EleCivil

I'll try my best, but no promises. It's final exam/project season, now. Not true. My antagonistic immunity only applies to actions taken against me, personally. I'd definitely take offense if you shot a puppy/kitten/cockroach/etc. I'd laugh and ask for a turn if you took a shot at me. See the difference?

Haha, don't worry about it - I didn't take offense or anything. I just thought it was cool that you brought up the same issue that I'd been thinking about.

Thanks, Oliver, Des, and Pecman. Yeah, technically, they didn't turn off the life-support systems, they just didn't have the life-support technology needed to keep her alive - the temperature and humidity in the cabin kept increasing, and she was dead just a few hours after the launch. Sputnik II orbited the Earth something like 2500 times, but she was only alive for the first 4. In training for it, the scientists kept putting her in smaller and smaller cages until she was used to being confined. Yeah, I agree. At first, I planned to use that as an indication of the characters' relationships - the ones who had known each other for a long time, like the band members, or people with a certain connection, like Brandon and Nick, being able to banter really smoothly. Tuned to each other's wavelengths, kind of. But then other pairings, like Nick and Dixie, or Brandon and the twins, don't really have any memorable banter. And then when Brandon and Alex were together, the longest dialogues between them were when they were fighting - very little communication between them, otherwise. Problem is, I have so few scenes with characters that don't "click" with each other (or when I do, they're in the room with other characters that do "click") that it comes off as every character bordering on "too witty", like you said. I'm glad I tried it, but I definitely see how I could have pulled it off a bit better.

Second day on the Holiday Loser Squad. This time, it's me (security), a linehaul trucker (older dude with a bushy grey beard), and a dock worker (thirty-ish guy with lots of tattoos). So, I'm walking the parimiter, locking things up and such, and, thanks to listening to that Taj Motel Trio CD so much, I've got a song in my head - their cover of "My Girl" by The Temptations. Without realizing it, I start whistling. As I walk past where the others are standing, the linehauler starts singing the bassline - "bum, duh-duh-duh-duh-duh, bum...", and starts walking next to me. The dock worker follows. He does the bassline a few times, and when I catch on to what he's doing, I join in with "I got sunshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine....on a cloudy daaaaaay. When it's cold outsiiiiiiiiiiiide...IIIIII got the month of Maaaaaay...." The dock worker joins in: "I guess you'll say...what could make me feel this way?" All three: "My girl!" "My girl!" "My girl!" "Talkin' 'bout myyyyy giiiiirl..." "My girl!" So we keep going until the song's over. Yes, we all knew it - when you live this close to Mo-Town, you pretty much have to. So, there we are, three tone-deaf white guys, belting out a Temptations song in an off-key attempt at three-part harmony (with occasional call-backs and improvisation). We finish the song, go our separate ways, and never mention it. Remember when I said that yesterday was the most fun I'd had at work? I think today just topped it. Once again, thank you, Taj Motel Trio. "I've got so much honey, The bees envy me. I've got a sweeter song, baby, Than the birds in the trees." -"My Girl" by The Temptations

I'm a member of the Holiday Loser Squad - the group that works on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Independence Day, and the rest. That means that on days like this, I get the whole place to myself. Well, usually. Sometimes I have to share it with one or two other HLS members, but that's cool. I brought my iPod along and, while walking around, doing my thing, I decided to listen to The Taj Motel Trio's album "Life of the Party". For those unfamiliar, they're a third-wave ska/punk band, and that's the single most dancable album I've ever heard. So, since no one was there, I saw no reason to abstain from an early-morning one-man skankfest. Yes, while in full uniform, complete with a tie, matching socks (ugh), and a long snow-patrol coat. As a result, it was easilly the best day I've had at work all year. Thank you, Taj Motel Trio. Also, I was able to smuggle in my laptop and finish a chapter of Laika. I sent it in just now.

Hey, a new AD blogger! Welcome aboard.

Hey, better than I did. I couldn't get higher than 680-someting. Never took the SAT - my college wanted the ACT, which doesn't have a verbal section. I did do well on the writing part, though. I don't know the exact number, but I think it was close to perfect, because I remember my college advisor looking at my record and saying "You scored that high in writing? Why are you studying here?"

Hey, I just got around to reading this, and I like it a lot! Looking forward to more. -EC

My kickboxing instructor got kicked in the face. For some reason, this surprised him. Anyway, either his nose or his jaw was broken (conflicting reports), and he wants to take some time off. Completely understandable, since most people prefer to avoid situations that lead to them getting kicked in the face. As a result, my Wednesday night kickboxing classes have been canceled until further notice. Note to self: When changing in public locker rooms, do not wear novelty boxers. Those guys aren't checking you out, they're reading the words printed across your ass. Also, I got a second job as a tech gremlin in my school's computer lab. This mostly means that I'll be walking people through PowerPoint, over and over again. Should be fun. Oh, speaking of school, funny story. The other day, my science instructor (a sixty year old nun, mind you) was talking about pinecones - specifically, the difference between male and female pinecones. She's saying that the females "last a really long time, and can just keep doing their thing for as long as it takes", while the males "just blast their seeds all at once, then go limp, fall off, and roll away." I should also point out that I'm the only guy in this class. So I'm choking back the urge to laugh...because, come on, it's a NUN - you're not supposed to laugh at their innuendo. Then, this woman who sits in front of me turns around in her seat and gives me this big, exaggerated wink. That sets me off - not a huge, bellowing laugh, but just kind of a strangled chuckle. The woman in front of me turns around, acting completely innocent, just as everyone else turns to look at me. I hold up my textbook, trying to look extremely interested in the subject matter, but I'm not fooling anybody. The instructor looks over at me, gives this big sigh and rolls her eyes, telling everyone that that's another thing about pinecones - just like in humans, the females mature faster than the males. "In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminder of every glove that laid him down or cut him 'Til he cried out in his anger and his shame I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains." -"The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel

Don't forget his tour-de-force, "As I Slay, Flying", in which his caterpiller children cross the country, taking his cocoon to his old home-town so that he can be hatched with "his people"....But, seriously, I think you win on the merits of having used the phrase "macro-organic mutanoid".

I just remembered that I had this floating around in my Photobucket page from last year. I was driving home from Lit class, and it hit me - I had to come straight home and make this image, because if I didn't, who would? I've been using "Mothra Faulkner" as an expression ever since, but I didn't really have any place to put the image before now. See, this is why blogs are cool - if you hadn't been reading this, you never would have been introduced to Mothra Faulkner. Unless you live in Japan, where I imagine he flies around from town to town, telling everyone about the American South. Someone sprayed some tags on the sidewalk in front of my house. I put a frame around it in sidewalk chalk, wrote "(neighborhood name) Art Museum" above it, then added a small label at the bottom describing it as an example of neo-classical post-gangsterism. Hope they like it. Also, I found a bunch of old shirts from 7th grade that still fit. Maybe it's a little creepy for a twenty year old to be wearing a shirt from the local junior high, but hey...I'm too broke to turn down free clothes. "Kids! If you want to piss off your parents...show an interest in the arts!" -"Imaginary Places" by Busdriver

Here's some pictures from Halloween: My first attempt at a Jolly Roger pumpkin. Pretty bad, but still, it gets its point across. This was supposed to be a werewolf howling at the moon, but it turned out more like a werewolf shooting a basketball. But, hey, remember the movie Teen Wolf, where Michael J. Fox was a basketball-playing werewolf? Yeah, I think it works. Usually I dress as a pirate. As in, on days other than Halloween, I dress as a pirate. So, this year, I dressed in all black, tied a shirt around my head, and went as a second-rate ninja, for irony's sake (because of the ancient pirate/ninja fued, of course). I went outside and juggled clubs while handing out candy. After an hour, my hands were numb, and I was dropping them all over the place. I place the blame on some kind of ninja curse. And an update on the handlebar moustache thing: it's a bust. I just can't grow decent facial hair. This is what I look like after five days without shaving: [image removed] At that rate, it'd take me roughly two years to get a decent handlebar going. Just got back from feeding my ballot to a Diebold touch-screen machine. Maybe now I'll stop getting calls from Robotic Bill Clinton, Robotic Mike DeWine, and Robotic Mike DeWine's Wife. Currently Listening: "I Am Ninja, My Life is Lonely and Difficult" by The Dauntless Elite

New short story from the author of Bonding Energy, Opportunity Cost, and Solitary Night. No need to summarize it here, because it won't take you long to read it. And you should read it, because it's really good. It's told almost entirely in dialogue - no descriptions of how the characters look, what they're wearing, what the room looks like - no surface detail. It works perfectly, considering what the story is about - the effect of issues that are completely under the surface.

I'm with ya. Not a fan of deep-fried potato mush. Can't improve on nature, man - just cut 'em up and bake 'em, skins included, no need for oil/lard/goo. As for sauces, either soy sauce or cayenne hot sauce.

How come everyone uses me as a benchmark for weird? ... Oh, right. All that stuff that I do. Carry on, then.

I used to use a generic juggling .gif, but now I use Ness from EarthBound, doing his famous "fuzzy pickles" pose. EarthBound was the first RPG I ever played, and I always appreciated its weird humor. Plus, anybody who can fight hippies and dinosaurs with a baseball bat is automatically awesome.

I decided to do it this year. I know some people who did it last year, and they really wanted me to join in, but I chickened out at the last minute. This time, though, I'll give it a shot. And hey, if I don't make it to 50,000, I'll still have a really good jumping-off point for my next story.

Quick update:Jest's little sister (she's 10, I think) stopped by the other day. She saw me, and said "Oh no...you're not growing a moustache, too, are you? You guys look so stupid.""Oh," I replied, "We'll be looking a lot stupider. Just wait until they're long enough to curl.""He's really going to do that? Like, at work?""Yep.""He's going to get fired for looking stupid."Heheh.

