Doors of Love by DesDownUnder

[Insomniac]

I read the original blog when Des first posted it and thought it was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Now he has three shorts posted up with more on the way. The whole designer muscle thing still has me cracking up and I can only expect more great laughs

[Camy]

I read it in blog form, too, and wondered why he didn't make a meal out of it. Now he has. I'm both pleased, and anxiously waiting for the next course.

Provided Des keeps away from the vegemite, all will be well.

Camy

[DesDownunder]

Thanks Insomniac and Camy,

I know chapter 3 is a bit of a tease being so short, but the others are longer.

Actually it is the B/F who likes the Vegemite, I'm a peanut butter fan.

And I love honey, Honey makes you funny.

Chapter 4 hopefully up this weekend if Ben has time. I'll launch a boomerang as soon as it's ready.

[Tanuki Racoon]

Actually it is the B/F who likes the Vegemite, I'm a peanut butter fan.

Des, sweetie, you know I love you to pieces, but I'm going to have to give you some advice that you're not going to want to hear. However, as your online friend, I feel it's necessary for me to act to protect you from yourself.

I've tasted Vegemite? and, quite frankly, it's shite -- possibly worse but for lack of comparison I can't be sure. At any rate, I'm going to have to advise you to immediately dump the boyfriend because I assure you his taste in everything is highly suspect because of this.

[colinian]

Des, sweetie, you know I love you to pieces, but I'm going to have to give you some advice that you're not going to want to hear. However, as your online friend, I feel it's necessary for me to act to protect you from yourself.

I've tasted Vegemite? and, quite frankly, it's shite -- possibly worse but for lack of comparison I can't be sure. At any rate, I'm going to have to advise you to immediately dump the boyfriend because I assure you his taste in everything is highly suspect because of this.

I wonder what Vegemite^? breath would be like. Ewww! On the other hand, fuggetit! I don't need to know. TMI!!

Colin

[DesDownunder]

Wibby, Colin, you have to remember that the b/f is of German extraction, so his life is full of precision and constants.

Milkshakes, for instance are chocolate, late night snacks are grilled cheese on toast, sandwiches are Vegemite. I can't believe you guys worry about the little ? when you write it. I mean it is all very proper and everything and the b/f would be most impressed as he loves that kind of correctness, but generally we wouldn't think of putting it alongside our iconic Aussie spread.

As for Vegemite? breath, it really doesn't exist as it gets digested straight away. Vegemite? is an acquired taste, but as we are given it at an early age (before puberty) we grow up liking it. Aussie mothers usually wait for the child to catch their first cold and then while they can't taste anything she gives them a bowl of Vegemite? broth (not Vegemite? breath). (Dissolve one teaspoon of Vegemite? in a cup of boiling water add a little butter and serve.)

As the poor little tyke's taste buds are greatly diminished in their ability to detect flavour, they are usually happy to be able to taste anything at all and so get a liking (which lasts for life) for the aforementioned, Vegemite?.

As for the reason the b/f likes it, I think it is because he will eat anything Australian except me, but that is another story. At least it means you don't have to worry about me, he has an attributt that makes up for the Vegemite? which I assure you he does not put on his buns. Remember? Sandwiches are Vegemite?.

Me? I will eat anything with honey on it.

[Cole Parker]

I'm going to have to get a fan to cool me down when I'm reading you're guys' posts. Wheeeew!

C

[Res Ipsa Loquitur]

Deleted

[colinian]

I can't believe you guys worry about the little ? when you write it. I mean it is all very proper and everything and the b/f would be most impressed as he loves that kind of correctness, but generally we wouldn't think of putting it alongside our iconic Aussie spread.

The little ? means "retch". I think the Awesome Dude official raccoon (accept no substitute) would agree with me.

As for Vegemite? breath, it really doesn't exist as it gets digested straight away. Vegemite? is an acquired taste, but as we are given it at an early age (before puberty) we grow up liking it. Aussie mothers usually wait for the child to catch their first cold and then while they can't taste anything she gives them a bowl of Vegemite? broth (not Vegemite? breath). (Dissolve one teaspoon of Vegemite? in a cup of boiling water add a little butter and serve.)

