"The Incident at Chastity Falls" by Nico Grey

[Rutabaga]

I left out the potential charge of kidnapping under 13 V.S.A. § 2405(a)(1)(C) or (D) in that they knowingly restrained Perry under circumstances that would place him in fear of bodily injury (subdivision C) or sexual assault (subdivision D).  The fact that they stripped him naked would especially suggest the latter.  The maximum penalty for kidnapping in Vermont is life in prison. 

R  

[JamesSavik]

I'm enjoying the story. It's quite the contrast from my time in skool back in the 70s when the gay kids were the ones harassed to their wits end and run out of school.

[Nico Grey]

20 hours ago, Rutabaga said:

I left out the potential charge of kidnapping under 13 V.S.A. § 2405(a)(1)(C)

Somewhere in my collection of story ideas for a rainy day I have one about a conflict between a district attorney and would-be crime boss that plays out through manipulation of the DA's emotionally neglected teenage son.  If I ever get around to writing that one I'll have to hire you as a technical consultant on the project. 

[Nico Grey]

4 hours ago, JamesSavik said:

I'm enjoying the story. It's quite the contrast from my time in skool back in the 70s when the gay kids were the ones harassed to their wits end and run out of school.

I thought this might make an interesting contrast to more traditional conflict in this genre of fiction.  I believe that everyone is capable of behavior toward others that they would deplore if directed toward themselves.  It's rarely deliberately cruel or hateful, but more the product of people who have less cause to be concerned about the consequences of their behavior (i.e., people with power) acting impulsively and without giving much consideration to how their behavior might impact others.

In this story, I would say that only Dante and probably Jason are truly on an Anti-Social Personality Disorder spectrum.  The rest of their crew go along with their leadership, and end up acting cruelly toward Perry, without giving much thought to the true consequences of what they are doing and because it serves a shallow short-term personal interest.  

[JamesSavik]

On 4/7/2024 at 12:48 PM, Nico Grey said:

I thought this might make an interesting contrast to more traditional conflict in this genre of fiction.  I believe that everyone is capable of behavior toward others that they would deplore if directed toward themselves.  It's rarely deliberately cruel or hateful, but more the product of people who have less cause to be concerned about the consequences of their behavior (i.e., people with power) acting impulsively and without giving much consideration to how their behavior might impact others.

Perhaps it is an ugly part of human nature.

[Talo Segura]

Now we know how things changed for Perry, but not why the other kids hate him. It can't be just because he's pretty?

[Mattyboy]

Was that a subtle entendre for us that Perry was "getting cold feet" at the top of the falls?

 

Ross' decision making was good, but he left a LOT in Nicky's hands  when he headed for the falls.  Nicky's going to need a hug when he gets there. 

[Rutabaga]

10 hours ago, Talo Segura said:

Now we know how things changed for Perry, but not why the other kids hate him. It can't be just because he's pretty?

Why assume there is a rational explanation?

Jason, the ringleader, is a sociopathic narcissist who lacks any moral compass or empathy for others.  It is all about him and his ego.  He lies freely (as in his false claim to Ross that they weren't going to do anything to Perry) when it suits his purposes, and would not understand why anyone would see anything wrong with that.  Perry is a challenge to his ego, and must be dealt with.   There is no logic to it.  Inflicting pain or discomfort nourishes Jason.  He will grow up to be a career criminal or a politician.

Dante, as far as I can tell, is just a thug who gets off on acting as Jason's enforcer.  I doubt if he has had an original thought in his life. 

Adam is just an idiot who has never had to face real consequences for his irresponsible actions and loyalties.  Which I suppose is another way of stating that he is very immature.

There is no hope for Jason, and probably none for Dante either.  They don't belong at that school.  The others are probably salvageable with proper guidance.

R

[JamesSavik]

This is a horrible mess. It's a situation that's ass-backwards from my experience, but I can see it happening. The gay kids are protected, and the staff may be so gullibly woke to be blind, or afraid to reign them in for fear of being perceived as homophobic. 

