Madrigal

There was a time, when I was five the blade was sharp and it called to me. It promised to vanish this pain in my chest. But I didn't know... my grip was lost and this knife hit the floor. Release was the goal: I did not know the word. Then there was the hate, that's when I turned eight... and I had one more reason to build my own prison. I thought I had friends but that one word I lacked. They'd mock me, my sister, my mom, my dad. It is at school where I've learned the most: I've learned to dodge blows, I've read new words and I've learned not to cry. It was there I first heard this: you're gay. And since then, this stigma like scarlet has followed and preyed on my frame. Their voices would change, mine was just as high. Perhaps I was special, perhaps I was not. And it was at twelve that I learned the word suicide. And I learned it would follow me for the rest of my life. I've had many chances, from when I was five. I've chosen to live, to appear happy. But never will i discard this feeling of shame and regret. I've made excuses: My parents would miss me. That was a lie. My sister would cry. And I knew she wouldn't. My friends would... and that claim I just couldn't finish. And today was the most recent appearance of the thought in my mind. I envisioned the deed and started to cry. Not because I couldn't, but because today I really had an excuse: I refuse to die like they'd have me do. And I owe some money.

Excellent :D.

I think Dan is actually one of the co-creators of the site :). I remember the site being announced either in his blog or his forum. Maddy (:

That's what I get for not scrolling down on the main page... gotta love the Homer moments. *reads* Maddy (:

Is it possible to post a link? I'm assuming it's either at James' personal website, or over at GA, since I can't seem to find it. Maddy (:

And here it is also, posted under the flash fiction forum. Maddy (:

Good advice! Thanks for sharing :). Maddy (:

Don't really know what to say, as everybody's already expressed how great this piece is. I did love it though. Maddy (:

I found these two links on the net: A scan of the article. Text Only of the article Don't know if it is appropriate to post these. If it is not, feel free to remove them without my protest. I've read the article. Adam is nearly uncensored (a couple of asterisks here and there). He's the first gay public figure (in my very short but personal experience) that actually anecdotes what we know the gay community to be like in a major magazine. There's drugs, there's sex, there's racy comments about both sex organs... there's Lambert. Don't know if this article will strongly backfire (you'd be a child to think it won't have repercussions)., but I wish the best of luck to Glambert. I'll be first in line to buy his debut CD. Maddy (:

Hilarious XD.

It's funny how you point out things in my post that are obviously correct (assimilation is an ACTUAL term used for the cultural integration of immigrants) and omit chunks in sentences with an obvious goal of denigrating my opinion (i.e omitting the preface to the assimilation question). Oh and you also called me a woman. You got my post completely wrong. The fact that you are blinded by what is obviously a condescension to immigration is very saddening. I hope that, from what I'm about to say, you learn a little about what being an immigrant is actually like. I am an immigrant. I KNOW what it is like to be considered an invader. I have been in classes and forums where I have been pointed to and criticized for beliefs and practices which I myself don't adhere to... which by the way, whether you meant it or not, is exactly what you're doing. Some people assume my family consists of individuals that live on welfare, that we have a stash of food stamps on our back yard, and more than once I've seen new neighbors peek into our back yard or jokingly accuse us of being illegal (sort of like that sorry excuse of a poem you posted). I've assimilated. Brit18, my problem with your posts isn't that you're fearful for the future of your country. What I find highly bigoted is that you're fixating on aspects of racial distinction and that you seem to be profiling an entire ethnia, rather than focusing your critique on values that in truth can be concealed beneath any skin color or nationality (sadly sometimes irregardless of religion). I'm not looking for a feud with anyone; I thought I'd made that pretty clear in my first post. I find it highly ignorant for anyone to post their opinion and close themselves to others'. Nobody's personal experience is more valuable than yours, theirs, or mine. I will even accept that the 'sexual ambiguity' comment was short-lived and I truly believe it is inaccurate. This is my last post in this topic, and i understand if it is edited or removed. Maddy (:

brit18, I don't find that poem funny. As much as you DON'T want to sound racist, I find a lot of conflict in your post. I'm not going to sit here and pin point everything that I find wrong with both of your posts; this is not, after all, a soap box. This shouldn't be an 'oh my god i can't see a white face anywhere within three miles' problem. I think that if anybody should be concerned, it should be because of a sudden shift in moral values. The problem is not immigration, nor is a change in ethnic demographics; the problem is regulation. If you allow a large number of immigrants to, as you say, infiltrate your country, how do you expect them to assimilate? And how is it possible that England has such an overwhelming inflow of illegal aliens when it is surrounded by sea? Is the regulation so poor that anyone slips through the enormous cracks of its immigration system? You really shouldn't care about the country's face changing. What everybody should be concerned about is about progression. I'm sure nobody in England wants to regress into misogyny and sexual ambiguity. Maddy (:

