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DesDownunder

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Blog Entries posted by DesDownunder

  1. DesDownunder
    As I promised, (or did I threaten? I can't remember) I have returned. (you there in the back row, stop groaning!)
    I have a new computer, a new fence and the B/f has a new clutch..in his car, and the Bank has a better return on the money it has loaned us, but most important of all, the local supermarket has installed a new donut machine, so we have donuts for breakfast again. The B/f is overjoyed.
    (It doesn't take much to keep him happy, but then you only have to look at me to know that.
    I managed to replace the fence for only a couple of hundred dollars more than fixing the old one. I found a handyman who is an excellent tradesman. He worked steadily away all day listening to a Left wing radio station whilst cursing our present Right wing politicians, all so he that could raise his kids. What a nice man.
    For those with the curiosity on all geek things, the old computer's motherboard mouse circuitry expired.
    I had been promising myself a new computer for September, but was holding out for the new AMD quad cores motherboards.
    Unfortunately they did not materialize here and the international reviews are still indicating the Intels as better.
    As it was a new machine, I could get Windows Vista OS at greatly reduced cost along with Office 2007.
    I am not happy. Oh the computer is fine 6600 Intel quad 4 core with 4 gig RAM plus 2x500 gig Hard drives. What I am not happy with is Vista.
    Now before you all go telling me I should have got a Mac, let me explain somethings to you.
    I am of the opinion that we humans have a genetic disposition to either Mac or Windows.
    Trying to tell me that I should use a Mac is like telling me I should sleep with a woman.
    It ain't gonna happen!
    And that is what is so infuriating about Windows Vista, If I had wanted a Mac I would have bought one.
    At the moment Linux is looking rather inviting as the most readily available OS that will allow exploration of the computer development and environment, as opposed to the Mac and now Windows pre-emptive control over for what and how we use our computers.
    To carry my sex life analogy a little further, I rather feel like I have woken up with a couple of transgendered persons (one of each) either side of me, each one trying to be like the other whilst vying to excite me, of course without success.
    So in case you haven't got the idea, I detest Vista and Office 2007 has, for all intents and purposes been neutered. I can't see that it will be productive or even reproductive in its present form.
    The free office programs are going to be very popular, seducing everyone with with their well known attributes.
    I would tell Mac and Windows to go do things to each other but I rather feel they already have.
    Oh well, fortunately (to a degree) Xp is more than adequate for my needs and Vista can sit on the other hard drive until Bill fixes it or replaces it, hopefully not with another abortion.
    So now I have the joy of rebuilding and installing lots of software.
    I just hope it is all worthwhile...
    Now if I can just train the b/f not to use my morning wood as a donut rack.
    err donut anyone?
  2. DesDownunder

    (39) Don't Fence Me In

    By DesDownunder,

    What next can go wrong?
    No don't tell me. I don't want to know.
    After all the other various catastrophes (see previous blog entries) the fence blew over in reasonably mild storm. I have shopped around Very carefully and have found a man who will fix the fence for $400.
    But the old fence is next to useless. The wooden railings have rotted. The posts have snapped off beneath the earth and a new fence is only $930. Bargain! Should I get two in case of another storm?
    (No, the insurance won't cover the fence as storm damage because the wood had rotted.) Silly me for thinking otherwise. I am so stupid.
    On top of that the computer has gone sillier than me. I have to start the thing then wait for it to not open Windows while it goes to a black screen, then press the reboot button. It then boots up okay. Office has stopped working properly. It has dropped back to an old install?? So I will need to update that.
    Now all of this is just a drain on my meagre savings. I soon won't have enough money to pay the boyfriend to keep living with me. Not that he charges much. So long as I keep him fed with donuts for breakfast he is happy.
    You guessed it, his favourite donuts come from the supermarket where their donut machine broke down and they can't get parts to fix it.
    So I have to make scones or toast and the b/f is not looking happy at all. He wants his donuts.
    I have asked the fencing fellow to put the new fence up as fast as he can so I will be able to let the b/f out into the backyard without fear of him running away. At the moment he is locked in the bedroom and I only let him out to shower or go to the video store to work to earn the money I am spending on cars, fences, printers, scanners and computers, all of which I need, so that the video store business will attract customers who continually believe that their sole purpose on the planet is to scratch the DVDs they hire from us. Although I will admit some of the DVDs, when they are returned, look like they have been used to serve the orderves Hors d??uvres at a garden party. I won't mention those that have teeth marks from where the hirers' kids have used the DVD for a Frisbee for their pet dog to catch.
    But I am not complaining, you understand, I have my health (so long as I can afford to buy my heart medicine, along with my vitamin supplements.)
    Thursday I have to take the b/f's car in for a new clutch. The car not the b/f. Thankfully his clutch is still fine, so long as the lights are out.

