Tragic Rabbit

Is this in reference to the new FEEDBACK FORM or something else? TR

Contestants may enter even if Daylight Saving Time is not currently in place where they live or even if it is never used (Puerto Rico, Guam, Hawaii, Arizona, etc). Everyone is eligible. You need only save daylight, no other restrictions apply. Our intent is to honor the idea of Daylight Saving Time, that of having additional hours of sunlit fun in the evenings, more time for partying, dating and reading romantic stories here at AwesomeDude. So, yes, you can enter but the time frame of the contest applies to USA EASTERN TIME ZONE use of Daylight Saving Time. Thus, in your case, you will submit your entry right at the time you actually enter DST down under, Graeme. But don't miss our deadline! Kisses... TR, on behalf of AwesomeDude Admin

In honor of our upcoming THIRD anniversary, AwesomeDude Admin is proud to announce our very first CONTEST! Prize: gift certificate to Amazon and dinner with an AD Author (on The Dude?s tab, we know Authors aren?t always flush). To win you must save daylight during Daylight Savings Time, and the prize goes to whomever saves the most. This contest is open to any readers at AwesomeDude and may be played even by those who live outside areas where Daylight Saving Time is in use. No age or other requirements. RULES: Beginning with the first day of Daylight Savings Time (and please note that this begins earlier this year!), those entering the contest must begin saving daylight. Those who save the most daylight by midnight of the last day of Daylight Savings Time will be awarded a prize. Only pure daylight is allowed. No pre-dawn light or twilight will be accepted. Daylight on cloudy days is allowable. Moonlight is strictly prohibited and any of it mixed with daylight will bring immediate disqualification. Contestants are instructed to save their accumulated daylight in any container they wish, then ship the container to the AwesomeDude mailing address (request shipping info at DST@awesomedude.com) at the end of Daylight Saving Time ? or when they think they have saved enough daylight to win. Good Luck!

Thank you for all the kind comments. That was actually my first short story and written because I'd begun to fear that I had nothing in me, nothing anyone wanted to read, besides Drama Club...a fate worse than death, it then seemed to me. The idea of being a one-note writer had no appeal to me, calling into question my new-found and fledgling skills as author. I still feel there are a million kinds of word manipulation that I haven't yet attempted...or even thought of...but am anxious to attempt. I've made an effort since then to try my hand at different things, styles and sorts of storytelling. I currently finished my first play and am working on another before going back to revise the first. That second one might show up here in audio version, though probably not text. I have always enjoyed theatre...what a shock! But yes, I recited from plays as a preschooler, they tell me, and am having fun approaching the theatre from a new angle, as a (hopeful) playwright. No word yet on whether my playwriting sucks massively. I also hope to work on some other writing and recording projects this month, including the aforementioned Drama Club. Would anyone be interested in audio clips of Drama Club chapters, or are they too long? All my audio clips are single readthroughs, mainly because I am a lazy rabbit, though some of the longer ones will, of necessity, probably be done in sections (or have the coughs edited out!). I'm not sure if Camy's comment is entirely complimentary, but my audio files definitely aren't slick. I hope to redo the ones up yet again as I've an even better headset than before. I love reading aloud, though prefer a live audience, and really enjoy making the audio clips...and am very glad to know that people like them! Something About Tom draws on my experience as a teacher, though those exact things never happened to me. Of course, I have taught and coached drama and might have dated the fellow teacher or three. The description of 'Tom' is based on a pilot of my acquaintance, plopped into the high school setting and basically just rewritten. He is a very nice guy, though, whoever lands him will be a lucky fellow. In writing that story, Something About Tom, I was trying to do something other than DC and: to write a story without dialogue, in first person present tense, without naming the main character, and with the readers knowing what the narrator didn't (his crush and Tom's reciprocal feeling). I had no idea if it would work but The Dude loved the story, so I wrote some more... Kisses... TR

'Are You Being Served?' star dies LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Actor John Inman, best known for his role as camp shop assistant Mr Humphries in the long-running BBC comedy "Are You Being Served?" died aged 71 on Thursday. Inman, who later became a pantomime regular, was one of the sitcom's most memorable cast members and his catchphrase "I'm free" became part of popular culture. In 1976, he was voted "Funniest Man On Television" by readers of TV Times magazine and was also named BBC TV's "Personality Of The Year." He died at St Mary's Hospital in London after having been ill for some time, his manager Phil Dale said in a statement. "John, through his character Mr. Humphries of Are You Being Served? was known and loved throughout the world," Dale said. "He was one of the best and finest pantomime dames working to capacity audiences throughout Britain. "John was known for his comedy plays and farces which were enjoyed from London's West End throughout the country and as far as Australia, Canada and the USA." Inman's long-term partner Ron Lynch was "devastated" at the news, the BBC said. Actress Wendy Richard, who played Miss Brahms in "Are You Being Served?," said she had been regularly visiting Inman who had been seriously ill with Hepatitis A. "You just have to regard it as being an end to his suffering," a tearful Richard told BBC radio. "I think John was one of the wittiest and most inventive actors I have ever worked with. He was a brilliant, brilliant pantomime dame. He was a very good all-round actor really." Inman's character Mr. Humphries attracted criticism at the height of the department store-based sitcom's success from some gay rights groups who were upset by what they saw as his portrayal of an over-the-top homosexual. "He never ever said Mr. Humphries was gay," Richard said. "He was just a young man who was very, very good to his mother." Copyright 2007 Reuters. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Find this article at: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/03/08/u...reut/index.html

