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(Wibby's) Tortured Soul


Altimexis

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Wow! I'm not sure where to begin with this. I'd say this is not our typical Wibby's writing, but then there really is no such thing when it comes to our Wibby. The one thing I will say is that it sure seems to be unedited, as there are numerous typos. There are a lot of missing spaces between words and I think it would probably be a good idea to at least run the text back through a spell checker to at least catch these. There is also one major, glaring error. Wibby attributes the phrase, "We hold these truths . . ." to be from the U.S. Constitution, which of course is false. Nothing so eloquent made it into the U.S. Constitution, as Thomas Jefferson was in France at the time of the Constitutional Convention. "We hold these truths . . ." comes from the Declaration of Independence. The triumvirate of "mankind's" inalienable right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" is something Jefferson actually lifted from the ideas of John Locke, although Locke was considerably more materialistic when he wrote about life, liberty and the pursuit and acquisition of property. I had a great U.S. History teacher in high school. We spent most of our time in the library reading up on this stuff and then presenting and debating it in class. Who needed textbooks? But I digress . . .

So about this story . . . Wibby makes it clear up front that it says nothing about his tastes - only that he can write an engaging story, but then he goes on to say that it's true. He almost has me believing him, this time. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if the typos I mentioned above are deliberate, designed to make me think that the story was written by his tortured soul, rather than by the cool, collected Wibby we're all used to. I've used Wibby as an editor for my own writing before, and I can tell you that no one is more meticulous. Would even a distraught Wibby who thinks he might be about to throw his morals to the wind fail to even run his story through a spell checker? I think not.

So the question, folks, is, is this fact, or more of Wibby's amazing fiction?

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I didn't want to write an author's statement, but as I feared, it has come to this. I knew there was trouble when my editor gave me a lecture on the piece "on the off chance it was based on your experiences." On the plus side it means I did the best job of writing I've ever done. On the minus side, it means I have to explain myself and I abhor doing so.

First, this is a story and it clearly said so in the disclaimer. One must separate fact and fiction. I would never hurt a kid. Period. Unqualified and without exception.

Second, to clear up any confusion. To the best of my knowledge there are no fifteen year-old males madly in love with me or who are persuing me -- nor anyone younger than that either, nor, sadly, older. I'm sure I'd have noticed.

That doesn't mean there aren't elements of truth in what I write. I've written parts of myself or people I know into every story and every character that I've ever written (except Kieran Torrmark in HT30). However, just because I throw parts of myself into a novel doesn't make it true. Agatha Christie wrote about murderers, but it didn't make her one.

If you're over 18 you can stop reading here. If you're under 18, please read on.

If you're a minor (under 18) and involved in a relationship with an adult (someone over 18) ? or considering one -- I feel obligated to give you advice. Don't roll your eyes.

I don't need to warn you there are predators out there. These are people who will manipulate you, use you, abuse you, and a few who will even cause you grave bodily harm. They are smarter than you think. My job is not to talk you out of any relationship you may want but to give you some advice. I feel obligated to do this because I care about my readers and about all the young adults of both genders out there. If you are in love with someone, good for you: I am not here to judge your love.

However, if the person you're involved with hasn't given you his (or her if appropriate) full name and contact details and you haven't verified them, raise a red flag up the pole. If they don't trust you, don't trust them. If there is no trust, there is no love. Trust the actions, not the words.

As long as you have some power over the other person, you have some measure of control in the relationship ? and if you insist on being involved with adult, you need this. Without this, they can control you ? you mustn't allow that. If something in the relationship makes you uncomfortable tell them to knock it off, stop contacting you, or whatever it is you want to happen. If that person persists, contact the police, your school guidance counsellor, or some other responsible adult. People who make you do things you don't want to do are not your friends. Nothing they say can ever change that. If you're not totally happy in this type relationship, you need to examine it carefully. If you're not sure, get out. Immediately.

If someone says ?You?d do this if you loved me? beware. That?s emotional blackmail almost every single time. If someone loves you, they don?t use that sort of line on you. (This doesn?t apply when someone asks you to cook breakfast after a wonderful night. In this case, this sort of tactic is perfectly acceptable.)

