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Blue steps out of the closet


blue

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Yes, it's true. Blue actually stepped out of the closet. OK, enough of talking about myself in third person singular.

I stepped out of the closet.

Yeah, that's better already.

This past Saturday afternoon, I looked around the gay part of town briefly, accompanied by a friend. I was nervous, but I didn't get completely embarrassed like I was hoping I wouldn't. A nice restaurant (yum!), a coffeehouse, a couple of casual bars, another bar, and he pointed out other places along the way. I can hear y'all snickering from here. :) No, it wasn't a pub crawl. No, I didn't see anyone even shirtless. (Darn, huh?) The only thing not ordinary was my nerves. Next time, they'll be better. Oh, and I picked up some "gay publicatons." Huh? Oh, lol, no, not that kind. (Darn, huh?)

Afterward, I've been thinking how I was more nervous at the time than I realized, and how I want to get past that. I *liked* being out and seeing some things, being around people...like me, regular guys and girls, couples, groups, families with kids...so ordinary.

Here's to enjoying myself more next time!

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Afterward, I've been thinking how I was more nervous at the time than I realized, and how I want to get past that. I *liked* being out and seeing some things, being around people...like me, regular guys and girls, couples, groups, families with kids...so ordinary.

Well done, Blue!

That's exactly how I felt when I went to a gay bar in Brisbane... that everyone there was so ordinary, even to have a few kids running around (and as I seem to have shocked a lot of Americans when I tell them that, kids are allowed in most bars in Australia if they are accompanied by their parents/guardians. They just aren't allowed to buy or consume alcohol).

That was one of my early steps in my coming to terms with being gay. Simply seeing ordinary people, many of which just happened to be gay, made a big difference to me.

Cheers and congratulations!

Graeme :D

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First, a big thank you, everyone. I really, really appreciate it.

Yes, he's gay and has a partner of several years. I don't know if they get on the net much, um, :waves: hi (in case they do and he puts 2 and 2 together).

I'll have some more to say, once I figure out how to put it into words.

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Good for you Blue :) ,

Now that you've visited a few places, I'd think you'll be more comfortable each time you go to them in future.

Kel

I guess so, but the main benefit, one hopes, is that Blue would be more comfortable with HIMSELF.

I guess I really found others like me in high school, maybe junior high, but mainly high school where I interacted with other openly gay/bi students in and out of school. Not all were in drama but quite a lot of the more open ones were, open at least within our little queer Borg collective.

I went to my first gay bar when I was in high school, but (obviously) did that more in college. That's also when I started finding other connections outside of bars, aside from theatre. I remember some pretty great college parties where, somehow, most of the guests were gay. Even so, I have since had other experiences that were transcendent for me, like the first time I went to a large gay church and saw hundreds of my fellow queers (sorry, guys, that's a word I use) worshipping God. Big rallys, political events, outdoor parties, parades and such are also nice for that reason, seeing others in large groups outside of bars and the more sexually oriented parties.

So I can kind of relate to how Blue feels, but not to the waiting so long part. I think my head would have exploded had I had to be secretive all of my life, date secretly, etc. Even so, I HAVE done a lot more of that than I ever did want to--pretending someone wasn't my lover, pretending I was straight, not mentioning things, not speaking up when things are mentioned in, say, a job setting.

I think it wears down your psyche to do that, ever, and I can only imagine what it would do to have done it ALWAYS, for decades, my entire whole life. Still, like they say, better late than never. I know plenty of closeted adults, though usually their closet exists in specific places: the American Airlines pilot I know who is gay but closeted at work, the teachers I know who are any kind of GLBT and closeted at work (or anywhere that someone might report on them back to work), the very religious who are active within a prejudiced faith who are closeted at church, and the many, many people I know who THINK (meaning, I don't know if their fears are valid) that if they 'come out' to family, church, friends or work that they will suffer for it and thus hide something of themselves in some situations.

I guess all of us hide something at some time, or at least keep silent. Which sucks. I think it's possible that things in America are taking a downward turn, that it might be less and less acceptable to admit to anything outside the str8, white, middle class mainstream. Scarey, that. I am no fan of forced outings but have some sympathy for the idea that people who actively work against gay rights but ARE gay, privately, might ought to be held accountable publically and outed as homosexual. But I'm not definite about it...

Kisses...

TR

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I guess so, but the main benefit, one hopes, is that Blue would be more comfortable with HIMSELF.

TR, my profound thanks for that.

I think I'm going to try to say what I want to say in some creative writing. Whether it's a poem or prose, I'm not sure, but... I'm going to try to get it out this week.

~Blue, a little more true today.

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Hey, sincere congrats, Blue! Trust me, you'll feel better for it.

Nobody can come out until they're ready. I know a married guy who finally divorced his wife and came out in his FIFTIES! (He's a major executive VP at Paramount Pictures, believe it or not, and his longtime companion is his assistant.)

Hope things work out for you. You might want to look into local support groups, clubs, and other stuff, just to find ways of meeting people -- assuming you want to avoid the usual bar scene and so on. I like to think there's a soulmate for everybody in the world (maybe more than one!), and I hope you can eventually find somebody that you're compatible with.

More importantly, maybe you can also find some solid gay friends to hang around with. I've got maybe a dozen gay friends in our inner circle, and our bonds go a lot deeper than just sex. Hell, it's all about the "everything else" -- nothing about the sex at all. But just having guys (and a couple of gay ladies) to hang out with and talk to is nice. If nothing else, we can rant and rave against our California governator out here...

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You finally did it! I couldn't be happier for you...yes, it does get easier with time and experience. I predict that a year from now, you'll be asking yourself "What was the big deal and why did I wait so long?"

Come up to Seattle soon and I'll give you a tour of The Hill, with all its myriad 'gay outlets.' That would be a kick in the pants for both of us!

cheers!

aj

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