AwesomeDude News & Views Week of March 4th ALL VISITORS AND NEW MEMBERS, please visit the Welcome Forum in AD Forums for detailed instructions on how to get the most from AwesomeDude website! Registration is not necessary to read in the Forums. N&V is Short and Sweet this week, courtesy of TR?s lousy health?but, hey, we have great new chapters for you this week at AwesomeDude! New Serial Stories and Chapters Cole Parker?s charming When He Was Five is up to Chapter Five here for you at AwesomeDude! Pieces of Destiny, the first novel in four years by John Francis aka Pecman, is now updated to Chapter Three! Don?t miss the early action! Sequoyah?s heartwarming Saga of the Elizabethton Tarheels updates to Chapter 14! Revised Bodega Bay by Nickolas James is up to Chapter 18 at AD! The exciting action of Mystery and Mayhem at St. Marks by Joel is at Chapter 19 this week! The gripping action of Sky?s The Limit by Captain Rick is now at Chapter 20! Jamie?s ever-popular Scrolls of Icaria updates to Book 2 Chapter 19! The Kept, cool & creepy excitement from Josiah Jacobus-Parker now has Chapter Five online! Brand new novel Time in a Bottle by Nickolas James starts this week with Chapter One! Operation Hammerhead, a new novel by James Savik begins with Chapter One! Site Changes NEW!! FEEDBACK FORMS FOR READERS! Newly introduced at AwesomeDude are user-friendly feedback forms at the end of short stories and current chapters of serialized novels (or last chapter, if complete)! These can be filled out easily and quickly after reading any short story or chapter you enjoy! They are being attached now to current shorts and chapters and The Dude will backdate these through our entire AwesomeDude archive as time allows! If you see these, use them; take a sec to let the author know what you think of his work! If you?re an author with questions, post in the Web Wiz Forum or contact The Dude at dude@awesomedude.com Okay, boys and girls, that's all the news that?ll fit. Next update will be for the week of March 11th. Kisses? TR

You went there! Very funny. TR

Heh. Takei is too cool. TR

Sigh. I love this story. I even made The Dude read it...and he loved it, too. Duh. Thanks, Cole! Kisses... TR

Now, now, James, you must post the Borowitz link or their heads will explode. Some people aren't as into irony as others... Kisses... TR BLACK ADDER: "Do you know what Irony is?" BALDRICK: "Sure! It's just like gold-y or bronze-y ...but made of iron."

In response to Tim Hardaways "I hate gays" comments, George Takei (Mr. Sulu) makes this public response to him. http://www.influks.com/post897.html

In response to Tim Hardaways "I hate gays" comments, George Takei (Mr. Sulu) makes this public response to him. http://www.influks.com/post897.html

