Bruin Fisher

Now you're just showing off - you clever boy, you! Well done your Trabness! Bruin

If only it was just eggshell for all of us! Lovely little gem, Trab! It put a smile on my face. Bruin

Even before I read your footnote, I thought "this is a song lyric". Now, where's the song to set it to? It's great! Bruin

Hey, Jason - what a great piece of writing. Great fun to read with infectious humour. Thanks!Bruin

Hmm, innocence and debauchery - what an amazing comment! It's easy for me to have appropriate respect for the narrating character since this, like my other boarding school stories, is based on my own memories - the narrator is me. (thinks: have I betrayed how weird and screwed up I was as a child? Yup - probably! Am I any less screwed up now? Doubt it!) Glad you liked it, Aj! Bruin

Brilliant, Trab - a tiny jewel of literature! Bruin

Yes... King George III never really got over the tragedy of it. Not something we're used to celebrating, over this side of the pond! Nevertheless we can (at this remove) graciously wish you a happy celebration of your quaint custom! Bruin

Hey, Rad, I'm sorry to hear life hasn't been going well for you lately. It sounds like you've been around people who've been behaving like mushroom growers (keeping you in the dark, covering you with shit). Maybe it would help to remember it's not the circumstances of life that make people miserable, it's what goes on in their heads. People can be happy although in desperate poverty ? it's all a matter of liking yourself, having self-respect. And you, my friend, have plenty of reason for self-respect. You're one of the good guys ? and very talented. You have the ability to move people with your writing and that's a gift that should be used and developed. Because of the way the web works you'll probably never know just how much good you've done, how many lives you've made easier or happier because someone has read something you've written and it's helped them deal with who they are. We're separated from our readership by miles of telephone cable. But you will know that if one reader sent you an e-mail to say thanks for writing, likely several hundred others read your work but didn't, for whatever reason, feel able to write and tell you so. You're a force for good in this world, so don't let the bastards get you down! Hang on in there, mate! Bruin

Yipee! An invite! I got an invite! Put the kettle on, I'll be right over!Bruin

Oh,oh, oh, an image I could have done without on a Friday morning. Drat you!Bruin

Isnt 'stuff' what the loft is for?You want me to come over and help you sort it?Bruin

Mmmm, lovely, Des. What's the whipped cream for? Or shouldn't I ask? I'm a big fan of Earl Grey, may I join you in a cup? I sure hope your're going to like it or I've wasted my time! And as I assured Trab, it IS bigger and longer. So if all goes well I've managed to satisfy both of you at one go. Which is a first for me... Bruin

Yes, Trabbie dearest, I stroked it and stroked it until it got bigger and longer. Does that make you happy? It made me happy... Bruin

(I've always wanted to be able to write this:) By special request I am pleased to announce the release of another Boarding School story: The Dance. Dedicated to Cole, who as good as asked for it. I've submitted it to his Dudeness so look for it popping up on the site in due course. Bruin

Thank you Cole I broke into a smile which has lasted and lasted. Wonderful. Now, when you flush with embarrassment, I'm told the reddening of the skin is caused by a rush of blood to the surface blood vessels. So that's probably what was happening when the guy's 'wee wee got flushed' as Cole so poetically put it. And we all know what's going on when there's a rush of blood to the wee wee blood vessels, don't we??? Bruin

One fine spring morning when the lambs were gambolling in the fields and the birds were singing in the trees, the parish priest paused on his regular walk from the rectory to the church because he heard a plaintive cry from the bank of the stream beside the road. "Kind sir, will you save me? Will you restore me? Kind sir, please help me!" It took the kindly old gentleman some time to find the source of the voice which continued to cry out pitifully, but eventually and to his astonishment he discovered sitting on a rock at the edge of the stream a big bullfrog and it was the frog that was talking. "Well, bless my soul!" cried the priest. "What have we here? A talking frog! Whatever next?" "Kind sir," replied the frog. "I am no ordinary frog, but I began my life as a human. Indeed I once served as a chorister in your own church. But a wicked witch caught me scrumping apples from her enchanted orchard and in her anger and spite she turned me into a frog, doomed to croak forever on the banks of this stream." "Well, dear me!" said the pious old man. "Can anything be done? Where is this cruel woman, perhaps I might talk to her for you?" "There is but one way to restore me to my proper form, sir. I have learned that the spell will be broken if I sit where a holy person has lain his head and stay there until sunrise. Please, sir, can you help me?" "Well, well, I'll see what I can do. But I have some things to do first. Can you sit in my coat pocket until later? Will you be comfortable there?" "Oh, yes, sir, very comfortable. I'll be no trouble. Thank you, sir!" And so the old man scooped the frog up in his hand and tipped it into his big coat pocket and continued his journey to the church. There the frog stayed all day, for between you and me I suspect that the rector may have forgotten all about it. His memory was not what it had been. But when he came to take off his coat before dressing for bed that night, he noticed the bulge and weight in the pocket and fished the frog out and placed it on his pillow where it settled to sleep even before he got into bed himself. The next morning when the housekeeper came into the room and threw the curtains back before waking the vicar in time for breakfast, lo and behold a wondrous miracle had taken place. There before her was a choirboy in bed with the vicar! And there, my lord, members of the jury, rests the case for the defense. ********************** Hope you liked that. Inspired by Graeme's new short story, 'Superhero', which uses a similar literary trick very effectively, I was reminded of this old joke and just had to share it with you all. Hope it was new to at least some of you! Bruin

