EleCivil

Just got back from the doctor. Turns out I'm having some heart arrhythmia, and they can't figure out why. I'm due for an EKG on Wednesday. The last couple days, I've had to pop some aspirins to stop the chest pain it's been giving me. Those things thinned out my blood, so I can't stop bleeding from where I nicked myself shaving (and from the hole they punched through my arm to give me the ol' Transylvania treatment) . Now I'm covered in band-aids - it looks like I lost a Camp Sissyboy Slap-n-Scratch Fight ™. So, what's the deal? I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't eat meat, I work out regularly...why's my heart feel like it's gonna explode outta my chest, Alien-style? ...OF COURSE! That's it. It's an alien. Obviously, a hostile life form has chosen my chest as a place to cocoon itself while it matures from its pupal stage to its adult form, upon which time it will burst out, grab a top hat and cane, and sing "Hello, My Baby". I seem to have nothing but trouble with extraterrestrials. It's always "chest-bursting" this, or "death ray" that, or "To Serve Man...it's a cookbook!". Never met one who just wants me to draw a picture of a sheep (or a python digesting an elephant). Lame.

Time for a telescreen confession, then. "I deliberately contracted syphilis with the intention of spreading it to other Party members..." Yep, I'm still working toward a teaching degree. Middle school science and language arts.My school is set up differently than most when it comes to their education program (which is why I chose it - schools in this area tend to move applicants from my college to the top of the stack). We do field assignments every year. Two days as freshmen, two weeks as sophomores, a month as juniors, and a full semester as seniors. That way, we get to do a bunch of different grade levels (4-9), different subjects, and different school districts (urban, rural, suburban), with increasing numbers of lessons and responsibilities each time. We get to work with a lot of different teachers in a lot of different settings, with the hope that we'll be able to fit in wherever they throw us.I'll be finished with all of my theory/classroom courses at the end of this Fall, so I'll be able to do my full semester of field work/research in the spring.

So, you might have noticed, but I kinda vanished from the face of the internet for the last couple of weeks. Couple reasons for it. First, the semester's coming to a close, which means all those projects/papers that I've been putting off...well, they can't be put off any longer. As such, I'm working double-time in the research department, and have more or less established one corner of the college library as mine. To the point where people go there to look for me, before trying me at home or calling my cell. My corner kind of resembles a cell, actually, but not the portable kind. Speaking of cell phones, that brings me to the other reason I've been seemingly vaporized. For about two weeks, I was worthlessly, bedriddenly sick. Like, wearing a pile of winter coats under an electric blanket in 70 degree weather, unable to do anything but shiver and cough sick. The docs said it was strep, but I know better. Joey Gumb, of Forever on a Tree fame, sent me a picture via cell phone. This picture was of a plastic action figure shaped like (supposedly) an angry syphilis germ. Attached was a caption along the lines of "I just gave you syphilis, bitch." The next day? Sick. That's right, ladies and gents. Biological warfare on the net-author front. He's obviously trying to take out the competition by infecting his contemporaries with e-syphilis (compatible with iPus). I got back at him, though. I made that picture of the syphilis germ his custom icon. This means that whenever he texts me, a little syphilis germ pops up to let me know. Heh. Bad news is, since it's a Textually Transmitted Disease, anyone I've texted since is at risk of contracting the e-syph. I suggest taking peni-cell-in. In non-syphilis news, I found out that, if all goes according to plan, I'll be graduating at this time next year. Huzzah for getting into the job market right when there's a huge recession! But I've got a secret weapon. That's right: macaroni necklace. Oh, yes, I'm bringing out the big guns. Nobody turns down an applicant with uncooked pasta around his neck. Know why? Shows I'm prepared. "Yeah, I see you eyeing my noodles. Go ahead and laugh, but when the great Midwest Earthquake hits, and we're trapped under a pile of rubble, then we'll see who's laughing: the guy with no food, or the guy with a string of carbohydrates strewn 'round his clavicle." Keep the sails high, pavement pirates. "And that?s the reason that we came and add a twist-ah. I thought that punk was all about the freedom, mister! Don't want to be the sound to tick off your list, We're bigger than this punk rock!" "Bigger Than Punk Rock" by Sonic Boom Six

"...the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion..." -Article 11 of the Treaty of Tripoli, as ratified by congress and signed by president John Adams (1797). Nice try, though. Really. Oh, no! She's stumbled upon some of our Extra-Stealthy Secret Gaygents! Now we have to start all over, training a new batch! Though it seems that her side usually argues that gays are "flaunting their lifestyle" or "shoving it in our faces". Now, apparently, we're sticking to the shadows, in a most underhanded (yet lavender-scented) way. Welp, whatever.

