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Cole Parker

Ventura Freeway

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Thought I'd sample Chapter One and got pulled right in, too. I love stories that are hard to put down but dang I should have started this one when I had the time to spare... Lovely premise and very thoughtful look at various alternatives.

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Thanks Cole for bringing this to my attention, I almost missed it, now almost wish I had, I should be writing a 'learned opinion', instead I have been dragged into this story and don't feel like stopping. Sorry, can't say more need to get back to my reading.

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I was startled by the ending, however. I won't say more.

Yes, the end is indeed startling, but I don't think it could be otherwise, anything else would have needed a different story. Hopefully the author might give us that one day.

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I don't know that I found the end startling, but it did make me consider the character development again, which I thought was very apt to the age of the characters.

Author, Gil Saul, has certainly captured the internal self questioning of maturing youth. Well Done.

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Guest Dabeagle

I decided to read this becasue I'm avoiding something else - and the people here saying it was worth the read. It is, indeed, worth the read. I think the surprise in the ending for me was more that I had arrived and was expecting another chapter. It was worth the read, but now I have to find something else to keep me from those dreaded changes in tense I'm dealing with.

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On 11/12/2014 at 2:50 PM, Guest Dabeagle said:

I think the surprise in the ending for me was more that I had arrived and was expecting another chapter.

Having now re-read this as a Pick from the Past, I remain bewildered by the ending, because I too was expecting another chapter.  Or something.  

R

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I have just discovered this story because of this thread. I made myself a promise that I would read every new post made here at AD, and try at least one story recommendation a week. And I have just finished all twelve chapters of this featured story. 

The comments made by other members intrigued me, especially regarding this unique ending to this tale.  So I decided to jump in and see what the fuss was about. 

I must admit, that after three chapters, I was struggling to continue. The narrative is filled with angst for angst sakes and made up drama that I don't believe anyone would truly behave in that manner. The upside to this little tale, the chapters are very short so knocking it out in an hour is easy. But I can't seem to think of a reason to continue the story after the first chapter.

The main character is neurotic to a point that makes the narrative flip between lust and then some esoteric notion sometimes in the same sentence. The secondary characters aren't realized as complete characters either, simply a vessel for the thin plot to develop.

This seems like a writing exercise more than a completely thought out premise. I believe I understand what the author was trying to convey, but maintaining a spoiler free comment, I will just say the author failed to make it intriguing. Plus the ending was less than a wrap up of ideas or themes and more like the author said, "I'm done with this exercise and its time to move on now."

This tale was not for me, and it wasn't written for me so kudos to the author for completing the story. He's done more than I have in the last ten or so years so what do I know.

J

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These posts from K.M. Weiland came to mind as I reached the end of this story:

https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/3-things-to-know-about-the-ending-of-a-story/

https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/most-common-writing-mistakes-pt-46-anticlimactic-endings/

I also thought about Chekhov's maxim that if a gun is displayed in the first act of a story, it had better go off later in the story.  Here we had several metaphorical guns. none of which were ever fired.  

R

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