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EleCivil

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Blog Entries posted by EleCivil

  1. EleCivil
    I'm trying to give up swearing. It's not that hard - it's not like I was a big fan of the profanity, anyway - but I figure that it'd cut down on my chances of saying something that could get me fired once I'm actually teaching. As such, I've been throwing around some rather colorful euphemisms, lately. They tend to make bystanders do double-takes (which, I'll admit, is true for a lot of the weird stuff that I do). Here are some stand-outs:
    "Matt Lauer!" and "Mothra Faulkner!" were both mentioned in previous blog posts, but they're worth repeating.
    "Grinnin' Bedlam!"
    "Horsemonger!"
    "Gorbachev!"
    "Dopefish!"
    "Andrew 'Old Hickory' Jackson!"
    "Smooth Endoplasmic Reticulum!"
    ---
    On the writing side of things...
    -Wrote the first two and a half chapters to a "Laika" sequel, but I absolutely hated it. Consider the project scrapped indefinitely.
    -Wrote three poems, currently posted in the poetry board. Used one of them to win a local poetry competition (the prize was a blank book with the words "Carpe Diem" inscribed on the cover).
    -Wrote the first six chapters of a sci-fi/urban fantasy story. It has two secondary characters that are probably my favorites out of everything I've written, and I'm having a lot of fun with building a plot around a home-made mythology. I don't know if I want to post this one, though.
    -Wrote a few pages and a decently workable outline for a new AD/CW story. Don't expect to see anything of it for a while - I'm still kicking ideas around.
  2. EleCivil
    I was working on Leviathan Rusts earlier today, after watching The Big Lebowski and splitting a pot of coffee with a local DJ (Yes, it's always a wacky adventure!). So, amped up on caffeine and with a head full of surreal scenes and strange dialogue, I had one of those Eureka Moments. The entire plot became clear to me. The beginning, middle, and end all aligned before my eyes, and the characters' arcs all fell into place.
    I had some basic ideas and a first chapter written, but now it's all pieced together. And I'm thinking this might be my best story, yet. I'm excited. I love it when a plan comes together.
    Of course, now I've got to tweak the first chapter some more. Remember when I said in a previous post that it would be released in December '09? Don't count on it. I mean, there's still a couple days left in December, but I'll still need to get it edited, and then it'll probably be a few days until The Dude and the CW Web Guys get it upped. So, January 2010. A new story for a new year.
    After all, anyone who's followed my stories before knows better than to believe me when I mention a deadline, right?
    If you want some hints about what it'll be like, read on. If you'd rather be surprised, stop here.
    ----
    Last chance.
    ----
    No, seriously this time.
    ----
    Don't say I didn't warn you.
    First, a recap:
    Leaves and Lunatics - My first attempt at writing a novel/novella/serial story. At the time, I was aiming for Nifty Archives quality, because that was about the extent of my experience with net fiction. I started writing it when I was 17 and fresh out of high school. It was a somewhat sappy romance story with a lot of editing mistakes and some plot points that still make me cringe. The story didn't really go anywhere. But it did have some characters that I like. I rushed the ending because I had the idea-seeds for Laika and I wanted to get started on it.
    Laika - My second serial novel. As I explained in the Afterward, I played around a bit with symbols and theme (socks = freedom). It fits a lot of the characteristics of a screwball comedy - A central romance, romance across cultures/socio-economic strata, fast-paced dialogue, false identities, some physical comedy, etc. I wasn't as happy with the ending as I could have been - I kind of ran out of steam, and the last couple chapters fizzled out and included some scenes that didn't really go anywhere. Still, I'm happy with how it turned out.
    Now, my current project...
    Leviathan Rusts - The third in the "L series", it takes place in the same "universe" as the first two stories. Keep an eye out for returning characters. It takes place about six years after L&L, and about two years after Laika. The main characters are college aged. It does not take place in Curson, MI or Gordon, OH, but in a new city - the college town of Milkthistle, OH. The protagonist may be difficult for readers to relate to (except for one or two of them, who might get him right away).
    As for genre...well, it's different. At some points, darker than Laika. At others, lighter than L&L. That's as much as I'll say - you can see the rest for yourselves. Here's some hints.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_Anthropology
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebus
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leviathan
    ***
    Update: First chapter has been sent to a (potential) editor.
  4. EleCivil