This is a unique story with engaging characters in Ross and Perry. Even the baddies in the tale are a spectrum, ranging from immature followers needing a whuppin' to kids who are showing signs of real sociopathy.

There's a SHTF moment coming when the sheriff arrives, but I think Perry's getting the message that Ross and other "white hats" are trying to help - if they can just get him off the falls.

For some reason, I feel like Adam will be a key player going forward. He might be poised to defect from the GSA mafia and do the right thing. He's showing remorse.

Bravo, and I can't wait for more!

[Nico Grey]

It's very helpful to see these comments here, giving me a sense of how readers are reacting to what I wrote and some evidence pointing to where I hit the mark I was aiming for and where I was off target.

15 hours ago, Talo Segura said:

Now we know how things changed for Perry, but not why the other kids hate him. It can't be just because he's pretty?

The next chapter may help answer this question, Tal, as well as some of the observations offered by Brian, Becky and Linda in previous chapters.  Or maybe I just missed my mark here...

 

7 hours ago, Mattyboy said:

Was that a subtle entendre for us that Perry was "getting cold feet" at the top of the falls?

I wish I could claim credit for this.  I like to offer subtle clues that help reinforce readers' experiences and understanding of what I'm attempting to communicate.  In this case, I was just looking for some sort of action to set a scene- i.e., what the characters might be doing and feeling- before Ross and Perry settled in for a long bout of dialogue.  I thought that Perry, after standing barefoot of those rocks for a while in early April, might be feeling the cold in his feet more than any other need (In Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Need the freezing feet, and threat to physical well-being-  matter a lot more than any sense of modesty).  And even in the midst of his crisis, Perry is the kind of person who is still thinking to offer some gesture of apology to Ross for using the shirt to cover his feet.  That's about as deep as my thought process got here.

7 hours ago, Mattyboy said:

Ross' decision making was good, but he left a LOT in Nicky's hands  when he headed for the falls.  Nicky's going to need a hug when he gets there. 

I worry that Ross, after presenting in his internal dialogue as a bit confused and out-of-touch with the action around him at other points in the story, might come across as too thoughtful and insightful in this crisis for some readers' suspension of disbelief.  I think there are two different varieties of social interpretation involved, and Ross does better with one sort of situation.  But I do hope this doesn't throw too many readers off.

There's an interesting story that goes with Nicky.  He turned into a real star over the course of the story and was probably my favorite character by the time I was finished writing. 

6 hours ago, Rutabaga said:

There is no hope for Jason, and probably none for Dante either.  They don't belong at that school.  The others are probably salvageable with proper guidance.

I didn't really flesh out many of these characters, particularly their motives, and have relied on readers to see enough consistency in their behavior to accept them at face value.  You offer many thoughtful observations and insights in your comment, Rutabaga.  I hope you won't be too disappointed when the story is over and that you can find enough understanding of these characters in the few clues I offered, and in your own understanding of human behavior, for their actions and their overall character to make a (twisted) form of sense.  I think they do.  But If I haven't offered enough information for most readers to accept them, then that's my failure.

3 hours ago, JamesSavik said:

This is a horrible mess. It's a situation that's ass-backwards from my experience, but I can see it happening. The gay kids are protected, and the staff may be so gullibly woke to be blind, or afraid to reign them in for fear of being perceived as homophobic. 

This is one of my main objectives in writing this story; to show people behaving in ways that aren't stereotypical in the way we currently view social dynamics. 

Many years ago Cole Parker told me that he writes stories about people, many of whom happen to be gay; not stories about gay people.  I found that a very insightful perspective, perhaps because my sense of human nature is that there aren't very many characteristics of human behavior that belong very strongly to one demographic group or another.  We all have the potential for thought and action within us that are both good and bad, and that it's often circumstance and our failure to live mindfully that permit otherwise decent people to do some pretty terrible things. 

