Gay ex-gov claims threesome tryst

[Caylor]

Gay ex-gov claims threesome tryst

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080317/ap_on_...7puUqfIYQp34T0D

By ANGELA DELLI SANTI, Associated Press Writer 11 minutes ago

TRENTON, N.J. - He says yes. She says no. He says yes. Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey said Monday he and his wife and a male aide engaged in sexual threesomes, contradicting a denial issued hours earlier by his estranged wife.

In an e-mail to The Associated Press, the nation's first openly gay governor said published reports by former campaign aide Teddy Pedersen were true.

In interviews posted online Sunday night by The Star-Ledger of Newark and the New York Post, Pedersen said he had consensual sex with the couple for about two years before McGreevey became governor. He said he had contact only with Dina Matos McGreevey during the trysts, and wasn't sure whether McGreevey was gay.

In his statement, McGreevey said he and his estranged wife need to move forward for the sake of their 6-year-old daughter.

"This happened, this happened in the past, and now we need to move on with our lives," McGreevey, 50, said without being specific.

His e-mail to The Associated Press came shortly after one from Matos McGreevey. She said Pedersen's claims of consensual three-way sex "are completely false and were prompted by Jim McGreevey."

"Jim has had a close relationship with Pedersen since his days as mayor of Woodbridge, and arranged jobs for Pedersen from that time through his years as governor and beyond," said Matos McGreevey, 41. "They have continued their close relationship since Jim left office. This was obviously payback time for Pedersen."

The McGreeveys are in the midst of an acrimonious divorce. She accuses him of hiding his homosexuality before and during their marriage and has sued for damages. He has said she should have known he was gay.

Pedersen, 29, told the newspapers the threesomes went on for about two years during the McGreeveys' courtship and into their marriage. He said the trysts ended when McGreevey was elected governor in 2001.

Pedersen said he came forward because he was angry that Matos McGreevey was offering television commentary on the resignation of New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, who stepped down last week amid a call-girl scandal. During her commentary, Matos McGreevey said she was blindsided when her husband announced his homosexuality.

McGreevey resigned in 2004 after acknowledging an affair with a male staffer who he said was trying to blackmail him. The ex-staffer said he was sexually harassed by the Democratic governor.

The McGreeveys separated shortly after McGreevey's nationally televised speech in which he declared himself "a gay American."

[Caylor]

One reason I say, if you're gay, don't marry a woman. Duh. I fear there may well be someone here who has, and I'm not saying you're wrong. You have your own reasons and situation.

But speaking for myself and with my own opinion, it's stupid. Unless you're bi, I guess.

If you're gay, and in the closet, fine. I am. I've been in the closet for about 30 years. I've dated women, had sex with women, even had a woman who wanted to move in and live with me for a while. I said no, I don't want anyone living with me. Which I don't. I like living alone for the most part. It would be great to have a good guy to come home to, but until/unless I find that great guy, I'm not going to 'settle' for a woman.

But then, I'm not a politician.

[Trab]

It's quite possible that these people have discovered their sexual orientation and attraction only after getting married. That happens, and it's quite valid. Now if you actually know, and deliberately get married to the opposite sex for political gain, well, I pity that type of person. There would be like prostituting your inner ID, your essential 'you'.

[Caylor]

I have met several guys on gay sites who are or were married. They usually say they didn't 'know' until after they got married.

I guess I have to admit that happens.

Seems odd though. How do you not know?

I knew at twelve, so I don't get how you don't know until so late in life.

[Trab]

It's complicated, Caylor, but it happened to me. Essentially, whenever I found an attraction to a guy, my brain just jumped on me, and suppressed the whole thing. Until I was 55, when it finally came clear to me, I had had several dozen very quick and minor attractions, suppressed, over 4 decades. My whole life was celibate; more like asexual. Believe me, it was a shock to me. I just thank whatever powers that be, that I never behaved badly like some homophobic closet gays have done, and I never hooked up with a woman either. I've always been completely non-judgemental, although I still cannot really understand fully why my brain suppressed it all in the first place. So many opportunities wasted. Sigh.

