Cole Parker

I wouldn't dispute that smarter bit at all. I've know it for a 'coon's age. C

Colinian, feeling a bit frisky, perhaps, being a precocious college student and all and so besotted by his academic and intellectual environment, presented me with a challenge. It was to form a statement of 26 words, each starting with a consecutive letter of the alphabet starting with 'A'. He then proceded to show me how easy it was. I worked a bit a came up with a couple of my own. If anyone else enjoys this sort of wordplay, you might like to contribute your efforts for us to marvel at. Here are two of my own. You can see, I'm not a bit reluctant to display my lack of meaningful abilities in this arena: Alan became coldhearted, disgustedly employing foxy girls, harrumphing, "I'm just keeping luckless men needlessly off payrolls." Questioning radically stressed the useless, voluptuous womanly xenophobic yak zookeepers. and then: Asking becomes critical, demanding essential facts, gathering helpful information. Juveniles--kids--like mathematics. Notwithstanding, obstreperous professors query reluctant students, turning up vacuously woeful x-axis, y-axis zealots. C

Great stuff. Much of it applies to both dogs and cats. Perhaps even rabbits. I love the "move" part. One of my dogs is expert at standing in front of the TV set, especially during "must see" moments, and the word, "MOVE", said at high volume and emotion, invariably casues him to turn and look at me without unblocking the view in any way. Only when the scene in question has dissovled to commercial does he deign to actaully move. He doesn't like commercials either. Which makes me think, having the superpower to turn someone esle invisible might be handy. C

Well, no, it wasn't. Not quite. And in the final analysis, I wasn't able to summon the hubris necesary to bring it off. I folded under the pressure and got Trab's permission before posting the thing. I liked the sentiment that if we were motivated by someone's writing, we should be free to develop our idea, but innately still felt awkward with the fact, and the limits posed by fair play. C

Wow! Uh, let me say that again. Wow! Uh, thanks. Truly. C

Recently, Des told us all we were able to usurp, hijack, pilfer and conjoin any other writer's work and label it as creative stimulus, thus absolving ourselve of all liability. I've decided to practice this invidious behavior on this wonderful, comical and entirely enchanting piece of Trab's. With the greatest, and fondest, apologies to my buddy Bart: Rules for Cats, among the Evilest and Most Sinister of Creatures, to Live By BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare. When you see someone on the toilet straining, jump into their laps. DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Bide your time. When your human comes to close the door, step into the doorway and look up at him and meow plaintively. When he reaches down to pick you up, step outside. When he closes the door, scratch on it immediately. Especially if the frame was recently painted. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot. Try not to throw up until you've eaten something especially foul and have not entirely digested it yet. Small birds and repuslive lizards work well for this. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:" 1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. Try to be tripped over rather than stepped on as the former hurts the human, the latter, you. If the human cracks his head against the edge of the kitchen table on his way down, your work is done for the day, and you should sit next to your human licking yourself while 911 is being dialed and sirens can be heard. 2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself. When lying across the book, allow one leg to droop over in the the lap of the human. Occasionally practice unsheathing a claw and sticking in into the inside of an uppper thigh, and then purr. 3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen. When the human is about finished and signing a document, wait until he's just about done, then playfully bite his fingers, making his signature unreadable and unacceptable. Most points are achieved if he has to do the document over again. 4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. Hiss if reprimanded. 5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump. You will be picked up and set on the floor. Climb to the back of his chair, shreading the upholstry if possible. When his attention is entirely on the paper, leap directly into in. Extra points are scored if you can tear a cat-sized hole in the middle of the paper. 6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress. If he wriggles a bit, trying to reposition you to make typing possible, sink your claws into whatever flesh is closest, hang on, and don't allow the screams and rude language distract you. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills. Stopping quickly in front of them for no reason is very effective and commendable. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around. At odd and unpredicable times during the night, screaching loudly and then pretending to be asleep is great fun. LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes. Keep the smelly stuff above the litter and uncovered. HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat. If your human is especially panicky, stay lost for more than a day. Eat well the day before you do this. ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests. Pay close attention to those that announce they are allergic. You may have problem remembering all this. If you do, don't fret. All you have to do is invite a neighborhood Siamese over for the day and pay close attention to how he behaves. Siamese know all this stuff instinctively, and can probably help you with secret stuff humans haven't even thought of yet. Good catting. C

There are problems with perfection. It would be boring. But that's not all. We all know, writers that we are, that a story, to be interesting at all, needs conflict and then crisis. Where's the conflict or the crisis with perfection? There is none. So you'd have no drama, and your life would be way too prosaic. But worse, you'd be all alone, because no one wants to have to live with the perfect person. It would be beyone their ability to cope, because they'd be human, and you'd be perfect. They'd be aware of their deficiencies, and that you had none. They could never rise to your level, and the pressure to do so would never end. It would be unbearable. I think maybe you should wish perfection on your enemies. Let them try to live with it. C