If you insist on having a relationship with an adult, I at least hope you're the one who started it. If an adult is pursuing you, that's another red flag. Be cautious. Adults should never be the aggressor in a relationship with a minor. We're supposed to know better. Adults are not typically like the adult in this particular story.

If you have trouble at home, are estranged from your parents, and such things a predator is far more likely to decide you're a victim. Life is not usually like depicted in my story or any other story. Adults can use their life experiences to manipulate you and your emotions without you being aware of what is happening. The more troubled you are, the easier this becomes. Don't be afraid to question their motives.

If they ask to meet you alone, be very concerned. There is no bigger red flag. I hate to tell you to assume all adults are guilty until proven innocent, but that is probably the best way for you to proceed.

If you don't know a responsible adult but need one or need help in this area, contact me and I'll help you find one in your area. I should not be your first choice for help, but if you have nowhere else to go, I'll help. You are not alone.

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Wow! I'm not sure where to begin with this. I'd say this is not our typical Wibby's writing, but then there really is no such thing when it comes to our Wibby.

I will agree.

The one thing I will say is that it sure seems to be unedited, as there are numerous typos. There are a lot of missing spaces between words and I think it would probably be a good idea to at least run the text back through a spell checker to at least catch these.

I can't say about the missing spaces. They are NOT in the original copy I submitted. Nor do I see them on my screen when looking at the posted copy. And this story did not go through my usual editing process. Due the nature it was handled quite differently than my other works. I always accept full blame for any errors regardless of who edited it.

So about this story . . . Wibby makes it clear up front that it says nothing about his tastes - only that he can write an engaging story, but then he goes on to say that it's true.

No, I do not say at any point this story is true. The part at the top marked DISCLAIMER is what I wrote. The part after the row of asterisks marked "preamble" is written by the "author" of the tale told there in. That is Derrick's disclaimer and tale. I specifically called it a 'preamble' to avoid any confusion with reality.

Would even a distraught Wibby who thinks he might be about to throw his morals to the wind fail to even run his story through a spell checker? I think not.
I do not use a spell checker. Ever. Keeps my brain in shape. Ask my editors because they find spelling errors. (I ran this through a spell checker and found ONE word spelt wrong: memorialised. No other word was spelt wrong. So I cannot fathom what on earth you are going on about. Please use a UK spell checker when checking anything I write.)
So the question, folks, is, is this fact, or more of Wibby's amazing fiction?

There is no question here.

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I think the story is brilliant! Wibby took a common theme and stood it on it's head. He doesn't condone or support what is going on but is able to take the reader into the mindset of a man whose soul is in torment. A good murder mystery is just that and doesn't mean a good murder. This story is a good story and doesn't mean the actions of the characters are good.

two thumbs up from me!

Tim

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Tim, thanks for your support. It means a lot to me because it's from you. I love ya' 'bro!

PS: To those who are seeing missing spaces, there seems to be a CR+LF glitch in 8 places. I have fixed them, the one typo, and sent it back to Dude. He will post it if he wants. There is no need to re-read it though as nothing else has changed. The new version has today's date at top.

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Brilliant, truly. :biggrin:

I can see where the confusion might arise in some. Too quick a reading at the beginning and one might not catch it that the lead character is a writer, and that the disclaimer by the author (WBMS) runs almost seamlessly into the story, in which the writer character then states a differing set of conditions. It is vital to recognize that the Preamble is part of the story as written by the character.

Damn. Now I'm guilty of over explaining someone else's story. I hate that. I don't have the right to do it, and furthermore, I MIGHT BE WRONG. I hope not, but there it is. Don't flame me too much, please.

Again, I think it is brilliantly done.

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I can see where the confusion might arise in some. Too quick a reading at the beginning and one might not catch it that the lead character is a writer, and that the disclaimer by the author (WBMS) runs almost seamlessly into the story, in which the writer character then states a differing set of conditions. It is vital to recognize that the Preamble is part of the story as written by the character.

