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DesDownunder

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Blog Entries posted by DesDownunder

  1. DesDownunder
    In case anything happens I don't want people to get a shock, so I am herewith advising you all that, being considerate of the beloved one sleeping, I got dressed in the dark this morning. Yeah I know me getting up before the crack of noon is in itself shocking, but hey, I went to bed early at 1.30am.
    To return to the advanced notification, when I got dressed in the dark I put my boxer-briefs on inside out. If that wasn't bad enough they are also on back to front.
    Now, no less an authority than my mum, told me that if you put an article of clothing on inside out, it was good luck; but bad luck if it you corrected it.
    So in case anyone reading this tries to have their way with me, please be forewarned that I am not making some new kind of fashion statement by wearing my undies this way.

  2. DesDownunder
    So did y'all miss me? Did ya?
    Didn't even know I was gone, I bet.
    Yesterday at about 2.30 pm. I was getting ready to go give lover boy his coffee break when there was an almighty rumbling and scraping noise form outside the house. It sounded just like the iceberg cutting into the side of the Titanic.
    I looked out the window, but I couldn't see an iceberg in the street, or even a bulldozer. Did I imagine it?
    So I go outside and the first thing I notice is that the overhead power cables are resting on the lower branches of the trees.
    Then I look around and I see it. A flying saucer has landed on the roof of the house...err scratch that, what I actually saw was the 30 foot power pole bent over at about 35* from perpendicular. This is no light weight power pole. It has three extensions for two sets of high tension cables as well as normal voltage and telephone lines. All the cables dangling or dipping precariously into the trees.
    Off in the distance is a smallish tray-truck. I go over to the truck. The driver is on the mobile phone reporting to the police.
    He is about 25, light brown hair closed cropped. His bottom lip protrudes with a sexy fullness from his dimpled chin; his jaw aching to get off the phone and start nibbling on my...I have an sex attention span difficulty which is not helped by his glowing blue eyes framed by his boyish arched eyebrows and upturned nose. Sigh.
    He hangs up the phone. "Are you okay?" I ask, although I have already determined that he is indeed very okay.
    "I'm fine and I can't see anything wrong with the truck."
    Sure enough, the truck doesn't even seem to have a scratch, but he knows he hit the power pole.
    He walks around the truck, grinning a sexy wide mouthed smile that reveal petite, perfect teeth. I guess the smile is from embarrassment, rather than flirting with me or even thinking that the whole situation is funny.
    I watch the way his khaki overalls flow and follow the contours of his lithe young body, whilst my eyes do their best to X-ray them.
    Finally he stops, his hands on his hips, causing his biceps to expand, "I have to go," he says, "the police said they will have a look later." So he mounts his truck (sigh, lucky truck) and drives off. I note his number plate.
    Knowing our overworked police I go back into the house and ring the electricity supply company who promises to send a crew straight away. I leave to go give the beloved one his coffee break.
    ***Time passes***
    Three hours later, (it was a long coffee break), I return home and find the street is covered in emergency vehicles. On the roof of my house is the young truck driver threatening to jump to his death if I do not marry him...err, oh, alright, that is not quite right. The driver is only in my mind and the electric company workers are very busy with cranes and ladders and lift trucks dismantling the lines so they can replace the pole.
    Wow! I exclaim.
    "It's going to be awhile before we can restore power," one of the workers tells me, "Probably around midnight."
    Okay I think to myself that means I can have a sleep and go online at midnight--no problem. Then he drops the bombshell.
    "Before you can have power back you will need to get an electrician to make some repairs," he tells me, "as your service pipe is snapped off at the base."
    "My service pipe is snapped off at the base? I had better go to the emergency room." He walks off muttering something about everyone being a bloody comedian.
    To cut a long story short, they didn't finish till 5am and my electrician didn't arrive till 7.30am. Then I had to wait till midday for the supply company to plug in the service fuses.
    In the meantime the young truck driver was only visible in my dreams, which meant I did not sleep very well at all.
    I of course, have missed you all very much and am launching civil litigation proceedings against everyone who has caused me to be off line for over 20 hours.
    I would sure like to sue the pants off a certain young truck driver. That would make for a satisfactory compensation.
  3. DesDownunder
    I opened my email and there was an email from a reader who told me he enjoyed reading one of my stories.
    Hallelujah!
    Apart from my beloved co-inhabitants at Codey's World and Awesome Dude, that means I now have two readers who sufficiently liked my story to email me.
    (dances merrily around the room.)
  4. DesDownunder

