[...Do I have to start all over with the Electrical College?]

It was weird to think that a presidential candidate was speaking in the room where I once hurled a beach ball at a teacher and called him a fascist (ah, the good old days).

We were just talking about you in my world literature class.Well, not “you,” but the disaffected, establishment-loathing, counter-cultural horde of young punks who apparently are nothing new. You plucky little buggers appear all throughout history and classic literature.Though this may come with little surprise to you guys since you feel that a disdain for “The Man” is patent and that all mankind will eventually bow to their own visceral instincts. And, on that day, the faithful will ascend above the mosh pit and the prophet Thompson will greet them with acid-laced admonitions and say, “Well done, my good and rebellious servant.”Or something like that.

[Yarrrr.]

Gauntlet thrown, gauntlet picket up. Better break out your protractors and parachute pants, 'cause here comes Kinder-Rap (k-rap for short).I Used to Love M.A.T.H.Big DeweyX+2A-3=Y gon' Give it to YaBalance the WaldorfStill not a PaigetEsthetic SchoolyardJust Don't Give a FreireForget BrunerThe Heidegger DanceGatto AfterlifeSkinner Said Test You Out

[Christmastoberfest]

I get it! "Oi" to the world, instead of "Joy" to the world.Damn, you punks can be pretty clever when you try.How about these:I'm Dreaming of a Conservative-Republican-Asshole-Conspirator Christmas.I Saw Mommy Kissing Mrs. ClausAnarchy in the North PoleFat, Jolly, White Man (in Hammersmith Chimney)Santa's Workshop is BurningRave of the Sugar Plum FairiesRuby So-Ho-Ho-HoGive Me the CoalI Wanna be your ElfWrapping Paper AddictDon't want to know if it Fits Youand, of course, Santa is a Punk RockerI could keep going, but I need to get back to the newsroom.

[American Dream]

And X-Men III was just a travesty.

[American Dream]

The actual book was boring and pointless, kind of like Great Expectations. I'm sure it has a cautionary message about the caustic effects of jealousy and opulent wealth, but I could care less for hoidy-toidy melodrama. And the man who called it the Great American Novel has obviously never read A Connetticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.Seriously, a book about time travel and biological warfare written before nuclear physics was even a science is totally under-rated. Just like King Kong, only it should have won best picture over Crash. And Hayden Christiansen had no business playing Anakin Skywalker, nor should Emillio Estevez have been in Free Jack. In fact, they both should have been played by Clint Eastwood, because he has yet to kick ass in a space flick, and Space Cowboys doesn't count.

[Slouching Toward Uncertainty]

I guess it says more about my frame of mind than yours, but that blog is the closest thing to real-live noir you've ever written. It's passively philosophical and full of sharp contrasts in characters while maintaining a pragmatic view of tragedy that doesn't ask why as much as it ponders the need to ask.I'm not sure if I should congradulate you or not. You now have a wealth of emotion to draw from for your writings, and I doubt you are the kind to waste it. I just think it rather morbid of myself that such a tragedy in my own life is what I need to complete my peace de resistance.Then again, never once have I corrected my writing teacher for calling me a freak.

[Periodicals.]

I'm gone for a month and I miss out on periodic table jokes, cool fedora pictures and a chance to poke fun at a gay club run by a nun? I'm like the anti-John McClane: in the wrong place at the wrong time, but nothing to blow up.Bloody hellium.

[Block = Broke]

Blockage can be an annoying problem, expecially if it's been there for a while. And the best thing to help move it along is to consume something fresh and with substance. Hopefully there is now a free flow onto your paper.

[Awkwardness]

In high school I once answered the door in boxers and a t-shirt and there was a pair of Mormons on the other side. It didn't seem to phase them at all. They went into their schtick and I told them we were Baptists and closed the door.I'm not sure why they are always so happy, but I bet it has less to do with Jesus and more to do with the Kool-Aid.

[Six Months]

Answer:Osama, Justin and EleCivilQuestion:Name a dude who likes to hate, a dude who looks real great and a dude with too much on his plate.Don't feel like you owe it to your friends and family to be there all the time for them. You need support, too. If you need to make an escape from it all, take as much time as need. You're no good to anybody burned out.

[Death and the King's Horseman]

I'm usually pretty comfortable with the idea of death, though I know not all share my sentiments. And that usually makes me pretty oblivious to feelings in such instances, so I won't even pretend to know what you are feeling/going through.It looks like the biggest issue is you backpedaling your dreams instead of your father dying. The latter is still a big deal, but it sounds like it's one you have all been getting used to over the years.Given that, I think the best way to beat the system that keeps fighting you is to teach anyway, without a certificate. You can't do it with state funding or asbestos-laden facilities, but that stuff shouldn't matter. The only things stopping you from taking the classroom to your students are social inhibitions, so nothing is stopping you.

