Magnetism

[Bruin Fisher]

Magnetism

Tony’s not the brightest button in the box, but he is big and shiny (sticking with that metaphor) and very often that’s what casting directors are looking for, so he gets lots of work. Some of us struggle to find work, but we don’t begrudge him his success. Most of us who went through drama school together in London keep in touch, and when work is slow we have been known to put together projects of our own, producing short films and entering competitions. We haven’t won anything, but we’ve had ‘honourable mentions’ a few times.

There was this one time, I flew over to New York for an audition (I didn’t get the part) and took the opportunity to catch up with Tony in his posh Brooklyn apartment. He buzzed me in but when I got up to the fourteenth floor and he opened the door to me, he was stark naked, completely unaware that this was not normal behaviour.

Don’t get me wrong, Tony stark naked is a sight to behold and I beheld it for all I was worth. I stared at his beautiful body, all muscles and fur, wondering if he’d hold it against me. He didn’t, but he did ask why I was staring so I asked him about the nudity.

It turns out he’d heard that his arsehole was magnetic and he was trying to find out if it was true. He’d been all over his flat looking for anything made of metal and sitting on it, then standing up to see if the object would stay stuck to his arse. When I’d buzzed he hadn’t heard the buzzer at first because he’d been out on his balcony, sitting astride the metal handrail.

When he told me that, I went grey and shaky and had to sit down. I had to explain to him why, asked him to think what would have happened if the paparazzi had spotted him, Antonio di Figlini, naked and apparently clambering over his balcony balustrade on the fourteenth floor. There would have been pictures in every paper in the English speaking world – not the sort of publicity he needs at this stage in his career.

He got me a glass of water and I calmed down and thought to ask him who had told him his arse was magnetic? He went and got the New York Times and pointed out the review of his new movie, and showed me the line that said the audience couldn’t resist his anal magnetism. So I smoothed out the crease in the paper and showed him that it said animal magnetism. I still had to explain to him what the critic meant by that.

Bruin Fisher 8/2018

[Merkin]

Stick to writing stuff like this, Bruin, and you'll attract lots of readers. 

[colinian]

That is very funny, Bruin. It gives a different meaning to the newspaper term, "Above the fold." Or, even better, a new term "Hidden in the fold."

Colin 

[Cole Parker]

His ass may not draw metal, but your writing is sure to attract readers.  Keep it up!

 

C

[Bruin Fisher]

Thank you for your kind comments, guys!

[Trab]

Did anyone else snicker just a little bit at "Tony stark naked" by thinking "Tony Stark, naked" for just a moment?

[Jason Rimbaud]

Yep I did 

[Bruin Fisher]

Oh, and I never spotted that!