    (20) Twenty

    By DesDownunder,

    Ok so I have nothing to say today (yet) other than this is the 20th entry in my blog on the 20th day of May 2007.
    How cool is that? You don't have to answer, I know it is lame.
    I just didn't think I would have so much to prattle on about.
    Future historians will wonder incredulously at the keen observation that inspired this entry I am sure.
  5. DesDownunder
    We have our fair share of road rage. Nothing out of the ordinary, you understand, just the usual clubbing to near death with a tyre iron. Today I had the opportunity to witness a road rage event (sounds exciting doesn't it?) myself.
    I must explain, owing to the bloke who sets the timing for Adelaide's numerous traffic lights thinking that 3 seconds is sufficient to enable cars to move across an intersection, we end up with cars banking up for quite a while.
    The traffic today duly came to stop. The car alongside in the other lane screeched to halt as if he was late for an asshole anonymous meeting, with fists pounding on the steering wheel and then punching his dashboard. I couldn't tell what the dashboard had done wrong to receive such grievous blows from its owner. He gnashed his teeth at me as he gave me the finger. What had I done?
    I watched as the lights changed to green and the traffic slowly (its Adelaide) started to move when, the lights changed to red. I stopped my car as did everyone else, except the dashboard basher. He put his foot down, accelerating until he rammed the car in front. He had "lost it" and was patently venting his rage, without due care.
    Quickly he flew open his car door and then jumped onto the bonnet of his own car, bouncing up and down like an orangutan visiting a harem, shouting obscenities that could only be described as upsetting to the poor young lady in the car he had rammed. She wisely stayed inside her car.
    The lights changed and I had to drive off. The thing was he had done little damage to her four-wheel drive but his old sedan was steaming and looking quite crumpled if not upset.
    I watched from the rear view mirror as several people were attempting to restrain the man from his malicious wounding of his own vehicle.
    It was surreal to say the least.
  6. DesDownunder
    So what is it like to be 3x21?
    What can be said that will give hope that there is life after 30?
    Is there a moment in life where it all comes together?
    Well lets put it this way, I ain't saying because I don't want to depress the young amongst you.
    Joke for ppl who have had too many birthdays:
    Stop me if you have heard it.
    Why are young people so beautiful and pretty and lovely to look at?
    So that old people will talk to them whilst waiting for them to grow the F*** up.
    Okay so that wasn't very nice. Anyone who wants to whip me for my indiscretions please form two lines, one at my front and one at my back.
  7. DesDownunder
    So I am surfing away on the web at midnight when the browser announces that the WWW may be having problems.
    "Did you type the site address properly?" it insolently asks me.
    "Perhaps the site you are trying to connect is down." it rudely suggests.
    "Yeah and maybe you are a *%^@$&!x*& of a browser," I yell at it.
    My partner appears at the door looking very concerned, "Are you all right?" he asks.
    "The net has gone down on me," I tell him.
    "I wish I could get someone to go down on me," he says dejectedly as he turns and heads back to the bedroom.
    He doesn't understand the Internet at all.
    I look at the blank screen of the browser, " Now look what you have done," I curse at it through gritted teeth.
    I inspect the modem lights, all on; DSL is functioning. "Oh why won't you work?" I thump on the key board.
    "It's tired and wants a rest," says the voice of my darling from the bedroom.
    "Yeah right. I pay enough for it not to want to rest," I shout back.
    "Forget about it and come to bed," he wantonly replies.
    Switching off the computer , I yell back to him, "I'm coming."
    "I'm glad someone is," mutters the voice of my beloved.
    It's going to be one of those nights.
    I just hope I have enough strength.

