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EleCivil

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Blog Entries posted by EleCivil

  1. EleCivil

    Thanksgiving (HLS pt. 1)

    By EleCivil,

    I'm a member of the Holiday Loser Squad - the group that works on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Independence Day, and the rest. That means that on days like this, I get the whole place to myself. Well, usually. Sometimes I have to share it with one or two other HLS members, but that's cool.
    I brought my iPod along and, while walking around, doing my thing, I decided to listen to The Taj Motel Trio's album "Life of the Party". For those unfamiliar, they're a third-wave ska/punk band, and that's the single most dancable album I've ever heard. So, since no one was there, I saw no reason to abstain from an early-morning one-man skankfest. Yes, while in full uniform, complete with a tie, matching socks (ugh), and a long snow-patrol coat.
    As a result, it was easilly the best day I've had at work all year. Thank you, Taj Motel Trio.
    Also, I was able to smuggle in my laptop and finish a chapter of Laika. I sent it in just now.
  2. EleCivil

    The "H" Word

    By EleCivil,

    I'm on hiatus from writing.
    Well, not completely true - I'm writing stories for my remedial reading students. I hate, hate, hate the books provided by the school. They're either too high-level for the kids to understand or they are too kiddy and uninteresting, or they're all about rich, suburban white kids that my kids can't relate to, so I'm writing my own.
    In other words, work is kicking my ass all over the place, and I'm kicking it right back. My 8th graders read like 2nd graders, and I've only got a few months to change that. I've got to make words more appealing than the street corners, and that's taking all my time and creativity. I'm tapped.
    In other news, I'm going to a private premier screening of "Waiting for 'Superman'" - a documentary about inner-city charter schools (like mine) - and I was invited to attend a conference/discussion afterward. Presumably because I'm a badass. You know, in an educational way. Fun times!
  3. EleCivil

    The 4th

    By EleCivil,

    Ever completely forget that other people were in the house, and start doing something that even you think is kind of weird?
    Yesterday morning, I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving my head, when I started singing:
    "Shaving my dome,
    Shaving my big white dome,
    I don't get razor burn
    Because I use a lot of foam!
    I wake up and shave my dome
    At the break of dawn,
    Yes, I'm shaving my dome,
    With my bath towel on...."
    I was about to start in on a second verse when I realized that, since it was the fourth of July, everybody was off of work, and waiting to applaud as soon as I stepped out.
    That night, some friends and I chased each other around with sparklers and traded protest songs. It was cool, but a couple people kept trying to get me to drink.
    "Dude, you'll be 21 in, like, four days. We're not going to turn you in or something. It's four days!"
    I was dumbstruck - they actually thought that the reason I don't drink is because it wouldn't be legal. I had to explain, like, since when do I care about the law? Fuck the law. I'm not going to be one of those posers who blunts their edges the day the law says that they can.
    Oh, yeah - I turn 21 on Sunday.
    "I learned all about Liberty.
    It's a statue near a harbor in a city called New York.
    And I learned that statues are things that we build
    To remind us of things that have died."


    -"Liberty is a Statue" by Evan Greer


  4. EleCivil
    So, I noticed that we're getting a Wal-Mart installed pretty much in my old back yard. The problem? Well, besides the death of every small business in the area, it's what they're tearing down to build on: the horse racing track.
    I'm not one to bet on the horses, but when I was a kid (elementary/middle school), I was there all the time. Not because I was into horses or anything, but because, as an enterprising trailor kid, I knew that the race track was the best place to panhandle. I didn't want to get into drugs - the main industry for kids in my area - but I had to get some cash somewhere, or I'd be stuck wearing the same two hand-me-down dress pants and free event t-shirts from years before.
    Now that I'm old enough to have a job (or two), I don't need to panhandle any more, but still...think of the children! With their parents all working for peanuts at the new Wal-Mart, they'll need that supplimental income more than ever. Baaah...
    But enough about those corporate mobsters. Happy new year!
    I just got off of work and emptied all the rainwater from my pockets, then went to toast the new year with my family (sipping chocolate milk from a wine glass, 'cause I'm classy like that).
    Now it's off to solitude, where I can strip down and greet 2007 unfettered by the trappings of '06, and perhaps a bit of nude howling at the moon, because, once again, I'm classy like that.
    aaaAAAAAAAooooOOOOOooooOOOOOO....
    "I think about this world and all of it's deadly beasts,
    And they stand no chance against me!
    You see, I believe in love, and I'm sorry if you can't.
    Maybe someday you'll see, when I've killed every evil thing,
    Maybe you'll believe in me!"


