EleCivil

Hahaha, that was great.

Jeez, drop a few (dozen) eggs around here and all of a sudden you're not to be trusted with tossable objects. ...The one on the knife might be good advice, though.

Loved the new chapter. The opening scene...and then that part at the end...and, you know, all that stuff in the middle. But especially the end - Ethan's thoughts as he's going to Urges. Powerful stuff.

A blonde woman walks into a chain pharmacy. Looking around, she realizes that the store has done some re-arranging, and that she no longer knows where to find what she is looking for. She gets the attention of one of the employees. "Can I help you find something, ma'am?" He asks. "Yes," She says, "I'm looking for the rectal deodorant." "Er...what kind of deodorant was that?" He's certain he misheard her. "Rectal." "Um, ma'am, I don't believe we carry that." "This is where I always buy it." The employee is perplexed. He's responsible for stocking and taking inventory, and he's never seen anything like that. "Maybe I'll recognize it once I see it. Do you have the container with you?" "Oh, you know, I think I might." She feels around in her purse for a moment before pulling out a stick of deodorant and handing it to the employee. He looks it over, and hands it back to her. "Ma'am, this is regular underarm deodorant." "No, this is rectal deodorant. See?" She holds the stick up and points to the back, where there are directions printed. In small, but legible print, it reads "Push up bottom".

I was walking across a bridge recently. I spied this guy who looked like he was ready to jump off. So, I thought I'd try to stall him until the authorities showed up. "Don't jump!" I said. "Why not?" he said. "Nobody loves me." "God loves you," I said. "You believe in God, don't you?" "Yes, I believe in God," he said. "Good," I said. "Are you Christian or Jewish?" "Christian," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Protestant or Catholic?" "Protestant," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "What kind of Protestant?" "Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Independent Baptist or Southern Baptist?" "Independent Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "New Evangelical/Moderate Independent Baptist or Conservative Independent Baptist?" "Conservative Independent Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist or Lose-Your-Salvation Arminian Conservative Independent Baptist?" "Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Historical Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?" "Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR For Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?" "Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Strict Separation of Church and State Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?" "Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Anti-Disney Boycott Pro-Choice Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?" "Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "KJV Only Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Modern Versions Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?" "MODERN VERSIONS Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said. "Auugghh!!! You heretic!" I said. And I pushed him over.

The new chapter was great, Graeme. Resolving one cliff-hanger and then slapping us with another? Sadist!

Wow, thanks for all the feedback, guys! I got the idea for this story when I realized that I hadn't worn matching socks in over two years (though not for the sake of revolution). From that, I got the opening scene, and everything else just grew from there.

Weird, I just read that a couple days ago. *Literature-nerd high-five*

You managed to turn a decaying nympho-zombie into a romantic sympathetic figure, AND held on to meter and rhyme the entire way through. Maaan...I'm impressed. Great work. And "Some Enchanted Evening" is still awesome.

That's right. A political sub-section. He was planning on calling it Camhattan, and making it a flourishing business district. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 8-[ Hahahaha...man, I didn't notice that one. I don't have an editor, so I made a lot of those kind of mistakes. I even went an entire chapter calling a character by the wrong name at one point (I sent the Dude a corrected version of this, but the Nifty version still has it).

http://www.ps260.com/molly/SHINING%20FINAL.mov A trailer for The Shining...sort of.

True story. Not sure how we ended up on that topic in the first place, but maaaaan...awkward. I always kind of wondered about whose bright idea it was in the first place. You know, who was the first guy to look at it and think "You know what? I think I'm going to lop off a piece of that." Was he drunk? Did he lose a bet? Was his wife really, really angry? I mean, I can understand some people wanting it done for the medical issues once they've been discussed, but for that first guy, it must have been something major.