I'd like to think that most of the "gay mafia" are essentially decent enough people (although Rutabaga may be right about Jason and Dante) who simply found themselves in circumstances where blindly following their leaders, an appeal to their baser interests, a facile argument or two, and a failure to give much consideration to the broader implications of their behavior led them to make poor moral choices.  Even Ross spends some time tottering on the brink of being swept along the easier path to follow.  

Your observation about the failure of the responsible adults to intervene appropriately is pretty consistent with my experiences in recent years, James.  And I suspect that it's a similar dynamic of confusing circumstances and a failure to act mindfully that is often responsible for poor adult leadership.  To be fair, we are living in a time where social conventions are evolving rapidly, making it more difficult for people to discern what is right and wrong.  It may be easier for these adults to just go with the flow, particularly when they aren't certain any more about what is "supposed" to be right and wrong.

Minor spoiler alert!  One more chapter to go.  I hope that when the story is over, everyone is fairly satisfied with the choices I made in how I presented it to you.  If not, please let me know.  I can only do a better job next time if I knew where I didn't get it right this time.

Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts!

[Rutabaga]

There definitely is a kind of eerie Animal Farm-like quality to the manner in which the GSA members have become the bullies here.  The school would need to suspend that organization pending review of how to preclude a repetition of the events involving Perry.  Expelling Jason and Dante would help send that message, but the rest of the organization needs to feel some pain as well and understand that all of them who had any awareness of what was going on bear some responsibility and must face some consequences.  I realize how radical it is to assert that people should bear consequences, but that's my view.

R

[Mattyboy]

 

4 hours ago, Nico Grey said:

 Even Ross spends some time tottering on the brink of being swept along the easier path to follow.  

Any less of that and he'd be a harder-to-believe character

I think the Animal Farm idea is on point.  But for that reason,  I don't see Jason as necessarily a sociopath, more as awful-in-a-way-we-see-often; he got a whiff of power and a dose of indignant anger went to his head, and in the group that blew up into a storm. 

As in Jason's idea that Perry was "confused" or in denial, and bit of  sexual assault will "help" him figure it out in the long run.  It's awful, we've heard of that before too,

It's been a source of freshness for this story that that all that rot is inside Ross' social group, not out in dinosaur-class adults/institutions that they can deal with conventionally.   I've quite liked the way the social dynamics aren't stereotypical,  but they are recognizable.  It's an intriguing idea that GSAs are high school clubs like any other.  Because of course they are,  but we get fewer stories about that side of them

I'm glad to hear you're going to unpack what's been up with Nicky while he's been mostly offstage the last few chapters. 

 

 

[Talo Segura]

I don't generally like epilogues, certainly they serve to wrap up a story, but they also define that story and the history of the characters and in so doing take away how the reader might have imagined the future. I believe stories are usually better left open and in this tale it was enough to know Perry was saved and he wasn't the gay idol everyone imagined. 

This was an excellent book up to the finish which left Ross with Brian and Nicky somewhat unexplained. Perry was talked down dramatically from the brink, all the relationships were tied up neatly, Dante, who knows? 

I enjoyed the story right up to the incident, the summary ending was disappointing because it was just that, a summary with no understanding or detail. The story transitioned from the detailed introspection and self-discovery to... this is how nearly everybody ended up.

So, I loved the story, but would skip the epilogue.

[Rutabaga]

I'm not nearly as down on epilogues.  This one may have gone on longer than necessary, but it didn't really bother me that much.  It definitely did shift the tone of the story.

But I think of Cole's epilogue in "Duck Duck Goose," particularly the scene with Matt, Kevin and Becky's son Ben, and the scene with Brent Colliers's son in the principal's office.  I thought those vignettes really added to the overall story.

Every author and every reader brings something different.  The most I might do with this story is shorten the epilogue a bit.

  R

[JamesSavik]

I liked every bit of this story. It ended better than I was anticipating. I was thinking there would be arrests, but instead of an explosion, Perry was able to come down from the falls gracefully and into a group of friends able and willing to support and protect him.