    Fate

    By EleCivil,

    For the past week, I've been standing on one foot quite a bit. Basically, cutting down on foot usage by 50%, not by walking less, but by only using one at a time. I had no idea why that was until today.
    I'll start at the beginning, I suppose, because no matter how stylish stories that start at the end may be, a bit of sequence now and then can be refreshing.
    I tend to not cash my checks right away when I get them. I usually wait until I actually need money for something before going to the bank. Well, I've been able to stretch a check pretty far in the past, but the past few weeks has been a new record. I had, in my back-log, two checks from each of my two jobs as well as a state tax return check.
    I checked the fridge earlier today and noticed that the only edible items in the house were as follows:
    -A half-gone carton of soy milk (which, according to another article posted on this site, is apparently turning me even gayer)
    -A can of Pepsi whose label indicates that it would be best to drink it before June of 2001 (I'm holding on to it in case I ever find a time machine. I don't like Pepsi, but I'd drink it anyway, for the sake of science.)
    -A tub of whey protein powder
    And, finally,
    -A single slice of bread
    I was faced with a tough decision - spend the first official day of spring break doing much-needed grocery shopping, or see if I could survive for a day on some kind of whey-and-mustard mixture spread on a piece of toast. Not putting that much faith in my culinary skills, I went shopping.
    On the way back, I noticed a sign for a yard sale. Not usually my thing, but a friend recently told me how he found an old Sega Master System at a yard sale for cheap, so I thought, hey, I'll give it a shot.
    That's where I found it - a beautiful old skateboard, covered in scratches, but shined up really nice. I haven't been on a skateboard since middle school; haven't even thought about taking up skating again, but this board caught my eye. That's when I realized why I had spent the past week standing on one foot: Balance. I'd re-taught myself to balance, without even thinking about it. It was fate. Everything fell into place perfectly to put me and this skateboard at the same place at the same time - spring break, the yard sale, running out of food, having a big enough backlog of checks that I had some spare cash to spend...it all came together.
    It all came flooding back - the hours I'd spent in the summer of 6th grade, skating around the neighborhood. Getting my neighbor to beg his parents for a board so that we could go together. And of course, my proudest hour - beating one of the high-schoolers at a game of Chicken. He made the mistake of actually caring about his/my wellbeing...I, on the other hand, closed my eyes and launched myself at top speed, shouting "Sic semper tyrannis!" (yes, I was weird when I was 11, too).
    I'm so excited! If only I didn't have to leave for work in a couple minutes...but I've got the rest of the week to play around on this thing before school starts again.
    Hi-ho!
    "After weeks of winter that just wouldn't quit, and the headlines remind me the world's gone to shit, I ride my skate to the park, because sometimes that's all that someone can do. And I try not to think that it's only fashion or that the teenage boys are patriarchy in action, 'cause it's Saturday morning with my friends and we're fuckin' thrashin'! And this feels better...better than it has in weeks."


    -"This Feels Better" by Defiance, Ohio


  5. EleCivil

    Fielding

    By EleCivil,

    I spent the last two weeks in the field - student teaching, that is. Loved it. Kicked asses and took names...in a professional, educational kind of way.
    I've been on the edge of self-destruct mode for the past week. Between two jobs, night classes, student teaching all day, lesson-planning, and other assorted homework (TONS of physical science essays - I've done 30 pages so far, with no end in sight), I've been getting less and less sleep, leaving me to maintain consciousness by force of will alone.
    Today was supposed to be my last day of student teaching. On the drive over (it takes me a solid hour of driving to get there), I sneezed, suddenly and violently. When my eyes opened, I had jumped the curb and was driving on grass. I ran my car into a giant concrete block. The air bags went off in my face, giving me a black eye, a bruised jaw, and a bloody nose. The windshield shattered. The engine died. I'm pretty sure it's headed toward the scrap heap, because the car more-or-less landed on the block before driving over it, scraping it across the entire underside of the car.
    The cops came and took my statement - didn't cite me, marked it down as "loss of control". They offered to give me a ride, either to my house or to the place where I was going. Problem was, since it's such a long trip, both places were too far out of their city limits for them to drive me there. They took me to their station, instead. They patted me down on the side of the road and had me ride in the back, on the plastic seats with the thick bulletproof glass between us. I must say, that's not how I imagined my first ride in the back of a police car - I'd always pictured cuffs and flashbulbs, my collar pulled up over my face, and the sidewalks packed with supporters chanting "FREE CIVIL!". The black eye and bloody nose were in my fantasies, but I always pictured them being caused by police brutality rather than an airbag. Needless to say, I'm disappointed.
    You know what kills me, though? I didn't get to go in to teach. I had a great lesson lined up, and I really wanted to say goodbye to the kids, you know? I mean, yeah, I'm not happy that I have to find a new car with my no money, and I didn't appreciate having to wait around in the police station for four hours, but not getting to go to school really pisses me off.
    "Rick Santorum's got his shirt off,
    I think he's grinding Michael Chertoff.
    We'll play dress-up with Obama,
    He looks good in Bush's pajamas."


    -"The Party Party" by Attica! Attica!


