Val N Tyne

[Guest Dabeagle]

Eight lengthy chapters are posted on Nifty. This story has a few cliches, but the characters manage to make up for it. It's a solid effort.

http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/val-n-tyne/

[Merkin]

Very solid, and skilfully building a "real" storyline out of its basis in cliche. There are interesting possibilities as to outcome. You also can catch it on IOMFAtS.

[DesDownunder]

I rather like clichés when they form part of the story as they do in Val N Tyne.

I find the story a nice light read with some deeper stuff just beneath the surface. A solid effort as you say, Dabeagle,

Val's mother, and his little sister are friggin' hilarious.

Thanks for the tip on this one. I needed a laugh and the thoughtfully constructed plot doesn't hurt at all.

[Lugnutz]

Good story thus far. Noah is a cut up.

"Please, dear God, tell me you can make him wiggle the cigar,"

Looks like he hes decent posting times, not months between chapters.

EDIT: I sent the author(s) a link to this thread along with my take on this great story thus far as I'm not done reading what's currently posted.

[Lugnutz]

When I got to this line, I thought of a Rodney Carrington line from his stand up act.

The story:

I guess, and my mom told me to stop yanking on it and I laughed and asked why I couldn't 'Yankee my doodle!'

Carrington

"You keep yanking on that and you'll end up looking like your sister."

[DesDownunder]

Chapter 9 is posted.

This story is turning out to be a real gem.

[Merkin]

Thanks, Des. Wonderfully inventive, and the dialogue just charms.

This chapter is a real hanger, though.

[Merkin]

Chapter 13 up today; just as unpredictable and boffo as the rest.

[R.J.]

I didn't attend two of my classes today just so I could read this :D it just sucked me in!

[Guest Dabeagle]

After wavering along, I have stopped reading - the scene with the parents finished me off.

[Paul]

After wavering along, I have stopped reading - the scene with the parents finished me off.

What the man said.

[Lugnutz]

Things were getting stale but this was not a way to liven it up.

[colinian]

It shouldn't have been a surprise. The story is on Nifty, after all. I assume it will get back to Val and Tyne and this adults-only sex scene can be forgotten as an uncomfortable divergence.

After the passage of about five minutes...

I've been sitting here wondering about the reactions to this sex scene, and if they'd been different if it had been Val and Tyne or Noah and Nick doing the nasty. And if so, why?

Colin

[DesDownunder]

As a reader, I often skip sex scenes. When I am watching a movie which suddenly has a sex scene with no relationship to the plot, I generally use the moment to make coffee, or have a pee.

There is perhaps a problem in a story devoted to gay relationships when we are confronted with a description of heterosexual sex. On the other hand, heterosexual movies do have gay characters who express affection to each other, even if mostly somewhat polite.

I was more perturbed by the mother's fascination with her son's body parts. Not quite incest, physically, but definitely psychologically. Even this is okay if it forms part of the plot, but I am hoping that it was a divergence of little consequence in Val'n Tyne's story.

[Guest Dabeagle]

For me this story has been in a decline anyway. The scenes of Val and Tyne being nude seem to be there for reasons other than to advance the storyline - a transparent storyline at this point. Val's slow moving descent towards realization of the full scope of his sexuality is taking a ponderous path that is filled with unnecessary detritus. Val's younger sister has been a paradox and, while I admit I forgot her age if it was mentioned, I do recall her being very unhappy that a boy she liked was insisting on sex that she was not prepared for. This girl then flashes Tyne and now watches her parents have sex? I know many jokes have been made from many different comedians and children, but the last thing I'd ever want to do is watch my parents have sex.

These inconsistencies have added up the the point I no longer find the storyline compelling - in fact the scene with the parents merely cemented the downward spiral for me as another unneeded scene with descriptors that were unnecessary. Like Des, unless the scene really works for the sotry, I frequently bypass them. Having said that, reading about this girl and her friend eagerly watching her parents...what's the term? Jumped the shark?

[Lugnutz]

Noah runs that story. The parents getting it on I can do without, even if it were two guys it still has no place in the story. I 've read good stories with sex in them and I can gloss over that because the rest of the story is good.

To me, sex does not sell.