  3. DesDownunder
    A local news magazine reported that a poetry reading group in Adelaide was having some issues with a person who wanted to read what some people regard as porn.
    Now I should explain that this poetry reading group has been around since the 1970s, but because I have been a shift worker and an avid supporter of whatever free time I have should be devoted to getting my rocks off, rather than reading poetry, I have never attended their meetings.
    However my recently awoken interest in poetry (caused by Awesome Dude) and the story itself piqued my interest, so I went to their monthly meeting last night.
    What a group of lefties. So that's where the left went. Of course there were a few representatives of the right, but in the spirit of live and let live they were heard with polite applause or giggles sniggers or even a roll of the eyes.
    The porn fellow was most uninteresting, but many thought he should be heard as they did not want to introduce thoughts of censorship into the meeting or the group itself.
    Freedom of expression and all that was protected with the usual cries of defending the rights of people to be heard. He was given the last slot of the evening to read his stuff, so people could leave if they didn't want to hear him.
    I read two of my poems published in AwesomeDude Forums and Codey's World. No one batted an eyelid, and I received a lot of applause and pats on the back for my efforts.
    I of course took the opportunity to plug AD and CW. So Dude and Codey can expect a few new visitors at the sites.
    All this brought my mind to realising how stimulating it was to read my poems and listen to others.
    There was over a 150 people at the meeting.
    I cannot begin to explain how great it was to be in room of inspiring and aspiring poets. Good bad and indifferent poems were read and all were accorded polite or enthusiastic reception.
    So Guys I recommend you find a local poet's group read your stuff, promote CW and AD if you can, and you may well find yourself inspired to write more.
    And yes there were some very cute guys there, who knows your next lover may be a poet.
  4. DesDownunder
    As strange as it will seem to our Northern siblings, today is the first day of spring in Australia.
    This is due to the tilt of the Earth's orbit and axis, (which, despite those who think otherwise is not part of an axis of evil), bringing the Southern Hemisphere to a greater exposure to the Sun.
    Walking in space, this can be clearly be seen and is a wonderful site.
    To walk in space by the way all you have to do is close your eyes and step off the edge of the world.
    This also should provide you with the knowledge that any axis of evil is all in the minds of certain politicians who only see evil wherever they look.
    Springtime in Australia has no relationship to Springtime for Hitler, talking about Axis of evil.
    Our own evil obsessed politicians are to be voted upon in a forth coming election and the good people of Australia are intent on trying to work out the lesser of those evils to elect to power. Power of course is usually just one axis of evil after another.
    Today however, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. The young men are trying on their bathing costumes and the rest of us are having evil thoughts about that.
    Tanning shops are selling tans at horrendously evil prices for those who don't have enough time to bath in the sun for a natural tan, owing to the fact that they all have evil jobs that make them work till after sundown, but at least they have the money to pay for the tan.
    Spring carnivals, we call them "Royal Shows," are being prepared in every state. Sales of candy floss (would you believe we call it "Fairy floss") along with rancid hot dogs in mouldy bread left over from last week's football games will be sold at evilly obscene prices, along with meat pies covered in sauce or sitting in a bowl of pea soup which we call a "pie floater."
    The Royal Shows have what we call side shows with really evil rides that usually end up being quite unsafe. It is a good idea to not stand near these rides as the riders sometimes vomit up the aforementioned hot dogs or pies, or both, and it flies out all over the bystanders in the crowd. Luckily it usually rains in the afternoons and washes people clean as they head home with an evil head cold.
    Spring also sets young people to fancy evil thoughts about what they would like to do to each other and thankfully for them, they usually manage to succeed in have a fun time doing it. Older people of course are obsessed with stopping them from having such fun, simply because they have forgotten how to have it themselves, or so the young think.
    Anyway I will leave you to ponder the evil joys of Springtime in OZ as you Northerners head into Autumn - Fall before the evils of Winter over take you and Summer burns the hell out of us downunder.
    What a wonderful World!