  6. EleCivil
    My kickboxing instructor got kicked in the face. For some reason, this surprised him. Anyway, either his nose or his jaw was broken (conflicting reports), and he wants to take some time off. Completely understandable, since most people prefer to avoid situations that lead to them getting kicked in the face. As a result, my Wednesday night kickboxing classes have been canceled until further notice.
    Note to self: When changing in public locker rooms, do not wear novelty boxers. Those guys aren't checking you out, they're reading the words printed across your ass.
    Also, I got a second job as a tech gremlin in my school's computer lab. This mostly means that I'll be walking people through PowerPoint, over and over again. Should be fun.
    Oh, speaking of school, funny story. The other day, my science instructor (a sixty year old nun, mind you) was talking about pinecones - specifically, the difference between male and female pinecones. She's saying that the females "last a really long time, and can just keep doing their thing for as long as it takes", while the males "just blast their seeds all at once, then go limp, fall off, and roll away." I should also point out that I'm the only guy in this class. So I'm choking back the urge to laugh...because, come on, it's a NUN - you're not supposed to laugh at their innuendo. Then, this woman who sits in front of me turns around in her seat and gives me this big, exaggerated wink. That sets me off - not a huge, bellowing laugh, but just kind of a strangled chuckle. The woman in front of me turns around, acting completely innocent, just as everyone else turns to look at me. I hold up my textbook, trying to look extremely interested in the subject matter, but I'm not fooling anybody. The instructor looks over at me, gives this big sigh and rolls her eyes, telling everyone that that's another thing about pinecones - just like in humans, the females mature faster than the males.
    "In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
    And he carries the reminder of every glove that laid him down or cut him
    'Til he cried out in his anger and his shame
    I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains."


    -"The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel


  7. EleCivil

    Freedom and Macaroni

    By EleCivil,

    As of last night, I am done with this semester. I've written roughly 70 pages of cited, academic papers over the course of the last week, and my brain is fried.
    I was in the student union, working on a five-hour study session for a final exam - four textbooks spread out across the table along with seven different bundles of stapled paper, me in the middle, flipping madly between them, pausing only to write something down. I finally finish up, close the books, and lean back, taking a deep breath. This guy from my philosophy class who I've only talked to once or twice happened to be sitting nearby. He looks over at me and says "...Ping-pong break?" I say "Hell yes", and we proceed to the ping-pong table.
    Now, neither of us is a pro at table tennis, but we've both got advantages - I'm a juggler, so I'm really good at judging where an object is going to land based on the top two inches or so of its arc, and he's roughly seven feet tall, so he can reach anything without taking a step. 'Twas an epic match, indeed - since we were both at the same skill level, we were able to keep going for long periods of time from each serve. Other people put down their books to watch. He stood there, never having to move his feet, hitting everything that I sent at him, while I kept moving, jumping to exactly the right spot to hit it back. In the end, I won, but just barely. And then I went on to take an exam in Modern World Lit, which wasn't nearly as competitive (it pretty much just sat there and let me write all over it).
    Also, as I was typing this, Jest (the roommate) walked by and handed me a macaroni necklace, saying "I made this for you today." That's a lie, because I was with him all day and there were no strings or noodles anywhere near us, but I put it on anyway. So now I'm free from school and rockin' the noodles.
    Currently Listening: "As Free As The Rent We Don't Pay" by Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains

  8. EleCivil

    Generations

    By EleCivil,

    My first year teaching, I taught 4th graders. I then followed them to 5th grade, then 6th.
    These same kids are now 7th graders. I'm not in the classroom anymore - most of my day is spent riding a desk - but I still make time to visit that class.
    Today, I noticed that about half of them were wearing mismatched socks. You can easilly tell that these particular kids have been mine for 3 years straight.
    I was wearing mismatched socks as well. When the higher-ups questioned me about it, I said that my one white and one black sock was a Taoist religious expression, symbolizing yin and yang - an expression of the dual nature of man and my personal attempts to strive for balance. Their eyes glazed over and they let me go on my way. Point: EC.
  9. EleCivil
    I passed student-teaching with an A, and I'll be getting my degree on Saturday.
    My students wrote me goodbye letters on my last day. Some of my favorite lines include...
    "Mr. EC the he has a cool hat." [sic]
    "The best thing Mr. EC did was freestyle rap with [X] in the computer lab, then drop his pencil on the floor like it was a mic."
    "I thought Mr. EC was really weird at first." [i find this one funny because I thought I was really weird the whole time.]
    "Mr. EC needs to keep being a straight-up G."
    "Mr. EC needs to come teach at the high school next year so I can have him again."
    "Mr. EC looks like the Hitman [see below], and that game is awesome."
    One student included a drawing of the ninja turtles, in which he misspelled both "Ninja" and "Turtles". But that's okay - I only had that student for science, not language arts.

    Pictured: Mr. EC prepares to serve as detention monitor.


