Richard Norway

Well, I guess I was fooled.

Next to Cole's, that is.

Hey Pee Jay. Cole's list is a good one, but of the stories he's listed, take a look at Desert Dropping by Dom Luka first. I'm reading it now, and so far, it's probably the best I've read on Nifty.

Iowa ROCKS!!!

Welcome Onlinev! Glad you're with us.

What a message is so few words. I've always tried to not prejudge people, to give them the benefit of the doubt, but have also always failed miserably. That was sure brought home to me.

Great story Des. I had a similar dream, but in my dream, I was the abductor. I hijacked a straight redneck and then forced him to admit that he secretely had been reading the stories on Awesomedude. Great minds do indeed think alike.

Reading those put me in a good mood this afternoon. Thanks for that.

I'm wondering if someone got tired of finding surprises in their shoes in the morning and just let the pet go on the streets one night. That's why there had been no reports of a missing raccoon.

What appears as stupidity in governments doesn't come from the stupidity of the individual legislatures as they are usually quite intelligent (George Bush being the notable exception). It comes from the agenda of almost all legislators (and there are a few notable exceptions here too) to be re-elected or the giving in on one legislators pet project to get his vote to pass his own pet project. Too much goes on behind the scenes in caucuses or closed doors that we don't know about. The mix of words and legislation that comes out sometimes appears so confusing that the whole process appears to be, like Colin said, pure stupidity. I think that we here in the US are going to be facing the same concerns that Des and the Aussies are facing as we get closer to civil unions, domestic partnerships and even real marriage. It will be interesting to see how President Obama (who professes openness in government) handles this and any other thing that the government does so that the public isn't left out and continues to feel the stupidity of government.

Tracy, I couldn't agree with you more. Heath Haussaman is a political writer here in New Mexico, and Mike Huerta, a friend of mine wrote, a guest column piece for Haussaman's blog.http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=...Aklk&ref=nf Please read, and then read the comments to the article...especially the one by 'David in 88012.' They're talking about Harvey Milk, but the message is loud and clear. We have GOT to come together and be "out." We have GOT to have our voices heard.

I didn't know that Ronyx had started another one, but went to have a look after Trab mentioned it here. The title is so ominous, but that first chapter is so uplifting that I have a fear of where he's going to go with this. I'm hooked.

The Wall by Richard Norway I'm eight years old, and I hear the word 'fag' for the first time. I don't know what it means, but the way Jacob uses it, it isn't a good thing. I laid the first brick in the wet mortar at the bottom of the door sized opening in the basement wall. I'm eleven years old, and my dad says to the TV news report about some parade in San Francisco, "Queers aught to be hung. They don't belong among us." 'Are queers fags?' I'm questioning. 'Why don't they belong among us?' By now the first row of bricks had been laid across the opening, and the mortar had already started to set on the first few bricks. I'm now thirteen years old and I have to undress in front of my classmates for gym. I feel embarrassed about my body because it's starting to change, so I hide and do it as quickly as I can. I understand that I'm not supposed to look at the other kids while they're naked. By now, the third row had been completed. I'm fourteen years old and in high school, and I chance a glance at Jacob, my best friend. He looks at me and says, "Stop perving man." I've started the fourth row. I'm fifteen now, and I get talked into running through the senior quad area (reserved only for seniors). I was talked into it by my friends because, well, I want to be accepted. I don't get caught by any seniors. The fifth row has now been completed. At sixteen years old, and as I walk down the hall to my next class, I see a fight break out. Someone that I didn't know hits another kid that I didn't know in the face. The first kid keeps hitting him until the second kid slumps to the floor against the row of lockers lining the hall. The first kid keeps yelling, "You fucking homo!" Everyone just watches. No one moves to help. That second kid's blood had mixed with the mortar for the start of the sixth row of bricks. I'm seventeen now, and I get up the courage to ask Jane to a movie. I really don't want to, but people keep asking me why I don't date her. They say she likes me. I don't kiss her like I'm supposed to do when I take her home. I say, "Thanks for the night." and walk back to my car. The bricks of the seventh row have gotten easier to lay as the top of the wall is not so far away from me now. I'm nineteen years old now and in the Navy. We're in Manila, and a bunch of us guys are on a tour to the mountains north of the city. A few drinks later and we all head from our hotel to the streets below to pick up prostitutes. I am getting laid for the first time, and I like it. It's expected of me. The eighth row had become easy. I'm twenty now and still in the Navy when a friend and I are taking a load of trash to a dumpster on the pier. On our walk back to the ship, he says to me, "I'm physically attracted to you." My emotions freeze, and I cannot answer him. I continue to walk toward the ship, saying nothing. I can't answer him, my best friend in the Navy. I feel like cutting my throat. The next layer was placed in a fury. I'm 25 now and in university after the Navy and a short time at a Jr. College. I have my first gay sex with a friend. I'm ecstatic, but I can't be gay. This is not what my family or friends want or expect of me. The wall has gotten up to my chest now, choking me. I'm 26 years old and just about to graduate. My friend is getting married, and I decide that the girl that I had been dating, another student at the university, would be good as a wife. I mean, I'm 26 now and what would please my family and friends more? We have a big wedding. The opening in the basement wall was closing in on me. It was getting harder to see the outside world, the real world, now. 32 years old finds me with a daughter. I ask myself, 'what have I made of my life? Have I fulfilled everything that I was taught that I should be and do?' I look at the wall in front of me, and it is now complete. I am locked inside the world that I had built, and the air is getting thin. I'm choking just to be able to breathe. I have built myself a cage, a wall to hide my emotions, to deny my emotions, to not ever be able to see them, or to even feel them. I am who I am because of what others expect me to be. I pick up a rock from my cave and began to assault the wall, my emotional wall. I'm now 52. The light of the day now assaults me...and it fulfills me.

