Jason Rimbaud

I've been thinking of deleting my Blog. I just don't feel like writing entries any more. It's like when you suddenly realize you don't need therapy anymore. It's just a waste of money and time if you continue seeing the therapist. Not that writing these little entries are therapeutic for anyone but myself, though I think I've kept a few of you entertained with my little stories, I think it might be time to retire. Much like my poetry, I'm just sick of always writing about myself. I want to focus on story telling, write some good fiction, dust off my imagination and follow wherever it goes. (I'll just ignore the fact that I'm writing this even while saying I'm sick of writing about myself) What is the purpose of a Blog? To give readers insight into other's lives? Is this somehow enabling the voyeur inside of us? Hell, my life isn't more interesting than anyone else's, we all have stories to tell. I don't know...I seem to be rambling about nothing. I do have a few things on my mind though. A few weeks ago, through my own stupidity, I think I hurt/pissed off someone I've really come to respect as a person and even considered a friend. This happened here, at Awesome Dude, and it's been weighing heavily on my mind ever since. We all make stupid comments at times, and we all look at the world differently. I never wanted to hurt this person, though I know I did and even apologized for my actions. But I don't know if my words were heard. This isn't why I'm thinking about deleting my Blog, just something kicking around my thoughts. There has been a few incidents over the last few months, here at Awesome Dude, that have left me rather confused. Mainly because I don't understand why people are getting upset because of someone else's opinions, thoughts, or naivet?. I've always believed that the only way I can be offended by someone else's words, is if I allow those words to offend me. If someone says something that I disagree with, I discount those words and move on. If those words are coming from someone a few years younger than myself, than I shrug and forget it, knowing that with time and experience, that person's views will change as he matures and grows. I think we have forgotten what it was like to be young and filled with an unshakable sense that we know everything. At least I felt that way when I was young. And with time, I now realize just how stupid I really was back in the day. I don't know, something seems to be missing lately. It's not the arguing on the forums, or the difference in opinion, those I find entertaining, this is something else. I feel like I've become disconnected with Awesome Dude. Much like I felt with Gay Authors, though to be truthful, I don't think I ever gave GA a real chance. Maybe it was being a small fish in a large pond, or maybe because GA is a bit clickish. Yet I could say the same thing here at Awesome Dude. But is it really being clickish if only a small group actually participate while the rest sits back and lurks? With every group of friends, over time they develop certain jokes, behaviors that a new person might not understand at first. This isn't being clickish, just familiarity. Being clickish is only if a group of people refuse to include others and I don't think Awesome Dude has that problem. Neither does GA in my opinion. What does this have to do with anything? I don't know. I still feel like deleting my Blog, I'm still a bit confused why I feel disconnected here at Awesome Dude, and I don't know what to do about Mark. Mark, the bane of my happiness it seems. How can a reasonably intelligent man, like myself, fail to disassociate himself from a bad relationship? It's not bad as in violent, it's just bad as in he can't figure out what the fuck he wants and i can't figure out why the fuck I allow him to remain in my life. Believe me, it's not just about the sex, it's great, and it's not because I don't want to be alone, I don't, there is something about this man that drives me completely and utterly insane. Is this what love feels like? If I do delete this Blog, I'll probably regret it. There are times I love rambling on about nonsense shit. I like the fact that people like to read my nonsense shit. What I don't like about it, it's all about me. Maybe if I could write about someone else, then it wouldn't seem like such a chore. But then I'd probably get jealous that someone else was getting all the attention. It's been a while since I had vacation, and I'm started to feel a bit thin. With my new promotion, my faltering relationship, and my several relapses, I feel a bit fragile. If I can't handle the stress now, how can I hope to maintain my sobriety after the new restaurant opens? It's Father's Day, and boy do I have a few things to say about that prick. I hope you're burning in hell you piece of shit rat bastard. Moving on... Mark left a few hours ago, we talked and had a bit of fun in the bed. I don't feel dirty though I do feel a bit used. I wonder how Mark feels right now? Sometimes I forget the twenty years of brainwashing he has to suffer through just being with me. I've forgotten the self loathing that must be battering his mind even as his lust burns in his veins. Maybe we both do deserve each other. Jason

I voted to give all my money to the Raccoon. Not only do I believe that the silly creature will spend it wisely, I whole-heartedly know that any contribution to said Raccoon will be used to further the good of humanity. I remain, as always, a servant of the Raccoon. Long Live Wibby..... *bows down* I'm not worthy. Jason

Wow, Wibby... I laughed out loud almost from the opening sentence. I take my hat off to whoever edited this story for you...how could his head not explode after reading this little thingy. Brilliant job...probably your best story to date. Looking forward to more. *wink wink* Wibby Rocks almost as much as Poets. Jason

Congrats Camy... when's the house-warming party?As for stress, might I suggest taking matters into your own...er..hands? Works for the crazy Raccoon.*runs away before Wibby catches me*Jason

Thanks "A", I'm quite proud of that site as well as the material hosted there.Jason

How about gay teen's family dies leaving him a small fortune... Or gay teen's father moves away and leaves him alone in the house Or how two gay teens, both very young, have sex like porn stars...seven or eight times in a few hours Off the top of my head, I'm sure I could think of more. Jason