  8. DesDownunder
    So there I am bored off my face waiting for a customer to come in to our video store. It's my partner's store really, I just give him coffee breaks.
    Finally a middle aged woman comes in, briskly walking to to the counter.
    "Hi," says I.
    "I am after a video.' she says.
    "We have those.'" I say.
    She looks at me quizzically, but decides to press on, giving my sanity the benefit of her doubt.
    "It's a special video," she announces.
    "You're in the right place. All our videos are special." I tell her.
    Her eyes widen. "It has Michael Caine in it."
    I look at her blankly.
    "And Sean Connery." she adds.
    "I want to hire, "The Man Who Would Be King." she says.
    "I want the man who would be a Queen," I say.
    She waits a moment, raises her left eyebrow with disdain and asks, "This is not a Blockbuster store is it?"
    "No it isn't and they don't have the movie," I tell her as I pull the DVD off the shelf and hand it to her.
    "Oh you have it." she says , looking at the cover.
    "So I have been told." say I.
    "How much is it?' she asks.
    "I don't charge," I tell her, "Oh you mean the movie? To buy or rent?"
    "To rent." she says but I am not a member here.
    "Well you have to join up to rent it." I say.
    "I'm a member at Blockbuster." She says.
    "I guessed that." I say, "You will need to fill out the application form. Do You have your driver's licence for identification?"
    "Yes," she says.
    "We will need a cheque for ten thousand dollars along with your details of tonight's dinner menu."
    She looks at me, then bursts out laughing hysterically, just as my partner returns from his coffee break.
    He takes over, looking daggers at me.
    He is much quicker at this sort of thing than I am.
  9. DesDownunder
    I clicked on the computer link and it began its down-loading
    I okayed this and that and read it was all installing
    So now do I sit and wait or do I go a-calling?
    What am I supposed to be doing
    With this Yahoo Messaging?
    It is very puzzling,
    This YIM-ing,
    Thing.


  10. DesDownunder
    Okay this is a blatant plug for a great set of endings.
    You all like a good end don't you?
    Have you all read the Story at Codey's World that Codey started and no less than four authors all wrote different endings.
    Whose did you like most?
    Well you can let them know by reading them and voting for the one you like.
    Vote at: http://www.codeysworld.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=436
    No you don't have to vote for mine, vote for the one you like by 30th April. Do it now, then vote.
    Go on Now. Off you go.
  11. DesDownunder
    I just washed the floor in the bathroom and laundry. I try to do it every year whether it needs or not.
    We are having a drought. The Govt. has put us all on restrictions. Water is very scarce.
    I thought I might do a naked rain dance in the street to help. How would that help, I hear you ask?
    Well it would scare the neighbours into leaving the state which would mean more water for those of us who remain.
    Things are so serious with the water that pretty soon I will have to make the coffee with bodily fluids.
    Won't need to add milk or cream.
    Any way I was going to tell you about farthings. Hands up all those who know what a farthing is?
    A farthing was a quarter of a penny. My grandparents told me they could buy quite a bit with one.
    I saw one once, it had Queen Victoria on it...well her likeness anyway. I'm really not that old. She was dead before I was born.
    Remember the Zac from my last blog entry? I was wrong. I have just realised that a zac was sixpence or 5 cents.
    The slang for the threepenny piece was a "tray". I wonder if it was spelt tray could have been trey?
    Well my mom use to get a tray for her lunch money.
    It bought her an orange, a pastie or pie with tomato sauce, a cream bun and a drink of cordial.
    That lot would cost $10 today.
    I'm rambling aren't I?
  12. DesDownunder