  5. DesDownunder
    So we had a storm. First, the wind blew out the pilot light on the water heater.
    Then the wind blew the side fence over at an angle of 30 degrees leaning into the street; its jagged edges just waiting to decapitate the early morning joggers. The gutter is conveniently placed nearby to catch their heads.
    I had to get the care serviced. I get it serviced every year whether it needs it or not. This year it only cost $210. I think the mechanic was pleased that I warned him to put a plastic sheet on the car seat to protect his overalls.
    The side wing of my glasses fell off, but the wasn't caused by the storm.
    The good news is that the glasses will be fixed under warranty.
    The fence repairer wants $ 40 a metre to fix it. (10 x 40 = $400).
    Where am I am going to find $400?
    Mature age men don't usually make that much money in a month, no matter what talents they may have.
    So I find the local Tool hire shop and guess what? They have a post hole digger for $80 a day.
    I'll need 9 posts and 3 bags of cement. Oh goody I can do it myself and save $200.
    The supermarket has stopped making fresh donuts. What will we have for breakfast now?
    I'm exhausted just thinking about it all...I'm going to have a rest.
    At least the wind has stopped.

  6. DesDownunder

    (35) My new story

    By DesDownunder,

    My latest story "Definitions" has just been posted at Codey's World.
    Definitions -my new story
    I hope you all enjoy reading it.
    Sometimes we forget how much effort and time goes into getting a story not only written, but also the people behind the scenes who edit and publish our stories for us wretched authors.
    I would like to thank Codey and Ben for their help and inspiration for this story.
    After you have read "Definitions" drop into the CW's homepage and have a look at all the other new stories and poems as well.
    Don't forget too, The AwesomeDude has wonderful stories and forums.
    We are so lucky to have these sites. Drop in and say "Hi", Let the author's and the site owners know you are enjoying the toils of their slaving. (Some of us even like positive criticism.)
    Most of us will reply with a big thank you.
    Okay I will stop there before I get emotional and start getting teary-eyed.

  7. DesDownunder
    Are Blogs Draining? The title for this entry occurred to me whilst I was putting the finishing touches to my new short story soon to be released at a Codey's World near you. (don't hold your breath it needs editing yet.)
    It seemed to me that just maybe, blog writing may drain the creative impulses away from the writing of a good story, or a bad one for that matter.
    If we put in a lot effort in the short term to make sure our cute insightful blogs are fun, interesting or just plain readable, does that deplete our creative energy? Does it concentrate our resources into the blog when they should be going into our stories?
    On the other hand, yes I have two of them, does writing anything, even a blog keep the impetus to write, alive? Is there a line of demarcation one should watch, just to make sure that the literary prize is not being hi-jacked by some frivolous but clever blog remark?
    Are our darkest moments revealed in our blogs actually the stuff upon which our novella dreams thrive?
    So perhaps the blogs should be simple statements of fact devoid of creative writing.
    How can an author lower himself to do that? We write and must write as best we can.
    So if the blog bogs down the creative drain
    then the blog shall be first to block the bog
    and we authors will need to be plumbers
    to unblock the bogs of our minds so that
    the s**t can flow freely once again.
    Or am I missing the toilet paper here?
    Goodness me, after all that, I feel quite flushed.
  8. DesDownunder
    I don't understand it. I am snowed under with work galore.
    I have a dozen things to do all by tomorrow or next Thursday.
    I have just made a snack and sit down at the computer to read and eat,
    when without warning a phrase goes pop, into my head.
    I have to write that down.
    Fifteen minutes later I have a poem.
    A wretched silly poem!
    I also have a cold bowl of rice with hot-sauce,
    and none of my work even started.
    An hour later I am happy with the tweaking of said poem,
    but realise that some people are not going to cope with it at all.
    Why me? Why did the muse attack me at this time?
    Why was I selected to bring this vision to fruition?
    Did everyone else turn it down?
    That must be it.
    I got the left-overs.
    Everyone else had the good sense to not get involved in such a poetic travesty.
    Not me though, oh no.
    I had to go and let myself be used by the dark side to write and post the poem.
    I should have signed it as Darth Downunder. No too obvious.
    A poem for bedtime...
    "Safe As Houses" now at Codey's World

