Cole Parker Posted December 16, 2022 Report Share Posted December 16, 2022 -- A Christmas Poem -- “Dad, here’s my list: Christmas draws near. It shows what presents I’d treasure this year. Things I want most are up at the top But the first one’s enough if you don’t want to shop.” “Give it here, Bobby, and I’ll read it right now. My money’s quite short, and I’m not a cash cow. “Hmmmmmm. “OK, I’ve read it, and it is not good Please pay attention, and heed if you would. “I’ve read the first entry, here’s what you chose— Though it’s really quite silly, here’s how it goes: ‘All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.’ Do you see my problem, son? See my beef? “The trouble, my boy, is not that you stammer The trouble instead is your execrable grammar. You must match your nouns to go with your verbs! I find reading this list both irks and disturbs. “As ‘two teeth’ now stands at the top of your list Then ‘is’ should be ‘are’ so the list’s not dismissed. And Santa, I’ve heard, is quite the fine linguist And his sense of propriety is aptly distinguished. “So write this again if you hope for some presents From Santa or anyone—even your parents.” ~ Pause for consideration, and then ~ “I hear you, Dad, your voice is quite strong, Unfortunately, though, your logic is wrong. But I hear what you’re saying, I certainly get it Though your flimsy excuse does not do you credit. “You’re making things up to save spending cash And destroying our grammar to maintain your stash. You’re saying I need a more appropriate verb To match up with the noun; you’re really absurd. You wanted a plural verb, ‘cause two’s more than one And so no presents there’ll be, not any, just none. “Fie,” I say, “and pshaw, and, “oh my.” How deceitful can one be should he but try? But I can see through you—your argument’s specious You’re pretending and faking and grossly capricious "Because I know as well as you do That you’re reasoning is simply abject hoodoo. “I gave you a list of presents I’d like And put atop it two teeth, then a bike. But you didn’t want to spend that much dough Yet needed a way too soften the blow. "But honesty needs to be sung in this case And yours is absurd and totally base. “And so, dear Father, here is my brief: The noun in that sentence was ‘ I’, not ‘teeth’ Because ‘What I want is’ beats ‘What I want are’ Your excuse is nonsense and frankly bizarre. “The list stands as written; again please eyeball it And if you need help to open your wallet I’ll be happy to bring you a prying crowbar Oh, and I’ll take the bike, too, hearty har har har har. C Quote Link to comment
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