Something about this thread makes me want to recommend the book "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay" by Michael Chabon. It's about two cousins (one is a Jewish refuge from Nazi Germany, the other is a gay New Yorker) who write/draw a series of comic books during the Golden Age of Comics.

*points at Bruin* See? See? I'm not the only one!

Heh, Cole - Intuitive Aptitude, in the Heroes-verse, is the ability to instantly understand complex systems, both mechanical and biological. Probably political/sociological, too, but that hasn't been shown yet, since the character with that particular power is a sociopath. Yes, being a nerd, I'd much rather have a brain-make-go-awesome power than an ass-kicking power. Because, really, I don't get into that many fights, so I might as well be able to make some money with my power. No dark alleys for me...unless I was carrying some Batman-esque home made science weapons or something. That's really a second choice, though - it wasn't on the list, (presumable because it wasn't introduced until season two, and these are season one powers) but I'd have gone with Adoptive Muscle Memory (The ability to instantly be able to perfectly mimic any physical action once you've seen it).

Oh my. ...Seems they tore her a new one.

It's the powers shown so far on Heroes, I believe. Short a few, though, like shapeshifting, electrokinesis, and whatever that crazy-death-eye thing was. You know, when you put it like that, it kinda invalidates "go screw yourself" as an insult. But back on topic... I'd go with Intuitive Aptitude. Practical enough for everyday use, and incredibly awesome while still being easy to hide. And not powerful enough to tempt me into a life of crime, like invisibility/mental manipulation/persuasion inevitably would. Yeah, I've got no illusions, there - I'd go supervillain. Not the world-destroying kind, but the "Man, that guy is incredibly obnoxious" kind. Manipulating everyone into thinking it was Friday when it was actually Tuesday. Persuading people to communicate only in song. Invisible-sneaking up on people and turning their hats backwards. Yeah, somebody'd end up assassinating me. Space/Time Manipulation would be cool, too, but I just know I'd screw up the timeline by going back in time and stealing Washington's wig or something. Maybe time-freeze various military actions and replace everyone's weapons with flowers...and vibrators. I know it'd have possibly disastrous consequences, but I wouldn't be able to help myself.

Memory?

This war on penguins doesn't extend to Prinnies, does it? Because if it does, I'm gonna have to side with them.

Nah - in order for time travel to work, the one thing that you must have is consensus. If everyone agreed that tomorrow was December 17th, 1924, then so it would be, but if it's just you saying it...well, not so much. Unless you're completely alone. Or, you could do what a former roommate of mind did and declare your room a separate time zone. His room was fifteen minutes ahead of the rest of the house. As soon as he stepped out of his room, however, he was thrown back into the primary time-stream with the rest of us.Or, you know, a flux capacitor and one point twenty-one jiggawatts. But that can be kind of hard to get. That'll open a wormhole and send you to a parallel pocket-dimension, existing entirely within the confines of Abe Vigoda's breast pocket. However, this pocket dimension is identical to ours in almost all ways ("daisies" are called "doozies", but that's about it), so you probably won't notice that anything's happened.

So...how big's your...kit? What kind of grip do you use on your stick? Are we gonna get a chance to experience your paradiddle, sometime?

These administrators are mad! Don't they see the long-term implications? If Skittles are criminalized, only criminals will have Skittles! Don't they understand what this means? Skittle bootleggers expanding their already prominent power base by bribing hall monitors. Young, unsuspecting kids unable to walk from the auditorium to the cafeteria without being peppered with invitations to "Ride the Rainbow". Raucous sugar-fueled shindigs in floating restroom speakeasies. Wild swing music blasting from stairwells. And the fedoras! By god, the fedoras! It's a slippery slope, friends. It all started with their gum control policies, and now look where it's going to end up.