    ---
    I went to the awards ceremony for my graduating class. No one told me that it was supposed to be a formal affair, so I came dressed to my usual slacker standard (purple and black checkered t-shirt with a large skull on one side, slightly frayed and baggy black pants, a black fedora cocked jauntily to one side, and my trademark macaroni necklace). Once I'm inside, I notice that every other guy in the room is wearing a suit, or at least a collared shirt and a tie. Heh. Oops. It reminds me of my freshman year, when I came to the invocation (presented, unbeknownst to me, by the Mayor) dressed in a similar way. The difference? This time, I was wearing my noodle necklace with confidence.
    At one point, the president of the student body came by to say hi, and did a kind of double-take. He asks "Why didn't you dress up?"
    I shrug, look around, and say, "Hey, this is how I always look. Why'd everybody else feel the need to change?"
    He opens his mouth, pauses, shakes his head, and mutters "I wish I was as cool as you, Civil," before walking back to his seat. I'm positive he was being sarcastic, but the whole interaction still made me laugh.
    Anyway, awards-wise, it turns out I'm going to graduate Magna Cum Laude (which probably isn't half as fun as it sounds). It was funny to see the reactions in the crowd when I went to get my honors tassel and they were all looking at each other as if to say, "Wait, the dude with the pasta necklace? Really?"
    The Curse of Greyface in action, ladies and gents. Ain't it sad?
    Now, on to looking for a job! When I find out what state I'm moving to, I'll let you know.
    ---
    "We are a new faith,
    We are a new face,
    We are everything
    In this world that personifies change."


    "A Necessary Change" by Trunks and Tales


  10. EleCivil

    Halloween

    By EleCivil,

    Here's some pictures from Halloween:

    My first attempt at a Jolly Roger pumpkin. Pretty bad, but still, it gets its point across.

    This was supposed to be a werewolf howling at the moon, but it turned out more like a werewolf shooting a basketball. But, hey, remember the movie Teen Wolf, where Michael J. Fox was a basketball-playing werewolf? Yeah, I think it works.

    Usually I dress as a pirate. As in, on days other than Halloween, I dress as a pirate. So, this year, I dressed in all black, tied a shirt around my head, and went as a second-rate ninja, for irony's sake (because of the ancient pirate/ninja fued, of course). I went outside and juggled clubs while handing out candy. After an hour, my hands were numb, and I was dropping them all over the place. I place the blame on some kind of ninja curse.
    And an update on the handlebar moustache thing: it's a bust. I just can't grow decent facial hair. This is what I look like after five days without shaving:
    [image removed]
    At that rate, it'd take me roughly two years to get a decent handlebar going.
    Just got back from feeding my ballot to a Diebold touch-screen machine. Maybe now I'll stop getting calls from Robotic Bill Clinton, Robotic Mike DeWine, and Robotic Mike DeWine's Wife.
    Currently Listening: "I Am Ninja, My Life is Lonely and Difficult" by The Dauntless Elite
  11. EleCivil
    So, I had this idea for a Halloween costume: I'd grow a goatee, and go as my own evil twin from a mirror dimension. But here's the thing - not that many people are nerdy enough to get it. (Blue, help me out. I know you've got my back on this one.)
    What I've noticed is that people seem to interpret my "costume" differently based on their own backgrounds. As a man with a shaved head and a goatee dressed all in black, people have mistaken my costume for the following:
    Wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin:

    Actor Brian Cranston:

    Comic book character Wee Hughie:

    And of course, the Satanist, Anton LaVey:

    Simply from their guesses as to what my goatee-costume was, I can tell which of them reads comics, which of them watches wrestling, which of them likes Breaking Bad, and which of them has a secret shrine to the demon Baphomet in her basement. Pretty cool, yeah?
  12. EleCivil

    Heroes

    By EleCivil,

    When I was five, I got to meet the Ninja Turtles on the forth of July.

    I was thoroughly confused when I noticed that Donatello (my favorite) was carrying what looked like a hunk of PVC pipe instead of his wooden bo staff. I got the distinct impression that these weren't REALLY the Ninja Turtles at all. That, and that their lumbering, felt-covered forms lacked the ninja-like fluidity that I had come to expect. I was glad they were trying, but I remember thinking that if we were to get attacked by the foot clan, these guys wouldn't be much help at all.
    A year later, I met McGruff, the crime dog.

