The Jerking

[Trab]

Peter could feel the tension build up as he was battered around. Smack, smack, smack; a momentary reprieve, then he was thrust to the right, the left, up, and then down, in a violent flurry. Nearly nauseous from the jerking, he got smacked hard on the head again and finally just started heaving violently. Once, twice, an amazing five times, at which time all movement stopped and he finally lost his tension, to relax once again. 4x4ing rough terrain was such a come-on.

[Bruin Fisher]

Erk...

Hang on one cotton-picking moment here... He's called Peter and he gets jerked until he erupts five times and then loses his tension... there's allegory going on here somewhere but I can't quite put my finger on it....

[Tanuki Racoon]

but I can't quite put my finger on it....

Right, it's because you can't put your finger on it. You've got to use more than one finger. :)

[Lugnutz]

Sounds like fun. Who wants to go wheeling?

I can has Wibby as co-pilot?

[DesDownunder]

A novel story about a fist fight and without gloves too.

Hands on, literature.

No wonder Trab chose the flash format for his story.

Who wood have thought it possible?

[Merkin]

When you're driven to write, flash fiction is a great vehicle.

[Cole Parker]

With apologies, Trab, I was taken by your words and so tried rearranging many of them.

Nearly nauseous from the jerking

Stomach heaving, rolling, working

Smack smack smack, violent flurry

Right, left, up, down, thrust and hurry

Violent heaving, spirit soaring

Nothing quite like 4 by 4-ing.

C

[Trab]

Very cool, Cole. Brilliant, actually.

Mind you, I'd suggest changing "Stomach heaving, rolling, working" to "Stomach heaving, roiling, working", unless of course you really ARE referring to the rolling around of excess flab.

[Cole Parker]

Nothing to do with flab, excess or otherwise.

It's a common metaphor, a rolling stomach being a nauseous one. Roiling works, but I don't think it conveys quite the same meaning.

Think rolling like a ship rolling in heavy seas. Up and down, swirling around.

Feeling nauseous yet?

C

[Trab]

[DesDownunder]

I'm beginning to be pleased it was about jerking, and not mouthing.

[Steven Keiths]

I like it. Had me going for a word or two, thinking I knew what it was about. Not sex, not abuse; rough terrain traversing.

Nice piece Trab.

[TracyMN]

Nice piece of writer Tomfoolery, Trab.

And nothing mobilizes the troops like insinuations of sex...

Thanks for your effort.

Tracy

[Trab]

Thanks for your effort.

It was hard to slap it together, but somehow I managed to pull it off.

[TracyMN]

At this stage of the game, pictures are safer. Though I really wanted to use that spanking one, you haven't been bad enough...yet.

Tracy