DesDownunder
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Blog Comments posted by DesDownunder
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Okay, Okay, I'll see what offers are up from my telco for a camera phone. But I know what will happen if I get one. The next person to drive their truck into the pole will be a little old lady with rotting teeth. I am certain you will not want her photo.He beat us fair and square but I still don't like him anymore after teasing me with some hunk o' burnin' lorry driver. No fucking camera indeed. Arse.
Now can we all kiss and rejoin our efforts in the crusade against the real evils of our world? 
Thanks Wibby and Jason,Your comments have been very entertaining.
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Aww Jason, thanks.Holy shit Des, and I thought I could spout some BS. But I bow to your greatness and conceed that you are truly a patriot. *takes hat off to my betters*Jason R.PS: That was fucking brilliant But in all truth I would have to admit that you and Wibby inspired me.
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I don't know if I am suited to this kind of shopping, but I could always try I suppose.
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Now listen you young whippersnappers, drooling is not to be taken lightly.Drooling from any bodily orifice is the prerogative of the elderly.It droppeth as the gentle rain from the shower in the upstairs bathroom.It is the lubricant of the ancients and should be slobbered frequently and liberally.Australia was founded and colonised by gays. That is why our birth rate is so low.In our isolation we have had to depend on each other to defend our way of life in the face of barbaric customs from other countries trying to invade us with their so called virtue, moral and commercial values.The Gay Handbook so often referred to unknowingly by gay activists in other countries was based on the Articles of Gay Freedoms written by Aussie liberationists seeking the right for all sentient beings to practise freedom of sexual expression in the faces of those who would try to wipe away those expressions from existence. The first Article I must remind you states that, "An individual shall have the right, without guilt, to sexual self-expression at all times." Note that sexual freedom begins with the individual, hence the old saying, "First know Thyself."Please, also note this article was necessary in a land as big as Australia because it is possible for a person to find themselves without a partner for hundreds if not thousands of miles (or kilometres). In addition even in populated areas a partner may not always be available when one needs to express themselves.There are also vast areas in Australia not covered by the mobile phone networks and so a camera phone is not high on the priorities of the outback inhabitants.As I have stated, it should be seen that the Gay Handbook referred to in your delightful post is actually derived from the original Articles of Gay Freedoms first written by Australians whilst incarcerated in colonial prisons built for politically gay liberation activists.These brave men were brutalised by authority and punished with daily beatings, starvation, aversion therapy and other tortures so horrible (such as deprivation of make-up) that even the Inquisition would have banned them. Yet these Gay forefathers lay in their cells, bleeding and weeping for their fellow beings, drew strength from each other and with their final drops of blood and other bodily fluids, wrote the Articles of Gay FreedomsThese articles were later found and read by a guard who immediately became gay as he read them. He smuggled them out of the prison and escaped to the centre of Australia where he buried them for protection after he wrote out a copy.The copy is all that we have left. It is faded and torn. There are sections missing. For nearly 200 years Aussie gays have spent vast sums of money, some have spent a lifetime in the outback and some have even lost their lives looking for the precious document. All Australian gays are deeply devoted to this cause to find the original Articles and daily renew their vows of gayness in remembrance, every morning and evening. So please forgive us if we seem a little less than motivated with concern for the modern trappings of the gay social agendas of phones, cameras and Tinkys. Our Aussie Gay Ancestors gave everything for your freedoms. Today's Aussie gays go without the luxuries of cameras, phones and other fashionable accessories which we are pleased for you all to enjoy, as we use all our funds to search for the original Articles of Gay Freedoms, but please do not confuse our devotion to finding them as lazy gayness or penny-pinching. If this makes me a traitor then I shall happily die a martyr, a gay martyr!Gay patriotism is more than a quick flip over a photo.