AwesomeDude News & Views Week of February 18th ALL VISITORS AND NEW MEMBERS, please visit the Welcome Forum in AD Forums for detailed instructions on how to get the most from AwesomeDude website! Registration is not necessary to read in the Forums. Secrets and Fries Commentary by TR, AD?s Voice of Whimsy Well, boys and girls (and girly boys), now that Oprah has let us in on her Secret, TR is super-jazzed and ready to help implement that whole magical-optimism-and-awesome-results thing at AwesomeDude. What?s the Secret? Nothing new, it turns out, just the power of positive thinking, of daily affirmations and of those age-old magical laws of attraction, et cetera. There?s evidence that the law of attraction was used by Beethoven, Einstein and even Jesus, but you?ve probably already used it in your own life: like gravity, the Law of Attraction works whether you?re aware of, or believe in, it or not. Meaning what, in plain non-peanut English, you ask? Meaning, just like those avant-garde acid-dropping dropouts kept telling us in the 60s, we create our own realities: every day, every hour, every minute. Are you miserable and lonely? Are you stymied on a story, squashed under a writer?s granite block or, facing options, just overwhelmed with input? Okay, but instead of sulking, ask yourself what you're doing that makes those the realities you see and experience? So how?s this ?Secret? aka Law of Attraction work, Rabbit? The two main schools of thought on that are: ? The Spiritual Explanation: Many people believe that the Law of Attraction works by aligning God or the Universe with our wishes. We are all made of energy, and our energy operates at different frequencies. We can change our frequency of energy with positive thoughts, especially gratitude for what we already have. By using grateful, positive thoughts and feelings and by focusing on our dreams (rather than our frustrations), we can change the frequency of our energy, and the law of attraction brings positive things (things of that frequency) into our lives. What we attract depends on where and how we focus our attention, but we must believe that it?s already ours, or soon will be. ? The Traditionally Scientific Explanation: If you?re one who needs things to be a little easier to prove, there is also a different explanation for how the law of attraction works. By focusing on attaining a new reality, and by believing it is possible, we tend to take more risks, notice more opportunities, and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Conversely, when we don?t believe that something is in the realm of possibilities for us, we tend to let opportunities pass by unnoticed. When we believe we don?t deserve good things, we behave in ways that sabotage our chances at happiness. By changing our self-talk and feelings about life, we reverse the negative patterns in our lives and create more positive, productive and healthy ones. One good thing leads to another, and the direction of a life can shift from a downward spiral to an upward ascent. And, yeah, it does work. Whatever the underlying reason, reams of anecdotal evidence confirm that the law of attraction is real. For them science-minded folks out there, research does seem to support the Law of Attraction as well. For example, research on optimism shows that optimists enjoy better health, greater happiness, and more success in life. (The advantage that optimists share is that they focus their thoughts on their successes and mentally minimize their failures.) One of the foundations of psych therapy is that changing your self-pep-talk vocab can change your life in a positive direction. And, of course, millions of people have found success with positive affirmations. So, you see? Unlike Ginsu Knives and Thigh Masters, this really works?and it?s free! So, to recap, this so-called Secret ticket is a kind of magical thinking that, according to Oprah and lotsa dead smart guys, actually does work. It?s called the Law of Attraction but it has nothing, or not much, to do with how you feel when looking at a cute guy. It has to do with one thing attracting another like thing, with good stuff attracting good stuff and bad vibes being disharmonious and unproductive. Yeah, it?s a bunch a? New Age yadda-yadda, or else very Old Age yadda-yadda, but maybe it?s something YOU can use today, in the here-and-now. Now that we all understand the Law of Attraction, we can harness this superpower in our lives. A first step would be to test our own thought habits to see whether we tend toward optimism or pessimism and learn more about changing that thought channel. Start today, boys and girls; your future is in your hands! Okay, you say, what the duck does this have to do with my AwesomeDude updates and did you hijack N&V again this week, you pesky wabbit? In a word, no. Yes. Maybe. Consider it our pep talk for the week, kiddos, so no squirming: give the Secret a minute of your time. Read, enjoy and relax, your (late) AD updates are next. Fantastic stories and serial chapters by the best authors online? um, would you like fries with that? New Serial Stories and Chapters When He Was Five, by Cole Parker: updated, revised and available at AwesomeDude, now at Chapter 2! Josiah Jacobus-Parker?s spooky new novel, The Kept, updates exclusively at AD to Chapter 4! Nickolas James? revised Bodega Bay updates to Chapters 13 and 14! Joel?s Mystery and Mayhem at St Marks updates exclusively at AwesomeDude to Chapter 17! Captain Rick?s Sky?s the Limit updates to Chapter 18! and? Could you love a friend when he needs more than you know how to give? New novel from Codey, From The Heart, complete at AD! New Short Stories and Site Changes New Short Stories this week include: Two more stories from Graeme, ?Georgie Wants To Make Friends? and ?Secrets?! If you haven?t yet read his ?Homeless?, ?Dating Again? or any of his Family Snippets, look for those, too! also? ?Sorry, We?re Together? from Nickolas James ?Time to Grow Up? by Jack Scribe ?The Card? by Camy?if you haven?t yet read his ?Nyquist? or ?What Do You Think??, catch those while they?re still on the top front page of AwesomeDude! NEW!! FEEDBACK FORMS FOR READERS! Newly introduced at AwesomeDude, courtesy of The Dude and Camy, our resident online Emu, are user-friendly feedback forms at the end of short stories and current chapters of serialized novels (or last chapter, if complete)! These can be filled out anonymously, easily and quickly after reading a short story or chapter you particularly enjoy! They are being attached now to current shorts and chapters and The Dude will backdate these through our entire AwesomeDude archive as time allows! If you see these, use them, take a sec to let the author know what you think of his work! If you?re an author with questions about these, post in the Web Wiz Forum or contact The Dude at dude@awesomedude.com SUBMISSIONS If you?ve got a tale you?d like us to look at, send it to TR at story-editor@awesomedude.com after reading the updated Story Submission Guidelines on the AD front page. Always CC The Dude at dude@awesomedude.com. Poetry Submission Guidelines have also been updated! Send poetry submissions to Gabe at poetry-editor@awesomedude.com Okay, boys and girls, that's all the news that?ll fit. Have a great time reading! Next update will be for the week of February 25th. Kisses? TR "Sometimes there?s a man, I won?t say a hero because what?s a hero, but I?m talking about The Dude here, and sometimes there?s a man and he?s the man for his time and place, he fits right in there, and that?s The Dude. ? ~The Big Lebowski

Poll: Majority of Americans Wish Bush Was a Fictitious Character Loses to Easter Bunny, Aquaman in Theoretical Match-ups In perhaps the most troubling sign yet for his presidency, a poll released today shows that a majority of Americans wish that George W. Bush was a fictitious character rather than a real person. Mr. Bush?s popularity has taken some serious hits in recent months, but the new survey marks the first time that over fifty percent of respondents indicated that they wished the president was a figment of their imagination. When asked the question, ?If you could choose whether George W. Bush was a real person or a fictitious character,? 51% said ?fictitious character? while only 42% said ?real person,? with the remaining 7% responding, ?George W. Bush is a fictitious character.? Even more troubling for the president is the survey?s conclusion that in theoretical match-ups with other fictitious characters, Mr. Bush would be trounced. According to the poll, which has a margin of error of 5 percentage points, if an election were held today between Mr. Bush and the superhero Aquaman, Mr. Bush would lose to Aquaman by a margin of two-to-one. And Mr. Bush would suffer a similar fate in hypothetical face-offs with such other fictitious characters as the Little Mermaid, the Easter Bunny, and SpongeBob SquarePants. At the White House, spokesman Tony Snow said the poll results were, in their own way, ?good news? for the president. ?The American people want the president to be fictitious,? Mr. Snow said. ?Well, his reasons for invading Iraq were fictitious, so he?s really meeting them halfway.? Elsewhere, experts say that Britney Spears? hair could fetch as much as $1 million, while her brain could go for $300. http://www.borowitzreport.com/