    Once again, I was forced into a position to doubt his crime-fighting ability. He was way too soft to beat up any bad guys. And he kept pointing at everybody, as if he expected us to do his job for him.
    I think that it was these incidents that made me first begin to doubt authority figures in general. The Turtles and McGruff were the most prominent crime fighters of the time, and I had the distinct impression that even I could kick their asses. Granted, McGruff tended to fight abstract concepts like "peer pressure" more than he fought actual bad guys, but still.
    Why bring this up? Mostly because I was looking through some old pictures and I thought that these were funny. There were some others: Age ten, playing the violin and scowling with my tongue out and my eyes crossed (my usual expression when being forced to play the violin), me as a baby "reading" a Shakespeare anthology as big as I was, etc., but these really got me thinking about how my generation was raised by anthropomorphic crime fighters. Maybe that's why they have to taze us these days - when we see cops, military, etc., at least part of us is thinking about big, clumsy, felt-monsters, the least intimidating things in the world. How can we help but rebel against authority, when the symbols of authority are so damn goofy?
    Man, I must be in a weird mood today. Ah well.
    "After being with a peace-punk in black,
    We're definite that you're never turning back!
    I love hardcore boys,
    I love boys, hardcore!"


    -"I Love Hardcore Boys" by Limp Wrist


  13. EleCivil
    Lives in Periphery



    A new serial novel by EleCivil







    ---







    Manufacturing plants opened up on the outskirts – little metal pockmarks against the amber waves of grain. They didn’t last. Now, there were abandoned factories and junk heaps just sitting around. Chunks of broken machines rusted into the gravel lots in front of condemned buildings. He had always been drawn to them; the abandoned machines and the ruins of a failed empire. This one was fairly close to school, and it had become his afternoon hideout. No one else knew this – they’d probably think he was weird – but the way he saw it, some people are called to the trees, some people are called to the water, and he was called to the rust. Given his childhood on the outskirts, rust seemed as natural and comforting as a cool breeze.



    ---







    “Consider it reparations for your history of repeated malfeasance. I know from your records that you’re smart enough. That’s why I’m using words like ‘malfeasance’. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that. I usually have to say things like ‘Hey, jerk - stop punching.’ This is refreshing.”







    ---







    He wasn't going to fall for this. This kind of tactic may work on middle schoolers, or hotheads, or the weak-nerved, but he was made of stronger stuff than that. This was such a transparent trick to make him implicate himself. Say nothing, and let the criminal go mad with guilt until he's ready to throw himself to the floor, pull up the boards and it's the beating of his hideous heart! But that wouldn't work on him. He wasn't a criminal.







    ---







    "Hell, if you’re going to play outlaw, you might as well go all out."







    ---







    Beginning Fall 2013


  14. EleCivil

    Inappropriate nuns.

    By EleCivil,

    As I mentioned earlier, I go to a Catholic college (even though I'm not Catholic), so some of my classes are taught by nuns. In a previous post, I mentioned how one of these Sisters was, in class, talking about male pinecones going limp while female pinecones can last forever. Well, I've got her again this semester, and she's added a new phrase to her lexicon: "Blow/shoot my wad". I kid you not.
    Now, I understand that it can be used in a non-sexual way, but COME ON. When talking about why she always takes a fifteen minute break between her Anatomy class and her Educational Methods class, she actually used the phrase "I shot my wad on those pre-nurses, so I need some time to recover."
    The second she said it, the other two guys in class and I all exchanged an awkward, did-she-just-say-that kind of look. Then, later in class, she used the expression again, referring to how she uses her best material in the fall semester, so has to have a bunch of guest speakers and field trips in the spring.
    Later, just to kind of test the waters, one of the other guys used the phrase. Something like "According to this graph, this species was pretty numerous, but now it's extinct. Did it...*nervous pause*...blow its wad...in '85?" She nods and says that that's exactly what happened.
    At this point, the other guy leans over to me and says "You know, this is almost too wrong to be funny. She's...she's like my grandmother. She's like everybody's grandmother. She looks like she should be baking cookies, not...shooting her wad. 'Specially not on pre-nurses."
    At which point I had to fake a cell phone call and step outside to avoid cracking up in front of everybody.
  15. EleCivil

    Jetset

    By EleCivil,

    I came to a clearing in the woods, a small sunlit patch of rabbit-bitten blades, over which the blue was struggling through the insatiable leaves. As a branch broke under my foot, there was an explosion of birds, feathery shrieking shrapnel sent flying across the canopy gap. Further up, jets from the nearby airfield scurried across the sky, bushy tails dragging behind them. Jets, surpassing the birds in speed, size, efficiency, capacity...every category but beauty.
    Whispered "Why are you migrating, you jealous, straining beasts?"
    The birds made sense, but from the humans, no answer. Never any answer.
    "Where are you running, great-and-mighty self-escape artists?"
    And they fled from my questions, fled faster than the birds as they moved to escape the violence of my errant step.
    "Why do you fear me, oh self-made masters? Have you, too, mistaken me for your predator?"
    "Am I your predator?"
    Am I...
  16. EleCivil