--------- Collected steps like leaves pulled softly Spade-shaped, breath and shirt-sleeve shined Pressed between hardcover pages Lashed with lies like ?Love is blind?, Plans to shuffle, straggle, drift, And maps to those left long behind, Socks soaked through from blisters broken Sweat in songs to draw the flies. Woke along a highway, coughing Lips caked thick with dust and grins Streetlights stretched black ribbons west To slink from where the day begins And westward, then, two heels clicking, Crickets changing paths on shins, And eastern treasons, earlobes licking, Stretched across to catch the winds. Kept pace along with traffic, waving Swirled the dirt to match the breeze City sidewalks, street signs blushing Souls and soles in union beat Rhythms rising, ?cross the paths Long beaten to the dust beneath To wake away, some hours gone Where no one knows which name to speak.

Nah, Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day was around before FSMism. Three years ago, a friend and I dressed as pirates and sailed a cardboard boat down the busiest street in town on TLAP Day. Tragically, all the pictures were lost in a hard drive crash. This year, though, we've recruited a good ten more people. We're thinking pirate v. ninja fight in a grocery store parking lot. Bound to be the best Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day yet. :pirate:

I don't use an editor, either...which, combined with the way most of my writing happens around three in the morning explains the glaring continuity errors and such. ;)

Yaaaarrrg, that seems so obvious. I used to use "used to", but now I'll use "formerly".

Alright, I'll plead ignorance on this one. I know that's wrong, but what's the alternative? I used to think that "used to" could be used that way.

Thanks for the comments, everybody. Eh...probably not. I don't really see a sequel happening. Maybe I'll get inspired at some point in the future, but for now, I'm leaving L&L where it lies. It's funny, though - everybody who writes asking about a sequel always suggests that it should star Jerry. Indeed, sir. Flexing my typin' fingers as we speak.

Looks like the next chapter's going to be delayed. I don't want to rush this one. No worries, just wanted to let you know it might be a few more days.

This is such a great story. Had me hooked from the start. Keep it up, JJ-P.

I wonder if it's bad luck to end a story at chapter 13. Anyway, it's official - I work better with deadlines. And since I'm done with school for a little while, I'm going to try this again: Next (and final) chapter by this time next week.

P.A.? Man, I don't even like getting flu shots.

Hahah, I'll have to try that towel thing. And for the record, I don't recommend the chicken/pulley system. Takes a lot of materials and prep time, without that much of a payoff. The car-in-a-pyramid, though, I whole-heartedly endorse. Takes just as long, but that look of desperation they get makes it worth it. Plus, if you explain what you're doing, you can usually get passers-by to help out.

Awesome.

Hm...there were some pretty amusing parts to it. Especially the epic in-house prank war between myself and my roommates (who I've been friends with since about 3rd grade). I might as well summarize it here, since it was pretty funny. It went something like this: -Roommate 1 pulls the bucket-of-water-on-the-door trick on Roommate 2. It doesn't work (the bucket fell in the wrong direction), but it starts the war. -Roommate 2 puts a condom on Roommate 1's car antenna. -I forge some legal documents to make Roommate 1 think that he owes a local chain store $3,000. -Roommate 1 puts my phone number in a personal ad in the local paper. -I encase Roommate 1's car in a giant pyramid of milk crates. -Roommate 2 steals Roommate 1's dog, replaces it with a cat tied to a fish. -Roommate 1 and I turn Roommate 2's bed into a giant, working replica of a douche, complete with a hand-lettered sign reading "Yes, your bed is indeed a douche." He didn't get home until around 3 in the morning, so he was none too pleased. -Roommate 1 photoshops Roommate 2's face onto a picture of a large naked man, coats neighborhood (as well as the interior of Roommate 1's room) with copies. -Roommate 2 ties milk crates to Roommate 1's feet while he's asleep, so that he wakes up a foot taller. -Roommate 1 slips a smoke bomb into my bag of juggling balls, ends up filling the attic with pink smoke. -I rig a series of ropes and pulleys to Roommate 1's door, so that a raw chicken swings from the cieling and hits him in the face as he walks in. After that, we had to move, so a (temporary) armistice was signed.