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February 11th, Week of Valentine?s Day 2007 AwesomeDude News & Views Brought to you in annotated audio by AwesomeDude?s Voice of Whimsy, TR ALL VISITORS AND NEW MEMBERS, please go to the Welcome Forum in AD Forums for detailed instructions on how to get the most from AwesomeDude website! Registration is not necessary to read in the Forums. Well, Guys and Dolls, it?s that time of year again, the week when bawdy boys with wings run around poking at the unwary and pricking at the unsuspecting loveless hordes. No, no, it?s not Frat Rush Week, it?s Valentine?s Day 2007! Wait, wait, hold the phone, just who the hell is this guy Valentine, anyway, and why are we kissing on Wednesday and eating his processed-sugar hearts? Since you ask?I?ll interrupt your AD News for some timely TR Views? A Brief History (in time, just) of Valentine?s Day: an irreverent revue Well, mid-February has long been the traditional time to celebrate fertility, or at least to exchange torrid love letters, though a Hallmark card is a lot more common exchange in the 21st century. Back in the robust days of the randy Roman Republic, though, this day was sacred to the marriage of poor ol? Queen Hera to Zeus, King-o?-the-Gods and equal-opportunity philanderer famous for slipping the supreme sausage to pretty boys and maidens alike. He definitely kept busier outside the marriage bed than in it. Lucky Hera, huh? Thus, in his honor (or maybe that of his divine dong), was annually held in Rome a rather sexy festival called Lupercalia. Lupercalia was kind of a citywide drunken street-party centered on a rowdy race run by the better-hung noble Romans, including actual serving magistrates and the cuter aristocrats. These worthies ran stark naked through the streets, their full Monty on happy display, striking inebriated bystanders with raw strips of bloody wolf?s hide. Wow, and you thought what you heard about the 2004 White Party was pretty wild, huh? Naturally, nascent Christianity gradually doused all this lewd fun, finally outright banning Lupercalia in the 5th century AD and declaring that the staid Feast of St. Valentine would replace it. Okay, so who is he, dammit, and what happened? Well, right about then, Europe hit the Dark Ages, and boy it was sure tough to get any nookie in those years, at least if you go by the clothes. Still, somebody?s always getting it on, right?, and Poets are wont to reflect this in their own weird, convoluted way. Chaucer, that prize pornographic penman, was the first who wrote about the long-recognized link between St. Valentine?s Day and hot monkey sex way, back in 1382: ?For this was on seynt Volantynys day, Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese [chose] his make [mate].? Thus the Popes? stuffy and formal Feast of St. Valentine, that holy day designed to douse the carnal fires of panting pagans, had naturally regressed to what it always had been; yes, just another holiday excuse to get into somebody else?s pants. Of course, even back then, Valentine?s Day was about not getting any, too. The earliest surviving actual ?valentine? dates from 1415, and is a love poem written by Charles, Duke of Orl?ans, to his busty blushing bride, Bonne, not long after his capture on the field of Agincourt. As said horny husband was in the nasty old Tower of London at the time, far from France and short on babes, busty or otherwise, that valentine?s predictably wistful tone is easily imagined. Poor fellow, he spent a quarter century in the Tower, suffering British food and other indignities, before he was finally let go home to Orl?ans, by which time his beloved Bonne had died. You know, it?s behavior like that that probably gave the English their unromantic reputation. Well, that and the general level of British dentistry. Or it could be the damp climate, making mold and mushrooms more likely to flourish than Love. Okay, enough, what about this Valentine dude? Where does he come into this? Well, Valentine, or Valentinius, who died (probably) 269 AD, was yet another scruffy Christian martyred in Imperial Rome, but he was one who managed to overcome the unstudly martyr?s reputation enough, they say, to make goo-goo eyes at his jailer?s daughter. Definitely an uber romantical-type dude, despite the whole hairshirt, gory death and Christian martyr schtick. He?s said to have passed the jailer?s pretty daughter a secret love note signed ?From your Valentine? that professed his passion?on the very night before his head was cut off. Imagine her surpise, getting that latebreaking romance bulletin. Poor girl, some relationships are just not meant to be. Fifteen hundred years later, just to keep things hopping (and after they?d made such a fuss!), the Catholic Church decided to pull out of the whole do-da Valentine shebang. So over the last hundred years, church officials have gradually removed the Honeybun Holiday from their official calendar and celebrations. Now mid-February is left to Saints Cyril and Methodius, whoever the heck they were. Nobody romantic, that?s for sure, not with those names. So, now that February 14th is pagan party-time again, does that mean we?ll have naked hunks running through the streets this Wednesday? ?Fraid not. Valentine?s Day has taken on a life of its own, far beyond the technical and torturously drawn-out machinations of the Church. So far beyond, in fact, that Valentine?s Day ground zero is a lot closer to Madison Avenue than it ever was to the Vatican. What Valentine?s Day means to most is best expressed in Pounds, Dollars, Euros, Yen, Francs and Rupees?all with a multi-digit profit numeral attached. What price love, eh? Well, at Tiffany&Co, for example, the price of true Valentine Love starts around $1000 US and seems to rise, possibly geometrically, depending on how seriously you plan to be taken by the object of your affections. For all of us in the 21st century, what we have instead of Lupercalia or lovelorn lines from London are endless pink&white advertisments for candy, flowers, cards, vacations and very pricey jewelry, each product touted as just-the-thing to get us into the pants, if not the fickle hearts, of our various beloveds. Is it any wonder romantics are said to