    Magical History Tour

    By EleCivil,

    I've been driving around to various historic locations, getting pictures for a travelogue I'm writing for an Ohio History course. It's a lot of fun. I'm seeing a bunch of towns, cities, and even parts of my own city that I never usually see.
    Here's a picture of me at Fort Meigs, watching suspiciously for the British Navy (Camy, I'm looking in your direction - you'd give me a heads up if you guys were going to give it another go and put us colonists in our place, right?).
    [image removed]
    Also, I've been given a student teaching assignment. Looks like I'll be driving for more than two hours every day for four months. So, that'll suck, but once that's done with, I'll be done with college. For a while, anyway.
    My placement is way out in the boonies in Michigan. It's weird. I'm used to the Big City ™, with our graduating classes of 600+ and our businesses that are open past nine. To get to my placement, I have to leave the city, then drive through roughly thirty miles of corn. Fun stuff, right? But it'll be cool to see how a rural school differs from the urban and suburban places that I'm used to.
    Funny story, though - I'm at the school with my adviser, waiting to meet with the cooperating teachers. We're both dressed in black suits, and I'm wearing a black fedora, cocked jauntily to one side. A student walks through the room, sees us, does a double-take, and just mutters "Whoa." I think she thought that we were there to erase her memory to cover up extraterrestrial activity. Or maybe sell some bootleg gin at the school's floating craps game.
    Anyway, I've gotten a look at exactly how much work I'll be doing for these next few months, and it's not pretty. Don't expect to see much of me between January and June.
    "Wisdom, it comes, but age don't unlock it:
    You've got to spend all the passion you've found.
    With more change in their heads than in all of their pockets,
    Some can show you the way to slow down."


    "Bones" by Christians and Lions


  17. EleCivil
    Last night, I dreamed that Michael Cera and a dude I knew in high school were fighting for my affections, after an especially well-played, small-scale prank of mine caught their attention. I ended up choosing the dude from school, which made Cera kind of jealous. Then terrorists took the building hostage, so we had to put our personal feelings aside, team up, and fight them off. Which we did. It was the best dream ever.
    So I wake up, realize it's a dream, and think "None of that was real. That's too bad."
    Then I get to work and realize that the prank that I played in the dream - a simulated bloodless coup in which I seized control of my workplace - actually did happen. Last week (this was my first day back to work since), I waited until my boss was out of the building, then printed/posted some flyers informing everyone that I was the new boss, that I was to be referred to as "captain", and that everyone needed to salute when I walked into a room. There was also a list of ten or so new rules that I'd instated, placing limits on time machine usage, changing one group's job description to "Marching in formation while playing brass instruments," and so forth. I get to work, and I hear everybody laughing about the posters, quoting lines from them, and...speculating about who could have done it.
    That's right, I forgot to sign my work.
    But, come to think of it, that makes it funnier - there have been coups, before...but have there been very many anonymous coups, where everybody stands around going "I think some guy might have seized power, but I'm not sure who it was."? The only major down side is that nobody's saluting me. Yet.
    "And my politic is that dancing is
    The only cause worth fighting for
    Because after the revolution,
    Every intersection will be a dance floor."


    "Stop Being So Cool and Get Silly" by Wingnut Dishwasher's Union


  18. EleCivil

    Mothra Faulkner

    By EleCivil,

    I just remembered that I had this floating around in my Photobucket page from last year. I was driving home from Lit class, and it hit me - I had to come straight home and make this image, because if I didn't, who would? I've been using "Mothra Faulkner" as an expression ever since, but I didn't really have any place to put the image before now. See, this is why blogs are cool - if you hadn't been reading this, you never would have been introduced to Mothra Faulkner. Unless you live in Japan, where I imagine he flies around from town to town, telling everyone about the American South.
    Someone sprayed some tags on the sidewalk in front of my house. I put a frame around it in sidewalk chalk, wrote "(neighborhood name) Art Museum" above it, then added a small label at the bottom describing it as an example of neo-classical post-gangsterism. Hope they like it.
    Also, I found a bunch of old shirts from 7th grade that still fit. Maybe it's a little creepy for a twenty year old to be wearing a shirt from the local junior high, but hey...I'm too broke to turn down free clothes.
    "Kids! If you want to piss off your parents...show an interest in the arts!"


    -"Imaginary Places" by Busdriver


  19. EleCivil

    Mr. Clean

    By EleCivil,

    A friend gave me an early Valentine's Day present today. Simpsons fans should appreciate it:

    "It says 'Choo-Choo-Choose Me'! And there's a picture of a train!"
    Ah, classic Simpsons.
    I was in Biology class, learning about organic chemisty, when all of a sudden I realized something: I'd never shaved my head before. Not once. So after class, I went home and did it, then came back for my next class. There's a couple people who are in both classes with me, and they were pretty shocked. I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not, but I think it's pretty cool, especially since I now better resemble one of these guys:
    [image removed]
    "Oi! You stupid skinhead."