I tend to go to the gym in the morning. This is because I, in general, run on two speeds - Stoic and Ridonkulous - and running a few miles or lifting until my muscles give out is the quickest way to shift out of Ridonkulous mode in preparation for work/school. It's usually pretty empty in the mornings. Today, though, it was busy. Turns out they were using it as a set for some kind of fitness video. As I was leaving the locker room after suiting up, one of the trainers grabbed me and said "Hey, want to be in my video?" I shrugged and said "Sure." They had me run around a bit, then had the trainer run up next to me, at which point I turned to her, smiled, and gave her a "friendly nod of recognition". At which point, I maintained speed and she ran off ahead of me, and shouted "I win!" and I laughed and did a kind of "defeated, but a good sport" shrug. Later, they had me pose/flex for the camera, wearing a plastic construction worker hardhat (with the words "Body Built At [gym name]" on it) for some reason. I guess because construction workers always wear their hardhats when they work out. And I suppose they think that construction workers are manlier than philosophy tutors like me. Personally, I think having a random dude posing with a copy of Man's Search for Meaning or something woulda been way more badass. And less Village People-ish. But I guess that's why I'm not a marketer. So, if you happen to buy a low-production, most likely shady fitness video from some late-night infomercial and see a confused-looking construction worker, that might be me. Heh. Oh, also, I hope everyone remembered to celebrate Time Travel Day on Sunday. There's only two days a year that you get to travel through time, so take advantage of it! "I hated gym, 'cuz I never was athletic. I played a couple sports just to keep it copasetic, But I found more in computers than I ever could in hoopin' - Every time I wrote a goto, bitch, I had that baby loopin'!" "Meganerd" by YTCracker

Heheh. A friend of mine went to meet Barack Obama. He told him that he should start referring to people who vote for Hillary as "Caucus suckers". I don't think he has, yet...and I think that's why he lost OH and TX. You know it. You'll never stop us, either...square. Not even by joining us. Because as soon as the revolution's over, we'll have to start revolting against it. That's just how we roll.To quote Evan Greer, "When the fighting's done, the revolution won, we'll burn the final flag and walk on."

And so continues my record of having never voted for a winner. Even when it comes to mayoral elections. And we have the best mayoral candidates ever. Last time, we got to pick between a man who never smiles, a man known for saying/doing ridiculous things (insulting business owners until they get heart attacks, telling the deaf to move to the area near the airport, etc.), a self-proclaimed "Prophetess" whose campaign line was "I'm warning you!" and who threatened city-wide destruction if she wasn't elected, and a man who, during a debate, pulled on a pair of plastic Groucho glasses (the kind with the fake mustache) and burst into song, belting out "I gotta be meeeeeee!" (I voted for that one). Actually, it was during an assembly, not a dodgeball game. Heh. That beach ball "Riots of Spring" scene from Laika? Non-fiction.

I swear, Ohio sucks at holding elections. We just make it hard on ourselves every single time. Miscounted votes, glitchy machines, too-close-to-call margins, extensions, and now running out of ballots at polling sites? Jeez. A friend of mine (a registered independent) was actually told that he wasn't allowed to vote, even though it's an open primary. He argued with the poll worker for over an hour before he gave up and found another polling site. You know, one where the workers read the newspaper. Or watch the news. Or glance at the "How To Work a Polling Site" brochure. He's wonky...er, devoted enough to drive around the city looking for a place where they'll let him vote - I've got to wonder how many independent voters just gave up, instead. We Ohioans sure do screw up the democratic process. Er, no, wait. I mean, we make democracy more sporting than those other states. On purpose. Yeah, that's how we roll. Also, I found out that my mom's boss snuck into the VIP section of a Hillary campaign speech the other day. Secret Service and assorted security teams wouldn't let her in, but then she noticed that the people in the VIP section all had drinks, so she grabbed a drink from a nearby tray and strolled in as though she belonged. She turned to the nearest group and said something like "Hey, I forgot to bring my sign. Anybody have a spare?". One of them gave her a sign to hold - only later did she actually look at it and realize that it said, in huge letters, "HOMOS FOR HILLARY". After a few minutes, Secret Service guys escorted her out of the VIP section (back to hang with the rest of the proles, I guess). Oh, this speech was in my old high school's gym, by the way. It was weird to think that a presidential candidate was speaking in the room where I once hurled a beach ball at a teacher and called him a fascist (ah, the good old days). It seems...strangely fitting, actually. And if you were wondering, I did go out to vote. I was the first ballot cast in my district, in fact. That and three-fifty will buy me a gallon of gas. Hey. "If a person uses a non-offensive vocabulary, That person is CONSIDERATE, not 'PC'. If a person has a heavy-handed agenda, That person is NARROW-MINDED, not 'PC'. In fact, unless you mean Providence College, 'PC' Is as meaningless as the president's apology for slavery." "Anarchist Bookstore (Part One)" by MC Paul Barman