Well several blogs I read yesterday night had comments with that statistic. And trust me, 12 times is nothing for hardcore fans. Teenagers literally camp land lines and vote for 4 straight hours. Let's say, for the sake of sane argumentation, that a teenager gets in a vote/min. That's 240 votes. Now let's assume that many of them also have unlimited texting plans (and I believe AT&T customers can send in as many text messages to the IDOL phone numbers as they wish). That's 1 text (or 1 vote) every 10 seconds. You can vote for four hours. That's 1440 votes in four hours. That means, with texting alone, Kris Allen would only need 26,389 dedicated fans in his home state to achieve the 38million vote count. Oh, and this assuming they did NOT text the message to all three of Kris Allen's numbers. That would cut down the number of dedicated fans to a measly 8,796. I've read about people who set up 'voting parties'. Of course, by people I mean teenagers. They vote literally the entire night, sometimes using several cell phones to help their favorite contestant make it to the next round. Having said that, 38 million does sound ridiculous. But there is absolutely NOTHING logical about wasting hours of your life voting for a reality TV show. Don't you love AI's voting system? Maddy (:

AT&T has confirmed 38 MILLION (according to blog comments all over the net) votes for Kris Allen alone from his home state of Arkansas (that's more than 38% of the total votes). I think that would be enough to give anyone the lead. I mean, I love Adam Lambert to death, but there's no way in hell I'm wasting 4 hours of my life in front of a telephone, or texting to my fingers' demise. Truth is, I don't think all those people who adored Adam Lambert spent nearly as long voting for him as the teenagers and momtards that voted for Kris Allen. Having said that, I KNOW homophobia played a small role in this 'election'. You can see homophobic and transphobic comments on his youtube videos, especially on those done before he became a competitor in AI. Controversy aside, Adam and Kris seemed to be really good friends. The fact that Adam's smile hasn't faltered since his fall from glory was announced helps all of his fans cope with the loss. I was upset at first, having followed him (though not voted) since his audition, but it honestly doesn't matter. He'll most likely get an inferior contract to Kris Allen's, as it wouldn't look good otherwise, and in the near future his contract will probably be extended depending on his success. Maddy (:

I just saw this on youtube the other day. Most countertenors DO indeed sing using their head voice (falsetto). Greg Pritchard IS a countertenor, but he's NOT the male soprano he claims to be. Were he a male soprano, he would have used a modal tone throughout the song. You can tell from his speaking voice that he was using falsetto, as his singing is just merely loud, but does not resonate. My guess is he has the range of a mezzo soprano using falsetto in the higher range, but he can't reach low notes using that falsetto. For that he would have to kick in to modal tone. Anyway, another way to tell he's using his falsetto is the fact that he couldn't hold notes for very long, as falsetto requires a higher amount of pressure. Anyway, none of what I said changes the fact that he has magnificent control of his voice, but I don't think he's good enough to win. Maddy (:

I must admit there was a time when My lids would tremble in excitement Or was it fear? Where the lights were bright and The floors shone their silky shine And the boys were beautiful And the girls were too. As I held her hand, I missed the weight of his. His grip was tighter, and his skin warmer. His nails more real. I hoped to dance, but my spirit flew. And still it flies the flight of birds That with heaven?s curse and hell?s demise Rise in the winds like dust in a storm. Though caged I am, my spirit flies. My feet, though bound, forever dance.

Don't move to Arizona. It's hot as hell here.Congratulations on MCL and being a cool dude.Maddy (:

I'm currently playing a game called Guild Wars. Everybody I've spoken to in game about WoW agrees that comparing GW to WoW is pretty much like comparing Skill vs Time (WoW being Time). That being said, they're all biased :P... I might consider playing WoW this summer if GW starts dying away. The problem with GW is that, although the skill system and graphics are considerably better, many things have ruined the game. After becoming a 'God' you have pretty much nothing left to do in game. I'm a few hours away from achieving that, so I might give you a nudge in WoW later on (:. Hopefully by then you'll be lvl 70 and can help me work my way from 'n00b' to 'pr0'.Maddy (:

Since I can remember I've always accidentally bitten my tongue (I have big canines). What happened to you is probably one of my biggest fears. I feel for you.Then again, I imagine the audience's expressions were quite comical. *Gives you tongue implant*Maddy (:

I don't think any of us could ever expect any less from you, Jason. *gives you the most awesome hug in the history of gay hugs*Maddy (:

You can do it, Camy! I know it! :D *pompom*Enough of that. Don't be frustrated. If you don't reach 50k words, you don't and that's that. It's nothing to be upset over. But if you do, then awesomesauce.Maddy (:

w00t, another nanowrimo'er. I'm only at 3700 myself, but the day is young and I'm hoping to reach 7k today. Now if all those people that are going to quit would already... the site is so slow right now D:.Maddy (:

lol bruin

I'm using IE on an LCD and i see your entry as white on dark grey, user comments as black on dark grey, and your comments as black on dirty white. Maddy (:

Hey, Des. Thanks for adjusting the guest comments permission. I got around 200 spam messages these last three or four days. I will delete them myself though :).And the skin looks fine to me. I'm just having a little problem with the background/font colors since they are so close. Maddy (: