Bustin' Out O' Jail

[Tanuki Racoon]

From Associated Press

September 27, 2007 3:43 PM EDT

MANSFIELD,Ohio - A masked prisoner, of sorts, got some help with a breakout at the old Ohio State Reformatory in Mansfield. At the more than 100-year-old prison now operated as a museum, volunteers came to the aid of a raccoon with a plastic peanut butter jar stuck on its head.

After the critter was spotted scurrying around the grounds last Sunday night, it bumped into a tree and then climbed up and wouldn't come down.The raccoon rescuers used a rope to pull the small tree over so an off-duty Mansfield police officer who volunteers at the reformatory could grab the animal with a snare.

An official with the Mansfield Reformatory Preservation Society says once its plastic prison was cut off, the raccoon made a run for it into the brush.

[Cole Parker]

A plastic peanut butter jar stuck on his head? How terribly delicious! I'd have loved to have seen that.

I don't think too many things embarrass our raccoon, but getting hauled out of a tree and having to have a peanut butter jar surgically removed, well, that might have been enough to do the trick.

So, Wibby, was it good for you?

Hah hah hah hah!

C

[Tanuki Racoon]

So, Wibby, was it good for you?

The embarassment of having sticky fur for the wrong reasons.

[Trab]

I found the title horribly misleading, "Bustin' Out O' Jain"

I was expecting some kind of perverted sexual disaster in which someone had gotten stuck inside of "Jain", like a dog in a bitch. Imagine my disappointment at finding out it was 'only' a raccoon issue.

[Tanuki Racoon]

I found the title horribly misleading, "Bustin' Out O' Jain"

WTF is a "Jain"?????

I was expecting some kind of perverted sexual disaster in which someone had gotten stuck inside of "Jain", like a dog in a bitch. Imagine my disappointment at finding out it was 'only' a raccoon issue.

Go ahead, ruin my good name* -- it's not fair. That's MY job.

* if I had one....

[blue]

It was just a typo.

However, there are Jainists, followers of Jainism, a faith from the Indian subcontinent that believes all life is sacred, even the tiniest insects or plants.

No comment on the dog's knotty problem.

Even less comment on sex-crazed raccoons.

The raccoon with the peanut butter jar stuck on his head? Wacky fun, until somebody loses a tail!

Are you sure he didn't misread the label? Peanut butter could sound like.... (Give it a minute, you'll figure it out....)

Darn crazy raccoons. But did he want it for himself or a friend?

[Steven Keiths]

Well, being a peanut butter lover, I can understand the masked-bandits over zealousness. There must have been just a little more at the very bottom of the jar that his/her tongue couldn't quite reach.

[Trab]

Steven, do you eat gobs of peanut butter straight out of the jar, with a tablespoon? I do. I love the stuff, but I prefer the chunky kind with nothing added: peanuts ground up into peanut butter, its own oil, and no salt added. Yum.

[dude]

Steven, do you eat gobs of peanut butter straight out of the jar, with a tablespoon? I do. I love the stuff, but I prefer the chunky kind with nothing added: peanuts ground up into peanut butter, its own oil, and no salt added. Yum.

Yum I love it right out of the jar ... but more 'daintily' with a teaspoon. Ahem

[Trab]

but more 'daintily' with a teaspoon.

How gay.

[Trab]

While we're talking about secret lusts, are there any others out there who also buy the premade icing/frosting for cakes and eats that straight out of the jar too? I must admit, I use a dainty "dutch" style teaspoon, which is normally considered a souvenir type spoon in most places. It's about half the size of a 'regular' teaspoon. It's pretty potent stuff, that frosting. I may as well confess I like to suck back maple syrup too.

[TalonRider]

While we're talking about secret lusts, are there any others out there who also buy the premade icing/frosting for cakes and eats that straight out of the jar too? I must admit, I use a dainty "dutch" style teaspoon, which is normally considered a souvenir type spoon in most places. It's about half the size of a 'regular' teaspoon. It's pretty potent stuff, that frosting. I may as well confess I like to suck back maple syrup too.

I like to eat pudding cups using that type spoon. It lasts longer that way.

[colinian]

Well, being a peanut butter lover, I can understand the masked-bandits over zealousness. There must have been just a little more at the very bottom of the jar that his/her tongue couldn't quite reach.

Steven, do you eat gobs of peanut butter straight out of the jar, with a tablespoon? I do. I love the stuff, but I prefer the chunky kind with nothing added: peanuts ground up into peanut butter, its own oil, and no salt added. Yum.

Yum I love it right out of the jar ... but more 'daintily' with a teaspoon. Ahem

How gay.

OMG, do you mean I'm not the only one with that habit? What my mom called "Colin's awful habit"? I LOVE peanut butter right out of the jar, but like Trab, only the natural kind where you have to stir in the oil and keep it in the fridge and there's no salt in it and it's frickin' ADDICTIVE! And I use an ice tea spoon because the handle is long enough to get into the bottom of the jar, and the bowl is small enough and sort of pointed so it fits in the bottom corners of the jar when it's almost empty and you can get out what's left in the corners, and the bowl's big enough to get just the exact right amount of peanut butter to fill your mouth, and the chunky kind is best but if there isn't any of that the smooth kind is good too, and the best brand (in the U.S.) is Adams, which was bought out by Smucker but it's still the same, and they leave enough room at the top of the jar so you can stir in the oil without it getting out all over the jar and the sink and your hands, and I LOVE it! OMG, I'm SO excited!