For any of those that are interested, my brand new site is up and running over at the Hub. It contains every piece of work that I've posted online. Designed by Rob Hawes, I couldn't be happier with the final outcome. So if you're interested, look over at the upper left hand corner of the screen and click on the link called, The Writings of Jason Rimbaud. Jason (proud poet)

My new Tv....I love it.J

And to add, I guess we could make your BF film it.Reason thousand and four to love your BF.Jason

Des, that is so fucking funny.Your choice please....Jason

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted an entry. Bad Jason. A few things have been happening lately. I got a job promotion. I'm now the Catering Manager as well as the Assistant Manager in my hip upscale restaurant. And since we made the list of the top one hundred restaurants in the Bay Area, the catering sales have doubled. But I love it, I'm rarely in the restaurant anymore and get to boss around everyone. How cool is that? I'm single again. Mark is back firmly in the closet and in a way, I'm happy with that. I was going to write a long rant but I haven't the energy. Oh well, don't be sad, you all know I'll write a poem or two about it soon. Oh yeah, since I'm his boss now, I get to order him around. How fucking cool is that? My site should be up and running any day now over at the Hub and I'm pretty fucking stoked about it. So stoked that I'm almost finished a new five part story I started writing months ago when I stayed at the beach for three days. I think it might be called Time Stood still, but who fucking knows. I bought a new 65 inch 1080P projection TV and a Bose surround sound with the winning from two days at Cache Creek Casino. I was unbeatable at the black jack tables and won several thousand dollars which I promptly spent. Along with the TV, I have a new mattress, a steam carpet cleaner for those pesky stains in my rugs, and a new TV stand for my new baby. Thank god Wolfie likes the new digs, I was a bit worried as I didn't consult him. I made an appointment to get another tattoo and can't wait till next Thursday. I'm thinking about getting "SLAVE" on my neck, but my boss pointed out that it would'nt be the right kind of advertising for my current sex life. *shrugs* He suggested slut instead. I don't know, it just doesn't have the same flow as "SLAVE". I've decided to stop smoking, then I realized I'd rather die of cancer than of diabetes so promptly started again. Got so drunk a few days ago, that I called Mark up and begged him to come over for a friendly fuck. Needless to say, I had to wash my sheets again but was quite pleased that the new mattress lived up to my expectations. Further realized that sex with Mark is much better when both parties are a bit indifferent and slightly pissed. Rough sex...I likes. Well, that's about it from Jasonland. It's getting late and I have an early day tomorrow. Later Jason

Did you say ooze?I like oozing....or even things that ooze...big or small Jason

My black book is pretty worn out...the pages are all stuck together...the ink smeared...what would be the point.Though I am flattered that gave me the benefit of the doubt that I would even own just a book.And Des...pray tell what part of my body would you like to frig with?My mindJason

Are you...someone from England...correcting me on my American writing? As for frigging with my eyes...funny you should ask.This doesn't happen all the time...but over the course of my life, I have learned a few things.Did you know that if you get...seman in your eyes, and you're wearing contacts, it doesn't burn. So to answer your question, no...I don't frig with my eyes...normally. J

Where is my frigging eyes? J

For what it's worth...if an author chooses not to leave contact information, that is his decision. I think he's missing out on a great deal of enjoyment but so be it. In the last few days I've done a bit of research about this author and found out he has been harassed, threatened, and who knows what else because of his work. So cutting off contact with everyone is understandable. Yet I can't agree with his disdain of "fans" discussing his work, whether they praise it or bash it. I am not a fan of Driver's work, but I have never bashed his writings or his words nor will I ever. Author's spend a great amount of time creating and I've never felt comfortable putting a fellow author down. That being said, if you write something and decide to share it with the world, then you must take the good with the bad. If he doesn't want this work discussed, then he should keep it to himself. Of course, this is my opinion and it really doesn't matter to anyone. Jason

I have a question, Let me see if I get this right, an author, not even hosted on this site, has asked that no one discusses his work? And we comply to this wish? I'm a bit confused on the logic behind this. And is it just me, or is this behavior a tad egocentric? Jason

Wow!!!!! I got the silly Raccoon to flirt with me. It's only a matter of time now. Jason

*giggles*I posted the same message last year and no one got the reference either, so don't feel bad Cole. The only reason I know about that date is because of Mark....an avid celebrator of all things green.And I'm not putting words in Maddy's mouth, but he knew all about that day as well. Jason

I"m with the dog on this one....what was the boyfriends intention???????Jason (demanding an answer from the under des guy)

Sadly, this isn't the most disturbing thing I've seen/read in the last few days. By comparison, this is quite tame. Jason (who just wants to give that poor sick Raccoon a hug) *scampers off to find a full body condom to give out said hug*

Very haunting...tough subject to get right. You did a great job without going for the more obvious clich?s. I likes it. Jason

I really liked this...whether it's only half true or mostly true...strong stark emotions. Jason

HAPPY 4-20 EVERYONE!!!!! Jason

this is by far the weirdest stream of conversation I've ever put into my brain.Oh, by the way, it must be loaded from the top. Anything else is just wrong.J