be an endangered species? Either that or they?re written out of the Valentine?s Day equation altogether, their love weighed in the balance and found materially, or at least financially, wanting. ?Bite the coin of love? is the theme of many of these advertisements: does he or she love you enough? And guess how you?re supposed to measure that? Ta-da-ching! You got it! Valentine?s Day means rising sales, creative ad cupidity, higher profits and solid investment returns. Gosh, all this talk of sales and profit got me hot, but was it good for you, too? Well, now that we're all in the hearts-n-flowers mood, where's Valentinius and his bad self? He's nuts, yeah, but romantic as all hell. Loving hearts over beating hearts, you betcha. And ol? lusty Charles in the Tower, longing for his bride while eating those nasty mince pies, what would he think? Looks like nobody takes love seriously anymore. Shame on us money-grubbing Americans, right? It?s all our fault, surely. Well, maybe not. There are an awful lot of odd customs and lovers' rituals around the world that are connected to Valentine?s Day. For instance, over in Japan and Korea, two countries deep into a whole Yank love-hate thing, Valentine?s Day has turned into an expensive proposition for women, especially working women, who are expected to shell out major bucks for fancy chocolates (called: giri-choko) for every single one of their male co-workers! Of course, Asian advertisers then made it a ?two-fer? cultural misunderstanding and shopping bonanza by introducting White Day, a day when men are supposed to reciprocate by buying pricey candy and lingerie. Can?t you hear those romantic cash registers from here? In Romania, the traditional holiday for lovers is Dragobete, celebrated on February 24th. In recent decades, Romania has joined the rest of the commercial western world in celebrating Valentine's Day, despite already having Dragobete as a native lovers? holiday. Naturally, a lot of Romanians, or at least the ones who don?t own candy shops, aren?t too keen on this; they say Valentine's Day is superficial, commercial and just imported Western kitsch. Oh, say it ain?t so. In Sweden and Denmark, it?s called ?Valentinesdag?. By whatever name, it?s not celebrated much by those chilly Northmen, at least there?s no big marketing push, but some people do take a little time that day to be warm and romantic with their partner, or to send a card to a secret love. Maybe even vice versa. Too simple, though, right? In some parts of Asia, loving couples celebrate the night with a candlelight dinner. In Norfolk England, a guy named Jack Valentine is supposed to come to your back door and leave something sweet. I think I dated him once. Sounds familiar? In Korea, all the men who didn?t get any of those fancy chocolates and gifts from women on Valentine?s Day (these men are also known as ?losers?) are supposed to get together two months later on April 14th, Black Day, and have a big hot bowl of ?Jajangmyeon? (jah jahng myuhn-icky chinese noodles in black sauce). Yummy! Get together, eat noodles and whine I guess, so they?ll feel better about their collective love-connection rejection? Or maybe they just pig out and catch a game on TV with the guys. Romance is overrated, right, and 'bromance' is better? Well, while you?re running your cost-benefit analysis on the price of hothouse roses versus sleeping solo, while you?re cooking up your dish of Jajangmyeon and crow, while you?re telling your friends that Hallmark has patented Love and you?re not buying any, ponder this: If Valentine?s Day is overrated, if Romance is dead and Love is just a temporary chemical condition, something like a histamine reaction, then what were all these people thinking when they said these lines about Love? ?I love you ?those three words have my life in them.? ~Alexandria to Nicholas III ?Soul meets soul on lovers? lips.? ~ Percy B Shelley ?Other men said they have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.? ~ G. Moore ?One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life, that word is Love.? ~Socrates ?Love is a haunting melody that I have never mastered? and I fear I never will.? ~ William S. Burroughs ?Love is my religion and I could die for that. I could die for you.? ~Keats ?A simple I love you means more than money.? ~ Frankie Sinatra ?If I know what love is, it is because of you.? ~ Herman Hesse And Shakespeare?s sweet Romeo, speaking of his Juliet: "See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" And lastly, those timeless words of Love from the biblical Song of Songs: "My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. His head is as the most fine gold; his locks are bushy, and black as a raven. His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh. His belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. His legs are as pillars of marble: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend. My beloved is mine, and I am his." No sales tags or saints here, folks, just heartfelt human feeling. To hell with cash registers. Come Wednesday, let?s celebrate something older, whether it?s the midnight madness of Lupercalia or a good old-fashioned medieval romantic impulse. Take hold of your heart and make your own Day in Valentine?s honor; live a little, love a little, for just a moment, in honor of centuries of lovers locked up alone in towers, in the names of legendary lost boys chased by Love Incarnate, love a bit for those generations of men and women who died broken hearted, for my grandfather who, when told his wife of over half a century was dead, just smiled sadly and slipped silently away into his final sleep. Take a minute, if you would, and mourn all the human happy endings?that never were. Take a day to think about Love. Say, why not this Wednesday? I?d say that those writers I quoted were hitting the love target dead-center, and they all must have been thinking that Love is really pretty fantastic, with or without a Saint?s Feast, Tiffany gifts, noodles with the guys, Valentinius, or even Jack Valentine at your back door. Cupid or no cupid, Love ain't stupid. Nor was it invented by Hallmark, Avon and Saks Fifth Avenue. Guess who did invent Love? Your species, your people, your