Adam Donaldson Powell

Thank you Des. You addressed this complicated question with a short response that shows both reflection and a broad understanding of comparative studies of culture. As regards the example cited by AJ, I would remind readers that women, young persons, children, gays, ethnic minorities etc. all over the world (including many civilised Western democracies) still complain about not being taken seriously when they take cases regarding rape, sexual harassment and gender harassment to the courts (and in some cases to the police or their own families). Blaming the victim is a well-known phenomenon in sociology, and has been for decades.

well done jason. i have told you before that you have a "way with writing from the gut" and making rawness glitter in the darkness. and yes, i do know what you are talking about. quite well, actually.

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditi....cdc/index.html

Do not be fooled into believing that this is a "Russian problem" or a "Russian phenomenon" alone. As the West liberalizes its laws and regulations regarding gays and lesbians, and at the same time seemingly infringes upon the civil rights and increases blind suspicion of others in world society and newcomers to Western societies, reactions increase all over the world - even in the West. Not only in Russia and previous Soviet block nations, but also everywhere - in the form of attacks on young gays, immigrants, Moslems, Blacks, young jews and others who may be "perceived" as responsible for the differences in treatment and opportunity between those who represent the Western controlling society and their values - and those who feel that they are on the periphery or the outside. These include nationalists, young "new nazis", religious fanatics , the impoverished, the powerless, those who feel that their religious customs are demeaned, the jobless, and others who are desperate, angry and easily corrupted and indoctrinated by others with a divide and conquer agenda. Gaybashing and other forms for terrorism are not uncommon in the USA or in Europe these days, also in spite of (or perhaps in some cases as a reaction to) liberalization and relaxation of attitudes regarding those of us who have stood on the outside of society previously as well as increased isolation of cultures that do not easily assimilate themselves into current global molds. What is the solution ? Stronger legislation regarding hate crimes and more education on the school levels. And, dare I say, a more aggressive re-education of young gays regarding the history of "gaytude". All that we have achieved can be reversed at any time - like the survivors of the Holocaust say: "we must never allow the new generations to forget where we have been, and the possibility of ending up there again." Increased respect and listening to disadvantaged populations across the globe and less arrogance from Western leaders and politicians would also help to reduce many of the tensions worldwide. When individuals and social groups feel that they cannot be heard, they often resort to harassment of those perceived as the weakest in society ... Join organizations such as Amnesty International, P.E.N., Human Rights Watch, and show solidarity with gays, the poor, women, the disadvantaged across the globe. And drop the "America, love it or leave it" and the "Europe, love it or leave it" attitudes. We live in a globalized world, where we are all dependent upon one another - like it or not. ?GALIT? OU ANARCHIE !

All familiar problems - even across the Atlantic ocean. I got suckered into purchasing a combination printer, scanner, copy machine and fax. The machine works well, but the two ink cartridges are extremely expensive , and are hard to find in stores because the manufacturer tries to get everyone to purchase them online, which is quite expensive because of shipping costs. My solution for large manuscript print-outs: I email the copy to my local copy center, which prints and binds the manuscript for a nominal cost. I save on paper, electricity, ink and stress. The Indian technicians and technical advisors for my anti-virus program software are, however, fantastic.

BRING IT ON TRAB!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY USA !!! from adam