  10. DesDownunder
    So it's going to be one of those winters is it?
    Freezing one week, warm and balmy the next.
    Things happen in threes it is said. I hope they're right.
    First the inkjet printers blew up or stopped working, both of them.
    Nothing lasts forever. They had only printed about 30000 pages between them.
    And that was using refill ink. na na to the manufacturer.
    Second the scanner decided to insert vertical lines in every scan. Not just thin unobtrusive lines but bold broad sweeps of dark lines. So I get a new scanner and a new laser printer.
    Then last night I am having a wonderful shower. (Not THAT wonderful, you bad boys.) I was happily shampooing my hair, or what remains of my hair, making mad passionate love to the water, embracing the streams of pulsating liquid warmth whilst icy winds blow outside the house, when without any warning, the water goes frigid.
    Now I know how a man feels on his wedding night, when his wife suddenly loses all interest in making him hot. I felt jilted in the shower. All frothed and foamed up with no hot water to lovingly caress me.
    So after cursing all the taps in the bathroom a trickle of lukewarm water runs out the shower which is just sufficient to rinse off my soapy toned wrinkled aged body and most of my hair on the ends of which, icicles are forming.
    Sixteen hours later a dwarf appears in my back yard. No it is not a garden gnome. It is the hot water plumber. He is one of those small stocky built men. You know the type with a thick neck and short legs set wide apart. I stand watching him from behind as he leans into his tool box, wondering if anyone else has ever had this view of his back. He is very jovial, just happy to do his job at the rate of $110 for the first half-HOUR, plus $25 for each 15 minutes thereafter until my hot water is gassed backed into life, or I faint with financial apoplexy. Oh plus parts. $190. Oh well its cheaper than the $850 for a new heater.
    Aren't overdrafts wonderful? If the bank is as lazy about me paying as it is about giving low interest rates, I shall be in an old folks home in a trance before they realise I have no visible means of support.
    So I jump back into the shower to finish my shampoo, "I'm gonna wash that gnome right out of my head..."

  11. DesDownunder
    Why do I do these things to myself?
    I am obsessed with sound and music and drama...don't say it...I know what you are thinking...drama-queen! Right? I suppose it sounds better than music-Queen.
    So I decided I would record my poems for posterity. "Why Butterfly" was a test post.
    Just posted at Codey's World is my poem called, "A Scent of Love."
    This was not easy. I wanted to do something a bit different. I gave much thought to what I could do with the poem.
    I began rehearsing the lines while driving across the city of Adelaide to the Video store.
    Have you ever noticed that other drivers think you are a little weird when you talk out loud whilst driving the car?
    One fellow circled his finger around his ear to signify that he thought I had bats in the belfry.
    I smiled at him, but he put his foot to the floor and drove off in a huff.
    I continued reciting my poem out loud in the car. Just as I recited the line, "I loved him and forever I could tell..." at the traffic lights a woman looked at me from the safety of her car and smiled at me. If I read her lips correctly she either said, "It's alright dear" or "He's not worth it."
    On top of all that I caught a cold or flu or something and my voice went hoarse. I was neighing and hacking everywhere all over the poem, all over the house and all over me.
    The car was the only place I didn't cough. Maybe I have found a cure for coughing, drive the car.
    Determined like the trooper I am I pressed on and after weeks of cursing the beta of Audacity (great program) and auditioning a great cast of character ideas, rehearsing the musicians, and consulting with my doctor, who stupidly told me to go home to bed, I finally finished the epic.
    It is now available to hear for your amusement at Codey's World sound page:
    http://www.codeysworld.com/audio.html
    You decide if I am a drama queen or not.
  12. DesDownunder
    My sense of smell has returned; I can smell the donuts again.
    I can always tell when I am getting better after a bout of the flu' or a cold etc,
    I start to feel myself again. - (You people have one track minds!)
    I also start to feel like feeling the boyfriend again.
    So I told him at breakfast I was feeling better.
    "Anyone I know?" he asked.
    I looked at him. This was unusual, the b/f cracked a joke in the morning, before he finished eating his donuts too.
    It usually takes him all day to work up to a joke.
    Wait a minute, that's the clue, he's not making a joke.
    "Oh I am sorry," I say, "but I have been sick, and I didn't want to give you my cold.
    erm...How long is it since we..."
    "Nearly two weeks," he says looking down at the donut on his plate with almost a lusty stare.
    "Two weeks? Two weeks! oh you poor dear, you must be ready for experimenting with inanimate objects."
    "Oh No. It is alright, I have you." he says with just the faintest flicker of humour in his gorgeous brown eyes.
    "I'll make it up to you, or you can make it up..."
    "That would be nice," he says.
    Nice, nice? Since when has our unbridled excursions into celebrating the meaning of love, been nothing more than "nice?"
    I have my work cut out for me. I'll do the romantic dinner thing tonight, and then a hot tub followed by a lot of cuddling while we watch a movie and then..."