    -"Mouseteeth" by This Bike is a Pipe Bomb


  20. EleCivil

    NaNoWriMo, Yo.

    By EleCivil,

    It's begun! I'm ahead of my daily word goal, so I'm happy. I'm hoping to hit 10,000 by midnight, tonight. I know I won't be getting nearly as much writing done during the school/work week, so I'm sneaking my laptop into work on the weekends to write during down time.
    If you'll direct your attention to the right of this post, you'll see that I've added a word-counter-ma-bob to the side of the blog. Feel free to berate and/or badger me if you don't see the number on that thing increase for a couple of days.
    You can click here if you want to see my NaNo profile, story synopsis, or an excerpt (once I actually post an excerpt, that is).
    The coolest thing about NaNo is the community. There's a fairly large number of us in the metro area, so we meet up at the local Barnes and Noble to talk books, writing, and geek culture. If you've never tried it, there's still time to get started - you're only a day or two behind. Just check out NaNoWriMo.org, and check the forum for your regional lounge to see if there are any meet-ups happening in your area.
    In other news, remember that six hour long standardized test I mentioned a couple posts ago? I passed it. I've got another three hour long one coming up on the 15th. Big fun, no doubt.
    "Picture a scene in your mind
    Look at all the people and take note of the setting behind
    Listen, watch, and wait
    A plot begins to take shape..."


    "Storytelling" by Belle and Sebastian


  21. EleCivil

    New job!

    By EleCivil,

    I got a new job today. For those counting, that makes three.
    It's closer to two-and-a-half, really. I've been working in my college's computer lab, helping people with software, checking out resources, scheduling meetings with tutors, etc.
    Today, someone came in looking for a tutor in Critical Thinking/Logic. I looked it up in our system, and saw that we didn't have anyone who could tutor in that subject. I talked to one of the senior staff members, who told me that they can never find anyone to tutor Critical Thinking, because in order to tutor a subject, you have to get an A in the class, and none of their trained tutors have done that. I said something like "Man, too bad I'm not a tutor. That was my favorite class."
    She does a double-take and says "Did...did you get an A in it?" I nodded. She says "Please tell me you want to be a tutor."
    "Do tutors get paid more than me?"
    "Yes."
    "Then I'll be a tutor!"
    So now I'm tutoring for the philosophy department. Pretty sweet. Soon, I'll be rakin' in that big-time tutor cash.
    "Fuelling the flames of the fire to torch the tools of my trade
    With countless paperback revolutions spouting words that I will never say."


    -"The Fuckest Uppest" by The John Ritter Wrestling Squad


  22. EleCivil
    Handlebars!
    My roommate, my friend, and I have decided to grow handlebar moustaches. Given that none of us can really grow a decent moustache, it'll take a while...but it'll be worth it, because the handlebar moustache is possibly the funniest thing in the world.
    Now, I know that posting something like this without pictures is crazy, but I'm lacking in the digital camera department...so you'll have to settle for these quick CorelDRAW sketches.
    Current:
    [image removed]
    Soon:
    [image removed]
    Yes, I'm assuming that we'll form a barbershop quartet. And yes, I recognize the intrinsic numerical flaw contained within that prediction.
    "She broke up with me two days later. I think she met Don Juan in Italy. She has a new man, I have a new moustache!"


    -"Razor Burn" by Lagwagon


    ...it's hard finding relevant lyrics for a moustache-centric post.
  23. EleCivil
    So, you might have noticed, but I kinda vanished from the face of the internet for the last couple of weeks. Couple reasons for it. First, the semester's coming to a close, which means all those projects/papers that I've been putting off...well, they can't be put off any longer. As such, I'm working double-time in the research department, and have more or less established one corner of the college library as mine. To the point where people go there to look for me, before trying me at home or calling my cell. My corner kind of resembles a cell, actually, but not the portable kind.
    Speaking of cell phones, that brings me to the other reason I've been seemingly vaporized. For about two weeks, I was worthlessly, bedriddenly sick. Like, wearing a pile of winter coats under an electric blanket in 70 degree weather, unable to do anything but shiver and cough sick. The docs said it was strep, but I know better.
    Joey Gumb, of Forever on a Tree fame, sent me a picture via cell phone. This picture was of a plastic action figure shaped like (supposedly) an angry syphilis germ. Attached was a caption along the lines of "I just gave you syphilis, bitch." The next day? Sick.
    That's right, ladies and gents. Biological warfare on the net-author front. He's obviously trying to take out the competition by infecting his contemporaries with e-syphilis (compatible with iPus). I got back at him, though. I made that picture of the syphilis germ his custom icon. This means that whenever he texts me, a little syphilis germ pops up to let me know. Heh.
    Bad news is, since it's a Textually Transmitted Disease, anyone I've texted since is at risk of contracting the e-syph. I suggest taking peni-cell-in.
    In non-syphilis news, I found out that, if all goes according to plan, I'll be graduating at this time next year. Huzzah for getting into the job market right when there's a huge recession! But I've got a secret weapon. That's right: macaroni necklace. Oh, yes, I'm bringing out the big guns. Nobody turns down an applicant with uncooked pasta around his neck. Know why? Shows I'm prepared. "Yeah, I see you eyeing my noodles. Go ahead and laugh, but when the great Midwest Earthquake hits, and we're trapped under a pile of rubble, then we'll see who's laughing: the guy with no food, or the guy with a string of carbohydrates strewn 'round his clavicle."
    Keep the sails high, pavement pirates.
    "And that?s the reason that we came and add a twist-ah.
    I thought that punk was all about the freedom, mister!
    Don't want to be the sound to tick off your list,
    We're bigger than this punk rock!"