[DesDownunder]

For me, it's the distinction between, if and when I want porn, or an entertaining story. Sex can be part of a story, a good story, but when it just gets shoved in, without any meaningful tenderness, I wonder if I wouldn't be better off writing, instead of reading.

[Lugnutz]

Just read the latest. I think this story peaked a few chapters ago, now it's just Nifty fodder.

[DesDownunder]

Yeah, It's seems to have 'lost the plot', so to speak...

[dude]

Just read the latest. I think this story peaked a few chapters ago, now it's just Nifty fodder.

Sorry to say this story has degenerated from a kinda erotic and engaging gay teen romance to slutty, little girl porn. It isn't worth the bandwidth to read it.

And please don't insult Nifty... I'm sure the archivist would pull the plug on it himself if he had time to read it!

Mike

[Lugnutz]

They could always break it up and put them in their intended sections. Bestiality, young friends, etc.

[vwl]

This is probably worth its own thread, but the discussion about Val N Tyne raises the dilemma.

I have always intended to move a completed story on First Alert to the Roamin' Reader section, leaving First Alert for ongoing and meritorious stories. Now, and assuming Val N Tyne keeps on its current track (that is, it doesn't get back to quality), I will be in a quandary about its future. Do I move an assumably flawed but completed story to a permanent place at Roamin Reader or do I dump it? If completed, it will no longer meet the criteria I see for this forum, yet it may not be good enough to forward. If not completed, I'll keep it around in case the author finishes it in style.

This approach may be a bit presumptuous and authoritarian -- so sue me -- because someone could or could have put the story directly on Roamin Reader.

Any advice?

[DesDownunder]

Just a suggestion for your consideration: If it gets completed you could transfer it to Roamin' Reader with a note that the story did not fulfil its promise...or that it recovered (or did not recover) from a diversion that was not appreciated by many readers.

Other than that I can only suggest it be removed if it does not recover.

It should be evident that stories which appear in First Alert are in fact tentatively of interest, and are in fact, 'on probation.' However that also means that the story whether finished or not, could remain in First Alert but not be of sufficient interest to 'graduate' to Roamin' Reader.

Whatever the quality of the story is, we should remember that it is someone's attempt to write a story that wasn't entirely successful, but also had some merit in it's early chapters. We don't need to pass judgement that discourages writers who show some initial promise.

[Lugnutz]

If the story is good enough, at times the author is asked to join us. There are several who have crossed over. I'm with Des on how to handle this one.

[Merkin]

I was concerned enough over the change of direction Val-N-Tyne seemed to have taken that I queried Hans Schrieber, one of its two writers, about it. Here is his response. There may yet be hope for this initially engaging tale:

'Hans,

What's happened to Val-n-Tyne? This was a brilliant story up to the last couple of chapters, now it's just plain dirty, filled with sex scenes that make no story sense and are just stroke material for weirdos. What's going on?

James

James, I think the best way to answer your question is with the notification blurb I sent to my reader's list. I have a group of readers who follow my stories and I send out notices when new chapters and stories post. You were not the only one who was startled by the last two chapters. See below:

Chapter 15 of Val 'n Tyne is now available on Nifty.

This chapter returns to the core of the story. Several readers were concerned over the seemingly abrupt shift and seemingly pointless (from their perspective) inclusion of certain parts in the last two chapters. I assure you that those parts are not just gratuitous and they do play into the primary plot. In retrospect, there may have been a less startling way of setting that part of the story up, but hindsight is always 20/20.

I hope that if you have concerns over the last two chapters but have enjoyed the rest of the story that you will persevere with us and I think you will be rewarded. Flip and I do not follow the stock story line patterns of most Nifty stories and I think that is the appeal for most of the readers who have enjoyed our stories in the past. We also include very little that does not have some purpose or significance to the development of the story and the underlying reason that we wrote it.

It has been a great experience co-authoring with Flip and we appreciate the encouragement and criticisms expressed by readers. All of it is taken constructively and we thank all of you who have emailed us.

Hopefully that is helpful. I hope you will enjoy chapter 15 and beyond and if you will continue with the read, you will understand the inclusion of the unorthodox material. I hope at least.

Sincerely,

Hans