Damn. Now I'm guilty of over explaining someone else's story. I hate that. I don't have the right to do it, and furthermore, I MIGHT BE WRONG. I hope not, but there it is. Don't flame me too much, please.

Thanks for your support. What Bart said.

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There's an old saying about replying to one's own posts. . . .

It's interesting how the mind works, but when confronted by a disclaimer in small print and then a very intense, lifelike, compelling story that almost exists within its own reality, it's very easy to discount the initial disclaimer and think to ones self, "Maybe that initial disclaimer was tacked on automatically and doesn't really apply to this story." In the end, I decided that this really was a brilliant work of fiction, but it's written so well that for a time I really did think our Wibby had become infatuated with a teenager. I think the real clue that this was a fictional piece about a tormented soul and not a legitimate writer was when the second boy came into the picture, and the writer fell in love with him. I have teenage fans, but they're interested in my stories, not in me. Let's face it, teenage boys aren't all that interested in older guys - that only happens in stories posted to Nifty. Seriously, Wibby has created a very believable character who is in deep denial about feelings he has for teenage boys. He did have me going for a bit, though.

I'm not quite sure how you can have a revision date that's still three days in the future (10/29) when it's still Sunday, 10/26 where I am.

Thanks for correcting the reference to the U.S. Declaration of Independence.

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Whoa, tough story.

My reaction is: there's no payoff there. To me, it needs an ending -- whether based on truth or not, I think fiction has to make more sense than real life, and has to tie up at least some of the loose ends, or at least provide a real conclusion -- unless you're doing a "Lady or the Tiger" O'Henry-esque short-story.

My payoff would be: the narrator finds out that the kid is not who he says he is. Maybe the kid leads him on for weeks, not showing up at pre-agreed places; maybe he's secretly a lot older than he pretends he is; maybe it's a friend who's adopted another identity; maybe it's somebody deliberately trying to screw with him; maybe it's just a practical joke. Maybe it's a nutcase trying to lure him in and kill him. Or maybe the simplest way is best: the kid is exactly who he says he is, and is just a fan looking for a quick hook-up -- but it's inevitable that complications would ensue. There's a lot of different ways you can go, but you have to pick one.

There's a terrific (and unsettling) novel from a few years back, Armistead Maupin's The Night Listener, about an older gay man in San Francisco who writes and also does a radio talkshow a few times a week (not unlike Maupin himself). The man is recovering from a bad break-up, where his longtime partner has left him for a younger man. The host gets a phone call from a young gay teenager, who gets very friendly with him, and over a period of time, they reveal several difficult, personal secrets to each other and become friends (or at least as much as you can over the phone). The kid is dying of AIDS and was taken away from his abusive parents by the state, and lives with a social worker, yet has a very intelligent, positive outlook on life that belies his young age and his medical issues.

The kid eventually reveals that he's written his auto-biography, and the talkshow host arranges for his publisher to read the manuscript, which they buy and plan to turn into a best-seller. The talkshow host goes to meet the kid, only to find there's no trace of him in the city he claims to live in. It turns out a lot of the information the boy gave him was apparently a lie.

The talkshow host eventually finds the boy's social worker, and by the last few chapters, we wonder whether the kid lived at all -- or whether the boy has been dead for quite some time, and the social worker merely imitated his voice on the phone, wrote the book herself, and kept the boy alive (in her head) for months, for reasons known only to her. The story ends without us ever really discovering for sure whether the kid existed or not, but it's a disturbing, interesting tale.

It was made into a 2006 film with Robin Williams, but the film adds more detail that removes the uncertainty, making it both less subtle and creepy than the book. So much of what makes the book work is mood and atmosphere, and I think this was lost in the film -- though the film isn't terrible.

Anyway, my point is, I think Wibby has two potentially good acts of a three-act play, but there's no finale. I think you need an additional chapter to tell us what happened. To leave us hanging isn't satisfying enough. I think there's more you can do with this, and I think you have the talent to pull it off.