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ROFL Jason that is so cool! I would remind you however, that clause 374b of the gay handbook (Australian Authorised, Revised Service Edition, 2007) states that "a phone camera will not be required as essential equipment where the person (who shall be permitted to continue his gay lifestyle) has reached the age of 63 years and is sent into a beauteous overload by observing a cute young guy who drives a truck into a power pole outside the gay person's house." I also take the first amendment to the Gay Constitution that states, "No gay person will ever have to acquire or use a fashion or other accessory if such acquisition or use deprives said gay person of their ability to handle themselves." Jason I am overwhelmed by your desire to raise funds for me to be able to buy a camera phone. That is so very thoughtful of you.I have laid awake all night thinking of how I might be able to repay you for your kindness.
I am posting below a photo of the cutest and most beautiful guy I have ever seen. Unfortunately, the picture was taken at the bottom of a coal mine during an eclipse of the moon. You might notice it is out of focus as I was shaking rather ferociously at the time. -
So I take it you don't want the invitation to the annual Aussie Rat-pack love-in festival with the free muscle shirts that each come with their own Belami boy model?Damn that would mean I would have to look after two of them. And actually I was thinking of you all as I gazed into the Adonis truck drivers face, I said to myself, "If only I could share you with all the AwesomeDudes I know." Hmm perhaps you're right, Rat bastard might be correct after all.Yes, that's your story I am sure. But you weren't thinking about us, your friends, were you? Well, then. It just proves I was right about you all along. A hunk o' burnin' lorry driver and we get nothing but a blank t-shirt, is that it? Rat bastard, as I said.
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I'm sure you will find it hard to believe, but my mobile is so old it doesn't have a camera in it.I was going to get a new one when I left my job, but found that as I now only make or get a couple of calls a week instead of dozens a day I can't really justify the cost of a new phone. I do have a permanent image of the young guy implanted i n my brain if that is any consolation for you.And you didn't take a photo of said driver with your mobile? What good are you, you ruddy rat bastard. Besides which the boyfriend would not be at all keen for me to have photos of any one cuter than him...If indeed such a thing was possible (he added, typing very quickly)
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Like Camy I wondered how I could respond to this post.So I would like to add my moral support to Camy's. It took real courage to make that post Jason.I admire that very much.
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No, of course, I don't want untold hoards of emails clogging up my in-folder from grubby urchins who have nothing better to do than read filth from condemned sites describing untold variations of physical satisfaction...just where are those sites again? Still it is nice to get an encouraging email every now and again.
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I'm all up for full blown orgy. Exactly how many do I need before I get blown?Getting feedback gives you a warm wuzzly feeling like no other ... except, maybe one. So congratulations on your threesome, soon you'll have a fully blown orgy! Ha ha ha ha. Trab, your logic astounds me. I never would have thought of that.
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Camy, I have been tenty more than once, I assure you.I can also assure that when get older you too will get very tenty, very often and that will mean you will then get plenty. I am in my tentieth childhood.
Camy, you win the Comment of the Week Award--a big tent. -
Thanks Trab
Glad to know you a Fawlty Towers Fan too. -
Jason,Fawlty Towers is a Britcom made by the BBC and first broadcast on BBC2 in 1975. Whilst there are lots of sites about Fawlty Towers, the Wikipedia reference is quite good at:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fawlty_TowersThe series is heavily laden with sarcasm and irony that is often politically incorrect by today's standards but is enriched by its own kind of common sense, which I might add is a shiny beacon of sanity for those of us who hate being politically correct for its own sake.Each episode is a standalone vignette of classic mini-play construction that seems to escape many writers today.Fawlty Towers has been released on Video and DVD I think but you may have to search for them.If you like British humour you will love Fawlty Towers.
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Camy, maybe the car is lucky he didn't have a gun.