Don't you love it when someone stands up on a righteous soapbox and claims their Christianity for all to hear, then goes on to drip hatred, to spew bile and censure? In the name of Christianity? I thought the underlying principles, the foundation, of Christianity were that the good Christian was to love thy neighbor, and to love the sinner while rejecting the sin, and to leave judgment of others to God. Isn't that what the religion is all about? Weren't those tenets what drew people to it? How can claiming to be Chrisian and then spewing hate work? I don't get it. I never have. C

That's simply great, Trab. For someone with no sense of literary allusion or literary perspective, the fact you could write that boggles the mind. C

Trab: You have my permission, as owner, author and maintenance tinkerer, to not shred anything you print of mine. Oliver: Most all of my writing is now at AD. Off the top of my head, I can only think of a couple of things Nifty has that AD doesn't. The amazing thing, to me, is that you read Tim in one sitting. I don't even think I could do that. Or would want to. Pretty awesome, dude. C

Easy! Easy you say? Why not just call the guy up and ask what time it is? Easy indeed! C

There is some gorgeous music in all the Ring operas. There's a lot of filler, too. The story behind the operas is basically mystical folderol that is incomprehensible. Ask Colin about them. He's the opera buff here. C

Somehow, Daffy never did much for me. But yeah, Scrooge, Donald, his three nephews, all great stuff. And to show I was at an equal opportunity enjoyer, I love Little Lulu. C

You thought you had a reputation?!Weird!C

Well, there was another superhero who had a strong sense of morality and fair play. Mighty Mouse. Okay, maybe you're sensing my intellectual grasp of good vs. evil was a bit shallower than yours. At least the egg on my face at that admission is two toned, not just yellow. C

How about, while at the friend's house, which is next door to his, he sees that at 4 o'clock exactly, the shadow of the top of the tree in the front yard falls precisely against the top of the telephone pole in his yard. The next day, he waits for the shadow to hit that point, and sets his clock accordingly. C

I don't see anyone coming up with any other useful -gry words. I don't think there are any other than hungry and angry. As for -mt words, I've got one, but will have to put in my earplugs first so I won't be deafened by your roars. Okay, ready? Gustav Klimt. C

Des, you've eloquently made my point. Not many 11 year olds want to read a philosophical treatise on the various shades of righteousness you just expressed. They do, however, like to be indulged by battles with giant octopi or armies of mutant troglodytes, with evil scientists vying for world domination, or demented rapscallions out to hold a city in their grasp. You've brought back memories. The character who shouted 'Captian Marvel' instead of 'Shazam' was, in his superhero personna, Captain Marvel Jr. The trick is remembering his mortal name. I think, only think, it was Freddy Freeman, a cripled street corner newspaper peddler. There was also a girl, Mary Marvel, but I wasn't interested in girls and I don't remember much about her. I don't think she was Captain Marvel's mate, but don't really remember. I never paid much attention to her. Good versus evil was much more enjoyable that good versus another flavor of good. C

People! People! He wasn't Shazzam! He was Captain Marvel. Shazam was the word Billy Batson cried to alert the gods above that he needed to be changed to his alter-ego, Captain Marvel. The gods, the seven of them that gave him his powers, had the initials of their names spell out the word Shazam. Billy Batson was mortal, and had to cry Shazam to become powerful and impregnable. Therefore, these were much more exciting tales than the Superman ones, because Billy was vulnerable. Clark never was, unless someone waved some strange green rock at him. That vulnerablity was a huge plot point, because he could be put in mortal danger, a simple gag preveting his shout for his enabling lightning bolt. These were also tales an 8 or 10 year old boy could be enthralled by, as the comics seemed to be written for that age group, vs. Superman, which seemed to be written for adults. But get they guy's name right, people! Captain Marvel. C

God, that last post was heartbreaking.

There are only three words in The English Language that end in '-gry'. One is angry and the other one is hungry. Can you name the third word? It's quite easy :D. Maddy (:: Um, exactly what do you mean by "easy"? I can think of maybe two other words, but neither are common words, and people would argue vociferously, perhaps angrily, about both of them. You're not fooling with us, are you?<g> C

I have no idea how that happened.And Des-- good advice.C

Thanks, Camy. C

Trab, I'm shocked! Really?Wow!I had no idea!<g>Way to go, man!C

I've heard stories about cats like these, but they are always told by suspect people: cat lovers. I've had cats. I've had numerous cats. They've never wakened me by touching my nose. They've never sat down and had a good cry with me. They have done the aloof bit, the standoffish bit, the jumping up on things that won't support their weight bit, with the ensuing catastrophe, be it what it will.Dogs are loyal and faithful and loving, but that doesn't mean I need that, that I have a personality flaw that requires that kind of obeisance. I've found they're much easier to have as companions than cats. Cats go do their own things. Dogs come and join you, hoping they can help you do yours.Cats have their place. Dogs have theirs. I prefer dogs.C