Blue: I am having the same problems ... Adam

Jason, I would like to give you a cyber hug ... not in empathy, but in respect for the wonderful soul-bearing that you have written in this blog entry. Many of your sentiments are certainly shared by many -- not only here at AD, but in many web communities all over the world. Feeling "in" and feeling "uncertain as to how much one actually is a part of a cyber community, and the personal costs" is a fantastic story or novel theme I should think. I have also (as you can see) deleted my blog contents and started over. It is refreshing to clear out the "old", and to just upload poetry and short literary texts, when I feel for it ... and without commentary. All literature involves a good deal of one's Self, even though the characters and situations are fictionalized. Like it has been said about dreams: the dreamer is actually a part of every personality and character in his/her dream.Posting much of your personal life progressions on a blog can be "therapeutic", and it can become a "rut" sometimes. Posting your feelings, experiences, questions etc. through literature is a fantastic way of sharing one's growth and changing perceptions with others. In your blog you can experiment with short forms like poetry, you can showcase things you have written before or are still working on, and you can delete them or change them as you wish.Regarding arguments and assertions on the forums and blogs, I feel that the cyber community is by nature too difficult to deal with many questions in depth or seriously. Largely because there are always reasons that one has certain opinions which are experience-based, fear-based, culture-based or because of personal challenges -- and these things do not come adequately forward. You have a very "rich" talent for expressing your life experiences and feelings. That is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for an artist / author. Discussions, arguments, debates etc. are sometimes interesting and sometimes tiring. In the end I have but one question and one interest: "where is the art ?!!" xoxoadam

Thank you T.R. You have written everything that I had thought to write myself, but you managed to do so with a lot less emotion than I would have demonstrated ... seeing as how I have been an HIV/AIDS activist internationally for fifteen years. It is amazing that this same information must be repeated constantly, even after so many years -- but that is the reality.

Thanks AJ ! BTW there is a website that affords persons the possibility to send electronic e-cards for free. Every card you send helps to raise awareness for many important issues. In addition, subscribers are encouraged to participate in e-petitions for various environmental, social and human rights issues. Check it out: http://www.care2.com/ It is one small way individuals can help -- wherever you are in the world.

Haven't you heard ? Retro cliches are "in" again ... and the raunchier and the more tacky the better ! The trick is to present them as everyday banalities -- without reaction, and (as you so appropriately put it) without commentary. Sort of like the ultimate existentialism where the "bad" is so ordinary that it is exciting to be boring.

Good job, Jason. As usual, your honesty and ability to be "in the moment" is stunning. Congratulations!

Hey there Jason !Just wanted to let you know that I visited your site, and read several of your poems shortly after you made your proud announcement. Congratulations. As usual, your personal honesty and ability to be in "the now" is stunning.Keep up the good work !

Thank you Camy -- both for the poem, and for your comment to my blog entry regarding "the urban dictionary". One does not have to be "down" to write about "bag ladies". I published the following poem in my own poetry collection and in several literary magazines many years ago: THE PRUDENT COGNOSCENTE. Strolling through the barrel-lined aisles with her ladened cart, the prudent cognoscente pauses periodically to admire alimentary delicacies in open display. She sneers at the Spanish oranges, which are bruised and overripe, and cringes at the inferior broccoli -- so yellow and dry. But her eyes alight with discovery and glee as she tosses aside the lid of the last garbage can and silences the nonsensical cravings of her refined palate with the simple charm of garden greens and aged brie.

This discussion intrigues me and it has me "chomping at the bit", but I am a little hesitant to involve myself too much here -- not because I feel that I do not have knowledge regarding the issues being discussed but rather because my own background is perhaps very different from most that I have otherwise received a picture of on the forums through postings. But it is through such impassioned postings that I can begin to understand who my colleagues are (and have been and want to become). For that I am truly grateful. I am an American expatriate, have lived in Europe for 50% of my life, know all too much about being hiv-positive, being gay, being bisexual, being abused by family, lovers and strangers (in all ways), have been a national and international gay and hiv-activist for fifteen years (and represented Norway internationally, including at the United Nations ... and have also supported American gays in their struggles nationally and internationally), I cannot visit my homeland because of restrictions against hiv-positive tourists, I have been formally "married" in a legal gay partnership ... and also divorced from the same, jada jada jada. All of the issues that Funtails raises are extremely important, and I personally believe that gay marriage in itself will not solve everything. Focus must be directed at all levels. The biggest loss (in my opinion) is the loss of "gay culture", which I have commented on previously on these forums. Being "gay" will always be an issue in society, so let us not kid ourselves into thinking that once we act "straight" enough in others' eyes that we will be truly accepted. There is a big difference between being accepted and being tolerated as long as we adhere and do not provoke. What is "gay culture"? Well, that is an elusive issue that is everchanging ... culture is always evolving per definition. But these forums are a part of "gay culture" ... so let us think a bit about how we discuss, how much we permit others to have their opinions and personal identity and areas of focus. And I think that heated discussion is good -- very good. It is democracy in action. Praise the forums, and praise AD for this opportunity. But let us not get so lost in the heat of our momentary convictions that we forget to treat each other with humanity and respect. Writers have a tremendous source of power within them: the written word. Many of these issues need several authors' voices. If authors and artists do not speak out, then our fate is truly in the hands of a very few activists, politicians and martyrs. Namaste. A.