As the poor little tyke's taste buds are greatly diminished in their ability to detect flavour, they are usually happy to be able to taste anything at all and so get a liking (which lasts for life) for the aforementioned, Vegemite?.

As for the reason the b/f likes it, I think it is because he will eat anything Australian except me, but that is another story. At least it means you don't have to worry about me, he has an attributt that makes up for the Vegemite? which I assure you he does not put on his buns. Remember? Sandwiches are Vegemite?.

Oh, Des, this exceeds your prior best! Bravo!

Me? I will eat anything with honey on it.

I love peanut butter (you mentioned it in your earlier post). Peanut butter on toast! A peanut butter and bacon sandwich! (<-- If you like peanut butter, and you've never had a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, give it a try -- it's a fantastic combination!)

I also love Mexican food. The spicier the better.

Colin

[DesDownunder]

Do you eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches? I love peanut butter and honey sandwiches and no one I know likes them or even thinks that a person should eat them. In fact, I have been told that they are disgusting, but they just don't understand what an incredible combination it makes. Peanut butter and honey on my mom's bread. It's bliss. It would be absolutely fantastic to find someone else who likes them.

As for any innuendos in the previous post, I'm sure that I missed most of them. I can be like that sometimes. So, if you weren't really talking about actually eating honey as like, a meal or something, sorry.

By the way, I also really enjoyed the story!!! (Did you like the effort to get back on topic?)

Innuendos? Who me?

I assure you that honey is one of my favourite foods, and yes is wonderful with peanut butter, so long as it is the smooth kind.

I find the crunchy peanut butter gets caught in my...teeth.

Thanks, I am glad you're enjoying the story, the best is yet to come. Any attempt to keep these people on topic however is probably futile.

and Colin, I wouldn't mind a little spicy Mexican...food. But the bacon I will have to pass to maintain my vegetarian status.

[Cole Parker]

Peanut butter and bacon? Peanut butter and bacon? Peanut butter and bacon?

Some people have absolutely no standards at all.

C

[Trab]

he has an attributt that makes up for the Vegemite?

ATTRIBUTT - that is just awesome; maybe a bit Freudian, but awesome.

Now for a lesson in something delicious, and I will try the peanut butter and bacon sandwich, although I think it is probably important to make sure the bacon is actually fried; take congealed bacon grease, and stir in syrup, and put that on an open slice of bread. Frankly, I don't think it would be possible to make anything more anti-healthy, with that combination of pure animal fat and sugary sweetness, but it is heavenly, and actually a common Dutch breakfast treat. If it still has minute bits of bacon in it, all the better.

[Cole Parker]

About the only thing weirder that that concoction, Trab, is that Colin, who eats healthy food and watches his diet like no teen I've ever known, suggested the alternative that primed you to sicken us with your artery-clogger.

Congealed pork grease mixed with syrup?

You are kidding, aren't you?

And I comlained about Colin's standards!

If this Forum ever has a food column, you two are banned.

C

[DesDownunder]

Cole we had best ban my parents as well, in fact the whole generation of the WWII era. It was common place for kids to be given a "snack" after school of toast and dripping. Dripping in case you are not aware was pure 100% animal fat used to bake the family roast on Sundays. I am actually astounded at the number of my kids who made it to their thirties without suffering blocked arteries.

My own special treat was a slice of bread soaked in pure cream and sprinkled liberally with sugar. Delicious!

It was of course no worse than an ice cream.

[Trab]

No, I'm not joking, Cole. Stroopvet, traditional food as in "A mixture of syrup and fat on bread (often in place of butter or margarine)"

We had healthy oatmeal porridge too: in warm whip cream with lots of sugar. In all fairness, many of these people (who are like that) are alive and well at 60, 70, 80 and even 90 years of age. Eat HAPPY.

[Oliver]

Stroopvet

never thougt we'd be discussing that on a forum like this.

[Trab]

Don't just leave it at that, Oliver. Tell them all it's true. We really DO eat that, and love it.