    -"I Will Rip Their Jaws Apart" by Captain Chaos


  5. EleCivil

    TLAP Day

    By EleCivil,

    Talk Like a Pirate Day: Aftermath
    This year's Talk Like a Pirate Day went quite well. First, I flew a black flag from my car and drove around playing pirate songs with my windows down.
    Pirate playlist:
    Flogging Molly - Seven Deadly Sins
    David Rovics - Black Flag Flying
    Lazytown - You Are a Pirate
    Flogging Molly - Salty Dog
    Mutiny - Here's to Adventure
    Pirates of the Carribean Soundtrack - He's a Pirate
    Flogging Molly - Queen Anne's Revenge
    Murder by Death - Dead Men and Sinners
    Rockin' Chair - Wooden Boats, Iron Men
    Tom Smith - Talk Like a Pirate Day (official theme song)
    The Mad Caddies - Weird Beard
    Bread and Roses - Let the Wind and the Sea be my Grave
    After I finished with that, I dressed in full pirate garb (puffy shirt, feathered hat with a skull-and-bones insignia, stuffed parrot on shoulder, eyepatch, etc.) and went to the library, where I checked out Mutiny on the Bounty and Treasure Island. One of the librarians was celebrating, too (I guess you could call her a bookaneer...but it'd probably be best if you didn't), so we took a few pictures together.
    By that time my roommate was awake, so we went to a nearby grocery store and had a swordfight in the parking lot. All nearby buckles were sufficiently swashed. Aftewards, I did some juggling, picking up enough in tips to buy us some water.
    Then, we came back home to watch yesterday's episode of Wife Swap. No, that's not something I'd normally do, but one of the families was a pirate family, the husband being none other than Ol' Chumbucket, co-creator of Talk Like a Pirate Day and co-author of "Pirattitude!". Captain Slappy, the other co-creator, made an appearance as well.
    All in all, it was my best TLAP Day yet.
    "Anarchy! The scourge of every sea! The Antichrist abord a rig, with us, your cut-throat thieves!"


    -"Salty Dog" by Flogging Molly


  6. EleCivil
    I got my first teaching job two years ago, right out of college. At the time, I posted this:
    "The school has no art, music, gym, recess, or extra-curriculars. These were all shut down because of low test scores.
    The school itself is on the verge of being shut down by the government (depending on this year's test scores)."
    Bruin Fisher replied with this:
    "Cool. You will hit the school like a tornado. Its grades will shoot through the roof, the kids will become well-motivated, the arts courses will be re-established."
    I have my suspicions that Mr. Fisher might be a psychic. Or a witch. Here's what's happened:
    The incompetent teachers and abusive administrators were kicked to the curb.
    We now have art, music, gym, and an after school program.
    We put on school plays every six weeks.
    Our test scores have shot up, making us one of the best performing public schools in the area.
    I don't have the data from other teachers, but my kids went up an average of two and a half grade levels in the last year.
    I'm happy about the test scores. But seriously, who cares about test scores? Any educator you ask will tell you how ridiculous standardized tests are. Until kids have standardized lives, standardized parental support, standardized health, and standardized neighborhoods, standardized tests will always be BS.
    Yeah, I teach my kids to read. But you'll know which ones are mine because they'll be smiling. They'll be the ones juggling and performing slight-of-hand tricks. They'll be the ones wearing goofy hats and reciting poems while standing on one foot. They'll be standing on tables and role-playing characters from fiction and history. They'll be singing their answers and reading aloud in different accents every day.
    Officially, I'm going against the curriculum. The administration and the government say that I'm supposed to take kids who can't read and teach them how to fake it well enough to bluff their way through a standardized test. But when no one's looking, I close the door and teach them to read.
    Screw the tests. Screw the standards. Let's teach.
  7. EleCivil

    Untamed, Untranslatable

    By EleCivil,

    Plans for celebrating New Year's Eve:
    Step one: Strip to the skin.
    Free yourself of the trappings of the dying year. To have nothing between you and the fresh embrace of the new solar cycle.
    Step two: Throw open a window.
    Feel the breath of the new year on your skin. Also, ventilation for step three.
    Step three: Set fire to the previous year's calender.
    Part with the previous year, setting it to rest on your own terms. All anxieties, fears, doubts, and sufferings of the previous year are set ablaze.
    Step four: Tilt head to the sky and howl.
    Clothed in nothing but December's embers and January's breeze, let your first utterance of the new year be an unintelligible vociferation. A cry of victory over the previous year and a challenge to the year to come - a proclamation of intent to live loudly and love intensely, letting no impediment overcome such august ambitions.
    Step five: Sleep.
    'Cause it's late and I've got work in the morning. What? I can be practical, sometimes, too.
    "I must create my own system, or be enslav'd by another man's."