    (11) My turn

    By DesDownunder,

    First the computer plays up, now I feel like a zac's (5 cents) worth of shit.
    Actually a Zac was a threepenny piece in the old days before decimal currency.
    Yep, Australia had a silver coin worth three pennies. (I told you, we were a bit strange.)
    It was about 5/16 inch that's 8mm in diameter. That's the size of the coin people. (Jeez, I can't say anything can I?
    We used to lose them all the time. I almost lost as many of those coins as the number of times my partners thought I lost my virginity. (It was the 1960s after all. We didn't have much else to do back then.)
    Anyway I think I have some flu bug or something. Wait, I feel better since I logged into the web.
    Must be the Awesome powers of the Dude.
    Tune into my next entry when I will reveal the secrets of my experience with a farthing. A what?
    Check out the great stories in A Writer's Challenge at the Codey's World Forum
    All entries are now in and awaiting your vote.
    Ronyx has posted chapter 9 of The Mask at The Mustard Jar
    Do read it and email him with your thoughts.
    In fact don't forget that all the authors really like to hear from their readers.
    It only takes a moment do. Come on do it now. Hit the comment button and let me know how much you love me. You don't love me? ok ,tell me that too.
  13. DesDownunder
    Fellow Blogarians, or is that Blogites?
    I am suffering from some computer malfunctions...err what I mean is, that the computer is misbehaving in quite dramatic ways never before seen by man or boy.
    Win XP has determined that my programs need to be installed whilst I am in the middle of using them??? On top of that the file associations are all dropping back to the command line mode, which looks like DOS, but isn't because Micro$oft said that XP doesn't have any DOS.
    So if I seem to be not here, I am busy fixing it so I can return as quickly as possible.
    I think it is okay now but just in case... you know that I have not run off or been run over by a bus.
  14. DesDownunder
    I've been tired and not feeling the best, mainly because the best keep well away from any one my age. Okay, that's not true. The best do come near me, but it is a curiosity thing with them, I think. They still won't let me feel them though.
    I could view my present frame of mind as feeling the worst, but that wouldn't really help either, as the worst won't let me feel them either.
    Maybe my mind is horny and is sick of waiting for my body to catch up to it.
    Yeah, I reckon that would explain a lot.
  15. DesDownunder
    It is that time of the year in Adelaide, where the sun sets
    in a glorious spray of vivid gold and red colours
    that fluoresce the clouds to match the source of their brilliance.
    In the East a near full moon, almost too bright to behold
    is already visible in the pale grey sky soon to be
    the dark blue and black of night.
    The air is still, not even a breath a wind.
    The sky hangs it palest blues before they change
    to green and pinkish yellows as the sun disappears.
    Clouds float and change their clothing for the approaching night.
    The night air, not cold nor hot wraps its warmth around me.
    Stars arc the Earth's night sky as if watching us, watching them.
    And it is all reversed in the early morning as that magic
    that was West is now in the East and dawn matches twilight
    with the eerie silence of the sun's intensity. The night fades to day.
    The stars I watched for hours I can no longer see,
    but I know they are there.
    We call this our Indian Summer.
    Is it any wonder I do not sleep?
  16. DesDownunder
    April Fools has inspired me to write a foolish story.
    As Blue writes:
    "The Gay Prank"
    "~ Brad and Dale want to come out, though they feel a little foolish, and their parents' slip is showing. "
    Hope you all enjoy it.
    (A fool and his story are soon parted).
  17. DesDownunder
    So I have sent in my contributions to the AwesomeDude Fools Call.
    Then discovered I had sent a wrong file.
    Replaced the file, then discovered several typos that evaded my detection during the numerous proofing sessions. Yikes!
    If you want to find all the errors, typos, misdemeanors, and assorted illiteracies in you story, nothing is of more assistance than posting it where the rest of the world can see it.
    Oh, the shame of it all.
    A friend of mine says he proofs by reading his work backwards???
    I find it helps if you have a sleep, then proof it by setting the viewing screen larger so the fonts seem larger.
    The trouble with proofing is that as I am also the author I keep finding little embellishments or sub-subplots to add or alter.
    So I guess the answer is to offer a prize to readers who pick up any faults or errors.
    I think I will offer to sleep with anyone pointing out errors in my work; In my case that should stop any criticism at all.
  19. DesDownunder

