short story Moody by Cole Parker

[Camy]

When I stumbled out of bed, after watching the new Netflix/Amazon/PBS drama 'The Presidential Debate' last night, I had every intention of reading 'The Boy On The Plane' from cover to cover. Then I discovered the canny chap had snuck in (or out) a new short story: 'Moody.'

'Wowsa!' said I, and the cat agreed (she mostly does but only if she wants snacks).

Moody is... well, it's... Oh! It's good, obviously. But it's more than that. It's an entire novel wrapped up as a short story.

In all his writing Cole delights readers with well drawn protagonists, but with Moody he's gone further. Read it, and you'll be able to tease out the structure of a longer work (not to mention the possibility of a film script).

Moody has a definite five beaks up from this bird.

[Cole Parker]

Thanks so much, Cammy.

Now, if you'd answer my damn email!!!

 

C

[Camy]

Ooops. I'm right on it, guvnor. Running all the way.  Perambulating in vaguely the right direction.

[Rutabaga]

A quick editorial comment.

When I encountered this:

“We have to, Cody.  We need to tell his parents about him.”

♦

They were at the hospital the next day.

. . . I was sure that the word "they" referred to Moody's parents.  

R

 

[dude]

3 hours ago, Rutabaga said:

A quick editorial comment.

When I encountered this:

“We have to, Cody.  We need to tell his parents about him.”

♦

They were at the hospital the next day.

. . . I was sure that the word "they" referred to Moody's parents.  

R

 

Huh? 😦 

[Rutabaga]

8 hours ago, dude said:

Huh? 😦 

It's the cinematic language that we have grown up with.  The detectives say something like, "We need to talk to the bank manager," and then the film cuts directly to the office of the bank manager and the conversation they are having.  Here, when Jed says, "We need to tell his parents about him," and then immediately we read "They were at the hospital the next day," the assumption is that it's the parents who were at the hospital the next day, because that's who was just being talked about a moment earlier. 

My editorial tweak would be to change the last sentence to "Jed and Cody were at the hospital the next day."  Avoids confusion and ambiguity.

R 

[Cole Parker]

R:  Had it appeared as you suggest, one paragraph leading directly to the next, then there'd be some merit to your complaint.  However, that isn't the case, as you know.  One paragraph didn't lead directly to the next.  They were separated by a scene break.  A scene break is used to separate the paragraph before and after it from each other as to time, place, and of all other connections.  

This means the second paragraph must stand on it's own.  It becomes very clear very soon that the ones watching Moody are not the gristly parents.

 

Maybe the scene break didn't show up on your copy?  😏

 

C

 

 

[Camy]

Pokes head in to see what's going on...

...tiptoes away.

[Cole Parker]

I didn't mean that to be anything but humorous.  I have that problem in emails.  Things come across harsher than intended, and somehow the humor gets lost in the wash.  Most things I write are supposed to be at least whimsical.

C

[Rutabaga]

10 hours ago, Cole Parker said:

It becomes very clear very soon that the ones watching Moody are not the gristly parents.

Yes but it was very disruptive of the reading experience.

R

[Alan Dwight]

A wonderful, heartfelt story. I had no problem with the spot people are arguing about. I did notice that Jed's name occasionally became Jeb, but the meaning was always clear. 

Thanks for the story, Cole!

[Cole Parker]

Thanks, Alan.  Can't please everyone.

 

C