family: silly ol' human beans. Guess what Love costs? Everything or nothing, but you can't pay with your platinum card. Friends, don?t fret when neither the Hope diamond nor a hunky new boyfriend are served up on Wednesday, that?s not what the day is about. That?s not what ol? Valentinius was about, either, if you get right down to it. On this Wednesday, just take a moment or two; take time to love those who are already around you. Hey, one of them might turn out to be this year?s valentine, or even your new soulmate. On the other hand, maybe he?ll just be good for a hug or overnight company, but hey, whatever, don?t knock it. Love in all its forms, from Lupercalia to Dragobete, from Tiffany jewels to cardboard boxes of candy, from friends or brief sweaty moments to forever-afters, is something special, a gift from God (or the-supreme-being-of-your-choice) and it?s a gift that?s pretty damn amazing. With all the sweet and the sour, the good and the bad, the thrills and the chills: Love is still an awesome emotion, even here in the 21st century! Celebrate the Heart this week. Get in touch with your heart, and let someone know you care. TR The Rape of Ganymede (by Zeus as eagle), by Rubens And now, finally, your Valentine?s Week AwesomeDude update? We?ve got a flock of great new fiction for you this week at AwesomeDude! New Serial Stories and Chapters Josiah Jacobus-Parker has brought us Chapter 3 of The Kept, his spooky and stunningly written new novel about sinister, strange and spooky others who live among us. Don?t miss these first chapters of this great story! We?re proud to have Josiah with us at AwesomeDude! Even more amazing is Pecman?s first novel in *gasp* four years! Exclusive AD updates have the Introduction and Chapters 1-3 of Pieces of Destiny by John Francis (Pecman) online! Don?t miss this fantastic all-new offering by one of the web?s best authors! Nickolas James? has Chapters 1-12 of his revised and reissued Bodega Bay online for us at AwesomeDude! Don?t miss this great boyhood story: read two updated chapters every week. Our multi-talented AD Emu, Camy, brings us Seraph Chapter 9 this week! It?s a sure is a great tale, Camy (and we promise not to pull out any feathers?) Holy Hall Prefect, Batman, Joel?s boarding school adventure, Mystery and Mayhem at St. Marks, is up to Chapter 16b! Don?t miss a moment! Backdating a bit, Sequoyah?s Saga of the Elizabethton Tarheels now has 12 Chapters online, while Jamie?s Scrolls of Icaria has hit Book Two Chapter 18! Ragnarok, that great collaboration between AD Authors EleCivil and Ryan Miller has three chapters online so far and more on the way! Novels that completed at AwesomeDude recently include: One Night in December by Terry O?Reilly, Prom by Cole Parker, Another Day in Paradise by WBMS, And Dream My Dreams of You by Jay B., The Garden by Nevius and the amazing (and 'awesome') novel Masquerade by Josh, author of The Least of These. New Short Stories and Audio We have five short stories up on the front page of AwesomeDude for your Valentine?s Week reading pleasure. We have two stories each by AD Authors Graeme and Camy, plus a brand new one from Cole Parker, AD?s author of the awesome exclusive anthology, Celebrations Across the Calendar! From Graeme, we first have ?Homeless?, a heart-wrenching story about a young boy?s time on the streets, and then ?Dating Again?, a great fictional story of fatherhood?s dating perils from a real life dad and author of the adorable Family Snippets, found in our Drawn From Life section at AwesomeDude! From Camy, we have two spanking-new short stories, ?Nyquist? and ?What Do You Think??, with yet another coming later this week! Fun and playful, don?t miss any of our Camy?s offerings! From Cole Parker, we have ?The Fight?, a poignant teen story of boys, friendship, challenges, manhood and dignity, but with a definite dash of Love. Don?t miss another great storytelling leap into the trials of teenage years courtesy of AD Author Cole Parker! Oh, and kids, be sure to always listen to ADR whenever you?re reading online! Just click the ADR logo at upper-left AD mainpage or input and access this URL via your Desktop: http://rs5.radioserver.co.uk:8170/listen.pls Read safely and securely, always read with ADR in the background or on your headset! Don?t take chances with your reading environment, stick to the best: AwesomeDude Radio! AWESOME music from playlists assembled by YOU, our loyal AD readers, streaming direct and nonstop from the jungles of Borneo! Accept no substitutes! Demand ADR for your unparalleled reading pleasure, all day and every day! Free! Easy! Fun! Fantastic! DUDE?S PICKS: Courage and Passion by FreeThinker and ?Something About Tom? by Tragic Rabbit. Listen to mp3 of author TR reading that latter tale: Wimpy button is available on the ?Something About Tom? story page itself, which is linked alongside FreeThinker?s novel Courage and Passion in the lower-right Dude?s Picks area of our AwesomeDude mainpage. If you?ve got a tale you?d like us to look at, send it to TR at story-editor@awesomedude.com after reading the updated Story Submission Guidelines on the AD front page. Always CC The Dude at dude@awesomedude.com. Poetry Submission Guidelines have also been updated! Send poetry submissions to Gabriel Duncan at poetry-editor@awesomedude.com SICK RABBIT UPDATE: Yes, okay, it?s true, TR is and has been quite sick, the horse is audible on today?s audio, but he?s trying to kick free and get back in the groove?etc (throw in a random bunch of other corny cliques). So please be patient. He feels lousy but is sick of being sick, so please bear with his mistakes a bit longer as he chugs diet cr?me soda and dry-swallows Tylenol while typing. Till next Christmas would be nice. He?s sorta sure he?ll have himself together by then... Okay, boys and girls, that's all the news that?ll fit. Well, most of it. Have a great time reading! Next update will be on February 18th. Kisses? TR READ 'It Can't Happen Here' by Sinclair Lewis! "Sometimes there?s a man, I won?t say a hero because what?s a hero, but I?m talking about The Dude here, and sometimes there?s a man and he?s the man for his time and place, he fits right in there, and that?s The Dude. ? ~The Big Lebowski