(On a technical basis, I would warn you that you have a bunch of high-ASCII characters that are garbled under Mac OSX' Safari, which marrs some otherwise good writing.)

edited to change Wibby's name for the narrator.

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Whoa, tough story.

My reaction is: there's no payoff there. To me, it needs an ending -- whether based on truth or not, I think fiction has to make more sense than real life, and has to tie up at least some of the loose ends, or at least provide a real conclusion -- unless you're doing a "Lady or the Tiger" O'Henry-esque short-story.

My payoff would be: Wibby finds out that the kid is not who he says he is. Maybe the kid leads him on for weeks, not showing up at pre-agreed places; maybe he's secretly a lot older than he pretends he is; maybe it's a friend who's adopted another identity; maybe it's somebody deliberately trying to screw with him; maybe it's just a practical joke. Maybe it's a nutcase trying to lure him in and kill him. Or maybe the simplest way is best: the kid is exactly who he says he is, and is just a fan looking for a quick hook-up -- but it's inevitable that complications would ensue. There's a lot of different ways you can go, but you have to pick one.

I have to respectfully disagree. Yes, he could have put one hundred different endings on this, resolved it in many different ways, but, that wasn't his story. His story wasn't how it turned out, it was how the man was tortured by the situation. He analyzed it, thought about repercussions, about who he was, about how he was disappointing himself, but couldn't defeat the obsession he had with the boy, no matter how much his traditional, honorable, moral self wanted to. By ending the situation in any of the suggested manners, or one of Wibby's design, we the readers would get a nice wrap-up, some satisfying closure, but it would diffuse the tensions and angst the man is experiencing, and that IS the story.

As for The Night Listener, I loved that book. I like the movie, too, but you're right, the book was much better. The movie gave us more closure, which I think spoiled what the book created. I think the same would happen here if there was closure. That book, and this story, was about the affect of the situation on the protagonist. Neither needed closure.

C

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My payoff would be: Wibby finds out that the kid

That would be "Derrick", not Wibby.

We in Canada often use the expression, "Canadian ending" when referrng to one of those endings that are NOT wrapped up and presented on a platter, and generally a happy platter at that. It is distinctly non-Hollywood to leave one hanging for an ending, needing the 'viewer' to actually feel the experience, and the non-resolution of same.

I, for one, prefer to have my stories a little less 'cut and dried' and this one certainly meets that preference.

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That would be "Derrick", not Wibby.

Jesus, give me a break. OK, then: replace "Wibby" above with THE NARRATOR.

We in Canada often use the expression, "Canadian ending" when referrng to one of those endings that are NOT wrapped up and presented on a platter, and generally a happy platter at that.

We in Hollywood refer to that as a "bad, unsatisfying ending," or "no ending at all." My longtime partner Rod lived in Edmonton, Alberta for most of his life before coming to LA to live with me, and he agrees 100%. (Maybe he's been contaminated by proximity.)

There's a difference with having an inconclusive ending and an unsatisfying one. One that just kind of stops is the latter; one that allows the reader to fill in the blanks and make some educated guesses would be the former. "Cut and dried" is definitely not what I'm asking for, nor am I asking for something predictable, nice, safe, and happy. In fact, I'm not sure if any of these is possible with a premise like this. I can't see it going in any direction but sad and downbeat (as I stated above in some possible directions one could go).

I'm always very happy when an author can surprise me, and I can say, "wow! I wasn't expecting that." It makes me want to read more. To me, this is the whole point of fiction. As my old buddy David Gerrold has said in his own books and classes on writing: "Put a surprise on every page."

That absolutely does not mean cut and dried, but it does mean going with a traditional structure that at least presents a real ending that makes sense, or provides some kind of emotional peak and conflict. In short stories, it's perfectly valid for the narrator to die at the end (as one example), even at the climax. I wouldn't call that cut and dried, predictable, happy, or anything else, but at least it's an ending.

I don't think Wibby gave us enough facts and details needed for a traditional story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. To me, it looks like he was trying to avoid providing an ending at all, and it feels incomplete.