STANDARD PSYCHO Better to be on the "outside" of the collective consciousness sometimes, but at the same time (for protection) to pretend to be a part of the collective psychosis.

spending a luxurious day ... in bed (hard work, but possibly rewarding).I am very glad that you and others make these posts, Rad. They are a reminder of the humanity that exists and lives in each and every one of us. They bring out a sense of empathy and loving concern -- both of which I (for one) often feel to be lacking in everyday existence. Furthermore I, for one, see much potential writing material in many of the personal posts published on this forum. What a wonderful stream of consciousness piece: "The day I did not get out of bed" would be. Think of all that could transpire in terms of thoughts, fantasies, dreams, boredom, boredom with boredom, guilt feelings, the joy of rebellion against doing what 'one really should rather be doing', personal activities etc. -- all during a day spent in bed instead of following one's obligations. Everyone wants/needs to be "bad" every now and then. Not necessarily all the time, and not necessarily "very bad" ... perhaps just a little naughty and undisciplined, perhaps just for one day ... or one hour ... I never afforded myself the luxury of playing "hookey" or not doing my homework when I was your age, and I am still pretty much 'anal retentive'. However, every now and then I now plan "no" days -- days where I consequently say "no" to whatever, just to experience the opposite of what I usually say (which is all too often an unqualified "yes"). Sounds stupid, perhaps ... but the psychic effect of sharpening my senses in even such meaningless ways can be exciting. We all live with the inevitability of death and mundane obligations from the moment we are born, but it is not death or life that should be feared. According to me, the only thing to fear is eventually fear itself ... and hopefully I/we will eventually surpass that one as well.So what would (might) happen if you actually did not get out of bed tomorrow? Would it kick start an exciting story or novel? Or even help you to see the glass as being half full rather than half empty?I look forward to the next installment of the story ... "the day I did not get out of bed"...

lots of good advice here ... but in the end, you must make your choices and decisions yourself. decisions are often made on the basis of feelings and intuition, and sometimes on the basis of a personal cost benefit analysis (what can I gain ... and what do I have to lose?)you are at a so young age that (looking back over the decades) I see mostly possibilities of testing out experiences, reactions and consequences in front of you; and that is wonderful. what is "fun" for you? what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning? what makes you curious? what makes you want to learn more about something, or what do you want to do/learn more about? allow yourself to play the "fool" (as in the tarot card deck), and explore creative ways of living and being "you" -- constantly in a process of growing and change. be a little irresponsible every now and them if you need to. there are no "mistakes" -- only things that might have to be repaired a bit in aftersight. and the great thing about becoming an "adult" is that with each new experience, we hopefully learn more about our own capacities to deal with whatever that comes about during a day or evening.it does not really matter what one dies of ... but how we feel about our contributions to our own personal/spiritual development and the overall development of collective societal consciousness.we can each only do a relatively small part, but every one of us is important and everything is connected.in regards to blame, and to everyone doing the best they can: this is something everyone deals with in their everyday human responses and development. currently, I have decided that it is not healthy to always blame oneself and not to expect that others act responsively -- despite their many human challenges. everyone has challenges; and many of them are (on one level or another) self-chosen or self-maintained. and that is ok, because it tells us what we feel that we need. find out what your created situations and your reactions are telling you about how you see yourself, and how you WANT to see yourself and be seen. writing is great for that kind of work and observation.no one does the best they can all the time, and sometimes what we or others do just does not seem to be good enough. it is ok to feel that way. it is even ok to tell others how you feel in regards to their engagement, motives, actions/behaviour, and that you expect(ed) more or something different from them. but do not expect others to change. we can only change ourselves -- our own behaviour and expectations. and sometimes it actually does help to change physical and social environment in order to more easily become who we "now" are, without getting stuck in who we have been (both to ourselves, in relation to those persons we have had contact with in the past, and in the eyes of others).have fun ... life is a roller-coaster, and not always easy to make sense out of. but you are creative, and you have a wonderful talent and outlet: your writing. bring these feelings and experiences into your writing. they are classic/traditional, but also therefore always interesting (with your own personal twist, of course). if writing novels or short stories is too close or confining right now, then try something even more active like writing a short play or film script.