    Okay it is the next morning.
    We both fell asleep in front of a very boring movie.
    Breakfast is looking back at us again. Hot donuts look very tempting at the moment.
    "Tonight?' I ask.
    "Tonight!" he affirms.
    "Tonight, tonight
    I'll see my love tonight.."
    I love the smell of donuts in the morning.

  13. DesDownunder
    I made some scones tonight.
    The supermarket donuts have taken a turn for the worse,
    So I made the scones.
    I used the oven to bake them.
    The boyfriend said the donuts were making him feel ill,
    So I made scones.
    Now I suppose the scones will make him feel ill too.
    He has been eating donuts for breakfast for ten years.
    He suddenly blames them for making him feel ill.
    Personally I think he has caught my cold.
    But the donuts got the blame for him feeling ill.
    I made scones.
    This blog entry will be entered into the most inane blog entry competition.
    The first prize will probably be a plate of scones,
    or donuts.

  14. DesDownunder

    (27) My Land

    By DesDownunder,

    I don't know how long this newspaper link will be available, but thought you might like to see some shots of my state of South Australia. I am tempted to say the photos make it look better than it is, but that could just be that living here we tend to take it all for granted.
    http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0...from=public_rss
    Photo Number 3 is not my house.

  15. DesDownunder
    I was looking through the illustrious blogs here at AwesomeDude, when I had a terrible thought.
    I wasn't struck by the number of people all having various traumatic moments, myself included, as I was by the way we all rushed in, keyboard at the ready, to offer help, assistance and just plain good wishes to all of us who were suffering, having a down moment.
    Then I thought about the real world outside of AwesomeDude and Codey's World. The raging car drivers, the insane profiteers, the elite socialites fussing over inanities, the mindless robberies, thuggings, muggings and various other horrors of existence on Earth, all made me think an even more terrifying thought. What if we, few in number that we are, what if we are all that is left of the nice , the good, and caring human beings on the planet.
    Has it come to this that we are all that remains of what is good about human existence?
    Now that is a scary thought.
    Okay, I know it is not true. I know there lots of good people all over the globe, but we only get reports of the bad guys doing horrible things. Acts of violence and mayhem are everywhere.
    So I have decided to turn off the computer for few hours and go out there and see if I can be nice to someone, whether they want me to or not. Damn it, I'm going to go and love someone just for being on the planet at the same time as me.
    Or is that another scary thought?
    Peace and love, my brothers and sisters, are not scary thoughts.