Three cheers, Richard! Let us know when you've finished it and where we can read it? Thanks! Bruin

So sorry, Trabbie dearest! I never intended to hurt your feelings. But you must understand I can't change my story and make it longer - it is what it is - but I can easy write another. So I can satisfy Cole but I can't satisfy you. Story of my life, really... Bruin

I'm no expert but from what you've told us I know I want to read this story! Sounds right up my street. Personally I stick rigidly to a single Point of View if I'm writing in the first person. Whenever I come across a first person story that switches POV I find myself wondering about the story - is the author just showing off? The change of POV interrupts the flow of the story and except in those few cases where the story structure begs for that treatment (different witness accounts of the same crime, for instance) it just hampers the reader's involvement with the story. Most readers become involved with a story from one point of view and if you switch away from it they feel disengaged. So my advice would be to avoid switching point of view at all costs in a first person story. There's always another way of doing it if you think hard enough, for instance writing in the third person lets you write from a variety of points of view and is often most suited to longer, more complex stories because you can tell parts of the story that your main protagonist is not party to. My first stories were written in first person, and it was a wrench to write one in third person - it felt 'impersonal'. But I think readers happily adjust to third person narration and feel no less involved with the story for it. Bruin

Why, thank you Cole, you're very kind. Your wish is my command - there's another 'slice of boarding school life' coming soon. Bruin

Yes, thanks Trab for your kind comments on my story. I'm one of Graeme's legion of fans so unsurprisingly I loved 'Superhero' and read it over again. It's beautifully written like all his stuff, and the narration style lulls you into complacency just in time to pull the rug out from under your feet at the end and land you on your nose in the dirt. It's not, the way I read it, a 'comfortable' story, and you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off at the end, but a powerful and involving read. Strongly recommended. Bruin

Hey Trab, I was thinking I might have been the only one! My teenage sexual experience was exclusively gay but from young adulthood until about three years ago I knew (if I cared to think about it, which I didn't) that I had gay thoughts and occasionally did gay things, but despite this never entertained the thought 'I am gay'. I kept myself very busy all the time to prevent myself thinking too much... I remember a kiss like that. Yuk. I suppose the fact that I never really managed any straight thoughts or actions should have given me a clue... Yup, that's what I think too. I think it's possible for someone to be so self-deluded that they play out a complete heterosexual lifestyle and they may or may not at some point suddenly realise they've been living a lie. I don't think they just turned gay, I think they just woke up to it. Bruin

Until I read this I thought 'it'll never work'. Poetry is so personal and springs so often from the author's subconscious. But here it is - the proof that my preconceptions were way wrong. This is wonderful and attractive poetry - written by a committee (alright, not quite a committee!). Well done all of you! My flabber has seldom been quite so ghasted. Bruin

Seems like I'm not the only one who wants the Ad reinstated: British MPs want Heinz Ad back (from BBC News website) MPs are calling for an advert showing two men kissing to be reinstated after it was pulled following complaints. More than two decades after the first gay kiss on teatime TV, a kiss is clearly not always just a kiss. Bruin

Why not try to get Heinz to change their mind? Heinz UK Website Contact Form The Advertising Standards Authority have not decided whether to investigate the complaints they've received - they might decide the complaints are derisory and shouldn't be given credence. Nevertheless Heinz have decided to pull the Ad. Chicken or what? So I wrote them a letter on their Contact Form (link above) as follows: **************************** I heard you decided not to air your new TV advert for New York Deli Mayo. There's a lot of talk on the internet about this decision, some complaints have been made but the ASA hasn't decided whether to investigate them. Nevertheless you've decided to pull the Ad. I want you to know that I'm sorry you made that decision - I watched the ad on the internet several times because it was beautifully made and make-you-laugh funny. Not offensive at all. And I 'got the point' that your Ad agency intended - it's supposed to show that your new product is like having your very own Deli man just like New York, in your own kitchen. Please re-consider? Thanks for taking the time to read this! ***************************** I didn't mention that I don't like Mayonnaise - I thought that might lessen the weight of my argument! Bruin