Without Warning

[Trab]

Without Warning

By Trab

Today I suffered my first, and hopefully last, personal IED. “IED” is the acronym currently applied to terrorist warfare tactics in places like Iraq and Afghanistan, in which an “improvised explosive device” is placed in a way that causes maximum damage…in other words, a big mess.

Today, with no warning whatsoever, I suddenly felt an urgent need to go to the bathroom, for a toilet break. Sometimes you just know things are not going to go well, and this was one of those times. As I sat down, I didn’t even need to strain my incredulity to know it was going to be bad, but nothing, absolutely nothing prepared me for the “shit grenade” that hit the toilet water, splashed up like a freaking waterspout, lifting me and my (then) current oval office right off the porcelain throne. If I’d been in a World Title competition I’m sure I’d have received at least three 8.9’s and a couple of 9.0’s from the judges.

As it was, there was no-one to witness my rapid rise and fall in the polls, er, bowl, except the unfortunate cat, who’d very unwisely decided to follow me into the bathroom to see if she could get some fresh water. Ha, ha, ha. I’ve never seen such a disgusted look, except that once when she jumped for a shelf and missed, careening down the wall and landing in an embarrassed heap on the floor. It seems they have to have a ‘free’ fall in order to land on their feet; it doesn’t work if they are scraping their claws down the wallpaper as they drop. Regardless of her previous experience, she was obviously horrorstruck at the current situation, looking like she was going to try to claw through the door for a frantic, and much too late, exit.

All I can say is, “wie lacht om een scheet, is gekker dan hij weet”, which is a very appropriate short Dutch rhyme, saying, “he who laughs at a fart is crazier than he realizes”, which is probably why my amazed amused laughter at my splatter pattern, not to mention the cat’s reaction, makes me crazier than I ever realized…although I suppose that writing a post about it is ever crazier.

[colinian]

That is so funny, Trab! I can't think of anyone else who could pick that subject and elevate it to such a funny slice-of-life story.

Colin

[Lugnutz]

Poor cat, stuck in the gas chamber.................

Farts are funny, as long as you're not in close range. I could tell stories.

[DesDownunder]

Ah, the joys of anal vomiting.

The human body has so much power stored in its wastes, waists, wastelands...

is it safe to come out of the bathroom yet?

[Cole Parker]

You really rose to the occasion there, Trab.

C

[Camy]

Yuck.

[Lugnutz]

Just read this again. Shouldn't this be a DFL story instead of fiction?

I laffed again too, poor cat..............