    -William Blake


  8. EleCivil

    Vampirism

    By EleCivil,

    True story:
    Student 1: "Mr. Civil, Student 2 just tried to bite me!"
    EC: (Turns and glares at Student 2) "I knew it!"
    Student 2: "What?"
    EC: "You're a vampire! I've been saying it for years, but does anyone ever listen to crazy old Mr. Civil? No. Well, now they'll see that crazy old Mr. Civil isn't really all that old. I mean, crazy." (Rolls up a newspaper into a cone.)
    Student 1: "What are you doing?"
    EC: "What must be done. Hold still, Student 2, you're going to feel a slight stakey sensation."
    Student 2: "I'm not a vampire!"
    EC: "That's exactly what a vampire would say."
    Student 1: "That's paper. The stake has to be made of wood."
    EC: "Well, paper is made from wood pulp...which is made out of wood. I'm sure the transitive property applies to vampire slaying."
    Student 2: "I'm not a vampire!"
    EC: "...You sure?"
    Student 2: "YES!"
    EC: "Oh. Well, then. Stop trying to bite people. Now, where were we? Math? Yeah, let's do some math."
  9. EleCivil
    I got drilled and filled today. My tooth, that is.
    Man, I used to think going to the dentist felt masochistic, but now that I don't have insurance, it's even worse. "Here's two hundred dollars. NOW HURT ME, DOC, AND DON'T STOP 'TIL YOU'RE OFF THE CLOCK!"
    Anyway, I don't know if it's the gas or the fact that I'm leaning back with all the blood rushing to my head, but I always seem to get the urge to sing when I'm in the dentist's chair. When I got my wisdom teeth yanked, I got through three renditions of "Black Cadillacs" before I was finally knocked out (or so they tell me). I refrained, this time, only because I couldn't afford laughing gas. Still, on the drive home, I was singing along with the new Ghost Mice split when I noticed something - having half of my face numbed with Novocaine really did wonders for my "punk accent".
    For those of you unfamiliar, quite a few punk vocalists have a very distinctive twist to their singing voices. Sort of a combination of apathy, disgust, and the lingering effects of a stroke all wrapped together. Listen to one song by Lagwagon and you'll know what I'm talking about. As one of my friends put it, "Joey Cape sings like someone just punched him in the mouth."
    Without even trying, I was hitting Cape-level punk snottiness. This gave me the greatest idea in the history of music: At the opening of a show, the vocalist gets on stage and pulls out a giant needle full of Novocaine, which he empties into his gums. Sure, it wouldn't fly with the straight-edge crowd, and some may say that performance-enhancing drugs go against the DIY ethic, but still...injecting a giant dental syringe into your jaw before a performance? That's pretty hardcore.
    The answer is "A nova-cane," by the way.
    "But I assume the role
    Open my mouth
    And clumsy words escape."


    -"Violins" by Lagwagon


  10. EleCivil
    Like I mentioned in an earlier blog, I've started writing again. It's rough going. I've never written this dark before, other than Fistfights With Flashlights (At least, I think - I wrote FWF all in one shot over the course of an hour or so, with no editing, no second draft, and I have yet to read it again). And, because of the nature of this new story, I keep putting way too much of myself into it. Every couple paragraphs, I've been stopping, thinking "Man, this is getting too personal. I've got to stop," closing the Word document, and walking away to do something else for a while. But I keep coming back.
    On another note, what's the deal with people and sidewalks?
    My college's campus is fairly open - a lot of grass and trees, with just a few sidewalks cutting through. I was walking from one side of campus to the other when I noticed that everyone else - EVERYONE ELSE - was crammed together on those little sidewalks. I was the only one crunching through the fallen leaves. The whole time, I was thinking, "C'mon, guys, if you're not going to kick through these leaves, what's the point of having trees around? Other than the whole oxygen thing, I mean." Humans are weird. I guess I still like 'em, though. They did invent non-dairy creamer, after all, and I do love some non-dairy creamer.

    As far as I'm concerned, mankind is redeemed.


    "We're going down, down, down
    To the bottom of everything,
    Just to see how dark life can get."


    "Down, Down, Down" by Daniel O'Sullivan


  11. EleCivil

    Yarrrr.

    By EleCivil,

    I found out that my co-workers, boss, and supervisor have been using a nickname for me: "Mr. USA". The USA stands for "Undercover Smart-Ass". One of my co-workers explained it to me like this: "People always say, 'Oh, Civil's so quiet and shy', and I'm like, 'Wow, you've obviously never worked with him.' And I've got to explain, like, 'He's not being quiet, he's got comedic timing, and he's waiting for a set-up.' But that takes a while, so now we just say you're an Undercover Smart-Ass."
    She's right, so I can't complain. The only thing is, instead of just laughing, now they start a "U-S-A! U-S-A!" chant whenever I say something...er, smart-ass-ish. Ah well. Can't complain about a chant.
    Speaking of chanting, thanks to an assignment from a rather non-traditional instructor, I've got to write a rap song about educational philosophy. I'm thinking something along the lines of "Bloom's Raponomy" or "MC Vygotsky's Breakbeats of Proximal Development". Any freelance DJs in the house?
    "Maybe the times we had, they weren't that bad
    And everything else was part of our path
    We sang: "I don't know where we go from here"
    This is the anthem, the slogan, the summary of events
    And we all just idealize the past."


    "Somewhere in the Between" by Streetlight Manifesto


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