 

[Altimexis]

I'm not particularly crazy about epilogues either for a number of reasons. A well-written, concise epilogue can help to tie up loose ends and provide context. A long epilogue can bring finality to a story and in that regard, Nico did a better job than most. What I absolutely hate is when an author writes a lengthy story over a period of years, with scores of chapters, only to tie everything up in a single chapter. A good example of that is Ted Louis' Joel Series, which ran for some 20 years with more than 250 chapters, divided into eight books. It covered a period of only four or five years, but then ended the series in a single chapter that covered something like fifty years. That final chapter felt rushed and unrelated to everything that came before. It's much better to tie things up by covering a limited timespan, leaving it to the reader to imagine what happened in the lives of the primary characters after that.

Cole and I have gone back and fourth over the years in our communications regarding the role of sequels. Cole generally likes to finish a story and then move on to the next one, and he very rarely writes sequels. I on the other hand prefer to write story series with open-ended stories that leave room for sequels. Once I breathe life into characters, I like to develop them as fully as I can and to keep them around for a while. As Cole would say, I have trouble letting go. I do ultimately end my story series in one way or another. I capped off my Naptown Tales series by jumping well into the future and writing an entire novel that covered the interval in a series of flashbacks. Brilliant Boy Billionaire was one of the few stories written in its entirety as a novel, with a concluding book that jumped 13 years into the future, but left room for a future sequel. Conversations With Myself was told entirely by looking back into the past in 7 separate timeframes, but then the main character kept melding with time, changing everything, so there was an epilogue to explain what really happened. Ultimately, there will be an ending to my New York Stories series as well.

I guess what I'm getting at is that there are many ways to bring a story to a satisfying conclusion. I really enjoyed reading Nico's story, the Incident at Chastity Falls, but would have preferred a much shorter epilogue that left much more to my imagination. Then again, the story began with the premise of remembering a pivot point ten years in the past, so in that sense it was a fitting conclusion.

More to the point, I think Incident was one of the best stories I've read at AD that looks at the moral dilemmas faced by a teen in high school. The context of bullying by gay rather than straight teens was different, but the way the situation resolved itself was all too realistic. Had Perry been a girl who was stripped naked, there would have been consequences that likely involved jail time for some of the antagonists involved. Because Perry was a boy, they essentially got away with it. The teens in the story handled it entirely themselves, leaving the teenage bullies to go on to become adult bullies. Not that time spent in jail would have changed that, but it might have forced the school administration to take a more hands-on approach.

Nico, I hope you have more stories in the works, as I can't wait to read your next one.

[Rutabaga]

My counterpoint to your Ted Louis anecdote is the novel "Hotel" by Arthur Hailey.  He entwines together a multitude of separate and intricate story lines that develop through most of the story and seem almost impossible to resolve, then [spoiler alert] solves a large number of them by having a hotel elevator suddenly fail and crash to the bottom, killing the key players and mooting the issues.  I could not believe how sleazy that tactic was.

R 

[Cole Parker]

killing your problems has been a tried and exhausted technique that never pleases.  Maybe he didn't plan it to end that way but the narrative got away from him.

[Altimexis]

Remember the prime time soap opera, Dallas? They undid an entire disastrous season by simply turning it into a dream. Or then there was the TV series, St. Elsewhere. The series finale concluded with an epilogue in which it was revealed that the whole story had been nothing more than the fantasies of an autistic teenage boy. Talk about insulting the audience!

[Merkin]

On the other hand, there are stories, especially on Gay Authors and on Nifty, whose authors seem unable to let them go even though their expiration date has long passed.

[Rutabaga]

[Nico Grey]

My apologies in advance for what will likely be a very lengthy post- or perhaps even a series of posts.

I first want to thank everyone who contributed to the publication of "The Incident at Chastity Falls".  Cole Parker for his superb editing.  Alien Son for taking the words I wrote and turning them into a very pleasing publication format.  The memory of Mike, who started this website and was its guiding spirit for so many years.  And to Rutabaga for the work he does to keep this site running and, most particularly, for starting this thread that helped me gather so much feedback from readers and talented authors about my work.  