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for confessing! Now I know I'm not alone! [wiping a tear from my eye] I'll never have to go to another P.B.S.A. meeting! "My name is Colin Kelly, and I eat peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon."

Colin

[blue]

How come I haven't had any peanut butter lately? Weird. Peanut butter cookies, though....

OK, I have to confess: My dad got me hooked on peanut butter! No, really. Dad would eat it out of the jar, with a tablespoon, put the peanut butter on a piece of white bread, and eat it that way, often with milk, a very specific style.

Now me, as a bachelor, I've been known to eat it out of the jar directly, but it's my jar.

However, about as often, I make a PB&J sandwich on wheat bread. What kind of jelly, jam, or preserves varies.

See, Colin, you're not the only one.

I can see it now:

"Gay male seeks gay male for peanut buttery goodness."

Wait, that sounded slightly naughty.... :shrugs: ...Hmm... Possibilities.... (Oh hush, they can figure that out on their own.)

...Uh, someone's probably already written a story with it. But do I get royalties on the next one?

[colinian]

How come I haven't had any peanut butter lately? Weird. Peanut butter cookies, though....

OK, I have to confess: My dad got me hooked on peanut butter! No, really. Dad would eat it out of the jar, with a tablespoon, put the peanut butter on a piece of white bread, and eat it that way, often with milk, a very specific style.

Now me, as a bachelor, I've been known to eat it out of the jar directly, but it's my jar.

However, about as often, I make a PB&J sandwich on wheat bread. What kind of jelly, jam, or preserves varies.

See, Colin, you're not the only one.

I can see it now:

"Gay male seeks gay male for peanut buttery goodness."

Wait, that sounded slightly naughty.... :shrugs: ...Hmm... Possibilities.... (Oh hush, they can figure that out on their own.)

...Uh, someone's probably already written a story with it. But do I get royalties on the next one?

I love PB&J sandwiches, but made the way I wrote in my story Family Matters on Codey's World. Good rye bread, the kind you get in a good Jewish deli that has cornmeal on the bottom, with real butter, lots of peanut butter, and really good slightly bitter orange marmalade. That's even better than eating it out of the jar with a spoon.

Doug doesn't like peanut butter, so the jar in the fridge in our dorm room is MINE! All MINE! Bwa! Ha! Ha! Hah!

Colin

Colin

[Trab]

If you're going to put it on bread, you have to use butter on the bread, but icy cold/solid, and then on the very top, over top of the peanut butter (or jam) you put warmed smooth butter, but not melted! To die for, truly.

[dude]

If I ate all the things Trab suggests ... I'd go from 150 to over 600 pounds!

[EleCivil]

Peanut butter straight from the jar? Eh...I might lick the knife/spoon afterwards, but that's mostly for cleaning purposes (note: don't use knives at my house, no matter how clean they appear).

One tablespoon of peanut butter mixed into a blender full of post-workout whey protein, though, can change it from gag-inducingly awful to quite eatable.

Also, peanut butter will stick to a stucco ceiling FOREVER. I threw some up there when I was ten, and there it remains to this day. It was near a light fixture, so it's kind of...baked on. I'm sure there's a use for it in the construction industry, somewhere.

[Cole Parker]

Had anyone else noticed this thread has meandered from prison security issues to surgery to sticky fur to esoteric Indian subcontinent faiths to tongues too short to really do the job to eating frosting without the cake and sucking syrup to a how-to primer on sandwich construction to what constitutes the best Jewish rye bread (the corn meal on the bottom, no doubt) to the proper temperature of butter when interlayered over and between other ingredients in the sandwich from fat city to stucco additives?

I'm entranced. And waiting for some suggestions on how to start a '36 flathead Plymouth that's sat out in the rain for 60 years and the three deadliest snakes in Laos. I'm sure we'll get to that at some point.

Carry on, men.

C

[Trab]

Well, Cole, supposedly there's nothing better than diversity.

[TalonRider]

In an unrelated article, or is it, I came across this:

Cop Uses BB Gun to Save 'Jarhead' Skunk

By Associated Press

Sat Oct 6, 1:56 AM

CARROLLTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. - These are the salad days for one lucky skunk. Officer James Kellett said a skunk whose head was stuck in an empty salad dressing jar wandered into the police station's parking lot Thursday in Carrollton Township, near Saginaw and about 80 miles north of Detroit.

Kellett wanted to serve and protect the white-striped weasel, but wasn't interested in any resistance _ spray or otherwise. So he grabbed a BB gun used in hunters' safety courses and shot at the jar from about 40 feet.

The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk's neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off.

"I didn't want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," Kellett told The Saginaw News. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray _ and do anything else skunks like to do."

Kellett didn't get much in the way of gratitude, but he's grateful the skunk didn't spray. And the makers of T. Marzetti's salad dressing are sending the officer coupons good for free dressing as a reward.

___

Information from: The Saginaw News,

[Cole Parker]

Skunk, raccoon, it's all the same.<g>

C

[Trab]

It's all the same? Damn you city slickers. I spent years trying to get protection for an endangered marmot species and damned city slickers just called them squirrels. "Rats, squirrels, marmots, they're all just rodents," they said. Apes, chimpanzees, gay authors, they're all just monkeys, right?

[Cole Parker]

And here I always thought gay authors were a special breed of cat!

C

[blue]

Everybody's got something to hide, except for me and my monkey!

-- The Beatles

Take that, monkey-boy!

-- Buckaroo Banzai