    This hippie moment brought to you by DesDownUnder.
  16. DesDownunder
    I haven't been blogging,
    Because I've been logging,
    A few sick days in bed,
    With a cough and sore head
    And no, I haven't had fun, flogging.
    Right so much for the poetry.
    I feel better now. Have you ever noticed how much better you feel after you visit the doctor.
    I have a great doctor.
    I turned up at the doctor's rooms ten minutes early.
    He sees me straight away. It pays to get the first appointment after lunch.
    I tell him all my woes outlining a plethora of symptoms.
    I hand him a sheet of paper I have typed up on the computer listing the degradations of my bodily functions with times and places of their occurrences.
    He glances at it and throws it aside on the desk. -Just throws it aside as if it was unnecessary!
    Doesn't he realise that the clues to making me alive and well again are contained in the detailed analysis I spent hours typing up for him.
    I could have been resting, sleeping in bed, but no, I am aware that his time is precious so I spent all of the previous night on the computer looking up my symptoms on the Internet; all to help him diagnose the hour of my demise and he just throws it aside like a piece of junk mail.
    He takes my temperature and blood pressure. He listens to my chest and then my lungs.
    "Say Ahhh," he commands, and he looks down my mouth, probably looking for tell tale signs of my sex life.
    "Aha!" he says.
    "What?" I ask.
    "You have a chest infection."
    "And?"
    "Rest up a few days and you will be fine."
    "That's it? I'm not at death's door?"
    "Not as far as I can tell," he says.
    I wonder about getting a second opinion. "As far as you can tell? Should I be concerned?"
    He laughs a boyish giggle and raises an eyebrow with an impish grin, "Just go home and rest. You'll be fine. Trust me I'm a doctor." We both burst out laughing at that remark.
    "Thanks Doc I feel better already."
    "Of course you do." He smiles as he holds the door open for me.
    I sign the medicare papers and walk outside. The sun is shining. I feel great.
    He is such a good doctor.
  17. DesDownunder
    I am really getting a little tired of feeling yucky!
    So bad have I felt that I have not been able to sit for too long at the keyboard.
    All I can do is use one hand to type because the other hand is trying to make me feel better, by wiping my fevered brow.
    (And you thought I was going to be filthy didn't you? Go on admit it.)
    So I lurk around the forums feeling not so good.
    The doctor says I am fine, nothing serious, just getting older, maybe with a "bit of a bug."
    Yikes, getting older! When did this happen?
    What next? Will I start to decay on the spot?
    Rotting flesh falling onto the kitchen floor.
    Perhaps I should get another cat to save me from having to mop up.
    Great clumps of what hair I have left now litters the carpets.
    If I vacuum it up it clogs the vacuum cleaner.
    But then so too do the dead mice.
    A bird of unknown origin died on the driveway overnight.
    I didn't know a thing about it until the boyfriend left to go to the video store and came back into the house screaming about death and dead things all over the yard. I immediately thought of the 'End of Days' and joined him to view this calamitous event in our back yard. I can't really call it the back garden as it is mainly shrivelled weeds.
    I grabbed the shovel and dug a hole and then with great dignity lowered the deceased into the hole.
    Unfortunately it fell off the end of the shovel into the grave hole, causing my darling to shriek in terror.
    "Is it dead?" he screamed. For some reason I thought of John Cleese and the dead Parrot sketch from Fawlty Towers, but I resisted the temptation to pick up the poor dead bird and fling it skyward in the hope that it might take off. This flight had already departed I told him. He is so sensitive.
    I put my arm around him to comfort him. He was shivering. I wondered if he had been meeting this bird behind my back as he drove off in the mornings. I wouldn't haven't minded, I'm not the jealous type.
    We stood silently by the grave uttering our thanks to the gods for the fowls of the air that had fouled up our driveway, and looked carefully to the heavens to see if there were any more dropping down to Earth.
    It was only a small pigeon sized bird. But what had killed it?
    Did it have a heart attack in mid-flight? Was it a suicide?
    Was it bird flu? Well this bird flew no more.
    Bird flu! Bird flu? OMG. We might have bird flu.
    I sterilise the shovel.
    "Quick, quick," I tell the beloved one, " we must wash our hands."
    I ring the council to get the latest news on migrating birds with epidemic diseases.
    They tell me not to worry.
    The boy friend drives off to work muttering something about me being a hypochondriac-drama-queen.
    And he was the one that was screaming!
    I'm going back to bed.