Handlebars! My roommate, my friend, and I have decided to grow handlebar moustaches. Given that none of us can really grow a decent moustache, it'll take a while...but it'll be worth it, because the handlebar moustache is possibly the funniest thing in the world. Now, I know that posting something like this without pictures is crazy, but I'm lacking in the digital camera department...so you'll have to settle for these quick CorelDRAW sketches. Current: [image removed] Soon: [image removed] Yes, I'm assuming that we'll form a barbershop quartet. And yes, I recognize the intrinsic numerical flaw contained within that prediction. "She broke up with me two days later. I think she met Don Juan in Italy. She has a new man, I have a new moustache!" -"Razor Burn" by Lagwagon ...it's hard finding relevant lyrics for a moustache-centric post.

Thanks, everybody! You guys are so awesome. Yeah, I know how that goes. No worries - take whatever time you need. I know I did.

Chapter 11 this week. Promise. F'real this time. ...pinky swear.

It doesn't happen often, and I can usually diffuse it like I did this time - giving the would-be assailants the crazy eyes - but it's happened before. My roommate is a downright scholar of insult comedy, and his favorite form of humor is the kind that makes other people laugh at him while he, in turn, laughs at the fact that they don't understand why it's stupid of them to laugh at him (it's pretty much impossible to convey through text, unfortunately). 99% of the time it goes over their heads and nothing happens, but every now and then he'll say something to the wrong person...

My roommate and I went to see Jackass 2 the other day. That meant going to The Mall. Now, both of us were trailer park kids, so to us, the mall is pretty much the opposite of everything we grew up knowing. For instance, we KNEW that there was no way a clay pot could cost more than what our parents made in a month. We KNEW that t-shirts were 3 for $5 and came in bags. We KNEW that people don't actually act like they do on TV. The Mall, however, proves wrong every one of those beliefs. That's why we generally try to avoid it. Sadly, it has the only movie theater in town. We got there early, so we had to walk around for a while. My roommate (who's straight, by the way) heads for the bathroom. On the way in, he turns to me and jokingly asks "Do you want to help me?" I shake my head and tell him that I think he's got this one under control. About two seconds later, he walks back out. He looks around and says "Uh...some guys heard me say that." "Yeah?" "Yeah. One of 'em said 'fag', so I told him that that's not what his Dad said last night." I groan. "For fuck's sake...again?" He shrugs. "Can't help it. We should...uh, run." We start walking away, and two guys strut out of the restroom behind us. One calls out "Hey, faggot!" I take off my jacket and hand it to my roommate, then turn around, sighing heavilly. They kind of size us up, looking us up and down and then glancing between themselves. I get a good look at them - high school kids, dressed in "I think I'm a rebel but I paid two hundred dollars for these pants" clothes. I give them this look - just kind of cocking my head to one side, in a "did I hear you correctly?" kind of way. They shrug and walk the other way. I take my jacket back from my roommate. "How come I'm the one that has to protect you from gay bashers?" "'Cause you're intimidating, and I insult strangers." "Oh yeah." Then we saw Jackass 2, and laughed for the durration. It was better than the first one. "We say things we don't mean, but friends understand. Strength and humor don't always go hand-in-hand. A joke to you might not be so funny, so take the time and think it out before you open up your mouth." -"Things We Say" by Gorilla Biscuits

Talk Like a Pirate Day: Aftermath This year's Talk Like a Pirate Day went quite well. First, I flew a black flag from my car and drove around playing pirate songs with my windows down. Pirate playlist: Flogging Molly - Seven Deadly Sins David Rovics - Black Flag Flying Lazytown - You Are a Pirate Flogging Molly - Salty Dog Mutiny - Here's to Adventure Pirates of the Carribean Soundtrack - He's a Pirate Flogging Molly - Queen Anne's Revenge Murder by Death - Dead Men and Sinners Rockin' Chair - Wooden Boats, Iron Men Tom Smith - Talk Like a Pirate Day (official theme song) The Mad Caddies - Weird Beard Bread and Roses - Let the Wind and the Sea be my Grave After I finished with that, I dressed in full pirate garb (puffy shirt, feathered hat with a skull-and-bones insignia, stuffed parrot on shoulder, eyepatch, etc.) and went to the library, where I checked out Mutiny on the Bounty and Treasure Island. One of the librarians was celebrating, too (I guess you could call her a bookaneer...but it'd probably be best if you didn't), so we took a few pictures together. By that time my roommate was awake, so we went to a nearby grocery store and had a swordfight in the parking lot. All nearby buckles were sufficiently swashed. Aftewards, I did some juggling, picking up enough in tips to buy us some water. Then, we came back home to watch yesterday's episode of Wife Swap. No, that's not something I'd normally do, but one of the families was a pirate family, the husband being none other than Ol' Chumbucket, co-creator of Talk Like a Pirate Day and co-author of "Pirattitude!". Captain Slappy, the other co-creator, made an appearance as well. All in all, it was my best TLAP Day yet. "Anarchy! The scourge of every sea! The Antichrist abord a rig, with us, your cut-throat thieves!" -"Salty Dog" by Flogging Molly

New chapter! Yeah! Didn't see that coming at all. This is such a huge turning point...definitely an "end of disc one" kind of moment. Awesome job at balancing the dark with the light, though. I was laughing through the first part and nail-biting through the end. ...Tactics was way better than VII, though.