Cupid?s Adept pluck your blade from out my heart douse those oh-so-charming smiles; your wield Love like a Dark Art wherein punishment beguiles I?ve long loved the Sorcerer and lain thirsty by the well; yet not been an enquirer nor heart likely to rebel time for me to walk away clothed in tattered dignity, searching for words to convey this cold actuality I?ve long played the Fool for Love I?ve bled and crept and wept, suffered slings and arrows of Cupid?s lone heartless Adept will you notice that I?m gone? no warm shadow at your side? yes, your victim has withdrawn for he tried, he cried; Love died. *

cupid by the hour cupid by the hour boys in jeans and smiles sex as super power hot product on the aisles let me shoot your arrow lick your sugar stick pretty as a pharaoh slick is the trick you pick night worn like a garment fits tight as a glove morning sans adornment leaves us no time for love *

Bush Jumps the Shark Three Telltale Signs President Bush?s decision to send additional troops to Iraq has puzzled many pundits: is the President stubborn, isolated, out of touch with reality? While all three may be true, there is another explanation: George W. Bush has been on television for the past six years, and like many TV shows entering a seventh season, Bush has jumped the shark. Wikipedia defines jumping the shark as ?the tipping point at which a TV series is deemed to have passed its peak, or has introduced plot twists that are illogical in terms of everything that has preceded them.? Three telltale signs: Same Character, Different Actor: For the first six seasons of the Bush administration, the character of the Secretary of Defense was played by Donald Rumsfeld. Then, without warning (unless you count his pre-election comment that Rumsfeld was doing a ?fantastic job?), Bush replaced him with former CIA chief Robert Gates. Like the producers of ?Bewitched,? (two Darrins) or ?Roseanne? (two Beckys), Bush may have thought that if he made the casting switch with no explanation, the viewers wouldn?t notice. Unfortunately for the president, the Rumsfeld-Gates switcheroo was the most jarring since ?The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? (two Aunt Vivs). New Kid in Town: Long-of-tooth TV series often resort to adding younger characters in the hope of breathing much-needed life into a moribund enterprise. Although this ploy almost never works, and the new characters usually wind up being reviled (Cousin Oliver on ?The Brady Bunch,? Stephanie on ?All in the Family?), the Decider-in-Chief has ignored the lessons of television history and proposed adding not one, but twenty-one thousand new characters. Will ?the surge? succeed where those other fresh faces didn?t? I have just two words for you: Scrappy Doo. Special Guest Star: A true sign of desperation is when a wheezing TV show with plunging ratings (in Bush?s case, 30%) gives up on its regular cast altogether and tries to revive viewer interest by importing a guest star ? often a celebrity from the world of sports who has no plausible relationship to the series regulars. (Reggie Jackson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Muhammad Ali all turned up on ?Diff?rent Strokes.?) Those who harbored any lingering doubts about Bush?s shark-jumping status surely became converts during his State of the Union address, when the president looked up into the gallery of the House and introduced, on national television, Dikembe Mutombo. Now that it is clear that Bush has jumped the shark, one question remains ? have we seen the worst of the president?s bizarre stunts and desperate Hail Marys, or are there more to come? On that front, the news is not good: this month marks the beginning of February sweeps. http://www.borowitzreport.com/

http://www.theonion.com/content/text_this

I had to look it up (I don't do metric) but that's nearly two inches potentially lost!! I'm trying to imagine a guy wondering why he's getting shorter and shorter...and who he'd tell. Also seems like 'they' should know this already, if it's true. Trying to imagine medicines with penis-shortening risk warning on them...(and their projected sale revenues) TR