I also want to thank everyone who contributed to this thread or who wrote to me directly.  Hearing from each of you what you thought about this story was invaluable to me. 

From my perspective, writing is a collaboration between writer and reader.  A writer can do a technically proficient job of putting words on paper and perhaps tell a decent story.  But if that story doesn't engage an audience enough to sustain their interest, inspire their emotions, make them think, and leave them with a feeling of satisfaction when it's finished, it isn't a success.  Hearing from each of you what engaged you about this story and what was disappointing should help me to do better next time.  So thank you to Rutabaga and to each of you that took that time to share your thoughts with me.

For me, this was a fascinating process.  "Incident" is only the fourth story I've published and is easily the longest.  The writing required a different approach than the shorter stories I have written, and I think I've learned a few things about writing longer stories along the way.  Trying to balance a main story line, a handful of lesser story lines, and keep it all in the context of a theme isn't as easy as I thought it would be!

I also discovered something that I've occasionally heard professional writers talk about: the way a story can sometimes start to write itself.  For me, it was a character that almost took over the story at times. 

Nicky Crandall didn't even exist in my original notes, outline and early rough drafts of this story.  He emerged to fill a need.  I wanted something that would demonstrate that Jason's crew didn't all look at the world the same way all the time; that there could be tension and conflict inside their group, even if they often appeared to be of a single mind on most things.  Nicky and his silly story about being "stroked" during gym class popped into my head,  and it also seemed like a good idea to add him to reinforce the idea that I was developing that the outcome of Ross' personal growth would lead him into an adult life of service.  Before I knew it, Nicky was everywhere!  All I had to do was start to ponder how to fill some need or other in the plot and he was there with his hand raised demanding that I put him in the game.  So I did.  And by the time the story concluded I found that I liked him as much any character in the story.  A couple of readers also commented on how much they liked Nicky.  It seems surprising that a story that I thought was already pretty well developed can suddenly deviate from the planned course and have a fairly powerful effect on readers and writer, but it happened!

After the story concluded, several posters here commented about the length of the epilogue.  And while I had my reasons for that feature, the bottom line is that it didn't work for some readers.  And that's good to know.

Generally speaking, I agree with the perspective of those who were disappointed in the lengthy conclusion.  I prefer stories that wrap up the main conflict and then leave enough information to give readers room to use their imagination to ponder what might happen next.  The three short stories I have posted at another site all conclude that way.  I have a story under development that, at least in present form, concludes with the protagonist in a hospital bed amidst a crisis that either marks the conclusion of his struggle or the conclusion of his life. 

The original version of this story- which essentially began as a couple of related scenes in my mind that became "the incident", as well as a sense of what had preceded those scenes- concluded with Perry and Ross (or Jason, as he was know at the time) walking away from the falls with Ross pondering the life lessons he has learned and sharing with readers that he and Perry managed to become close friends despite Ross' struggle to keep his interest in Perry under control and that a few years later he stood up with Perry at his wedding and that Perry returned the favor for Ross and Brian a year later.  I was doing okay at that point!

But then the story grew a bit.  And instead of being just about Perry and the incident, with Ross as a facilitating character, the story became about Ross' personal growth and the incident just a catalyzing factor in that growth.  It made sense at the time.  It really did!  But in that context, I didn't see the incident as the conclusion to the story but only as a critical incident that helped Ross develop into the person he would become.  And in that sense, I thought the story needed a bit more at the end to show what Ross had accomplished, with the understanding that process was still under way, giving readers room for speculation and their own conclusion there. 

I thought that a few pieces of information that suggested Ross was still working to be the person he wanted to be, and that there was still room for conflict that would test him, might be sufficient.  Instead, I probably got a bit carried away giving too much of a happy ending to the "good" guys.  It may have been because I liked them so much.  Or maybe I thought I needed the positive outcomes to reinforce the message about moral character and its benefits.  But it clearly didn't work for everyone.  It's a lesson I'll carry with me into my next story.