  18. DesDownunder
    In case anything happens I don't want people to get a shock, so I am herewith advising you all that, being considerate of the beloved one sleeping, I got dressed in the dark this morning. Yeah I know me getting up before the crack of noon is in itself shocking, but hey, I went to bed early at 1.30am.
    To return to the advanced notification, when I got dressed in the dark I put my boxer-briefs on inside out. If that wasn't bad enough they are also on back to front.
    Now, no less an authority than my mum, told me that if you put an article of clothing on inside out, it was good luck; but bad luck if it you corrected it.
    So in case anyone reading this tries to have their way with me, please be forewarned that I am not making some new kind of fashion statement by wearing my undies this way.

  19. DesDownunder
    So did y'all miss me? Did ya?
    Didn't even know I was gone, I bet.
    Yesterday at about 2.30 pm. I was getting ready to go give lover boy his coffee break when there was an almighty rumbling and scraping noise form outside the house. It sounded just like the iceberg cutting into the side of the Titanic.
    I looked out the window, but I couldn't see an iceberg in the street, or even a bulldozer. Did I imagine it?
    So I go outside and the first thing I notice is that the overhead power cables are resting on the lower branches of the trees.
    Then I look around and I see it. A flying saucer has landed on the roof of the house...err scratch that, what I actually saw was the 30 foot power pole bent over at about 35* from perpendicular. This is no light weight power pole. It has three extensions for two sets of high tension cables as well as normal voltage and telephone lines. All the cables dangling or dipping precariously into the trees.
    Off in the distance is a smallish tray-truck. I go over to the truck. The driver is on the mobile phone reporting to the police.
    He is about 25, light brown hair closed cropped. His bottom lip protrudes with a sexy fullness from his dimpled chin; his jaw aching to get off the phone and start nibbling on my...I have an sex attention span difficulty which is not helped by his glowing blue eyes framed by his boyish arched eyebrows and upturned nose. Sigh.
    He hangs up the phone. "Are you okay?" I ask, although I have already determined that he is indeed very okay.
    "I'm fine and I can't see anything wrong with the truck."
    Sure enough, the truck doesn't even seem to have a scratch, but he knows he hit the power pole.
    He walks around the truck, grinning a sexy wide mouthed smile that reveal petite, perfect teeth. I guess the smile is from embarrassment, rather than flirting with me or even thinking that the whole situation is funny.
    I watch the way his khaki overalls flow and follow the contours of his lithe young body, whilst my eyes do their best to X-ray them.
    Finally he stops, his hands on his hips, causing his biceps to expand, "I have to go," he says, "the police said they will have a look later." So he mounts his truck (sigh, lucky truck) and drives off. I note his number plate.
    Knowing our overworked police I go back into the house and ring the electricity supply company who promises to send a crew straight away. I leave to go give the beloved one his coffee break.
    ***Time passes***
    Three hours later, (it was a long coffee break), I return home and find the street is covered in emergency vehicles. On the roof of my house is the young truck driver threatening to jump to his death if I do not marry him...err, oh, alright, that is not quite right. The driver is only in my mind and the electric company workers are very busy with cranes and ladders and lift trucks dismantling the lines so they can replace the pole.
    Wow! I exclaim.
    "It's going to be awhile before we can restore power," one of the workers tells me, "Probably around midnight."
    Okay I think to myself that means I can have a sleep and go online at midnight--no problem. Then he drops the bombshell.
    "Before you can have power back you will need to get an electrician to make some repairs," he tells me, "as your service pipe is snapped off at the base."
    "My service pipe is snapped off at the base? I had better go to the emergency room." He walks off muttering something about everyone being a bloody comedian.
    To cut a long story short, they didn't finish till 5am and my electrician didn't arrive till 7.30am. Then I had to wait till midday for the supply company to plug in the service fuses.
    In the meantime the young truck driver was only visible in my dreams, which meant I did not sleep very well at all.
    I of course, have missed you all very much and am launching civil litigation proceedings against everyone who has caused me to be off line for over 20 hours.
    I would sure like to sue the pants off a certain young truck driver. That would make for a satisfactory compensation.
  20. DesDownunder
    I opened my email and there was an email from a reader who told me he enjoyed reading one of my stories.
    Hallelujah!
    Apart from my beloved co-inhabitants at Codey's World and Awesome Dude, that means I now have two readers who sufficiently liked my story to email me.
    (dances merrily around the room.)
  21. DesDownunder