[The Pecman]

My partner and I have a gay friend in the TV industry, whom we've known for about five or six years. We were shocked as hell when we received a wedding invitation about a month ago, for his marriage to a woman.

I sent him a short email that basically said, "hey, good luck with that! Boy, were we surprised!" And his response was basically, "I was, too--but the heart wants what the heart wants."

I just hope he knows what he's getting into. This could lead to trouble. I've only known one true bisexual guy in my whole life (one who's really 50/50), and everybody else was just "experimenting for the moment." Very dangerous in a long-term relationship.

[Camy]

In my view the most important thing is friendship. Sex is undeniably wonderful, but without the friendship/soul-bond/love/what ever you call it, it's really meaningless.

But then I'm a bird. It might well be different for Raccoons, Rabbits, Politicians, and other beasts.

Camy

[JamesSavik]

Gag- I hate messy divorces! TMI!

[DesDownunder]

The ex-Gov and his wife and their "aide de camp" as I shall call him, all seem in a state of pubic denial.

I have to admit I am always somewhat bewildered by the idea that politicians are somehow supposed to lead perfect sex lives according to unwritten laws in the mind of the electorate.

More often than not the media is responsible for suggesting that a politician's sex life will demoralise the office. The media thereby manipulate the public into a state of outrageous reaction without recourse to asking if it matters as to whom is doing what with whom.

Quite frankly I think it is unhealthy to expect an elected official to be a sexually perfect role model even if such a thing was definable.

I would much prefer to have an elected representative who was human enough to have a few trysts than a bigot who was imposing their personal moral indignation on the nation.

It seems to me to be dangerous to demand perfection in elected officials as it has to lead to lies and cover-ups.

I just do not understand the preoccupation with condemning the sex lives of public figures, especially when no criminal offence has occurred.

Indeed there is an argument that suggests that if the politicians were to have unfettered sex lives then they might be more inclined to not screw the rest of us.

[Cole Parker]

Gag- I hate messy divorces! TMI!

When the ex-partners go out of their way to hurt each other as badly as they can, you shake your head and wonder at the level of pain each caused the other for how many number of years they did so.

It's very tragic. I hate it when kids are involved.

C

[colinian]

In my view the most important thing is friendship. Sex is undeniably wonderful, but without the friendship/soul-bond/love/what ever you call it, it's really meaningless.

But then I'm a bird. It might well be different for Raccoons, Rabbits, Politicians, and other beasts.

Camy

Camy, what you say is absolutely true for this Irish guy (moi) and that Chinese guy (Doug). (I don't know about birds and those others beasties.) Love and friendship are the most important things in a relationship. Sex is nice, it's good, it's freakin' wonderful, but without love and friendship I think it would be hard to sustain a relationship.

Colin

[Res Ipsa Loquitur]

Deleted

[Trab]

Sorry, but I cannot see your point. How can someone not be fundamentally attracted to another and yet still be great friends and in love? Unless maybe by 'attracted' you mean sexually? If that's what you mean, you are mistaken. There are many instances of people being asexual, or having no physical attraction for each other, and yet having long term loving and friendshipful relationships. In fact, it can be argued that sexual attraction is actually a detriment to a long term relationship IF it is to the exclusion of the other important factors.

[Res Ipsa Loquitur]

Deleted

[Graeme]

I have met several guys on gay sites who are or were married. They usually say they didn't 'know' until after they got married.

I guess I have to admit that happens.

Seems odd though. How do you not know?

I knew at twelve, so I don't get how you don't know until so late in life.

I'm gay. I'm married. Life can be really complicated at times.

I've known I'm gay since a young age. I didn't fully accept that fact until I was forty. I honestly love my wife and it is definitely not a sham marriage. If I could have my life again, I wouldn't marry her because it really isn't a good idea for a gay man to marry a woman, but it is certainly not a black-and-white situation. I came out to my wife a few years ago and doing so caused her an incredible amount of pain. She needed counselling as a consequence. We're very, very lucky -- our marriage survived (most don't) and we still have a strong, healthy relationship. We also have two wonderful boys that are the centre of our lives. While, ideally, I would prefer to have a boyfriend, I am very content with my life as it is.