA, as a hosted author. cheers! aj