Camy Posted October 30, 2014 Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 That is one terrific, and has a very evocative title. The world-building was excellent, too. My only niggle is with the abruptness of the ending. On paper I'd be hunting for the next page. Link to comment
Lugnutz Posted October 30, 2014 Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Sometimes, fate has it's own rules. Read and find out. http://www.awesomedude.com/nigel_gordon/carr-dulms-bane/carr-dulms-bane.htm Link to comment
Merkin Posted October 30, 2014 Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Altogether satisfying, with its twists and turns and complexities. Old school curses confront new school thinking. And Pip gets the last word. Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted November 1, 2014 Report Share Posted November 1, 2014 Really good story of the dark side being defeated, but I'll side with Camy. It is an abrupt ending, and needs expanding, even if it is just a description of their marriage in the Great Hall, with the theme from Star Wars, of course. Link to comment
Rutabaga Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Don't forget the spots. R Link to comment
Guest Dabeagle Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Good double twist - the fellow should have been a lawyer instead of an interior designer; semantics matter! Link to comment
TalonRider Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 Very good reading. Loved the ending. Link to comment
Guest RBartlett Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 I really enjoyed this story. The way you described everything, I could see it clearly in my mind. However, regarding Pip's epiphany, how can he draw any conclusions from what took place? What if if the Bane spoke as it did because it was addressing Trevor as he's the one who challenged it? Sorry for being vague but I don't want to ruin the ending for anyone who hasn't read it yet. Link to comment
Nigel Gordon Posted November 9, 2014 Report Share Posted November 9, 2014 My apologies, I have made an assumption. A basic piece of magic lore is that everybody within a circle is equally responsible for the actions of the circle. Although Trevor is speaking the words of the challenge, the challenge comes not from the individual but from the circle and all within the circle are equally part of it. Need to go back and revise the story sometime to make the point clear. Link to comment
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