You're right Trab, and I apologize for having started this thread here instead of in a blog. But then I also don't apologize for some marvelous and truly inspirational things have come out of this. I was born in a little place close by you, Thief River Falls, where my brother and father still reside. I said earlier that I didn't know what to say, and I'm not sure if I do now. But one thing struck me as I read some of the most gut wrenching, courageous and honest stories that I have ever read here. Even though each one of these stories is from a different set of circumstances, there's a commonality of "hope" within each and every one of these stories. We are all unique, but we are also all the same...human. Each one of us has had to survive from what life through at us, and we all did it in a different way, but we did it. Yes, all of us have "holes" in our past that we're still trying to fill today, but the idea of filling those "holes" speaks of that "hope" for a different and an even better tomorrow. I'm ecstatic over the inspiration that you've not only given me, but also by your courageous honesty, the inspiration that you've given to all of us. I'll be posting a piece of flash fiction at Codey's World on my page, but I think I'd like to share it here too. It's probably the closest thing that I've ever written that is autobiographical as it speaks of my past. I'm going to post it in the Flash Fiction topic, but it's really my story along this thread.

I'm not sure if same sex issues are next in line, but I have a feeling that at some point, President Obama is going to have his say. :)

Trab, I think you're right. I don't think most Californians agree with the decision on Prop 8, but they didn't vote. But this a legal issue that has a lot of implications for the way California runs itself, it's not just our rights. This is going to be tricky. They have 90 days to respond.

This is probably one of the most controversial and difficult cases that the CA Supreme court has ever had to deal with. There are so many legal issues at stake that it is mind boggling. Hell, David and I argued about it tonight. The idea that the electorate can change the state Constitution is a fact in California, but also the doctrine of equal rights come into play. The court cannot discount the fact that the voters have a right to revise or amend their constitution as they will, but they also realize that the majority does not have a right to trample on the human rights of ANY minority. It's fact that they know that the majority can be bigoted, and the court has stepped in on a few occasions to state that. This is an emotional issue. We're emotional about it because it involves what we perceive as our right, our human right to be part of the greater America and the world of human beings. The opponents feel deeply in their religion or what their paradigm taught then that this is wrong and should be banned. It's not a legal issue, but I don't know where else to fight. Truth is...we need to be more visible, to let the world know that we live next door to them and we're not a threat. Another issue is whether it's a constitutional amendment or revision. This is important because if it's an amendment, it must satisfy the idea that it changes the structure of California government. I think they see it as another change to the constitution of CA that doesn't require any further action. We may lose this. Not on a human rights issue, but on a legal issue of how the California Supreme Court sees the legal issue involved. I think Cole is right in that the Court is extremely liberal, but the argument for gay marriage was weak. It didn't address the constitutionality of it. This is the law, and that's what the justices have to look at.

I'm not so sure Cole. I just finished watching the 365gay.com live webcast of the arguments in front of the CA Supreme Court. I know that the justices had to play devil's advocate to ferret out substance, but this doesn't look good for CA.

I've been in quite a depression over the past week at the shock of what happened in our legislature. The Domestic Partnership Bill failed in the Senate...AGAIN! http://www.lcsun-news.com/ci_11796862

Trab, I don't know what to say in response, except that I've felt the same way that you have.

To think that they could confuse the grammer that he wrote, and question him of that right to say what he wanted or might. He delighted in his prose, as he spent the hours to compose, the words he delighted in his whim, the words he had within only him. It is dumb to think of what is right, for he knows what is not right. He has not the strength to fight but he knows just what is right.

One quiet afternoon in late February this year (the wind hadn't started up yet), a small bird said to me from it's perch on a yucca branch (just before he or she collapsed from the heat), "Don't you just love it here in New Mexico? There's no snow or cold or despair." I couldn't get that out of my mind as I watched it's lovely feathered body fall from the branch and a small puff of dust erupt from the desert floor below. Sorry bird. I wondered if someone must have let you loose from your cage after capturing you from BC, Canada. You didn't want to be here. I was born in northern Minnesota, but raised in southern California. OMG, what a change, but I was only seven when we moved, and life's decisions were based on the future then and not on what I had known in the past. But I'm in New Mexico now, and my grass even goes brown (just like in my old stomping grounds of southern CA). I love the lack of snow! Hmmm...HS in southern CA. That was a treat that took me the next decade to get over, and I guess I'm still working on some of the crap that that experience taught me. But I did learn one thing, not at the time though. Love where you are and appreciate what you have around you. I still love the beaches, the views, the bodies, the...but I digress. This forum has become lethargic. Okay....let's talk about our pasts, what we had or didn't have, our hopes then for our future, our disdain for where we were, and how do we feel about the past now, what gave us hope and what gave us misery, what events influenced us to think the way we do now. What was it like or what is it like today? Let's communicate.

Ah...if it were up to me, I'd put it...inside. The quotes, THE QUOTES, that is.

Well done Camy! What an open ending. I've already envisioned the continuation. When do you think that you might start on Chapter 2? Here's a quick link https://awesomedude.com/camy/firstday/index.php

I too had asked myself the same questions that Des has asked. What is going on down there in that far SW corner?