[Trab]

Heck, we should tell them about dubbel zout drop, and zwarte op witte. Those are different types of salt licorice, and very much an acquired taste, and a sure way to tell if someone is Dutch or not. I have yet to see anyone, who didn't grow up with it ,do anything but spew it across the room immediately after putting it in their mouths.

[Oliver]

To be honest, I've never eaten stroopvet. It is the same with 'zure zult' (that has something to do with boiled brains and vinager); I just don't like it.

But you surely can recognise the Dutch by dubbel zoute drop of zwart/wit. If somebody eats it without spitting it immediately out of the mouth again, he's Dutch.

Here in the Netherlands we all lauged very hard about the scene in Pulp Fiction where John Travolta is amazed and disgusted by the fact the Dutch eat their French fries with mayonaise.

We do. A lot. Belgians too.

[colinian]

ATTRIBUTT - that is just awesome; maybe a bit Freudian, but awesome.

Now for a lesson in something delicious, and I will try the peanut butter and bacon sandwich, although I think it is probably important to make sure the bacon is actually fried; take congealed bacon grease, and stir in syrup, and put that on an open slice of bread. Frankly, I don't think it would be possible to make anything more anti-healthy, with that combination of pure animal fat and sugary sweetness, but it is heavenly, and actually a common Dutch breakfast treat. If it still has minute bits of bacon in it, all the better.

Of course the bacon's actually fried, of course, of course!

Colin

[colinian]

About the only thing weirder that that concoction, Trab, is that Colin, who eats healthy food and watches his diet like no teen I've ever known, suggested the alternative that primed you to sicken us with your artery-clogger.

Congealed pork grease mixed with syrup?

You are kidding, aren't you?

And I comlained about Colin's standards!

If this Forum ever has a food column, you two are banned.

C

Standards? STANDARDS?? I don' need no stinkin' STANDARDS! Not when I have a de-licious peanut butter and bacon sandwich, especially if it's the natural kind of crunchy peanut butter and crisp extra-thick bacon slices and 3/4-toasted sourdough bread. YUM! The Breakfast of Champions!

Colin

[Trab]

Uh, Colin? Is the bacon best hickory smoked, maple smoked, or just plain, when combined with the peanut butter?

[blue]

How about this, something my grandmother has fixed a few times, and I think it's good. This was a comfort food or a party food in the '40's and '50's, apparently.

It's very much like an Anglo version of a big nacho al carb?n.

Fix about two per person, plus a few extra, depending on appetite.

Slice of wheat bread

Layer:

Pinto beans, cooked and mashed (almost frijoles refritos, but more Anglo and not fried yet)

Bacon, fried and crumbled (don't go overboard)

Slice of tomato (?) (I think she did this once at least.)

Sharp cheddar cheese, grated

Broil on high until bread is toasted, beans are refried, and cheese is melted.

A quick snack or supposedly "light" meal, such as for a late supper.

Grandmother got around the calories by using small amounts of the toppings on the bread.

-- I think you could update this with a tortilla or pita bread base, or a slice of an artisan bread, such as sourdough or whole wheat. Possibly use frijoles refritos and let the broiler toast them further. Maybe a slice of avocado or a dollop of guacamole. Those of you who like, add jalape?o slice(s) and add a spoonful of sour cream before serving.

[blue]

:: Wild attempt to veer back on topic! ::

My week (my month) has been really wild. It will likely be the weekend of March 8th and 9th when we have Doors of Love 4 and 5 ready.

You'll see more antics of Eran and Bryce and the bemused, confused, incredulous neighbor, then.

You haven't even seen the wallabies packing the ute yet, mates!

(I made that up, but Des can liberate it if he wants.)

[colinian]

Uh, Colin? Is the bacon best hickory smoked, maple smoked, or just plain, when combined with the peanut butter?

Trab, any kind of thick-sliced bacon is good, but IMO lightly hickory smoked is best, maple smoked is a very close second, and any kind (even if it's not thick sliced but enough is piled on) is still very good as long as it's not too salty. And if you don't have sourdough bread, light rye bread or a good quality ciabatta roll is wonderful, or any kind of hearty bread; but please, none of that Wonder-Fluff-No-Flavor-It-Scrunches-Down-To-1/8"-Thick so-called bread.

Colin