Strictly my opinion. As I just told Wibby in email, I think he's a talented guy, and he's capable of doing more with this story.

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Wonderful study of a tortured soul and a thoughtful mind.

There is nothing immoral about this story. In fact I think it has an abundance of ethical thought and self evident truths.

I understand what Trab says about the "Canadian ending", and also see where Pecman is coming from with his desire for a third act.

However, I see too, that the story does have a resolution, not of sorts, but definitive, held in balance by the question in the detail.

It must occur in the mind of the reader; maybe that is what Wibby wanted.

I'm not going to analyse it any further though, that would be wrong. I only defend the story as being complete in relation to its own truth.

And I think it is outstanding writing, and I want to recognise it as such if Wibby has no objection.

For WBMS for his story

My Tortured Soul: FV

EnthmanStarsAvatorSIZED.jpg

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By ending the situation in any of the suggested manners, or one of Wibby's design, we the readers would get a nice wrap-up, some satisfying closure, but it would diffuse the tensions and angst the man is experiencing, and that IS the story.

No, I don't agree. That's just a premise, not a story.

To me, stories are about action, not inaction. Sitting there and doing nothing, or being unable to make a decision, is not a satisfying ending.

Hell, even in something as vague as Beckett's Waiting for Godot, at least it's a character study, and we get a lot of detail in who the people are, why they're waiting, what they expect, and so on. The ending of the play leaves you hanging (literally, since the characters vow to hang themselves if Godot doesn't show up the next day), so there's some tension there, but it's satisfying in kind of a strange, unsettling way.

People have drawn comparisons to weird, existential stuff like Seinfeld and Godot as both being "about nothing," which is essentially true. But lives change, things happen, conflicts occur, all kind of leading to a point (or at least some sarcastic, cynical result). So I would argue that a guy talking to himself and experiencing angst is not a story -- it's a premise without a conclusion.

I think it's a good set-up for a potential story, though, but it's like seeing the first couple of reels of a movie, then getting thrown out of the theater. (Or, as what happened to my partner and I the other day, getting halfway through a DVD, then having the disc chug to a halt, so we now have no idea how the movie ended.)

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This idea of story closure has been taken up before in other threads, and there has always been a myriad of opinions from the writers here. All that does is show that we have a myriad of writers...period.

But, you all need to ask yourself one simple question. Who are you writing for? Many write to satisfy a need within themselves to show how erudite they are. Many write to satisfy a curiosity about a given topic. Many write to make a point, and many write to just tell a story. And many write to satisfy a need within the reader.

I understand Pecman's views, as he's connected with Hollywood where closure is necessary. I also understand Cole's views where the denouement is not as important as the internals of the writing.

You're both right...and you're both wrong...because storytelling is not about you, it's about the reader. Isn't that the entire reason that we're here? Some people will revel in the intricacies of HOW a story is written, and others will only be satisfied with that fizzy slippers feeling at the end.

But...in the end, it's about the reader. What we're here for is to make sure that he/she is satisfied, frustrated, entertained or enlightened. It's NOT about us.

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To Pec: You don't have to like it: I simply don't care. It's not a Hollywood story. It's not intended to be a movie. And to you, apparently, it doesn't have an ending. It's supposed to mirror real life. I've got news for you: real life is seldom neat and tidy. This story is exactly as it needs to be. I don't need to defend that aspect of it, and I won't. There's only person's opinion who matters to me on this story, and it's got that person's seal of approval.

To Various: I can't explain the high-bits. No issues on my Mac. It's probably an encoding issue in the header. I've already fix it once because of the CR+LF issue that caused some people's space characters to vanish. If you have a screen shot, send it to me and I'll research it. And I fucked the date up. If it offends anyone, I'm terribly sorry.

To Norway: I write because I have things to say. I don't often say them in a blunt and obvious way. My messages tend to sneak up on you. Some people never get them. That's cool too.

To the Orangutan: You said: that the story does have a resolution, not of sorts, but definitive, held in balance by the question in the detail. See? Someone gets it.