[One Decade Later...]

Too young? May a seasick cat find its way into your Sampsonite.Reno, Diggler, Don Imus.Name a Turk, a Dirk and a Jerk.(No one is too young for Carnac the Magnificent.)

[One Decade Later...]

*Ryan puts on a funny turban and holds an envelope to his head*?Parakeet, buffalo chips, EleCivil.?*Rips the side of the envelope, blows it open and pulls out a card.*?Name a bird, a turd and a nerd.?

[One Decade Later...]

You looked like that little kid in The Kid. Did you have a lateral lisp as well? (Most people usually get that after they find out they're gay, anyway.)

[Alternative Interjections]

If I didn?t know you, I?d say you were making that up. Which reminds me, I saw a reenactment of the ?drivin? me nuts? joke on Robot Chicken. It didn?t last much longer than Akira the Musical.Some men are born geeks, others achieve geekness, while some are just really damn weird.

[One Week]

They say the best way to learn is to teach. One thing I learned fast is why all the techniques used on me as a kid were in-effective. I really didn't give a rat's ass about what was going on around me, neither do many other children. You can shout louder and threaten a kid to do what you want, or offer them ninja points and attain their cmplete attention. It's the teacher's choice, really.But I wish I could have taken a ruler to the backside of many kids I had. And I'm talking one of thse thin, metal ones you see in architecture studios that strike more fear than flesh. It would have solved both our problems.

[Fate]

Fate must have been bored to put something together like that. If you really want to see some providence, wait until you find a boy with an eye for sk8ers/social anomalies.I won't be impressed until bigger pieces start falling together.

[New job!]

My little sister is taking philosophy and hates her teacher. He uses too much logic for her and she thinks that ethics has nothing to do with logic. I told her that ethics is logical morality and that she's going to hate it anyway. She's a budding cynic who?s coming to terms with the fact that humanity blows. But she's so attached to her own that she can't let go.I took a logic class for one day. Then my teacher, who is a burned catholic and has an anti-Christian vendetta, went so far out of his way to slam God his examples were illogical. I?d try to refute him, but there are very few people in this world or the next who could even dream of being as passive-aggressive as he is. One and a half hours was all I needed to be fed up with that clown.

[Mr. Clean]

You look like you could be a small-time mafia thug, like the guy they call when they whack a stoolie who had been hitting the cannolies lately and they need an extra hand to throw him into the bay.And be careful in those organic chemistry classes. If you stop to help a gorgeous jock who looks innocent enough, you might be in for a very long weekend.?Leave the jock. Take the cannoli.?

[Car crash.]

I feel really sorry for the catering lady. That accident gives her a poor driving record, so she might be arranging party trays for a while. And what kind of settlement are you looking at?

[Foot + Face = Wednesdays Are Free]

I wasn't feeling well one day and decided to go to the doctor.While I was in the waiting room, a nun came out of the doctor's office. She looked very ashen, drawn and haggard.I walked up to the doctor and said, "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. What was wrong with her?"The doctor said, "I just told her that she is going to have a baby."I exclaimed, "Are you serious?"The doctor replied, "No, but now she doesn't have hiccups, either."

[Mothra Faulkner]

Don't forget his tour-de-force, "As I Slay, Flying", in which his caterpiller children cross the country, taking his cocoon to his old home-town so that he can be hatched with "his people"....But, seriously, I think you win on the merits of having used the phrase "macro-organic mutanoid".

He also wrote some little-known erotic tales, such as "Soldier's Lay," "Hags in the Lust," "Python," and "Intruder of the Bust."

[Mothra Faulkner]

A weaver of Southern Mothic tales, I think his most notable works are "The Round and the Furry," a treatise on the asthetics of southern women, and his autobiography, "Go down, Mothra." He was the first macro-organic-mutanoid to win a nobel Prize in 1949.

[Halloween]

Damn right it's a ninja curse. Not any schmuck with a black t-shirt on his head can just evoke the power of the ninja. I?m surprised the spirit of Hatori Hanzo didn?t sneak up behind you and eviscerate you with one of your own clubs, just for mocking his disciples.Go back to raping and pillaging, you clean-shaven, well-spoken corsair.

[Shedding the "Intellectual" Label]

If it were anyone else, I'd swear you were making it up. But you have the social inhibitions of a monkey whose had too much vodka.The only thing I have to complain about is that you didn't have someone call the parents and leave them a message saying criminal charges were being pressed. Not for real, but just to let them squirm until the car got stolen back.