And on that note, I'll also recommend "Teacher: The One Who Made The Difference" by Mark Edmundson. It's a true account of a teacher's use of the Socratic method in a modern (well, 60's) classroom and a discussion on applying Socrates's principles to modern education from the student's point of view. It's about 75% autobiography, 25% educational philosophy. The autobiography parts are kind of dull, but it's worth it for the rest. And since we're talking books that relate to this thread, I'll also suggest "13: Thirteen Stories That Capture the Agony and Ecstasy of Being Thirteen", edited by James Howe. Short stories and poetry about middle school (and the suckiness thereof), written by top-name young-adult and teen authors.

Man, is there anyone on Earth who didn't think middle school sucked? I mean, come on - you've got no money, you've got no car, your limbs are disproportionate, you can't get a date, you live with your parents, your coccyx is fusing to your spine, making it painful to sit for any length of time, and you've got 7+ teachers telling you to sit still all day, next to a bunch of other kids who are just as miserable as you, who decide to take out their frustrations by attacking all your newfound insecurities, including the group-identity that you voluntarily took on in order to cover up OTHER insecurities. And then some administrator comes along and tells you that you're too immature to understand things like bullying. Jeez. Heh, I use those lines so much that they're almost starting to lose meaning. As a tutor/academic coach and as a student-teacher, that's the main thing I try to get across - "This way works for me, but you're not me. If your system works, use it; if not, we'll figure out something else." Anyone with perfect confidence in their one-size-fits-all advice is someone worth ignoring. As Socrates said, "I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."

Professor Layton has joined the ranks of my personal list of fictional heroes. As a logic tutor at college, I can't help but love the fact that there's a video game protagonist who fights crime by solving logic puzzles, whose catchphrase is "Critical thinking is the key to success!", and who is also a total badass. Just look at him (on the right). I also like the fact that he dresses just like me. All I need is a taller hat, and I'd make a right proper gent. Now, pardon me for a second, because I'm about to go all political. Those of you with small children may want to have them leave the room. I'll keep it short and sweet. I'm ready to declare, as a less-than-super non-delegate. Any Democratic super-delegates in the house? Listen close, because you're going to want to declare based on the elusive EC Endorsement. I don't pick losers. Except Kucinich. And Dean, back in '04. And Nader, back in '00 (But that one doesn't count, 'cause I was only 14). And...well, actually, I've yet to pick a winner. But, as Obama would say, "This time, for sure! Nothin' up my sleeve...presto!" Wait, no, that was Bullwinkle J. Moose. I was gonna endorse Obama, but you know what? Screw it. I'm voting my conscience. We need to show strength to our enemies in Pottsylvania. Bullwinkle/Kucinich '08 Ally...OOP! A stronger tomorrow. "Thinking people can't be mind controlled - History knows this! So we'll teach our children to be skeptical of the government They'll question all the lies they're ever told They'll be fearless when they stop worshiping the flagpole..." "The Kids' War" by Attica! Attica!

Huge thanks to everybody who read this whole thing (and bonus points for those who posted/emailed to let me know, heh). It's weird - when I started this story, I knew it would end like this, but as it went on, I kept trying to think of other ways to end it. I like these characters, and I wanted them to get a happy ending, but it just wouldn't wash. At least, not without pulling something like "Nick gets caught by his parents, and is kicked out/abused/runs away and moves in with Bran/the band/some conveniently placed open-minded relative, for some reason," or "There's a big confrontation between some combination of Free characters and Nick's Dad, and they convince him to change his ways, and all of a sudden he's totally cool with everything, somehow." Or, like FT suggested, UFOs. Possibly full of 4th-dimensional beings who abduct Bran and Nick, unstick them from time, and put them on display in their home planet's zoo. Hey, it worked for Vonnegut. There were actually some early end-chapter drafts that ended on an even more depressing ending, and comparatively, this one's pretty cheerful. Once again, you guys are awesome.

Dude! As if your Chrono Cross avatar didn't earn you enough cool points in my book, you go and post a picture of Aperture Science Cat. The only cool cat picture I've got is a desktop wallpaper, so it's too big to embed. I'll attach it, instead.