    (20) Twenty

    By DesDownunder,

    Ok so I have nothing to say today (yet) other than this is the 20th entry in my blog on the 20th day of May 2007.
    How cool is that? You don't have to answer, I know it is lame.
    I just didn't think I would have so much to prattle on about.
    Future historians will wonder incredulously at the keen observation that inspired this entry I am sure.
  22. DesDownunder
    We have our fair share of road rage. Nothing out of the ordinary, you understand, just the usual clubbing to near death with a tyre iron. Today I had the opportunity to witness a road rage event (sounds exciting doesn't it?) myself.
    I must explain, owing to the bloke who sets the timing for Adelaide's numerous traffic lights thinking that 3 seconds is sufficient to enable cars to move across an intersection, we end up with cars banking up for quite a while.
    The traffic today duly came to stop. The car alongside in the other lane screeched to halt as if he was late for an asshole anonymous meeting, with fists pounding on the steering wheel and then punching his dashboard. I couldn't tell what the dashboard had done wrong to receive such grievous blows from its owner. He gnashed his teeth at me as he gave me the finger. What had I done?
    I watched as the lights changed to green and the traffic slowly (its Adelaide) started to move when, the lights changed to red. I stopped my car as did everyone else, except the dashboard basher. He put his foot down, accelerating until he rammed the car in front. He had "lost it" and was patently venting his rage, without due care.
    Quickly he flew open his car door and then jumped onto the bonnet of his own car, bouncing up and down like an orangutan visiting a harem, shouting obscenities that could only be described as upsetting to the poor young lady in the car he had rammed. She wisely stayed inside her car.
    The lights changed and I had to drive off. The thing was he had done little damage to her four-wheel drive but his old sedan was steaming and looking quite crumpled if not upset.
    I watched from the rear view mirror as several people were attempting to restrain the man from his malicious wounding of his own vehicle.
    It was surreal to say the least.
  23. DesDownunder
    So what is it like to be 3x21?
    What can be said that will give hope that there is life after 30?
    Is there a moment in life where it all comes together?
    Well lets put it this way, I ain't saying because I don't want to depress the young amongst you.
    Joke for ppl who have had too many birthdays:
    Stop me if you have heard it.
    Why are young people so beautiful and pretty and lovely to look at?
    So that old people will talk to them whilst waiting for them to grow the F*** up.
    Okay so that wasn't very nice. Anyone who wants to whip me for my indiscretions please form two lines, one at my front and one at my back.
  24. DesDownunder
    So I am surfing away on the web at midnight when the browser announces that the WWW may be having problems.
    "Did you type the site address properly?" it insolently asks me.
    "Perhaps the site you are trying to connect is down." it rudely suggests.
    "Yeah and maybe you are a *%^@$&!x*& of a browser," I yell at it.
    My partner appears at the door looking very concerned, "Are you all right?" he asks.
    "The net has gone down on me," I tell him.
    "I wish I could get someone to go down on me," he says dejectedly as he turns and heads back to the bedroom.
    He doesn't understand the Internet at all.
    I look at the blank screen of the browser, " Now look what you have done," I curse at it through gritted teeth.
    I inspect the modem lights, all on; DSL is functioning. "Oh why won't you work?" I thump on the key board.
    "It's tired and wants a rest," says the voice of my darling from the bedroom.
    "Yeah right. I pay enough for it not to want to rest," I shout back.
    "Forget about it and come to bed," he wantonly replies.
    Switching off the computer , I yell back to him, "I'm coming."
    "I'm glad someone is," mutters the voice of my beloved.
    It's going to be one of those nights.
    I just hope I have enough strength.

  25. DesDownunder
    I clicked on the computer link and it began its down-loading
    I okayed this and that and read it was all installing
    So now do I sit and wait or do I go a-calling?
    What am I supposed to be doing
    With this Yahoo Messaging?
    It is very puzzling,
    This YIM-ing,
    Thing.


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