    First Entry

    By DesDownunder,

    Okay so now I have a blog. What do I do with it?
    I could blog on about lots of stuff but that would bore me and anyone reading it.
    I just want to see what happens for the moment so I'll post this and then get back later with something more...or less, meaningful.
  20. DesDownunder
    Creation: a movie review by DesDownunder
    Creation, directed by Jon Amiel and starring Paul Bettany as Charles Darwin, with cinematography by Jesse Hall, is an outstanding movie made with great attention to detail, both in the personal life of Darwin and his family, as well as insight into the times in which they lived.
    The past limitations of writing, medicine and belief, the remains of which are for some of us, barely a lifetime ago, are carefully, brutally but honestly, and sensitively visited in a way that allows us to see the potential renaissance of our own existence, and be thankful we no longer need to use quill pens and ink, or take cold showers.
    Truly, one cannot help but feel the struggle of liberation for human awareness from previous captivities, for liberation also evolves, and does so in each of us if we will but allow it to occur.
    The film does not shy away from the nature of its own premise, or the impact that Darwin's work will have on the faith systems of his time (and thus ours,) but it does so in observation rather than be argumentative . The torment is in Darwin's mind and as such we can perhaps see it more clearly because we have had the benefit of Freud's work. (I cannot guess what the reception for this film is like in cultures restricted to doctrinal education, or where text books are censored.)
    The movie is a vision in itself, complete with human relationships, and also an objectivity befitting the subject and a cinematography of great beauty, both of which are, in effect a homage to Stanley Kubrick, at least it is for me, and as such, is its own interwoven revelation of grandeur and wonder of life.
    Anti-Darwinists, and those who oppose evolution, may not find their view being expounded in Creation, but they are surely in need of being encouraged to see it, if only to discover the sheer beauty to be found in this intelligent Creation.
  21. DesDownunder
    My dysfunctional family would have been difficult to come out to. They all died before the modern era of liberation, but the real problem would have been, when to tell them. Let's say I chose a celebration like Christmas dinner. (We don't have thanksgiving here in Australia, but we have 'turkeys' in every family)
    Anyway getting back to when to tell my family. First I would have to wait until I could get them altogether. Dad would have had to be in town which wasn't all that often, so step-father would have to substitute, if he could stop looking at himself in the mirror.
    Grandmother, mother and her sister with her second husband would all have to be in the same room which would be in the kitchen, pouring the Christmas wine.
    The big decision would be whether to tell them before they got drunk, during the meal, or before they passed out after the meal which they didn't eat because they were too busy drinking, shouting and swearing.
    At least I wouldn't have to wait until someone said grace. Maybe I could have done it after they all wished each other, "Merry Christmas."
    I'm sure they would have accepted me until they sobered up the next day. It probably wouldn't have mattered, they would never have remembered I told them.
  22. DesDownunder
    In time I may get around to describing how we have overcome the horrors of the last 4 years. Suffice it to say, for now, that my lover and I have been able to reduce our mortgage repayments to next to nothing by subdividing the land on which our house stands. We keep our house and have a smaller mortgage and back yard to look after. Hooray!
    If I said that we had to survive on the smell of an oily rag with no surplus for the niceties of life, let alone the occasional treat, I would not be lying. Somehow we managed to feed ourselves and meet our financial obligations, albeit watching our debt increase as unexpected expenses intruded on our hopes and dreams.
    My time for reading and writing has been severely limited, but I am hopeful I will gain more free time in the near future for being creative.
    The stress and tension we have suffered caused us both much depression and only the thought and knowledge that no matter how bad things got, there were many others on the planet who were much worse off than us. Many years ago I had asked myself how I could justify living in Australia with all its advantages and luxuries. I thought that if I devoted myself to doing my job and living as best I could for the enrichment of human experience, then perhaps I would offset, for future generations, those who suffered in the lands of misery where I could not even go.