    "Bigger Than Punk Rock" by Sonic Boom Six


  24. EleCivil

    Nostalgia

    By EleCivil,

    My schedule has been INSANE for the past couple weeks. It goes like this:
    Wake up at 5:00 am. Shower, shave, breakfast, etc. - the whole morning routine.
    Leave home at 7:00 am. Drive for a solid hour to an out-of-district middle school.
    Teach 7th graders about physical science until 3:30.
    Drive an hour and a half to college.
    Sit in class until 10:00 pm.
    Drive an hour to get back home.
    Write lesson plans and do homework for the next two hours.
    Wake up at 5:00 am and repeat.
    Teaching is fun as hell, but Matt Lauer, I'm exhausted. I find myself looking forward to weekends, when all I have to do is work an eight hour shift. But still, I'm glad I'm doing it, 'cause once I'm done...I'm going to feel like I can do anything. I mean, damn, if these 20-hour days don't finish me off, nothing will.
    Speaking of middle school, I was walking down the hall on my way out when I had an interesting encounter. First, let me set the scene: I'm wearing all black, since that's the only "professional" look I can pull off - black pants, black belt, black shoes, black dress shirt, long black overcoat, black boxers (though nobody knew about those but me), one black sock (the other was gray), and a black knit cap full of one-inch punk pins. I've also got a black backpack over my shoulder, which has a small, rubber Krusty the Clown keychain hanging from the back. From behind me, I hear someone shout "Hey!"
    I turn around to see a kid in one of the school's football jerseys looking back at me. He's got this cocky look on his face. I recognized that look immediately - that was the universal adolescent "I'm gonna start some shit!" look. Almost immediately, however, his face fell. He noticed the staff ID that I had clipped to my shirt. I had to refrain from laughing out loud and keep my professional face on.
    "What's up?" I ask.
    "Uh...sorry...I, uh...I thought you were, like, a tall goth kid."
    Whoa. Where the hell do I start? With the fact that he mistook me for a tall 14 year old (WHAT!?), the fact that he mistook me for a goth (No offense, but goth music sucks ), or the fact that this cocky little dude was about to start something, not only on school grounds, but with someone more than a foot taller than himself (I could have totally taken that 8th grader).
    Before I can say anything, he takes off.
    That was the first time I've been (almost) hassled by a middle school jock because of the way I dress since I was in middle school. Maaan, that takes me back.
    "Class traitor? What-fucking-ever!
    I'm just another middle class kid, too.
    But if I'm not good at changing, I'm good at self-loathing,
    So I'll class-hate myself with you."


    -"New Mexico Song" by Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains


  25. EleCivil

    Octopus Shoes

    By EleCivil,

    I'm very, very close to finishing the next chapter of Laika. I'm going to take my laptop to work today and finish it there (hopefully). I plan to send it in tomorrow.
    I was talking to a friend of mine the other night. He goes to a different school, where he tutors Logic and Western Philosophy. I tutor Logic and Eastern Philosophy. We started talking around midnight and then debated names v. properties for four hours, then passed out on the floor until noon. The highlight reel would include lines like "That lamp is markedly different from Chicago," "Hitler and Ghandi...they were both people, right?", "That object of infinite potential that is currently residing on your foot could, indeed, be called a 'shoe' right now, but if I removed it from your foot and threw it on the ice at a hockey game, it could be called an 'octopus'," and, finally, "FUCK! Descartes only needed to spend ONE PAGE on this, and then he was DONE. That's why Western philosophy makes so much more sense."
    Also, I'm working on a top secret project that I plan to release by the end of summer. No more details, though.
    "With the music execution and the talk of revolution,
    It bleeds in me and it goes...
    Give 'em the boot the roots the radicals!
    Give 'em the boot you know I'm a radical!
    Give 'em the boot the roots the reggae on my stereo..."


    -"Roots Radicals" by Rancid


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