Camy

ZEN TEACHINGS 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any. 3. No one is listening until you fart. 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it. 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree. 13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment. 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works. 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse. 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

What Bruin said, what what. I admit to feeling somewhat ill-educated, logologically speaking. Thank fuck for Google and Wikipedia!

Douglas' 'Triptychs' is stellar! Also, read his 'Please Come With Me.' It's a short story that's both terrifying and getting more and more prescient as the days roll on.

That's one erudite full stop, Cole.

Article HERE.

Ah, Bake Off. What can beat Bake Off, with those gloriously scrumptious fairy cakes. Do they give you the Horn too, James?

Me too. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robin_(name)

So glad this was, once again, in Dude's pick of the month (August 2020). Hearts & Hooves is a story I can read again and again... like comfort food, only words. We should all be so lucky to meet our inner horse!

Here are four short poems wot I rote, while batting away the invisible beast with my favourite beast batting bat (not available on amazon). I say beast, but nobody can decide if viruses are alive or not. Bacteria are alive, but viruses? Odd... but then everything seems odd these days. Anyhow, the first poem is a haiku. An actual, real life, 5-7-5 haiku (of which I'm inordinately proud). 1) Let's not make a fuss. Let us just sit here, maskless... Until we are dead. ---------- 2) "We have RIGHTS!" He shrieked, spittle flying at his bestest friend. Ten days later his bestest friend shuffled off this mortal coil. Two days after, with a whimper and gurgle, they were together again. --------------- 3) Squark squark, run run, flap flap, BANG! “What’s for dinner, dear?” “Shhh...! They’re out of season.” --------------- 4) Is lamping fun? Not for the rabbit. Only for the fucker with a gun.

Greetings, Wandering Pom! Cole will be along shortly.

Punning marvelous!

Where's the fun in that?

Awwwwww.... Bless.

Chapter 9 A new house and a delightful puppy! Robin is one lucky chap. Not to mention Daniel with his parents' expandable wallet. They should think about a nice holiday cottage in Wales, too. So, the sun is shining and all seems rosy in the garden... hmm. Methinks a turning point approaches. A good chapter, Cole!

Congratulations!!! Now, remember the beak and tell us everything!

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb? None, Trump just says it’s fixed and the rest of them sit in the dark and applaud.

Yeah but... that's not Trump. Seeing the original Axios interview might have helped. Gummy Bears!

Only if you're Peter Cook or Dudley Moore.

If that's the end of the beginning doesn't that mean we're into the beginning of the end?

Yes! A wonderfully life affirming story.

Chapter 8 It seems Robin's mother has a touch of the Norma Desmonds about her, which explains a lot. Nice one, Mr. Parker.