A step in the "right" direction to be sure, but "gayness" in Nepal is a complicated phenomenon, ranging from indifference to acceptance/non-acceptance to invisibility -- all depending on who you are, economics and how subtle you are.

STUD. Responding to the call Of a warm summer night, The muscled youth surveys the Streets from his Oakland stoop With the vigilance of a vulture. He soothes the heat Pervading his loins With beer and cigarettes, And gyrates to rhythms From his Sony Walkman to Intensify his baiting scent. At the passing of each female, He extends greetings and suggestion ? Lastly to a haughty one who Requests that he kindly ?drop dead.? The youth throws a kiss and laughs In sport and self-defence, Until he spies the adoring stare Of another boy, and yells: ?What are you looking at, faggot?!!? AIDS .. ALSO A VAMPIRE?S LAMENT. In the Spring of our rapture, You assuaged my hunger With gallant love-bites and Wept rubescent teardrops As my own offering Cascaded willingly into the Vessel of your thirst. Thereafter, Enchanting midnight promenades, Serenaded by love-sick werewolves, Inevitably climaxed with Splendiferous candlelit repasts Of aristocratic blood plasma And the finest port wines. Magically abducted by the ecstasy Of transfusion and reminiscence, We who are forever young Renewed our vows of Never-ending devotion with All the certainty and bliss Intrinsic to incipient passion. So golden were our halcyon days ? Yet unblemished by the ravages Of over-familiarity and diseased blood, Now yielding insomnious forenoons In separate coffins and Solitary meals under would-be Romantic moonlight. Since our greatest promise Has become your heaviest burden, I look upon eternity as The merciless side-effect Of myopic infatuation ... And dream, perhaps, Of growing old. DRAG QUEEN. You know ? I hardly recognised you Out-of-drag this afternoon! Your clever disguise Enabled you to sit down Before I could run away. You both surprised and intrigued me When you lamented the slow Passage of time ? for I Have often envied and despised Your freedom, and almost fickle Sense of reality. Funny how ... All these years ... I regarded you as crazy. But now that we share disillusionment With expectation and time, I recognize you in myself. DIRTY TALK. Dirty talking shadows in Dimly-lit, smoke-filled bars Stir restless gonads to Suggestion, proposition And sweet, nasty lies. The scent of body sweat Mingles with department store Perfume like oil and water, Leather and silk ? Unlikely, yet strangely magnetic. Oh yeah ... I love the way the lie Exuding from your posing stance Binds my wrists and genitals, Pulling me to my knees; Demanding nameless submission. Across the distance we begin a Sultry dance of anonymous flirtation: I turn to catch your stare, You look away; My eyes drop to my cocktail, Yours slowly scan my torso and loins. I acknowledge with a smile and you Walk away because I broke the rules, Was too eager to collude fantasy With reality and was, therefore, unsafe. You feign indifference as you watch me Leave with another two hours later. And I?m already half-spent as I prepare to torpedo our dirty talk Into the bowels of my compromise. BLADE. Our dance is ritual; A senseless obsession Between two moths Playing with fire. No chains, no whips Just bondage ... and the Ever-sweet consequence of A sabre?s cutting edge. ANOTHER AMERICA. Few Americans know tha The face of Miss Liberty Is actually that of a Frenchman?s bigot mother. Like the masses of immigrants who Yearly forsake old world for new, We too see majesty of choice Through all-too-childish eyes: ?Rustler, hustler, bankerman, anchorman, cop, fag, redneck, punk; baglady, bastardbaby, stockbroker, chimneystoker, doctor, lawyer, plumber, drunk.? Yes, we?re all watching you, America ... with Mom?s apple pie On the kitchen table and the Girl next door at our side. One nation, trusting in God Down to our last hard-earned dollar. ?Careful not to step on the crack ... broken backs are hard to mend!? But the sons of Genet are most Grateful for the vigilant Two-in-a-thousand who Cross the seas frequently And dream of another America. FOR THE BOYS (WITH AIDS). To friends who don?t know And strangers who do not care, Soldiers of love worship Tinsel-town sex goddesses With all their strength. They thrive outwardly on The rantings of Madonna and Privately soothe their pain And hopelessness with sombre Strains by Leonard Cohen. Their greatest ambition is To shake the shackles of shame Which imprison and threaten Them with the most undignified Fate of all: namelessness. To some there is no irony in death, But others are enraged at the Uncanny plight of these handsome Living dead, whose only crime was Need for love and recognition. HYACINTH. Each Spring, Appolonian tears of lamentation Collect as sanguine dewdrop Upon the verdant slopes of Olympus. Nurtured by the glory of the elements, The resplendent rebirth of Hyakinthos Is made manifest throughout the four quarters In carillons of sapphire blossoms. The petals of these bell towers Cense the air sublime with The Spirit of the Great Mother And the legend of creation. In memoriam, the fugitive solar discus Lay forever fixed in the heavens As a symbol of love made Divine Through resurrection.

