Trab Posted March 2, 2010 Report Share Posted March 2, 2010 Peter could feel the tension build up as he was battered around. Smack, smack, smack; a momentary reprieve, then he was thrust to the right, the left, up, and then down, in a violent flurry. Nearly nauseous from the jerking, he got smacked hard on the head again and finally just started heaving violently. Once, twice, an amazing five times, at which time all movement stopped and he finally lost his tension, to relax once again. 4x4ing rough terrain was such a come-on. Quote Link to comment
Bruin Fisher Posted March 2, 2010 Report Share Posted March 2, 2010 Erk... Hang on one cotton-picking moment here... He's called Peter and he gets jerked until he erupts five times and then loses his tension... there's allegory going on here somewhere but I can't quite put my finger on it.... Quote Link to comment
Tanuki Racoon Posted March 2, 2010 Report Share Posted March 2, 2010 but I can't quite put my finger on it.... Right, it's because you can't put your finger on it. You've got to use more than one finger. :) Quote Link to comment
Lugnutz Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Sounds like fun. Who wants to go wheeling? I can has Wibby as co-pilot? Quote Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 A novel story about a fist fight and without gloves too. Hands on, literature. No wonder Trab chose the flash format for his story. Who wood have thought it possible? Quote Link to comment
Merkin Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 When you're driven to write, flash fiction is a great vehicle. Quote Link to comment
Cole Parker Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 With apologies, Trab, I was taken by your words and so tried rearranging many of them. Nearly nauseous from the jerking Stomach heaving, rolling, working Smack smack smack, violent flurry Right, left, up, down, thrust and hurry Violent heaving, spirit soaring Nothing quite like 4 by 4-ing. C Quote Link to comment
Trab Posted March 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Very cool, Cole. Brilliant, actually. Mind you, I'd suggest changing "Stomach heaving, rolling, working" to "Stomach heaving, roiling, working", unless of course you really ARE referring to the rolling around of excess flab. Quote Link to comment
Cole Parker Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Nothing to do with flab, excess or otherwise. It's a common metaphor, a rolling stomach being a nauseous one. Roiling works, but I don't think it conveys quite the same meaning. Think rolling like a ship rolling in heavy seas. Up and down, swirling around. Feeling nauseous yet? C Quote Link to comment
DesDownunder Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I'm beginning to be pleased it was about jerking, and not mouthing. Quote Link to comment
Steven Keiths Posted March 12, 2010 Report Share Posted March 12, 2010 I like it. Had me going for a word or two, thinking I knew what it was about. Not sex, not abuse; rough terrain traversing. Nice piece Trab. Quote Link to comment
TracyMN Posted March 12, 2010 Report Share Posted March 12, 2010 Nice piece of writer Tomfoolery, Trab. And nothing mobilizes the troops like insinuations of sex... Thanks for your effort. Tracy Quote Link to comment
Trab Posted March 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2010 Thanks for your effort. It was hard to slap it together, but somehow I managed to pull it off. Quote Link to comment
TracyMN Posted March 15, 2010 Report Share Posted March 15, 2010 At this stage of the game, pictures are safer. Though I really wanted to use that spanking one, you haven't been bad enough...yet. Tracy Quote Link to comment
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