John Cleese is my hero.Fawlty Towers should be compulsory viewing for all. -
You are perfectly correct Trab. It is not right to assume someone is an asshole. At the same time he was being an asshole in his mannerisms. I had done nothing to deserve "the finger" and the point was that he did totally lose the plot in a way that was somewhat comedic in form. There was only anger emanating from him and no sign of a more emotional distress. Still you may be right that his mannerisms had been provoked by a personal tragedy.Trapped as I was in the other lane of traffic and unable to render any assistance because of the traffic conditions, I could only watch in the rear view mirror as others were trying to assist him down from his car. I did say to myself that I was pleased he was getting help. Perhaps I should have made it clearer that the comedy of the moment was in the nature of the circumstance and not in any cause of his frustration. What I really wanted to convey was the first time experience I had of watching road rage manifest itself before me and that I was helpless to do other than watch. That was quite other worldly for me. I am sorry if my highlighting of the funnier side of this man's tragedy was upsetting to you. That was not my intention.Thanks Trab, for pointing out your very valid concerns.
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Thanks Jason,and thanks to you all for your birthday wishes.Birthdays don't mean all that much as you get older but the greetings from you all mean a hell of a lot.So thanks again.
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Flaccid noodle?Let me taste that to make sure it is fresh. :spank:Or should that be 'flesh?' al dente is good, provided it is not all benty.
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Camy,I don't know you other than what I see here at AD and Codey's.Neither am I a psychiatrist or guru of any kind. They would probably tell you to go back in your mind to the last good cry you had and let it all out.I am descended from the English, Welsh and Scottish peoples, so I sort of think of myself as British, with a quirky Aussie twist of fate.I certainly empathise with your situation as I suffered similarly when I was younger.What I can tell you is that as I read your "I want to Cry" post, I didn't care if you are 16 or 60, were from outer space or the Internet, I just wanted to offer my shoulder and let you know it is okay for tears to come.
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I remember A Season In Hell as an extraordinary work that amazed me and frightened me at the same time.Jason, I think we often forget how much soul wrenching effort goes into writing any poem like IDMOD.When it is done with the clarity and openness that you have achieved, then it becomes a tour of those emotions you wish to share with us.Your poem is like your reply to Trab:
I can only say the experience of reading your work was indeed equally, worth having. Thank you.I look forward to reading more of your writing.Sometimes loved hurts, sometimes its co-dependant, sometimes its beautiful. But it's always an experience worth having. -
Camy, I just found this page on the net after seeing a brochure for it the Health shop.http://www.emuheaven.com.au/?gclid=CKfHx--...CFQ5IYAodxg-hwQIf this doesn't convince you to be wary of who you trust I don't know what will.
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Great story EleCivil, with a funny awkward twist for the colour purple.A purple crotch, now that would interfere with my (giving) head.
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Well no he doesn't usually have to grab me, but sometimes he does this seductive dance at the back of my computer chair, asking me if I am feeling tired. That tells me he has something he wants me to feel.If God made the web go down so that I could have a "better" time with the b/f then all I can say is "The lord taketh and the Lord giveth." Thanks for the comment Trab.You're a fuckin' hoot Des. What the hell? Does he actually have to grab you by the short ones to get you? Look at it this way, God was intervening to make your lives a little bit better. :)
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Try as I may I guess the air of respect for the customer just doesn't come through in the interaction above.It is okay to say nearly anything to a customer provided you leave them room to feel it is not directed at them.In the video store it is all about being in the entertainment industry and performing appropriately for each person.Something about this woman just told me I could portray the disgruntled video store assistant to amuse us both. She has been back and announced that we are now her favourite video store. Another happy customer!
Thanks for the comments guys. -
I loved Spike's work. I grew up with the Goons on radio. My Favourite: "Oooh what's that noise?That's not a noise, that's the sound effects bloke over there in the corner."(or words to that effect.)I must confess however the poem's visuals were an accident as I hit the wrong button for page alignment. I liked it so I left it.Visual poetry! Excellent, Des. Spike Milligan (The Goons) is probably my favourite exponent, though it's his humour more than than the visual side I like. He'd have like yours, I think.
Now can we all kiss and rejoin our efforts in the crusade against the real evils of our world? 
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