THE ADOLESCENT YEARS. The adolescent years caught us off guard. Fighting the travesties of acne and war In a world we did not really know, We marched through youth as soldiers of mercy Compelled by the romanticism of mass dissent ? Feeling much, with little certainty. If knowledge vanquished gullibility, Then surely inexperience bred expectation; And faith cradled us in naked dreams Of prodigious sexual love yet bereft Of both lust and rationality. I remember how you once told me that The sexiest word in the french language Has to be "pamplemousse". You broke up in laughter and exclaimed: "It means grapefruit. Can you believe that? G-R-A-P-E-F-R-U-I-T!" I laughed because your amusement was contagious. Looking at your wild eyes and farm-girl smile, I fell captive to your callow charm and Soon we were deep in each other's arms, Giggling hysterically. We awoke from our laughter gazing at One another in momentary sobriety. And then, I buried my head in your breasts Whispering "p-a-m-p-l-e-m-o-u-s-s-e!" And our seriousness died laughing.

MY STRANGER .. SO SWEET. So sweet Are your suggested promises. My stranger. My unobtainable Moment of passion. You coax me; You cast me aside. We can only have each other In our leap-frog dreams: Both out-of-sync and yet Totally ? oh so totally .. In syncopation. The relentless fantasy is more Than the sum of reality?s Individual parts. I see you everywhere; In the gait of strangers .. In my memories. Beginning from the Waist down .. Easing toward the toes And then quickly Darting upwards To a fleeting and Indiscriminate Photographic flash Of your insignificant face. My stranger. My passion. My stranger .... So sweet.

Disgusting .. Even more so because suicide by persons struggling with their gayness and with non-acceptance by persons in their environment; as well as those victimized by harassment / violence against gays or persons thought to be "gay", are all too frequent; and these incidences occur all over the world.

Sounds to me as if there are many experienced and justifiable objections to an open chat room. Perhaps the most important issues are: 1) to encourage several authors to give even more structured feedback on the work published on AD; and 2) to explore ways to facilitate even more personal communication between authors at AD (e.g. alternatives to a chat room); and 3) to open up for a wider discussion regarding the needs/desires of our readers (perhaps on a reader only "wish list" forum); and 4) to provide a way for authors to get some basic statistics regarding number of hits and visit length for our stories and novels; and 5) my own personal pet peeve: that I personally can escape anonymous feedback, which I find useless as I wish to be able to correspond with those who communicate with me.