There are probably a couple of brief replies to make to comments posted since I last visited this thread.  Rather than increase this already lengthy post, I'll do that separately.  But I do have one brief and strange note to add here.  A few days ago I was reading a story on line about the people the author considered the twenty-five greatest pitchers in MLB history.  Among the Walter Johnsons, Cy Youngs, Bob Fellers, Bob Gibsons, etc. was one person identified only as "G. Perry".  Maybe that shouldn't have freaked me out as much as it did, but it certainly got my attention!

Thanks to those of you who read this to conclusion for your indulgence and for your patience.  And thanks once again to everyone who helped make writing this story a great experience for me!

 

 

[Nico Grey]

On 4/13/2024 at 9:17 PM, Mattyboy said:

I'm glad to hear you're going to unpack what's been up with Nicky while he's been mostly offstage the last few chapters. 

I didn't go into a lot of detail with Nicky.  But hopefully there was enough information in the final chapter for you to get a sense of his role in the story and why he behaved the way he did.  I think his actions, taken in the context of the entire story, are consistent given my conception of who he is... which I hope I conveyed to you adequately for the resolution of his character's role to make sense, even if it might not have been entirely satisfying.  

[Altimexis]

Nico,

Your post wasn't lengthy. It was just like mine! 😀

I'm stunned that Incident is only your fourth story. It's an amazing work of fiction with well-developed characters and a complex, but easily-followed plot. Most of us have to write multiple stories before achieving this level of quality, if we ever do. Congratulations! Now, I expect to see you post new stories on a regular basis.

Everyone has their own style of writing and genres that work out best for them. Few of us have Cole's talent for crossing over into numerous writing styles and genres and doing all of them well. I'll be interested in seeing what you're capable of. Incident is a well-developed, character-driven novella about high school drama. Most of Cole's writing consists of novellas - even some of his short stories would qualify - but I think his most memorable stories are his full-length novels. Tim, Josh, Evolving, Duck Duck Goose, Distorted Perspectives and Dust are stories I frequently go back to read again, as there's so much to unpack in them.

Writing a story with over 100k words is challenging and requires a commitment beyond what many are able to give, yet the results can be incredibly rewarding. I'm not suggesting that writing a full-length novel should be your next goal, but I think you're capable of it and I'd love to read what you produce. I naïvely started out writing a novel for my first effort. It was apparently good enough to get me a spot as an AD author and it's still hosted here, but it was positively awful and I won't even reference it now. I received a lot of praise for my effort, but it was the constructive criticism from the one reader who took the time to tear my story apart that I appreciated the most. From that critique, I learned much about character development and the importance of developing subplots.

I prefer writing short story series because each story has a defined timeframe and yet I can fully develop the characters as the series progresses. Short story series work well within the context of the unpredictable nature of my migraines. That said, only a full-length novel allows me to fully develop plots and subplots, complete with clues, deception and distractions along the way. My last novel, Brilliant Boy Billionaire, was nearly a half-million words long and took over a year to write, but I'm pleased with how it turned out and I'm satisfied putting those characters to bed for the time being. Still, writing it left a significant hiatus in my publications while I worked on the first draft. I'd recommend against writing something that long!

I hope you will make AwesomeDude your primary home. We might not have the activity of some of the other sites, but we have by far the highest quality of online gay fiction that can be found. Incident is an excellent addition to our archive and I look forward to reading more.

-Steve aka Altimexis

[Cole Parker]

Just to follow up on the list of the best pitchers, G. Perry would be Gaylord Perry.  He was mostly known for throwing a spitball when spitballs had been banished from the game.  Now, recently, pitchers coming off the mound at the end of each inning are chacked for foreign substances.  Back  when Gaylord was pitching, it was hilarious watching him get checked and all the places they checked on his body and uniform.  He was the only one being checked like that.

He was  a prickly character, not the friendliest man in the league.  He was a very good pitcher.  He had a brother playing in the majors at the same time with the less unusual name of Jim.