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57311 Amazon.com Recommendations Understand Area Woman Better Than Husband January 9, 2007 | Issue 43?02 SANDUSKY, OH?Area resident Pamela Meyers was delighted to receive yet another thoughtful CD recommendation from Amazon.com Friday, confirming that the online retail giant has a more thorough, individualized, and nuanced understanding of Meyers' taste than the man who occasionally claims to love her, husband Dean Meyers. Meyers said she was pleasantly surprised to receive three e-mails from Amazon today alone. "To come home from a long day at work and see the message about the new Norah Jones album waiting for me, it just made my week," said Meyers, 36, who claimed she was touched that the company paid such attention to her. "It feels nice to be noticed once in a while, you know?" Amazon, which has been tracking Meyers' purchases since she first used the site to order Football For Dummies in preparation for attending the 2004 Citrus Bowl as part of her husband's 10th wedding anniversary plans, has shown impressive accuracy at recommending books, movies, music, and even clothing that perfectly match Meyers' tastes. While the powerful algorithms that power Amazon's recommendations generator do not have the advantage of being able to observe Meyers' body language, verbal intonation, or current personal possessions, they have nonetheless proven more effective than Dean, who bases his gift-giving choices primarily on what is needed around the house, what he would like to own, and, most notably, what objects are nearby. "I don't know how Amazon picked up on my growing interest in world music so quickly, but I absolutely love this traditional Celtic CD," Meyers said. "I like it so much more than that Keith Urban thing Dean got me. I'm really not sure what made him think I like country music." Meyers said she was especially moved that the online merchant remembered that she had once purchased an Ian McEwan book, and immediately reminded when the author released a new novel. Moreover, despite only having had 37 hours of direct interaction with Meyers, Amazon was still able to detect her strong interest in actor Paul Giamatti, unlike husband Dean who often teases Meyers about her nonexistent crush on Tom Cruise. Meyers said that her husband, whose gift choices have never reflected any outward recognition of her desire to learn Spanish, nor of the fact that she looks terrible in orange, rarely, if ever, communicates with Meyers while away on any of his frequent business trips. "I was having some tea from that Nebraska Cornhuskers mug Dean got me for Valentine's Day, when a little e-mail from Amazon popped up out of the blue," Meyers said. "Just completely out of the blue." "It was nice to know that on my birthday, someone or something was out there thinking about me, and what boxed sets I wanted," she added. Though "it could only be a coincidence," Meyers admitted that she became emotional during a recent "bad day" when the site recommended the DVD The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg. "Dean and I saw it on one of our first dates, and I remember it being such a great night not just for the movie, but how everything felt so natural, how we seemed to be on the same wavelength," Meyers said. "It was the first time I thought, 'Yes. This is the one.'" While Amazon is almost always accurate, the company does occasionally make a gift recommendation that does not suit her tastes, such as a recent suggestion of camping gear and an all-weather backpack. Still, Meyers lauded Amazon's attempts at spontaneity. "At least it's trying," said Meyers, whose husband will once again surprise her with their fourth romantic getaway to his hometown of Kenton, DE sometime in March. "And maybe I would like camping if I ever tried it. Amazon's usually right about these things." Meyers, who has spent the past 15 years with a man who still believes she enjoys attending car shows, said she has kept her Amazon recommendation e-mails a secret from her husband so as not to corrupt the "deep and unstated understanding" between her and the popular website. "Sure, I could send him the link to my Wish List, but that really defeats the purpose of gifts, as far as I'm concerned," Meyers said. For his part, Dean has promised to make a concerted effort to pay closer attention to his wife's habits in order to choose more appropriate and tasteful gifts. He said that she will be "pleasantly surprised" with his new strategy, enrolling her for the next three years in the Oprah Book Club. "I know she's really into The View, so I just figured this would be perfect," Meyers said. "And I know she'll love taking moonlight drives on our new riding mower together, too." ? Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57311

I can't speak for other sites but at AwesomeDude, when we do that, it's almost always a revised version if not outright rewritten version, so going elsewhere to read a story isn't the nicest thing you can do to an author whose work you enjoy. If he's labored hard to revise or rewrite, one should be courteous enough to read that version, the most correct & recent version online. And, as an author, I know that I sometimes submit different VERSIONS of stories to different readers (often my Nifty version is very different for multiple reasons), so, again, I'd be annoyed to find my wishes thwarted: someone ignoring the local recent version being released for an older, perhaps different, version elsewhere. If the author himself has decided to rerelease it, one ought to respect that, IMO, and read the newest version. If you aren't sure how much difference there is, you can always ask the author but generally speaking, I don't think it's a good habit to get into, speaking as both author and site admin. Kisses... TR

Definitely! I think that's not fully recognized, I hadn't really thought of that until I sat down to write my reply above but it's very true. An opposite approach to that is what Josiah is currently doing with the The Kept, he teased it for several weeks and now is posting one chapter a week. It's enjoyable and I always love his adventurous ideas and narrative style, so I suspected I'd like this story but it's even better than I'd anticipated. Time constraints make too many chapters at once undesirable, though I guess it's word count more than chapters as the size of chapters can vary considerably. Ditto! I'm also a Cole Parker fan and even more so after reading Celebrations, and looking forward to Pecman's first new novel in four years, Pieces. Other authors I'd read anything at all by: Josh!!, EleCivil, Java Biscuit, Savoir Faire, Graeme, Gabriel Duncan, James Saavik, David McMillan... Some offline authors I'd do the same to include: Anne Tyler, Anne Rice, Alice McDermott, Alice Hoffman, Patricia Highsmith, Saul Bellow, Philip K Dick, Ray Bradbury, Charlaine Harris, Steven Saylor, Harry Turtledove, Wm Faulkner, Robert Silverberg, Jared Diamond, Studs Terkel, Lewis Carroll, Joe Haldeman. Kisses... TR

This all pretty much goes for me, too, except that I will read 'text porn' (though not fanfic) under some circumstances. James and I might be defining 'text porn' differently, though. An additional reason to not read, for me, is dreadful use of English throughout the first chapter or so, unless I'm forced to continue reading as editor or teacher. Losing the link, or forgetting, definitely cuts down on likelihood of my finishing the story. 'It stinks' is unequivocally the main reason I stop reading anything, on or offline. Incidentally, quantifying 'it stinks' in a reply to an author is quite the task, especially when you are trying to be courteous. If the purpose of this poll was to determine how many wait until a story is complete to begin reading, count me out of that category. I do read stories that are incomplete, and usually start with the chapters up whenever I become aware of it--which might be the very first chapter. If I forget to keep up and a blizzard of chapters arrive in the meantime, I may stop (or defer) continued reading for that reason. Too many chapters (over fifty, say, or if the chapter list looks like the complex outline of a freshman research paper) can stifle my interest, as can wordy or pretentious author notes, 'casts of characters' (unless it's a play), prefaces or anything else that distracts from the story in a way I consider unwarranted. That's all of my read/not reasons that occur to me. Kisses... TR