    Some might think that was just a rationalisation so I could do whatever I wanted. Perhaps at times it was, but I have never given up hope of doing something worthwhile; of providing whatever goodness I could for the human condition. So, to find myself facing the bleakness of poverty in old age limiting even being able to smile or crack a joke, has been a sobering experience. It seems that desperation and despair are never degrees of the horror that can befall any of us; when you lose everything you are left only two things, hope and the intangible possibility of finding love, making love. It's not until you are faced with desolation that you finally realise that love is something you get by giving it away to someone else. Therefore, we can't hope for love, we create love. Our hope is for a life that goes on long enough to create love with, and for each other, wherever you may live.
    To those who gave us their love and help during these years of turmoil, and you know who you are, we could say thank you, but we will simply love you for as long as we live.
    Now where did I put that folder of notes for stories, and will I be able to make sense of them?
  23. DesDownunder
    My second year high school physics teacher was a popular young man of around 23 years old. He enjoyed a joke or two and made the lessons memorable, if not fun.
    When a teacher was called to an away mission, usually a phone call, it was, in those days, customary for the class cabal to appoint one of their members to keep watch at the door for the teachers return. This permitted the rest of the class the freedom to enjoy a chalk fight, or as often happened, a competition to see who could engineer the best paper glider capable of achieving escape velocity from the classroom, if not the Earth.
    I remember one particular day, when the keeper of the watch, spied the teacher swiftly making his way back down the hallway toward the classroom which was in an uproar over the latest unmanned glider test flight. Suddenly the appointed stake out officer announced quite loudly, "Here it comes." The class rapidly resumed the quiet demeanour of angels in contemplation of the value of intelligent desire.
    Dear teacher made his entrance with a fury and flurry not seen since the last emergency fire drill. All was quiet as he surveyed the remains of a dozen or so, test flights scattered around the test pad, also known as the floor. Then he spoke,
    "Boys," he exclaimed, "Your teachers, including me, are well aware that you have nicknames for us. Indeed those of us in my profession who are not disabled by having our heads up our backsides are even amused by some of your more inventive names for us, but we really are not amused by phrases proclaiming our approach as, "Here it comes." In future, you would be best advised to reserve that phrase for your personal activities in the privacy of your bedrooms. I can assure you all that I am not an it."
    The cheers emanating from the collective young test pilots were very encouraging and the teacher laughed with the rest of us.
  24. DesDownunder
    So I'm having a pessimist moment:
    We're living in some kind of culture warp where politicians are intent on reversing all the gains made since The Enlightenment. It's not that we are moving in reverse as much as we have turned our back to the future and are walking (sometimes it seems like we are running) backwards, into a future with no idea that we're going to fall over a cliff grasping at the thin air of cartoon-like superstitions. Then when we hit the road at the base of the cliff we get run over by a medieval body cart returning from delivering our humanity to The Inquisition. Can it get any worse? Yep...Beep-beep.
  25. DesDownunder
    It's fast becoming a need of mammoth proportions to stand against religions as antiquated belief systems with no redeeming features.
    Moreover, religious belief is an immature explanation for what science now reveals as fact without superstition, morality without coercion, and love without the need to appeal to, or appease a god.
    How many lives will the religious sacrifice on the altar of their ignorance?
    How many beating hearts will the priests of burden rip from the bodies of the innocent?
    And how many times must we witness insanity destroying reason, intelligence, and truth, before we understand that nurturing the love within ourselves is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the mystery of life?

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