And a reminder to everyone: please keep me and my characters separate. I am not my characters. I've said this like 50,000 times already.

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PS: Based on email and PM traffic, this piece is now my second most popular work ever (behind AWMS). And all that in 24 hours.

Every single email WILL be answered. But I'm going to bed. Some of you have to wait until tomorrow. I got all the people where I recognized your emails from previous stories. I'll get the rest tomorrow.

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Congrats on at least getting some response out of the story. That's gotta be worth something.

I still say you're a good enough writer that you can do a lot more with this premise. And I never said I didn't like it -- only that it's just the first act or two of a potentially good story. I would like it more if it had an ending, particularly one that led into an unexpected direction.

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Congrats on at least getting some response out of the story. That's gotta be worth something.

Not on its own. What's worth something is that people are getting something out of it. It's not a contest to me.

I still say you're a good enough writer that you can do a lot more with this premise.

I am a good enough writer. Which is why I know when I've nailed it. I nailed this. This is the exact story I wanted to tell in the way I wanted to tell it. The only thing missing is the final sentence. It's two words. Don't ask 'cause I won't say.

And I never said I didn't like it -- only that it's just the first act or two of a potentially good story. I would like it more if it had an ending, particularly one that led into an unexpected direction.

Actually you did just say that: "potentially good" means it isn't good now but has the potential of being good. And again it's okay to not like it. Believe me, that's not what I'm about.

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To Norway: I write because I have things to say. I don't often say them in a blunt and obvious way. My messages tend to sneak up on you. Some people never get them. That's cool too.

To the Orangutan: You said: that the story does have a resolution, not of sorts, but definitive, held in balance by the question in the detail. See? Someone gets it.

Q.E.D.

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Not usually someone who offers comment on stories, I somehow adapted the thought that explaining or dissecting someone else's work is quite arrogant, but for this tale I'll make an exception.

Not because the subject matter is close to my heart, far from it actually and those of you that read my Blog will understand, and not because it's written in a masterful way, WriteByMySelf writes in a straight-forward simple manner without his usual vocabulary flare. Matter of fact, from the opening paragraph I found myself slowly becoming angry. Angry at the subject matter, angry at the way the narrator tries to justify his predatory nature, and unbelievably angry at the way the narrator washes his hands of any wrong doing at the end.

Yet I'm not bashing the writer. In my cynical life, rarely do I become affected by the written word and usually only poetry when and if that happens. But as I read WriteByMySelf tale, I became angry, filled with emotion, I actually stood up at one point and stormed outside to have a smoke and to calm down.

These words rammed into my brain, awakening those centers that govern my meager supply of emotions and let them all lose at once. In his simple, straight-forward manner, WriteByMySelf captures the torment, the self-loathing, and the lust that rages inside a pedophile all the while without glamorizing or condones the actions. Instead of wrapping things up all nice and pretty, he drops the narrative and leaves it up to the reader to discern the ending. Reminding us all that life doesn't have a happily ever after key and no matter how hard people try, life doesn't afford Hollywood Endings. And in this readers opinion, who needs them anyway.

My hat is doffed you silly raccoon,

Jason

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The only thing missing is the final sentence. It's two words. Don't ask 'cause I won't say.

Maybe that's what I sense -- that you're holding something back.

I have a few friends who are actors, and they sometimes ramble on about "finding the truth of the scene," and a lot of other hoity-toity folderol. I used to laugh at them, but I eventually saw their point: that when you try to obfuscate or avoid saying or doing something in a scene (or in a story), the audience will sense it on some level and might react negatively.

Maybe that's what's happened here. Maybe on some level I knew there was something you held back in saying, and it just seemed like something was missing from the story.

To me, both acting and writing share the need for creative people to be very brave and say what's in their hearts. If you hold back, you're not delivering 100%. Even if it hurts, even if it makes you uncomfortable, I think if it makes the story better, then it's worth it.

But it's your choice, and I concede it's a creative decision. Still, bear in mind that my partner read your story last night and asked me, "hey -- is the last page missing?" That was with zero prompting from me.

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